Jennybaby

Hi all. My name is Jenn and I wanted to share a quick and current story.
My boyfriend and I decided to agree to go alcohol free for 60 days. We both did it and we felt awesome. I was sleeping like a baby, eating right and lost 25 pounds. I was really liking the way I looked, the way I felt, everything.
So we celebrated our efforts and being able to meet our goal of 60 days of sobriety. We drank that night and had a blast. Unfortunately, I haven't stopped the celebration. That was well over a month ago. I began drinking everyday. Thinking about drinking any time I wasn't. Can't wait to get home from work so I can drink, that's if I don't drink in my car on the way home from work, which is usually the case. My boyfriend is a bit more responsible with his drinking, but he's drinking almost everyday again as well.

I feel like crap all the time. All. The. Time. I'm pretty over it. I pass out at bedtime. Sleep for a few hours then I'm awake for the rest of the night. Every night. Then the cycle goes on again the next day. And the next day.

I'm going to break the vicious cycle starting today. I promised myself no booze today. I'm having a lot of anxiety about the choice because it's a bit difficult at first. But the benefits are almost immediate.

This time around, I'm setting my goal for 77 days. My boyfriend and I are going on a cruise in 77 days so if I avoid any alcohol for that amount of time, I will lose the weight I've put back on from my 6 weeks of celebrating, feel good, sleep well and focus on life until the cruise.

So, wish me luck on day one. I can do it. With or without the anxiety, which will fade hopefully tonight, when I'm not passed out in bed after drinking all day and laying awake for the rest of the night. I'm hoping to sleep well tonight.

Thank you for taking time to read my story

Saskia

Welcome, Jenny!

If I might suggest, alcohol dependency is best dealt with one day at a time for many of us. Have you considered stopping permanently? I went for long sober spells (the previous one lasted 13 years) but once I had a single drink, the downward spiral started again. Each time is worse.

DrunkenDonuts

Hi Jenny - welcome to SR.

Your 60 day effort was good, and shows that you can abstain for a good amount of time. Your idea of a celebration isn't all that uncommon for an addict either.

When I smoked weed heavily I'd stop for 2 weeks so I could get really high the next time.

When I drank, every holiday or weekend was an excuse to "celebrate" and get completely slobberingly drunk. Black out drunk.

Your goal of 77 days is admirable, but I am concerned that - going on a cruise - your plan is to drink again. I hope I'm wrong.

What do you plan on doing after day 77?

Jennybaby

That's not a bad idea to consider stopping permanently. And you're absolutely right, each time I meet my goal and drink again, its harder than the last time. And the time before that 😕

yinzer

Alcohol on cruises is so expensive. And you miss so much fun while drinking. Get that 77 days under your belt but retool your thinking about "celebrating" on the cruise.

I did a cruise around Cape Horn some years ago and I was so hungover that I missed the actual sail around the horn. It was really rough seas and all I did was throw up. Not a great memory.

Jennybaby

Unfortunately, the plan after 77 days is to drink on the cruise. We both bought a beverage package, so imagine we will use it up. I'm wondering if the possibility of quitting drinking permanently will hit me after the cruise. It seems like that's drastic, but better for me in the long run. Alcoholism runs real strong in my family. On both sides. I find it difficult at times to remain sober when my mother is drinking up until she goes to bed. We share the same house. I got through it last time I quit drinking, despite her drinking everyday, but I felt annoyed with her behavior at times as I was the sober one, watching her mood decline to where she'd start fussing about silly things, with the more she drank. It's a difficult situation at times. And no, she has no interest in quitting drinking. I'm on my own with this battle.

Jennybaby

That sounds like a terrible vacation. Sorry you have regrets about it and it went that way for you.

DrunkenDonuts

The ball is in your court Jenny. If you think you have a problem then you probably do.

SR is a very welcoming and supportive environment. I've never met a bunch of nicer people.

I hope you don't have to reach a new low to decide to quit drinking. At 38 now, I've wasted a good amount of my life supping at the poison teat of Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels.

You seem young. I hope you get the opportunity to do more of what you want in life instead of kneeling before alcohol as if it were a saviour.

yinzer

Can you trade in the beverage package for something else? That pretty much guarantees you will overdo it since it's so expensive and they assume you'll drink a lot. Even the past few years when I was still drinking I wouldn't buy the package because I could see the disaster waiting to happen.

least

It scared me to read that you drink while driving home. That can end up in disaster. Please don't drink and drive.

Jennybaby

I won't drink and drive any longer. Starting today. I will keep my word to that. Lushes do stupid things and I am blessed that I never hurt anyone or myself while drinking and driving.

Jennybaby

Hmmm. I may look into that. Come 77 days from now, I may not want to drink. Even on the cruise. I will think about that. It's a real good idea.

I really appreciate all of the feedback from you all. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one with alcohol issues that I'm trying to deal with. Thank you all. Very much.

Soberwolf

Welcome Jenn

doggonecarl

If one night of celebration led to a month of drinking, what do you suppose a cruise-worth of drinking will lead to. Sobriety? Or more drinking? You assume that permanent sobriety will strike you after drinking on the cruise...that's a day one assumption. You don't know how you'll feel mid-binge on the cruise.

buk1000

I think it's great that you have been able to string together 60 days of sobriety. And that you look forward to stringing together 77 more days. However, you seem to feel awful about restarting this time yet you are already planning to restart and will likely feel awful about it again.

It sounds very much like being stuck on a hamster wheel. I hope you will continue to think about these things in the way that you already have and connect your actions to how you are feeling about things. Let that guide you.

OneIsTooMuch

Welcome! Sorry you have to be here!

I am afraid you are just giving yourself permission to pick up again. Like "If I can stop for 77 days I must not really have a problem". Been there, done that, have the t-shirt, hat, pin, and souvenir spoon. Your description of yourself sure sounds to me like a classic alcoholic (like me&#128512. For those like me the only solution is to stop and never drink again. This is a progressive disease and things will only go downhill otherwise.

The best time to stop is now. The best time to start again is never.

Please ask for whatever help you need. You don't have to do it alone.

yinzer

"The best time to start again is never"

I like that! In 35 years of drinking, I don't think it improved any experience I ever had. Of course, I always told myself at the time that it did. While I was vowing never to do it again.

Dee74

Hi Jenn

I hope you'll consider trading in that beverage package.

No amount of 'time off' ever reset me.

I once was sober for 2 months - thought I must be a normal drinker by now, and found myself not only back where I used to be but worse.

Don't confuse abstinence for control. I don't believe I can ever control my drinking - not for any meaningful amount of time.

D

SoberLife90

Focus on today. I hope you don't plan on drinking on that cruise if you manage to stay sober the 77 days. I mean look what happened last time you took the first drink? You haven't stopped since. Drinking is obviously a problem. Hopefully you don't kill anyone drinking and driving.

skipper123

Hi Jenn,

Your stor y sounds a lot like mine. I was sober for 5 months the first time since a teen and I am almost 50. I felt great and was so proud of myself but deep down inside I wanted to drink so bad. Well I gave in and have not stopped for 5 months. Its like I want to see how bad I can get. I hate this feeling and want to quit so bad for good. I hope you can stay sober . I will follow your thread to see how u r doing,