MsGrace

My ex is clearly alcoholic...but as I've read more and more I've also come to realize some of the more troubling elements of his behavior actually were/are text book narcissism. I found this article very similar to what I experienced:

http://alcoholrehab.com/drug-addicti...lity-disorder/

So as I commit to my own recovery, everything I can learn about the mechanisms of the disease help me. I realize what was diagnosed as dual addicion: alcohol and barbituates is actually a triad: add narcissism. I'm no expert but I'm guessing narcissim is very common with addicts.

So how learning has helped me: I look at the crazy talk and behavior and don't take it personally anymore. I've detached from the quacking. When I'm tempted to respond in my old ways....I stop for a second and remind myself "how awful it must be to walk around relating to the world the way he does". And I go on with my day.

I'm not perfect...but learning more about narcissism has helped me as much or more than learning about the disease of alcoholism. Especially the articles about trying to co-parent with a narcissism. It is some strange comfort to know it cannot be done.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...and-do-instead

Again....great perspective and practical advice to learn what I can, and apply it to my situation.

FireSprite

While RAH definitely displayed narcissistic qualities & behaviors at times, I could never classify him as a True Narcissist. I think addiction brings out narcissism in a person - it's a selfish disease after all & relies on that type of behavior to survive.

Plain 'ole vanilla Addiction is hard ENOUGH to deal with. All of you who have that added layer of dealing with mental illnesses like this on top of it all have my utmost respect.

redatlanta

Under the alcoholism is often found mental illness and personality disorder.

hopeful4

Just b/c you are one does not make you the other. However, they are quite common together.

Liveitwell

I've heard these are quite common together. I've heard a high percebtage of Npd'ers suffer from substance abuse. I also know that the longer you drink and abuse alcohol the more your brain changes-esp reduction in the pre frontal cortex which regulates moods and decisions-empathy being one thing it kills. So really, it's a chicken or egg thing....doesbt matter what you call it, it isn't good!

MsGrace

I found for myself that understanding NPD has gone (in some ways) further to help me deal with real life issues with ex AH. It explained some things for me that I just wasn't able to understand fully in just the addiction category. Was hugely helpful for me to understand it better, and find appropriate responses and also helps me keep my mouth shut a lot more. I posted the articles only thinking it may be helpful to someone else trying to understand navigating this.

Liveitwell

MsGrace-it is extremely helpful thank you for sharing!

Magichappens

My father is not an alcoholic, but he is a narcissistic abuser. I have known alcoholics who were and weren't. Everyone is different. If you have identified with something that makes sense in your situation, go with it.

It's your recovery path. Use every tool you can to make sense of the pain you have suffered. I have found that understanding my situation is one of the first steps to healing from it. Thanks for the link. Magic

ItsViolet

There could be some cross-over traits between NPD and alcoholism, like blame-shifting (an alcoholic blame-shifting may be more due to denial than anything else). But I hesitate to "diagnose." There are many types of abusers and not all of them are narcissists. I think the term narcissism gets thrown around a lot to describe or explain all kinds of abuse or other disorders/sickness and it's not always appropriate.

WMJ1012

Narcissism is an epidemic. Plenty of people without alcoholism have it.

There are different extremes of it and it always stems from a complete lack of self-esteem (not "low" self-esteem").

Narcissists basically project what they hate about themselves onto their victims, then try to "kill off" the other person in an attempt to dismember the parts of themselves they hate. This is one reason they're so well-known for the infamous slander campaign or character assassination.

When we can see this we can have empathy for them. I still wouldn't invite one into my life (again).