Zircon

Hi,
Just me. Actually had a good day. Took my dogs, and visited a friend. We went out and took a small hike with the puppies. The weather was just beautiful. I'm so blessed to live in the mountains. The views were breathtaking. I couldn't have done that emotionally a month ago! I guess I'm getting better.
The lies my ah told just continue !!! My ah told me he filed for divorce in December! Even harassed me to tell him if I had been served the papers yet!! That's what made seek an attorney's advice. I filed in January, since all I heard from him was how awful I was going to feel when I'm served with his papers!
Well that was a lie!!!! He never filed!!! He finally did at the beginning of March!! Now he wants the court to take back his petition so he can get his money back!
Funny, I never wanted to get a divorce, all him, just wanted him to get help. Now it appears I filed for divorce and he never did. Like he's the injuried party.
Alcoholism isn't fair!!! Right now, I had to move out of my home, get a domestic violence order, and there are too many changes to mention,
When does my ah start to feel this kind of pain.
I don't want to have to be subject to any more of his lies! I don't want to be ripped apart in court, or listen to my used to be friends lie about me!!
When is my turn?? For something I have no control over, it's seems to still be controlling my life!! And I have paid a very high price.
I am very happy and at peace that I have made the decisions I have. I am in financial ruin, my ah isn't paying any of the bills, except for the things that are important to him, and I can't afford to since I moved into another home, so I'll probably loose everything.
But, I must share this with everyone on this form. I'm finding a lot of that isn't as important as it used to be! I'm finding pieces of the old me slowly coming back. I feel this sense of peace, I didn't have a month ago. Im seeing again the beauty of things around me.
I know I have a long road to go yet, but I don't regret a decision I've made. I'm not looking back anymore just forward!
Thank you all!
Z

Hawkeye13

You are finding yourself again, and that's more precious than stuff.

He's just doing what alcoholics do--getting worse in his addiction,
lying to cover it, and not living up to even the bare minimum of expectations.

I am so glad you and your puppies are out of the hell a drunk spiraling down the drain creates.

dandylion

zircon....I'm glad to hear that the sun is peeping through the clouds, a bit, for you...
As long as you keep facing forward....your world will keep changing...in ways that you never dreamed.....Probably not as FAST as you want...but, the changes will come, nevertheless....lol.....

seriously, Zircon if you were offered the choice between two things:
1. To be a late stage alcoholic or 2. To have a satisfied, peaceful mind
Which one would you choose?

Be proud of the progress you are making!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Bekindalways

Zircon in spite of many clouds still in your life, I am so very, very happy to hear of some glimmers of peace as well as a good hike with the puppies.

I loved this post from you as it communicates such a combination of suffering and hope. I so so hope the suffering diminishes.

Liveitwell

Z-warm hugs. I've been there. It's can be infuriating at times when they bold faced lie about you-and when others believe their lies. You'll get over that when you realize he's doing what alcoholics DO. They lie-that's pretty much all they do! Realize that anyone wanted or needed in your life will believe you-and those that don't just aren't worth your time-they are just enablers and flying monkeys to your ex A's circus. Not worth your time.

Just breathe-one day (or minute) at a time. You are gaining some ground , even if you don't feel like it. One day soon you'll hear a ludicrous lie and you won't even flinch-it won't anger you-you'll just say, uh huh, and go on with your life. Remember that he is sick and you are moving to a new healthy life that he will never come close to having unless he seeks serious help. keep walking my friend!

Change and peace will come!

Hangnbyathread

Yeah I often said the only thing worse than the addiction was the lying. It isn't like they can't help it or its uncontrollable. My ex told the truth also. The problem was never knowing the difference. Or the weaving of lies with some truth. Keeps you off balance trying to figure out what was truth vs not.

It effected me as bad as the addiction.

maia1234

Z,
You sound good and getting stronger everyday. After my divorce I really don't get the lies any more because we have barely any contact.

Hugs my friend, you are headed in the right direction, to freedom and independence. It only gets better!!