Peaches15

Well I officially HATE social media.
My meth AH has spent the past 2 weeks arguing with me via PMs over Facebook. I can't even remember how it started. Oh that's right he asked me for money. I said no, that I'm struggling to raise he's 2 young girls with no child support, and than that then leads to everything else. he says I'm must be keeping him away from home (it's been nearly 12 months) because I have a new man, I say no it's because you have a bad drug problem and I will not have drugs and craziness in my house and around my house (I put up with it for 3.5 years). I tell him all he has to do is get help and sort himself out.
So in his normal completely irrational style, he went through my Facebook 'friends' and picked one of his cousins who lives nearby as the man I must be seeing. I have not seen this cousin dude for years!!! Drug Jealousy is so exhausting. I don't have another man, nor want one! He has turned me off love for life. My 2 babies are more than enough.
Anyway, back to my rant, I spose I disengaged after the 100th crazy nasty message. For the first time in 12 months I've just stopped responding. It was my day off with my kids. We went to the beach instead. He called and called (reverse charges of course as he doesn't have a phone), being very very nasty so I stopped answering. What's the point.
So I just had a call from my sister to say he had made a post about me on Facebook. He said '(xx my name) was so selfish cos he had been calling to speak to his kids for 3 days but I wouldn't answer my phone. How selfish can people be.'
What? Excuse me? I'm selfish? He spent over $100k on drugs and gave us nothing but debt! He left me and these girls with no car for weeks at a time whilst he got high! Smashed our car (twice), lost his license, kept driving, got the car impounded, went crazy, etc. Oh ghee I could go on all night but what's the point. He wasn't even calling to speak to the girls, we was calling to argue with me to take out his drug rage. I tell him over and over that if he wants anything to do with us he must be in recovery. He doesn't even register it. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. And in response I get Facebook posts about me for everyone to see like I'm the bad guy. Never in my life have I done anything like that to him. Nasty private messages yes, but Facebook posts for everyone to see, NO! And I actually had good reason for public shaming but I would never do that. Arghh!! Oh well, anyone I care about knows the truth about our situation. I'm just gonna let it go. So I didn't reply, and told my sisters not to either. No response is the best response right?
Anyway, just got another Facebook private message from him saying how sorry he was and how much he loves me and can I please call him. He's erased the post (2hrs later) And said he only did it cause he was so angry with me.
im starting to think that he actually doesn't think he's done anything wrong?? It's like he's brain has been re-wired as to what is right and wrong. Is he manipulating me/trying to control me or does he seriously think he's done nothing wrong?? Or am I the crazy one??

Ariesagain

He's crazy and Facebook just gives him a platform to attack you when you ignore him.

I will be honest and admit that I am anti-FB...I think it's the source of more drama and squabbling than it is anything positive...but can you get off FB altogether? It's like the day you just unplugged and went to the beach...but all the time.

Peaches15

I've deactivated my account a few times over the past few months - all for reasons somehow related to my AH. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I've deactivated as someone's always posting some old photo of us, or a place comes up where we use to go, etc and it sets me back a little. But then after I'm off it a week or so, I deactivate when I'm bored and the cycle continues!
Agree, I need a long break from FB.
I only made a post the other day saying how well I was doing, and now I'm back again to getting caught up in the drama that feels so familiar...

RDBplus3

Hello Peaches,
I am / was the AH. I struggled for a long time trying to get FREE, and I am now, (2 years + Clean & Sober), thru working the 12 Steps of AA, which took, and continues to take, a lot of work. 'I' couldn't 'Fix Me', but doing the WORK allowed God to make a complete change in ME, that I could never have imagined.

So ... from my perspective there is NO way your AH can see anything but from his SICKENED, Self-Driven, Self-Sick, Delusional mind.

So ... from my perspective giving the ultimatum of 'Recovery' or NO CONTACT is the ONLY sane choice you can make. My suggestion for Facebook (ugggh ) ... since he has posted Public attacks, and you want to take the High Road (you have my respect) ... is to post a simple prayer for him, and CUT OFF ALL CONTACT, except to file for Child Support Enforcement.

God, I pray that You will intervene for _ _ _ _ , and lead him into a program of restoration to You and his family. I place him in Your care, and until such a time as You direct him to be Free from the Drugs and Alcohol, we will live in complete separation from him.

Just a suggestion from a former AH (note: AH = A$$Ho!e)
RDBplus3 ... now - Happy, Joyous and FREE

Mountainmanbob

That is a lot on unnecessary drama.
The main reason that I left Facebook.
Think about it -- it feels good to be free.
M-Bob

Priscilla84

You can keep your Facebook and block him so he can't reach you or see your page. And let your friends/family know you don't want to know about anything he may be posting.

I believe you can also go in your settings and make it so that only people on your friends list can send you messages. That way he can't open new accounts to message you from.

Hawkeye13

If you are really ready to be done with his drama and still have FB,
this sounds like a way to do it.

I suggest you try this and see how peaceful life can be without
drug-induced public nattering from a crazy man

Lily1918

XAH #1 is blocked on social media for all of the above reasons. EXAH#2 isn't blocked, but he isn't my friend either, so he can't send me messages.

Some part of me wants him to be able to see that I'm ok. He can look up my page and see the few posts I make public. That's as close as he will ever be alowed

PuzzledHeart

I blocked my sociopathic cousin FOUR TIMES because each time I blocked him, he created another fake profile and then I had to block that too. I think he finally got the message when he tried to be his dad and I outed him (not via FB, but the good old fashioned way, by phone and by person.)

Make sure your timeline is set up so you have to approve posts tagged with your name before it shows up on your wall.

In my experience, people who bad mouth other people on FB are the ones who end up with egg in their face. Especially if they do it repeatedly. And after a while, people get so sick of the rant they just unfollow him/her.

This sounds very odd, but sometimes when my sister goes particularly haywire I imagine myself talking to a dear friend of mine who died a couple years ago. Out of all my friends she was the one who most understood what I was going through because she went through something similar. I ask her to say a little prayer for my sister and for me, she goes "Yep! Don't be silly!" and then I go about my day.

Do whatever works for you. Your friends, your true friends, will understand and stick by you, no matter what's being said on FB.

least

Dump facebook. It's high school drama.

NoelleR

Not necessarily true.......only if your FB friends are the type who like 'high school drama.'

(o:

AdelineRose

I am a recovered addict and a loved one of an addict and I have deactivated my facebook account so that no one can reach me, ruin my day, start drama that I don't need in my life, and so that I can't get sucked into what other people are saying or what someone might say about me.

You are not the crazy one! HE IS. But if you keep engaging with him long enough he might start to make you a little crazy and what is the point of that? He is not going to change anytime soon. Have you considered no contact? You said he isn't recovered, he can't be around until he is, and that he doesn't pay child support..so why talk to him at all?

Do what you need to do to make the most stable, caring, and loving environment for those two girls and you. He is making choices that do not go with the life style you want for your family and therefore to protect yourself and those little girls I see only one option, to break all contact.

Mountainmanbob

This seems like so much drama and life is so short.
MB

Peaches15

Thanks all, really appreciate your comments and advice. I had a terrible slept last night (I'm in Australia hence the time difference). Back to feeling anxious/stressed/angry. I just can't believe he is acting so nasty and terrible after everything's he's out me through. Maybe he feels me pulling away.
So Facebook is deactivated and I'm going to work on the NO CONTACT.
Why I have a feeling this is the calm before, I don't know, but I hope not.
Thanks again

NoelleR

Boy, talk about taking comments out of context and linking them together. it kinda reminds me of my favorite silly/stupid Scripture verse linkage..............:

Matt 27:5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.

Luke 10:37 ...Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

Facebook is just fine; it's the folks on it, and the bad choices some folks make in including certain folks on their friends list, or allowing comments from every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It's like saying that cars are bad because a drunk driver killed someone.

I have Facebook, and don't have any problem with it, and neither do any of my friends. Perhaps we are just better choosers...............?

(o:

Lily1918

I'm with you Bob. I've been away for quite some time and now I'm here reading the threads again.

Active addiction is nothing but drama

PuzzledHeart

At the end of the day, and much as I kvetch about it, FB has been a positive experience for me. Many of my friends and relatives live very far away, and FB allows us to stay in touch with each other on a regular basis.

It's also my part of my job, and I'm not going to quit my job or the communication platform used by a majority of my friends because one or two people spoil it for me. To me, that's like saying, quit using the phone because this guy is bothering you. Quit using e-mail because of one harasser. Then they win. And I don't want that.

Everybody benefits from an internet vacation every once in a while but it doesn't mean I'm going to become an electronic hermit. (And as I write this, I think "The Electronic Hermits" should be the name of my next band.)

But at the end of the day, if most of your friends aren't on FB and you can get by, that's great. And if most of them are on FB, Twitter, Snapchat whatever, that's OK too. Whatever works.

zoso77

If you go through my post history, you'll note that I detest Facebook. And the reason why I do is it gives people license to behave irresponsibly and counter-productively. There are a lot of people out there that give themselves to behave that way, and a fair amount of those people should know better.

Hope you deal with this with authority.

teatreeoil007

I have very little time or patience for Facebook.