Has anyone ever dealt with a hypochodriac?
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Has anyone ever dealt with a hypochodriac?
I have been really "out" of it for the last week, or most of the last week. I was trying to do anything that I could to take my mind off of a recent problem. I was doing that my reading anything and everything that I could just to take my mind off of things. If I hurt or insulted anyone, I am really sorry for this. I don't even know what I was posting.
My daughter called me. The older daughter that has not talked to me in the last 7 months, to tell me that she has 2 additional terminal illnesses. I'm losing track here as to how many she already has. She claims she is diagnosed with lupus, scleroderma, rheumatoid arthritis, scoliosis, ummm, there are too many to mention. New ones are Frontotemporal Dementia (Picks Disease) and cancer of the thyroid, oh also degenerative spine disorder, 7 slipped discs, etc....
She called me crying and in a panic. Ok, I'm her mother, so I try to talk to her to calm her down. She told me that she had picked up mri, and cat scan results and dropped them off at her doctors office, and that when she brought them into the office the nurse there (receptionist) told her she would schedule an early appt for her the next day to review this with the doctor, but this nurse (receptionist) told her that most likely the doctor will be putting her in the hospital that day for immediate surgery. Well I know that nurse (receptionist) would never say those things, but I couldn't argue with her, so I told her to call me back after the Dr appt.
So then she tells me that the reason why she had to go to the hospital for these tests was because her 10 yo son pushed her down the stairs, and the person there called 911. So I asked, what set him off to push you down the steps. (I have seen this child have rages). She said he had a friend over and they were playing video games, and that his friend killed him on that video game, and her son went "crazy". She tried to take him upstairs for a "time-out" and that was when he pushed her down the stairs. Then she tells me that her younger son (8) helped her to get to the "safe" room, and they also got the other child in the "safe" room, then they locked the door. Then this 10 yr old child kicked the door opened (it was a door that opened out, and not in) but the other adult in the house had called 911, and then the cops were there.
I asked her if he ever exhibited this much of a rage before, and she tells me that he once pushed her to the floor in the kitchen, then picked up a stool, and threw it at her. I asked what kind of help is he getting? She tells me a therapist comes to the house 2 x's a week, and this therapist is trying to schedule an appt for a psychiatrist because this therapist thinks he has "Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder", it a new one in the DSM book as of 2013.
So she goes to her Dr the next day for this appt to go over the reports. Tells me that she is in and out of there in less then 5 minutes and he didn't do anything, and didn't seem concerned. So I ask her which Dr she went to? She told me she went to her GP. I asked her why she didn't go to one of her specialist? She tells me the only other doctor she sees is a pain management specialist. This seemed odd to me. Who has all of these life threatening illnesses, and only has a GP and pain management? So I asked her if she could email the test results to me, I can read and decipher a lot of these, I also had medical problems, (cancer) and that I just wanted to see them so I can help her keep her panic at bay. I also asked her for the name of the pain management specialist.
So I looked at all the reports, the only recommendation is an ultrasound of the nodule in the thyroid. (I'll agree that this might be something). There was nothing else there. One of the tests revealed that she had an IUD, but it made no mention of the stomach pacemaker that she told me she had to have put in. I'm sure that test would have picked that up, but it's not there......
Then I checked out the pain management specialist. He is an oral surgeon, that also specializes in the evaluation and treatment of patients with head, neck and facial pain.
So she is dealing with a GP, and an oral surgeon who can also give botox treatment for headaches. That is it. That is all. No other doctors.
This stuff has been going on for at least 8 years where she first said she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Many other complaints and doctor visit for at least 20 - 30 years prior to this. Both her pregnancies had complications, and I really at this point don't know what to believe and what not to believe. I lived with her for 4 months during her last pregnancy while she was on bedrest, and then she filed an RO against me about a year or 2 later.
I know for my own piece of mind "no contact" is the best. I can't do that. She will make herself sick, go to the ER, call up everyone she can about how I upset her. My mom is too old for this BS.
She did actually send me the test results, and I can continue that way, this way someone knows when she is really off. If I go no contact, she will not send the test results to anyone else, because they aren't interested in her complaining anymore. I feel I need to stay in touch to just try to calm her down on behalf of the best interest for my grandchildren.
Hypochondria is all about attention seeking, at least it is in her case. If I confront her about this I will be slapped with an RO after a dramatic ER visit. (BTDT). She would have called and facebooked everyone about how terrible I am, and that's not something that I am worried about.
It's funny that she was getting along with her mother in law, till I talked to her, and now her MIL is the MIL from h3ll again.
I'm more concerned about my grandchildren. The only way I can have contact with them, and know what is going on is to have contact with my daughter . I know I can't even suggest hypochondria to her.
She already called my mom, and my mom is getting all upset. I also can't tell my mom what I suspect. I can only tell her that my daughter emailed me her tests results and that she was probably upset and didn't understand that it really meant nothing.
I don't know, my mind just keeps going blank at times. It's like I thought this was it for a long time, but to actually think that your daughter is a hypochondriac is totally different. I know a hypochondriac does feel the pain and all that, and I can have empathy there, I just don't like what it could be doing to the children, but if I confront her, I won't have contact with them.
I'm just brain dead right now.
amy
PS -- I don't think we deal with these things here, but I find that I am isolated in who I can talk to this about with. I have my friend here, but I don't want to keep putting things on her.
Thanks for reading
My daughter called me. The older daughter that has not talked to me in the last 7 months, to tell me that she has 2 additional terminal illnesses. I'm losing track here as to how many she already has. She claims she is diagnosed with lupus, scleroderma, rheumatoid arthritis, scoliosis, ummm, there are too many to mention. New ones are Frontotemporal Dementia (Picks Disease) and cancer of the thyroid, oh also degenerative spine disorder, 7 slipped discs, etc....
She called me crying and in a panic. Ok, I'm her mother, so I try to talk to her to calm her down. She told me that she had picked up mri, and cat scan results and dropped them off at her doctors office, and that when she brought them into the office the nurse there (receptionist) told her she would schedule an early appt for her the next day to review this with the doctor, but this nurse (receptionist) told her that most likely the doctor will be putting her in the hospital that day for immediate surgery. Well I know that nurse (receptionist) would never say those things, but I couldn't argue with her, so I told her to call me back after the Dr appt.
So then she tells me that the reason why she had to go to the hospital for these tests was because her 10 yo son pushed her down the stairs, and the person there called 911. So I asked, what set him off to push you down the steps. (I have seen this child have rages). She said he had a friend over and they were playing video games, and that his friend killed him on that video game, and her son went "crazy". She tried to take him upstairs for a "time-out" and that was when he pushed her down the stairs. Then she tells me that her younger son (8) helped her to get to the "safe" room, and they also got the other child in the "safe" room, then they locked the door. Then this 10 yr old child kicked the door opened (it was a door that opened out, and not in) but the other adult in the house had called 911, and then the cops were there.
I asked her if he ever exhibited this much of a rage before, and she tells me that he once pushed her to the floor in the kitchen, then picked up a stool, and threw it at her. I asked what kind of help is he getting? She tells me a therapist comes to the house 2 x's a week, and this therapist is trying to schedule an appt for a psychiatrist because this therapist thinks he has "Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder", it a new one in the DSM book as of 2013.
So she goes to her Dr the next day for this appt to go over the reports. Tells me that she is in and out of there in less then 5 minutes and he didn't do anything, and didn't seem concerned. So I ask her which Dr she went to? She told me she went to her GP. I asked her why she didn't go to one of her specialist? She tells me the only other doctor she sees is a pain management specialist. This seemed odd to me. Who has all of these life threatening illnesses, and only has a GP and pain management? So I asked her if she could email the test results to me, I can read and decipher a lot of these, I also had medical problems, (cancer) and that I just wanted to see them so I can help her keep her panic at bay. I also asked her for the name of the pain management specialist.
So I looked at all the reports, the only recommendation is an ultrasound of the nodule in the thyroid. (I'll agree that this might be something). There was nothing else there. One of the tests revealed that she had an IUD, but it made no mention of the stomach pacemaker that she told me she had to have put in. I'm sure that test would have picked that up, but it's not there......
Then I checked out the pain management specialist. He is an oral surgeon, that also specializes in the evaluation and treatment of patients with head, neck and facial pain.
So she is dealing with a GP, and an oral surgeon who can also give botox treatment for headaches. That is it. That is all. No other doctors.
This stuff has been going on for at least 8 years where she first said she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Many other complaints and doctor visit for at least 20 - 30 years prior to this. Both her pregnancies had complications, and I really at this point don't know what to believe and what not to believe. I lived with her for 4 months during her last pregnancy while she was on bedrest, and then she filed an RO against me about a year or 2 later.
I know for my own piece of mind "no contact" is the best. I can't do that. She will make herself sick, go to the ER, call up everyone she can about how I upset her. My mom is too old for this BS.
She did actually send me the test results, and I can continue that way, this way someone knows when she is really off. If I go no contact, she will not send the test results to anyone else, because they aren't interested in her complaining anymore. I feel I need to stay in touch to just try to calm her down on behalf of the best interest for my grandchildren.
Hypochondria is all about attention seeking, at least it is in her case. If I confront her about this I will be slapped with an RO after a dramatic ER visit. (BTDT). She would have called and facebooked everyone about how terrible I am, and that's not something that I am worried about.
It's funny that she was getting along with her mother in law, till I talked to her, and now her MIL is the MIL from h3ll again.
I'm more concerned about my grandchildren. The only way I can have contact with them, and know what is going on is to have contact with my daughter . I know I can't even suggest hypochondria to her.
She already called my mom, and my mom is getting all upset. I also can't tell my mom what I suspect. I can only tell her that my daughter emailed me her tests results and that she was probably upset and didn't understand that it really meant nothing.
I don't know, my mind just keeps going blank at times. It's like I thought this was it for a long time, but to actually think that your daughter is a hypochondriac is totally different. I know a hypochondriac does feel the pain and all that, and I can have empathy there, I just don't like what it could be doing to the children, but if I confront her, I won't have contact with them.
I'm just brain dead right now.
amy
PS -- I don't think we deal with these things here, but I find that I am isolated in who I can talk to this about with. I have my friend here, but I don't want to keep putting things on her.
Thanks for reading
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Sending you a huge hug. I have no idea how to deal with this form of mental illness...can you at least tell your mom that she does not have any terminal illnesses that you can tell? That might relieve her mind at least?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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I cut my daughter off on the current new terminal illnesses. Don't know if I can do much about the past ones. My daughter claims she has lupus. She actually does lupus fundraisers. OK
Now, when she was going to doctors they were never able to diagnosis lupus, or ms, or ra. They all have different markers. She had some markers, but not enough for a diagnosis. I do think lupus appealed to her more. She also claims ra (rheumatoid arthritis). This is 7 - 8 years. I see no disfiguration or swelling of hands.
I can only tell my mother of present test results, if my daughter emails them to me. I can't have her email these results to me if I question her mental health.
It's crazy that sometimes people can say oh, that person must be a hypochodriac, it's said in a joking way, but when it is actually something that might be true, it's scary.
I may have even said this jokingly on here, but to find out things, and have to deal with that you might actually be dealing with something like that, it's mind blowing. It's like you no longer know what reality is anymore, and you question things going all the way back, and you feel like you were taken for a fool, then you have to look at and understand this disorder, then as the mother, you question yourself, and so on and so on.
amy
Now, when she was going to doctors they were never able to diagnosis lupus, or ms, or ra. They all have different markers. She had some markers, but not enough for a diagnosis. I do think lupus appealed to her more. She also claims ra (rheumatoid arthritis). This is 7 - 8 years. I see no disfiguration or swelling of hands.
I can only tell my mother of present test results, if my daughter emails them to me. I can't have her email these results to me if I question her mental health.
It's crazy that sometimes people can say oh, that person must be a hypochodriac, it's said in a joking way, but when it is actually something that might be true, it's scary.
I may have even said this jokingly on here, but to find out things, and have to deal with that you might actually be dealing with something like that, it's mind blowing. It's like you no longer know what reality is anymore, and you question things going all the way back, and you feel like you were taken for a fool, then you have to look at and understand this disorder, then as the mother, you question yourself, and so on and so on.
amy
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My younger sister is a lifelong hypochondriac, but not on the scale of your daughter. I too have never been sure how to address this behavior of hers. To complicate matters she does have some very real health problems in addition to the imagined ones. For the conditions I know are real I am of course supportive. For conditions that I suspect are not real I try not to validate and encourage her. I don't have any good advice, but I do know how it feels and how confusing and stressful it can be!
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Hugs, Amy.
Yes, it is definitely attention seeking. And she runs to the safe room because her 10 year old is out of control? I mean ????? Huh? Perhaps he has discovered that he can get what he wants by throwing a fit and there is noone to stop him?
I do not know Amy, this all sounds a bit more than a regular hypochondriac.
Are you sure you cannot go no contact, at least for a short time, and take a break?
Yes, it is definitely attention seeking. And she runs to the safe room because her 10 year old is out of control? I mean ????? Huh? Perhaps he has discovered that he can get what he wants by throwing a fit and there is noone to stop him?
I do not know Amy, this all sounds a bit more than a regular hypochondriac.
Are you sure you cannot go no contact, at least for a short time, and take a break?
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Jaguar55, thank you so much for your message. It really meant a lot to me. I'm sorry that you are going through this also.
It was so much to actually go back and think what is real and what isn't. I do know that my daughter has pain. I just really don't know if she actually was diagnosed with anything. She has cut me out of her life so many times in the last 8 years, I don't know what to believe and what not to believe.
She actually did go to the mayo clinic in Florida, looking for a (Dr House type person) She told me that they couldn't do anything for her, that she was dying, but didn't say of what then. I know she went there because my ex went with her. He wouldn't tell me anything though, except that he said,"you know people do die".
Everytime she has gone to the ER after calling me that and telling me she will have surgery and be hospitalized for at least a week, they sent her home the same night. But she still gets a bunch of pills. From the GP. I thought they were from specialist.
I actually enjoy when she hates me now (off and on for last 8 years) and won't call me, then she always comes back. I do really think that's when she can't get someone else to pay attention to her.
It always amazed me how she could be dying one week, can't even get out of the bed, then she wants to go to a concert, or to see the Devils (Hockey), she is right out there. It's was always some sort of an auto immune disease, she is expanding now. She would cancel going to family things if someones child was sick, but she could say, I can't live in a bubble and not enjoy myself and she would go to concerts.
I was always shaking my head about those things.
It's like how do you know what's real and what's not real? I've seen her when she said she had celiac disease. She ate a cookie, and she went from a size 4 to a size 12 in the stomach, that is how much she blew up in the stomach. I was sitting there watching it.
She would come over and visit me and tell me how weak she felt, and I would help her unload the car, but some bags were even too heavy for me to carry. She would pick them right up, no problem and walk up a flight of steps with them.
I want to keep thinking that I am wrong about this, but I can't see anything that proves that, no matter how much I try. I have never seen a Dr's report showing that she shows positive for anything, but then again we had an on and off relationship.
amy
PS- I really am sorry to bring this stuff here, but I really have no one to talk to right now, I even tried looking up forums to deal with this, but doesn't seem like there are any for friends and family. In a way, must admit, I'm not flipping out but it just seems that my brain has finally had too much to deal with, and I feel more brain dead right now.
It was so much to actually go back and think what is real and what isn't. I do know that my daughter has pain. I just really don't know if she actually was diagnosed with anything. She has cut me out of her life so many times in the last 8 years, I don't know what to believe and what not to believe.
She actually did go to the mayo clinic in Florida, looking for a (Dr House type person) She told me that they couldn't do anything for her, that she was dying, but didn't say of what then. I know she went there because my ex went with her. He wouldn't tell me anything though, except that he said,"you know people do die".
Everytime she has gone to the ER after calling me that and telling me she will have surgery and be hospitalized for at least a week, they sent her home the same night. But she still gets a bunch of pills. From the GP. I thought they were from specialist.
I actually enjoy when she hates me now (off and on for last 8 years) and won't call me, then she always comes back. I do really think that's when she can't get someone else to pay attention to her.
It always amazed me how she could be dying one week, can't even get out of the bed, then she wants to go to a concert, or to see the Devils (Hockey), she is right out there. It's was always some sort of an auto immune disease, she is expanding now. She would cancel going to family things if someones child was sick, but she could say, I can't live in a bubble and not enjoy myself and she would go to concerts.
I was always shaking my head about those things.
It's like how do you know what's real and what's not real? I've seen her when she said she had celiac disease. She ate a cookie, and she went from a size 4 to a size 12 in the stomach, that is how much she blew up in the stomach. I was sitting there watching it.
She would come over and visit me and tell me how weak she felt, and I would help her unload the car, but some bags were even too heavy for me to carry. She would pick them right up, no problem and walk up a flight of steps with them.
I want to keep thinking that I am wrong about this, but I can't see anything that proves that, no matter how much I try. I have never seen a Dr's report showing that she shows positive for anything, but then again we had an on and off relationship.
amy
PS- I really am sorry to bring this stuff here, but I really have no one to talk to right now, I even tried looking up forums to deal with this, but doesn't seem like there are any for friends and family. In a way, must admit, I'm not flipping out but it just seems that my brain has finally had too much to deal with, and I feel more brain dead right now.
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Originally Posted by healthyagain 
Hugs, Amy.
Yes, it is definitely attention seeking. And she runs to the safe room because her 10 year old is out of control? I mean ????? Huh? Perhaps he has discovered that he can get what he wants by throwing a fit and there is noone to stop him?
I do not know Amy, this all sounds a bit more than a regular hypochondriac.
Are you sure you cannot go no contact, at least for a short time, and take a break?
Yes, it is definitely attention seeking. And she runs to the safe room because her 10 year old is out of control? I mean ????? Huh? Perhaps he has discovered that he can get what he wants by throwing a fit and there is noone to stop him?
I do not know Amy, this all sounds a bit more than a regular hypochondriac.
Are you sure you cannot go no contact, at least for a short time, and take a break?
I think I need to talk to her so she doesn't mess up my grandchildren anymore then she already did. Her H is somewhat anti social. He hasn't worked in at least 8 years. He gambles online to make money.
She has this child who has rages sleeping with her in case she gets sick at night or needs her meds. Her H also attempted suicide about 3 years ago in Las Vegas.
My daughter has everyone somewhat believing this bs, and if I come out against her, I will have an RO put on me, and won't have contact with my grandchildren. I think the only help I can provide for my grandchildren is to talk to her, when she doesn't cut me out, so that I can get the actual test results.
I never had to deal with something like this before, and my mind is numb.
amy
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I think I am seeing the bottom line here. Do I love my daughter, yes I do. Do I love my grandchildren, yes I do.
Please don't even mention calling CPS. Someone did call on her, and she blamed me and filed an RO on me. If I go up against her, she will immediately slap me with an RO, and I will not get further info.
She really goes off the rails when we are not communicating. She has no one to talk to and gets really crazy. She seems to calm down a bit when she talks to me, until she hates me for some reason or another.
I do love non communication with my daughter, (it's better for my health), but I do love my grandchildren. I guess that is what my internal fight is about.
If I ever called CPS about possible hypochondriac, she will pull out at 24 inch tall of paperwork and drs report from mayo clinic, johns hopkins, and other notable hospitals. They might not say anything at all, but she has intimidating amounts of dr's reports, and CPS will not want to deal with that. Who would want to look through all those records?
Just want to thank you for being here for me. I know this forum doesn't deal with this, but I tried for a few days of keeping things to myself and found out that wasn't working too well. I really don't expect any answers here as to even how I can deal with this. I just didn't want to isolate myself with this thing.
I remember, a good friend of mine, told me that when you have too many problems, that you should put them in boxes (in your mind), pass it to another person to hold for you, then only take back one box at a time , until you are able to deal with it.
So tomorrow, or the next day I might want to look at one of those "boxes". It is my choice right now when I want to open them up and look at things. For now, I think I like my dead brain, and I am going to sleep.
Many thanks,
amy
Please don't even mention calling CPS. Someone did call on her, and she blamed me and filed an RO on me. If I go up against her, she will immediately slap me with an RO, and I will not get further info.
She really goes off the rails when we are not communicating. She has no one to talk to and gets really crazy. She seems to calm down a bit when she talks to me, until she hates me for some reason or another.
I do love non communication with my daughter, (it's better for my health), but I do love my grandchildren. I guess that is what my internal fight is about.
If I ever called CPS about possible hypochondriac, she will pull out at 24 inch tall of paperwork and drs report from mayo clinic, johns hopkins, and other notable hospitals. They might not say anything at all, but she has intimidating amounts of dr's reports, and CPS will not want to deal with that. Who would want to look through all those records?
Just want to thank you for being here for me. I know this forum doesn't deal with this, but I tried for a few days of keeping things to myself and found out that wasn't working too well. I really don't expect any answers here as to even how I can deal with this. I just didn't want to isolate myself with this thing.
I remember, a good friend of mine, told me that when you have too many problems, that you should put them in boxes (in your mind), pass it to another person to hold for you, then only take back one box at a time , until you are able to deal with it.
So tomorrow, or the next day I might want to look at one of those "boxes". It is my choice right now when I want to open them up and look at things. For now, I think I like my dead brain, and I am going to sleep.
Many thanks,
amy
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Yes I have known 2. One Im not sure about because her hypochondria seems to go hand in hand with her opiate addiction since she has had since we were teenagers. the illnesses seem to be more so for the sake of attention, and most definitely accompany drug seeking behavior. Sh seems not to be bothered by the multiple diagnosis' she has received.
The other I would say fits more my definition of hypochondria. What I see I would say is more like OCD with a fixation on health issues. She also has multiple diagnosis, but they are non-specific or show no existence for the most part. Such as she has fibromyalgia for one. She also has asthma, yet I have never ever seen evidence of it (she does have an inhaler). She has diverticulitis though I have never seen evidence of it. She at one time had cardiomyopathy but no evidence of it (that changed to something else). Sleep Apnea (yet no CPAP machine) She has arthritis but no evidence of it. many things she has are "borderline". Borderline diabetic (huh? pre diabetes I said? No. Borderline). Borderline HBP, Borderline Celiac (wtf) and so forth.
The issues wax and wane. At times she is fine because everything is checking out ok. Then it heads South and back for more testing and more possible diagnosis. IMO she has an anxiety disorder and OCD which came first I don't know. When the hypochondria is in full tilt she will change her behavior. For instance the asthma will have flared so first thing "having asthma problems". This means if I am meeting her for lunch, no sitting outside (pollution, pollen). No eating certain foods. She will suck on that inhaler like a lollipop. If someone were smoking 40 feet away "gotta move my asthma!". Then there will be all the triggers that she must avoid, if I say should we split a bottle of wine "oh no, the X,Y, Z in wine triggers my asthma". " How about some shrimp cocktail? Oh no, I think I have an allergy to shellfish getting tested next week". She doesn't like going to the Dr. btw, it causes her a lot of anxiety.
As I said it waxes and wanes. I don't think the rituals ever stop, but what might not be ok one day is fine a month later. A lunch the following month she wants to sit outside when the pollen count is through the roof. What I notice about all of it is it usually is accompanying stress of some sort.
these are only two examples and I am sure there are many faces of hypochondria. I must say though that your daughter seems to be more histrionic, and I agree there is more than than just hypochondria.
The other I would say fits more my definition of hypochondria. What I see I would say is more like OCD with a fixation on health issues. She also has multiple diagnosis, but they are non-specific or show no existence for the most part. Such as she has fibromyalgia for one. She also has asthma, yet I have never ever seen evidence of it (she does have an inhaler). She has diverticulitis though I have never seen evidence of it. She at one time had cardiomyopathy but no evidence of it (that changed to something else). Sleep Apnea (yet no CPAP machine) She has arthritis but no evidence of it. many things she has are "borderline". Borderline diabetic (huh? pre diabetes I said? No. Borderline). Borderline HBP, Borderline Celiac (wtf) and so forth.
The issues wax and wane. At times she is fine because everything is checking out ok. Then it heads South and back for more testing and more possible diagnosis. IMO she has an anxiety disorder and OCD which came first I don't know. When the hypochondria is in full tilt she will change her behavior. For instance the asthma will have flared so first thing "having asthma problems". This means if I am meeting her for lunch, no sitting outside (pollution, pollen). No eating certain foods. She will suck on that inhaler like a lollipop. If someone were smoking 40 feet away "gotta move my asthma!". Then there will be all the triggers that she must avoid, if I say should we split a bottle of wine "oh no, the X,Y, Z in wine triggers my asthma". " How about some shrimp cocktail? Oh no, I think I have an allergy to shellfish getting tested next week". She doesn't like going to the Dr. btw, it causes her a lot of anxiety.
As I said it waxes and wanes. I don't think the rituals ever stop, but what might not be ok one day is fine a month later. A lunch the following month she wants to sit outside when the pollen count is through the roof. What I notice about all of it is it usually is accompanying stress of some sort.
these are only two examples and I am sure there are many faces of hypochondria. I must say though that your daughter seems to be more histrionic, and I agree there is more than than just hypochondria.
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I have a half sister who fits the profile much like redatlanta's second friend....except to a milder degree. She will be o.k. for long periods of time....like two or three years at a time.... then she will become "obsessed" with some particular symptom...generally of a vague diagnosis.
She is a person who does not like to talk on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time....but, when she in one of her phases---OMG! she tries to keep me on the phone for hours! I am a good target, for her, as I am in the medical profession. She will call and want to ask me question after question---yet, seems to get little consolation from my answers.....
LOL.....I often tell her...."If I had the answer to all your questions, I would be the head of the National Institutes of Health".
I think she fits the description of redatlanta's friend---anxiety disorder with OCD features... She tends to be hyper-vigilant about environmental factors, all of the time. Potential environmental toxins, etc....
I will tell you a "funny" story.....She had moved to New Mexico for a job change. She was thrilled, since it was for an environmental control company of some sort. Remember, that environmental concerns are big with her. She accepted the job...and just as she arrived, they moved the office she would work in---across the street from a huge recycling facility. She loves recycling.
It turns out that all day long there are huge dump trucks going to the facility all day long. This stirs up dust...and the trucks are ugly, to boot....
She was practically hysterical with anxiety....She sought my counsel---my response was along the lines of---Margie, recycling isn't pretty in action. If you can't stand the environment..you will have to leave it. It had never occurred to her that there could be dust. (she was in a building that had air conditioning and closed windows). She did quit the job.
For me....I have learned, over the years, to show moderate, appropriate sympathy, and not get sucked into it as much as I possibly can. I refuse to receive any lab results, radiology tests, etc. I frequently answer with, "I don't know".
Amy....my situation with her is much easier than your situation sounds. She has never tried to harm me...there are no little children involved....and, she has never bad-mouthed me to other people, about my responses....and, she is not my child...
In addition, other family members are in agreement with me that she can be a giant pain-in-the butt with her bodily complaints when she is in one of her phases...so, there is no family conflict as a result...
It does sound like your daughter may have some other premorbid issues that contribute to the problem.....
I do know that severe forms of this can be very debilitating to those around the loved one--just like they are to the "patient".....
I am concerned about the affect that this is having on you.....
dandylion
She is a person who does not like to talk on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time....but, when she in one of her phases---OMG! she tries to keep me on the phone for hours! I am a good target, for her, as I am in the medical profession. She will call and want to ask me question after question---yet, seems to get little consolation from my answers.....
LOL.....I often tell her...."If I had the answer to all your questions, I would be the head of the National Institutes of Health".
I think she fits the description of redatlanta's friend---anxiety disorder with OCD features... She tends to be hyper-vigilant about environmental factors, all of the time. Potential environmental toxins, etc....
I will tell you a "funny" story.....She had moved to New Mexico for a job change. She was thrilled, since it was for an environmental control company of some sort. Remember, that environmental concerns are big with her. She accepted the job...and just as she arrived, they moved the office she would work in---across the street from a huge recycling facility. She loves recycling.
It turns out that all day long there are huge dump trucks going to the facility all day long. This stirs up dust...and the trucks are ugly, to boot....
She was practically hysterical with anxiety....She sought my counsel---my response was along the lines of---Margie, recycling isn't pretty in action. If you can't stand the environment..you will have to leave it. It had never occurred to her that there could be dust. (she was in a building that had air conditioning and closed windows). She did quit the job.
For me....I have learned, over the years, to show moderate, appropriate sympathy, and not get sucked into it as much as I possibly can. I refuse to receive any lab results, radiology tests, etc. I frequently answer with, "I don't know".
Amy....my situation with her is much easier than your situation sounds. She has never tried to harm me...there are no little children involved....and, she has never bad-mouthed me to other people, about my responses....and, she is not my child...
In addition, other family members are in agreement with me that she can be a giant pain-in-the butt with her bodily complaints when she is in one of her phases...so, there is no family conflict as a result...
It does sound like your daughter may have some other premorbid issues that contribute to the problem.....
I do know that severe forms of this can be very debilitating to those around the loved one--just like they are to the "patient".....
I am concerned about the affect that this is having on you.....
dandylion
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh Amy, I am so sorry. I know what a hard time you have had with her. Ugh.
I am going to say that I would suggest to her in a very under current way that it's awful that she has had all of these things wrong with her. That they seem to ebe and flow as to when the symptoms get worse. That she needs to focus on getting the symptoms under control and keeping it under control. That way, you are not accusing her of making it up or saying she does not have it. Tell her she needs to focus on her son and that he has major issues and that she needs to take really good care of herself to be able to help him as well.
This way, you are suggesting she be well, and maybe she will follow suit. Just like by her suggesting to herself that she is in pain can actually cause pain. Focus on things like meditation, reiki healing, etc. These things she can do at home and focus on w/out being at the doctor every time she turns around. And, they will help her mind as well.
That's all I really know to suggest. I completely understand why you are not going no contact. I too am concerned about what this is doing to you. I second what Dandy has said, that try to show moderate concern without getting sucked in too badly.
Many, many hugs. We are always here for you my friend.
I am going to say that I would suggest to her in a very under current way that it's awful that she has had all of these things wrong with her. That they seem to ebe and flow as to when the symptoms get worse. That she needs to focus on getting the symptoms under control and keeping it under control. That way, you are not accusing her of making it up or saying she does not have it. Tell her she needs to focus on her son and that he has major issues and that she needs to take really good care of herself to be able to help him as well.
This way, you are suggesting she be well, and maybe she will follow suit. Just like by her suggesting to herself that she is in pain can actually cause pain. Focus on things like meditation, reiki healing, etc. These things she can do at home and focus on w/out being at the doctor every time she turns around. And, they will help her mind as well.
That's all I really know to suggest. I completely understand why you are not going no contact. I too am concerned about what this is doing to you. I second what Dandy has said, that try to show moderate concern without getting sucked in too badly.
Many, many hugs. We are always here for you my friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Many thanks for the replies. It makes me feel like I am not alone.
My daughter is a borderline celiac. That's one that I do know that there is no such thing as borderline. She went out and purchased all pink kitchen utensils, pots, pans, and no one but her can use them. She labels her butter, so no one sticks a knife in there to butter their bread, but when she is in the mood, she can eat 3 slices of pizza. I've seen that. (For anyone not familiar with Celiac Disease, it means that you need a gluten free diet, any gluten at all will get you sick)
My daughter even received Social Sec u rity based on her terminal illness at that time. (The disease of the month). They did a medical review of her case 3 years later (which I found very odd, since I did work for Soc Sec, that if you are found to be with a terminal illness, they would not do a medical review), they stopped her benefits. She told me that they sent her to some quack doctor who examined her for 5 mins, and said there was nothing wrong with her. I had asked her then, didn't they contact all of your doctors also? I offered to help her with the paperwork for the appeal, and she seemed to be ok with that, then she stopped talking to me for months, ( I now think that she didn't want me to see the Drs reports).
I was getting pretty good at dealing with her and her panic stricken, crying phone calls. I would listen to her, offer her some comfort and support, tell her to let me know when she found something out for sure, and then not really waiting for a return phone call after her Dr visit.
For ex: She called me crying that she went to her Dr, and she was so distraught that she couldn't remember what the Dr said, but she knew he said that she had some auto immune disease that started with the letter A. She asked me if I could look that up and call her back. The only one that I found that fit her symptoms was Amyloydosis (sp). I called her back. There's no answer. She called me back 3 days later and when I told her that I had tried calling her because she was so upset, she yelled at me that she can't always be available for phone calls, that she has a life, and she went to a NJ Devil's game. Then she told me that she remembered that the Dr told her it wasn't the one that began with an "A".
So I have learned to deal with her thinking that she was a little "off", and needing some attention, but never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think that there may not be anything wrong with her at all.
I'm just so glad to have looked at those test results because from there I was able to see how her mind works. I will continue to ask her for the test results, only so that I can calm down my mom, but will always tell her to have her "specialist" review them.
She is supposed to call me today, but I have my doubts on that. If her weekend went well, she would have no reason to, if her weekend didn't go well, she would have called me already.
I think I agree that it may be more then hypochondria. I was reading a website forum about this, and my daughter would be on the extreme there.
I really don't like to label or diagnosis. I'm going to treat this as she is depressed and needs attention. (and it's worse then I thought it was)
Will communicate with her till she finds another reason to not talk to me for months or years, and try to be a positive influence for my grandchildren.
It really was a big shock to find out that she might have been lying to everyone about everything for over a decade. It did help me a lot to talk things out here. At first I didn't want to because this stuff is not really for this forum, but perhaps it was, because it was help for me to post it here. It gave me the outlet that I needed. Think I will look up histrionics personality disorder, just to have a better understanding, in case that is what it is also. I wouldn't be doing this for the "label", it would be more for understanding what I might be dealing with. I can't talk to anyone about her except her and with my friend. I think that if I told this stuff to someone else, they would think I was "nuts" and making things up, but I've been writing about my daughter for the past 4 years here.
Again, I can't thank you enough for the replies. It has helped me so much.
(((((((hugs))))))
amy
My daughter is a borderline celiac. That's one that I do know that there is no such thing as borderline. She went out and purchased all pink kitchen utensils, pots, pans, and no one but her can use them. She labels her butter, so no one sticks a knife in there to butter their bread, but when she is in the mood, she can eat 3 slices of pizza. I've seen that. (For anyone not familiar with Celiac Disease, it means that you need a gluten free diet, any gluten at all will get you sick)
My daughter even received Social Sec u rity based on her terminal illness at that time. (The disease of the month). They did a medical review of her case 3 years later (which I found very odd, since I did work for Soc Sec, that if you are found to be with a terminal illness, they would not do a medical review), they stopped her benefits. She told me that they sent her to some quack doctor who examined her for 5 mins, and said there was nothing wrong with her. I had asked her then, didn't they contact all of your doctors also? I offered to help her with the paperwork for the appeal, and she seemed to be ok with that, then she stopped talking to me for months, ( I now think that she didn't want me to see the Drs reports).
I was getting pretty good at dealing with her and her panic stricken, crying phone calls. I would listen to her, offer her some comfort and support, tell her to let me know when she found something out for sure, and then not really waiting for a return phone call after her Dr visit.
For ex: She called me crying that she went to her Dr, and she was so distraught that she couldn't remember what the Dr said, but she knew he said that she had some auto immune disease that started with the letter A. She asked me if I could look that up and call her back. The only one that I found that fit her symptoms was Amyloydosis (sp). I called her back. There's no answer. She called me back 3 days later and when I told her that I had tried calling her because she was so upset, she yelled at me that she can't always be available for phone calls, that she has a life, and she went to a NJ Devil's game. Then she told me that she remembered that the Dr told her it wasn't the one that began with an "A".
So I have learned to deal with her thinking that she was a little "off", and needing some attention, but never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think that there may not be anything wrong with her at all.
I'm just so glad to have looked at those test results because from there I was able to see how her mind works. I will continue to ask her for the test results, only so that I can calm down my mom, but will always tell her to have her "specialist" review them.
She is supposed to call me today, but I have my doubts on that. If her weekend went well, she would have no reason to, if her weekend didn't go well, she would have called me already.
I think I agree that it may be more then hypochondria. I was reading a website forum about this, and my daughter would be on the extreme there.
I really don't like to label or diagnosis. I'm going to treat this as she is depressed and needs attention. (and it's worse then I thought it was)
Will communicate with her till she finds another reason to not talk to me for months or years, and try to be a positive influence for my grandchildren.
It really was a big shock to find out that she might have been lying to everyone about everything for over a decade. It did help me a lot to talk things out here. At first I didn't want to because this stuff is not really for this forum, but perhaps it was, because it was help for me to post it here. It gave me the outlet that I needed. Think I will look up histrionics personality disorder, just to have a better understanding, in case that is what it is also. I wouldn't be doing this for the "label", it would be more for understanding what I might be dealing with. I can't talk to anyone about her except her and with my friend. I think that if I told this stuff to someone else, they would think I was "nuts" and making things up, but I've been writing about my daughter for the past 4 years here.
Again, I can't thank you enough for the replies. It has helped me so much.
(((((((hugs))))))
amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hopeful, I also need to look into meditation and reiki healing for myself. I can't believe it was only about 10 days ago that I was celebrating a drama free day. That didn't last long, but oh, how I enjoyed that day.
amy
amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Redatlanta,
I looked us Histrionic personality disorder. She meets all criteria, and I can give several examples of each of them. It was scary to read that.
I can use the one where she can be easily swayed to meet my approval for her benefit, and her childrens benefit. I actually have used it before. To me it felt like manipulation, and it may be that, but that was when she was doing her best.
I do know my limit though on constant approval, I will not and can not approve on how she deals with others. I can give approval or praise for things she accomplishes.
Thanks,
amy
I looked us Histrionic personality disorder. She meets all criteria, and I can give several examples of each of them. It was scary to read that.
I can use the one where she can be easily swayed to meet my approval for her benefit, and her childrens benefit. I actually have used it before. To me it felt like manipulation, and it may be that, but that was when she was doing her best.
I do know my limit though on constant approval, I will not and can not approve on how she deals with others. I can give approval or praise for things she accomplishes.
Thanks,
amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
amy.....don't freak out too much by what you have read.....
There is a lot of overlap in the personality disorders......
there is a lo t of controversy among the professionals about this )personality disorders, in general).....as more is not known than is known......
dandylion
There is a lot of overlap in the personality disorders......
there is a lo t of controversy among the professionals about this )personality disorders, in general).....as more is not known than is known......
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Actually, I'm not freaking out at all. I'm more calm then I have been since hearing from my daughter. I really don't care about the label. I did find something there that I might be able to use to help my grandchildren. That was all that I really did need. Not a label, but a way to get through to her.
Is she a hypochondriac? I do think so. I really think that if she had a stomach pacemaker put in that the test that picked up the IUD would have also shown this other device. It didn't.
Does she have a personality disorder? Don't know, but that sure did seem to fit her. How to use that information? It gives me a little insight on things, and a better way to cope with things. It helps me to deal with situations, when they arise, and how to get info from her, (like med reports) so that I can try to keep her calm, and also help my grandchildren at the same time.
I think my biggest freak out here was when I had to come to accept that there may not actually be anything wrong with my daughter at all physically, but that she was using these things to seek attention.
I'll also never rule out that she doesn't have things physically wrong with her, after all, she is 41, things happen.
I did allow her to "play me" before. I am more aware now.
This thread helped me a lot.
thanks,
amy
Is she a hypochondriac? I do think so. I really think that if she had a stomach pacemaker put in that the test that picked up the IUD would have also shown this other device. It didn't.
Does she have a personality disorder? Don't know, but that sure did seem to fit her. How to use that information? It gives me a little insight on things, and a better way to cope with things. It helps me to deal with situations, when they arise, and how to get info from her, (like med reports) so that I can try to keep her calm, and also help my grandchildren at the same time.
I think my biggest freak out here was when I had to come to accept that there may not actually be anything wrong with my daughter at all physically, but that she was using these things to seek attention.
I'll also never rule out that she doesn't have things physically wrong with her, after all, she is 41, things happen.
I did allow her to "play me" before. I am more aware now.
This thread helped me a lot.
thanks,
amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm watching everything now, and I think I need to journal things here, so my reality doesn't get lost.
She told me she would call me today after bringing results to her specialist (the oral surgeon). She didn't call me. I didn't think she would.
Next thing should be that she needs me to help her do something. Like tie bows because she has rheumatoid arthritis, and she can't do it, and I would need to drive over 2 hrs to get to her house. or... she ran up her credit card bill again and needs help with that before her H finds out. or.... she will wait till Mother's Day to call me, only thing though, it wouldn't be for me, it will be for her, so she could throw it in my face that she remembered Mother's Day. BTDT.
Don't know if I mentioned this, but she is back in her wheelchair, and she was having a birthday party for her son yesterday, and she told me that she was thinking of asking her H to bring the day bed out to the lawn so she could be part of it, and that she was ordered to be on bed rest. Her Er visit for the test and x rays, Mri, and cat scan was April 1st. She saw her GP on 4/15, who quickly got her out of his office. So who prescribed bed rest?
This really is just a journal thing above. I hope no one minds when I update it with future contacts from her.
amy
She told me she would call me today after bringing results to her specialist (the oral surgeon). She didn't call me. I didn't think she would.
Next thing should be that she needs me to help her do something. Like tie bows because she has rheumatoid arthritis, and she can't do it, and I would need to drive over 2 hrs to get to her house. or... she ran up her credit card bill again and needs help with that before her H finds out. or.... she will wait till Mother's Day to call me, only thing though, it wouldn't be for me, it will be for her, so she could throw it in my face that she remembered Mother's Day. BTDT.
Don't know if I mentioned this, but she is back in her wheelchair, and she was having a birthday party for her son yesterday, and she told me that she was thinking of asking her H to bring the day bed out to the lawn so she could be part of it, and that she was ordered to be on bed rest. Her Er visit for the test and x rays, Mri, and cat scan was April 1st. She saw her GP on 4/15, who quickly got her out of his office. So who prescribed bed rest?
This really is just a journal thing above. I hope no one minds when I update it with future contacts from her.
amy
and its debilitating including deformities eventually.
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What's a stomach pacemaker? Does such a thing exist?*
I was thinking about your situation...mental illness does have a genetic component and it sounds like she got dealt a full hand of your ex's DNA, unfortunately.
I echo whoever suggested histrionic disorder...the daybed in the middle of her child's birthday party is pretty classic. Look at ME!!!
Any chance she would see a mental health professional? She's probably worn out her welcome with most of the physical medical field.
I'm sorry. This is tough stuff.
* So I googled and yes they exist, but they're really new...I share your skepticism.
I was thinking about your situation...mental illness does have a genetic component and it sounds like she got dealt a full hand of your ex's DNA, unfortunately.
I echo whoever suggested histrionic disorder...the daybed in the middle of her child's birthday party is pretty classic. Look at ME!!!
Any chance she would see a mental health professional? She's probably worn out her welcome with most of the physical medical field.
I'm sorry. This is tough stuff.
* So I googled and yes they exist, but they're really new...I share your skepticism.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I am so sorry you have to go through all this, Amy. I also think this might be some other disorder. It is too much of attention seeking and maybe even victim playing.
I've heard that life is a terminal illness itself. Perhaps she should get one.
I've heard that life is a terminal illness itself. Perhaps she should get one.
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