Long Time Reader - First Time Poster
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Long Time Reader - First Time Poster
Hello and Happy Tuesday,
Eh - I'd already written a long first time post but somehow it is lost in the ether, so here is attempt number 2.
Here are the bullet points:
- Today I am 32 days sober.
- Oldest child of three raised in a very conservative, religious home.
- Attended a very religious university on a music scholarship. Met husband of 20+ years in a Modern Novel class, himself the son of a pastor, and was introduced to drugs and alcohol. We quickly bonded (met in January and eloped in late August) and continued using drugs and alcohol throughout our early to mid 20s.
- Got clean at 25 and had my one son at 27.
- Resumed drinking primarily in the evenings after work and on weekends.
- Recently resigned from a job which required extensive travel in a very male dominated industry where drinking was not just accepted but encouraged.
First few weeks I was very tired and craving sugar - I in fact threw out a whole pack of cookies because I kept waking up at night to eat them!
Energy has picked up now, but so has the insomnia. Fortunately my 16 year old is nocturnal, so we've enjoyed the night hours listening to music and chatting while he does his homework.
I've been very candid and honest with my son about my addiction and commitment to sobriety. He is proud and supportive
Husband still actively drinking but he doesn't think he has a problem since he can stop after two beers - however he feels compelled to have them every day. About once a month or so he'll buy some liquor. Since we always like to use together, I am concerned about us long-term but I am taking things one day at a time.
He is outwardly supportive since I was more a mess. I was drinking a full bottle of pinot noir every night and stealing his beers too. I loved to drink alone and listen to music with my headphones on, but I have also done some thing I am incredibly ashamed of and horrified to recall socially while smashed out of my mind.
I have been a bit of recluse the past 30 days. I live a large subdivision where most of our neighbors (fellow Gen Xers) are heavy drinkers and like to get pretty drunk on someone's deck at nights.
I focus on accomplishing objective tasks every day so can hang my hat on that instead of focusing on how I feel inside (which changes every 30 minutes or so - ha). I take my little beagle for really long walks and we've bonded BIG TIME - I swear she feels like my soul mate right now.
I know from having read here that one of your first questions will be "what's your plan to recover"? Other than the tasks, and having signed up to do some volunteer work, I don't have one. I am deeply gun-shy of AA because my religious background held a tremendous amount of pain for me and I am afraid of people who are rigidly dogmatic. I mean really afraid.
That's it for now. I hope this post actually "posts" ha. I haven't had any "faith" in a long time, but I have "faith" now - that if I stay sober today, and keep doing that, my head space and internal world will improve. I desperately want to improve the internal world I have and the lens through which I view the world, and to give back to other humans since I have squandered 20 years of my life on total nonsense.
Thank you so much for reading. I look forward to getting to know you all, and will admit I need this community and the support from others who truly GET THIS.
Eh - I'd already written a long first time post but somehow it is lost in the ether, so here is attempt number 2.
Here are the bullet points:
- Today I am 32 days sober.
- Oldest child of three raised in a very conservative, religious home.
- Attended a very religious university on a music scholarship. Met husband of 20+ years in a Modern Novel class, himself the son of a pastor, and was introduced to drugs and alcohol. We quickly bonded (met in January and eloped in late August) and continued using drugs and alcohol throughout our early to mid 20s.
- Got clean at 25 and had my one son at 27.
- Resumed drinking primarily in the evenings after work and on weekends.
- Recently resigned from a job which required extensive travel in a very male dominated industry where drinking was not just accepted but encouraged.
First few weeks I was very tired and craving sugar - I in fact threw out a whole pack of cookies because I kept waking up at night to eat them!
Energy has picked up now, but so has the insomnia. Fortunately my 16 year old is nocturnal, so we've enjoyed the night hours listening to music and chatting while he does his homework.
I've been very candid and honest with my son about my addiction and commitment to sobriety. He is proud and supportive
Husband still actively drinking but he doesn't think he has a problem since he can stop after two beers - however he feels compelled to have them every day. About once a month or so he'll buy some liquor. Since we always like to use together, I am concerned about us long-term but I am taking things one day at a time.
He is outwardly supportive since I was more a mess. I was drinking a full bottle of pinot noir every night and stealing his beers too. I loved to drink alone and listen to music with my headphones on, but I have also done some thing I am incredibly ashamed of and horrified to recall socially while smashed out of my mind.
I have been a bit of recluse the past 30 days. I live a large subdivision where most of our neighbors (fellow Gen Xers) are heavy drinkers and like to get pretty drunk on someone's deck at nights.
I focus on accomplishing objective tasks every day so can hang my hat on that instead of focusing on how I feel inside (which changes every 30 minutes or so - ha). I take my little beagle for really long walks and we've bonded BIG TIME - I swear she feels like my soul mate right now.
I know from having read here that one of your first questions will be "what's your plan to recover"? Other than the tasks, and having signed up to do some volunteer work, I don't have one. I am deeply gun-shy of AA because my religious background held a tremendous amount of pain for me and I am afraid of people who are rigidly dogmatic. I mean really afraid.
That's it for now. I hope this post actually "posts" ha. I haven't had any "faith" in a long time, but I have "faith" now - that if I stay sober today, and keep doing that, my head space and internal world will improve. I desperately want to improve the internal world I have and the lens through which I view the world, and to give back to other humans since I have squandered 20 years of my life on total nonsense.
Thank you so much for reading. I look forward to getting to know you all, and will admit I need this community and the support from others who truly GET THIS.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome and I'm glad you posted.
32 days sober is great!
Volunteer work and giving back is definitely a good It's something that helped me to get outside of myself and to meet new people. I do think it's important to have a plan for your recovery because there are often ups and downs and cravings that hit at difficult times. It's a good idea to have some tools to deal with those times.
32 days sober is great!
Volunteer work and giving back is definitely a good It's something that helped me to get outside of myself and to meet new people. I do think it's important to have a plan for your recovery because there are often ups and downs and cravings that hit at difficult times. It's a good idea to have some tools to deal with those times.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, madgirl. And thanks for the excellent introduction. Congratulations on the 32 days. It sounds like you are to a great start.
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing. And don't wait 6 years like you did before writing your first post!
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing. And don't wait 6 years like you did before writing your first post!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Seriously LOL firstymer - I don't *think* I registered in 2010? That was weird to me too - I only received my posting privileges yesterday ha because it didn't automatically happen for me - Anna fixed me up 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to the posting side Madgirl and congrats on 32 days. I'm glad you have faith. Have faith in the one thing that you can control, yourself. I squandered just over 21 years of my life to drinking and using too.
Bottom line is you can change this cycle. During my early days, I was connected to SR as much as possible. AA isn't necessary for your recovery, but what ever source you use, commit 100% to not drinking / using again.
Lean on us as much as you can and great job on 32 days!
Bottom line is you can change this cycle. During my early days, I was connected to SR as much as possible. AA isn't necessary for your recovery, but what ever source you use, commit 100% to not drinking / using again.
Lean on us as much as you can and great job on 32 days!
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