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Day 0, that was unexpected

Old 04-19-2016, 03:14 PM
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Day 0, that was unexpected

Ok, I took my higher dose of seroquel. 100 mg total. It did not go well. The stuff makes me mentally worse than the occasional delusional dip.

Also it gets me to the point that I don't care anymore. At all.

So I went to the neighbors. Asked them to lend me some money. No problem, they know I'm good for it. I told them I couldn't find my wallet.

And I ordered four sixpacks and I'm drinking.

Wtf? These pills were supposed to make me more sane?? Soon I have to make up some excuse for my neighbors as to why I seemed so weird, I can say I had had a sleeping pill and was unfocused.

So now I'm drinking AND on seroquel. Yay to the medical profession. They don't get it I suppose.

Since I'm at a point of not caring anymore, I will leave it at this. I'll see when this binge ends. And yeah, I know, if I really didn't care I wouldn't have posted. But I see the value in this place for the future. As for contacting my doctor, these pill make me not care at all anymore. They could become a new addiction.

Dammit. I was doing so well. Now I don't even know when day one will be.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:30 PM
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Mike....... You were doing do well
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:32 PM
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Hi Mike,
I hope you can get back on the road to recovery soon. The sooner you start, the easier it will be for you.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:37 PM
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I think you need to take responsibility here Mike.
Make yourself responsible.

Call your Dr, dump the booze.

D
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by jd1639 View Post
Mike....... You were doing do well
I know but I don't care anymore. These meds took that away from me. They numb all feelings. No more fire is in me. No more motivation. I'm numb. A zombie.

And it leads me to drink. Because nothing matters anymore. I don't know. I can't even think straight.

I need to get off these pills. At least I won't drink when I'm myself. I should call my doctor again but I just don't care anymore. I don't know. My brain is foggy, my feelings are numb, thank you seroquel. And I can't care about drinking anymore.

I'd rather be off these meds and be wacky at times. Or have better meds. But these caused me to relapse.

For fudge's sake, I was a numb zombie borrowing money from my neighbors. My brother has my wallet. So I did something I usually wouldn't. They were nice too. But it's not the person I want to be.

And that's the thing. These pills take away the person I am and want to be. I don't care anymore. At all. Should someone put a gun to my head right now and I know they were gonna shoot, I'd be numb. Neutral. Don't care.

This is not at all like my first experience with seroquel. This needs to stop. But I have no motivation to do anything right now.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:46 PM
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I can certainly relate to your situation. The hardest thing is ending the bender because you know there is a week of misery ahead. my benders usually ended when I simply had no money left.

You know you have to stop the boozing as soon as possible. Lock the doors, ignore the phone calls, binge on TV shows /movies to distract you for a couple days. You can be back to your sober self soon. Work to home, AA meetings if you are involved , and that's it for a while.

You need to stop sometime in order to get some clear thinking again
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:50 PM
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I don't believe you don't care at all right now. You wouldn't be posting here at all if that was the case.

Mike I understand you want to blame the pills, but saying that the pills have pre-destined you to a binge is like saying the beers you've drunk have done the same thing.

It may very well seem like that to you now but it's not true.
Anyway you slice it, the old 'I've started so I'll finish' excuse is bogus.

Ring your Dr, call your brother, dump the booze.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:51 PM
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Mike, I don't think you can blame the pills or your dr. The choice to drink was yours. I'm sorry it happened and that you feel miserable. My advice would be to make an appointment to go and talk to your dr in person, even if you don't feel like it. Explain what happened.

And, Mike, get rid of the alcohol and try to get some rest.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:51 PM
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Dude.

First post I posted here... you said you were blunt and stated things as they are, so here we go.

You made a post that asked if we all didn't like you or if you should increase meds.... you made the decision that it was med increase that was needed. You took said increase then begin to drink.

The meds are your excuse. An inanimate object did not cause you to order the beer nor to pick it up and consume it. You made that choice.

So make the choice to dump it out. Make the choice that this was a minor hiccup on day 70 and tomorrow is day one. Why drag it out. Why go through FULL on detox again. You can make the choice to stop. You did it before. Do it now.
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:52 PM
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earlier you had posted about wondering if anybody LIKED you and how you felt your posts weren't getting enough ATTENTION....and then oh shucks, sorry, had me a paranoid moment, all is well, have a doc on call 24/7 and upped my meds....

and then suddenly, you are posting that you are drinking again. and blaming it on anything but yourself.

sorry, ain't buying it. if you have the wherewithal to post HERE, AFTER you got beer, you damn well can call your doc and get help. something's fishy here.........
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Old 04-19-2016, 03:54 PM
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I didn't read the whole thread. But I'd suggest talking to a psychiatrist who specializes in addictions.

Most anti depressants especially seroquil made me not give an f about anything and gave me massive suicidal ideations which always steered me towards booze or suicide even when I was not a heavy drinker.

You should say "this is what I think and feel on this dose, is it possible to titrate up to that dose to slowly adjust to that dosage".

I GET that so much. Get informed and get a good med team on your side. Ditch the booze- hey solid sober and be Uber duber honest with all your Dr's.
Psychs are the best for meds like that not GPs if you are prone to strong reactions as well as being PROACTIVE in how you handle the meds.

Seriously. Most new meds sent me to ER on suicide watch as I was advised. I am not taking chances on mixing fresh sobriety and new meds. Be careful and be honest.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:00 PM
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Sounds like it's time to call your doctor. You asked us earlier if we could give you a more objective opinion on your suspected paranoia. I think now is a good time for an outside viewpoint- toss out the beer (4 six packs?) and call your doctor.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:00 PM
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I know Mike and his past posts... but honestly guys
.. seroquel did the same to me. And I took it on a long term basis and as prescribed more than once.
It affected me as he describes...
But really Mike. Ditch the booze and seek out some specialists. You should plainly state you have addictive tendencies and have struggled with alcohol dependency. If you're working proactively with a good psychiatrist and therapist it may take some trial and error but they can find the right stuff for you. But it is still up to you. Get a family or friend advocate and journal your thoughts and feelings and symptoms. It will help.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:02 PM
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Lets keep comments constructive please.

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Old 04-19-2016, 04:04 PM
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It's simple. Got paranoid and had some delusions. Called my doc. She said to double my dose so I took another pill. It hit me hard. Then I got money for beer and started drinking. The double dose made me feel nothing.

I'm sorry if someone doesn't buy it. Or think if the pills are an excuse, especially if they have no experience with them, but they are the direct cause of me relapsing. That is a fact. And they make me not care.

I don't care to call my doctor. I feel like I could get hit by an asteroid and I wouldn't care.

Don't blame the pills. Learn what the pills do is my response. They directly influence your brain chemistry and what you are like.

So f- it. I will come down from these horrible meds. And be sober again. And yes, there is a direct correlation between me taking a higher dose of medication and choosing to drink. Anyone who wants to say that's not true can convince me with scientific papers on Seroquel.

I appreciate the help but learn that medication can influence people. And Seroquel is a heavy one.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:07 PM
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If you are really at a point of not caring, it won't matter then if you do call. Just see what they say.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by sleepie View Post
If you are really at a point of not caring, it won't matter then if you do call. Just see what they say.
I wish it were that easy. My whole functioning is blocked to a minimum. I can post here, but anything more is just not possible.

You really need to have experience with seroquel and be sensitive to it like I am to understand it.

Yes, I can write this post. With difficulty. I'm drifting in and out. It's the worst trip you can imagine.

I'm not me anymore. I'm a shadow of myself. I need to get these pills out of my system but that takes time. Scary thing is, when I used to use these and drank, I would stop breathing in my sleep. Wake up, gasping for air. Scarier even, at least it should be but I can't care, is that I'm heading there again.

Ah, whatever. I don't care. If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to feel nothing, take seroquel.

People say that I must care because I post here, but it's just habit expressing itself.

Anyway, I think it's best if I come back when this is all sorted out. If I survive this. I will have the stopping of breathing again. If I survive that, I will post again when I have it sorted out. Or I will die in my sleep. And even that I don't care about.

Honesty is my thing and there you have it.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:21 PM
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I understand. I have had several friends who take Seroquel. I'll advise again to call the Dr, especially if you predict you will stop breathing in your sleep.

I think you should pour it out, and make the call.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:23 PM
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Mike I really understand where you're coming from. Its hard to know what to ask and say in that fog. I've been there many times. Talk to your Dr and soon, k?

Edit: you need to go to the Er my friend.

Last edited by Delizadee; 04-19-2016 at 04:25 PM. Reason: needs to seek help.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:32 PM
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I don't have any experience of seroquel, Mike, but I want to make an observation. When you posted early you noted paranoia. And you have mentioned the med is also for delusions. I am inclined to think there are varying degrees of paranoia and delusion. Feeling as though others don't like you can be a form of paranoia, but not one that is a danger as it were. More sever would be fear of personal harm or delusions of others trying to physically harm you. As I don't have experience I don't know if in those moments hurt feelings can be construed by the victim as a physical threat. I would suggest that though you indeed were paranoid if you didn't feel a physical threat, conversing with the doc about how to differentiate them and how to tackle with a mixture of talk therapy and medications may serve you well.
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