jaded25

Today marks day 6 of not drinking. I am still struggling with anxiety, guilt and shame from my last night of drinking. My mind is in overdrive trying to fill in the pieces of what happened during my last blackout. Thinking about conversations that may or may not have happened. Things I didn't or didn't do. Creating false memories so to speak. It's driving me crazy. Has anybody dealt with this? How do I get myself to stop?

entropy1964

Hi Jaded
I think you'll find that what you're feeling is typical of the alcoholics drinking experience.
For me, the only way to quiet the racing mind is to accept what happened, make amends where I need to and move on. Move on by not drinking and trying to do the right things. Over time the guilt and shame ease up. If I drink again, to quiet my mind, I only kick myself back down the rabbit hole and it starts all over again.
Recognize that your addiction is a mental illness. Try to love and support yourself in your recovery. You never have to feel this way again....as long as you don't drink.

RDBplus3

Hello jaded,
The ONLY thing that worked for me, after YEARS of struggling to get FREE from the drinking cycles that always produced that Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization, was the 12 Steps of AA.

Suggestions that I KNOW work:
+ Do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker Messages, and listen to as many of them as possible. I especially recommend finding messages on the Steps, and work your way through messages from Step 1 thru Step 12.

+ Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
+ Attend different AA meetings and ask if there are any Big Book Study meetings.

Maybe you do not have the condition I have, which is described in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous? The book also states it is helpful for ANYONE that has a 'drinking problem'.

Also ... no matter what ... please keep involved with this Sober Recovery website.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2

D122y

Jaded,

You are in a great position to quit boozing and you should.

You are young and not too far in the rabbit hole...yet.

Booze has altered your brain. You have brain damage from the booze.

It is relatively short term, my horrible symptoms have all but disapated.

But, as the symptoms go away, the desire for the euphoric buzz returns.

It takes life changing in order to find happiness.

A new flow of events to fill you day. E,g. Making sober friends at AA or online.

Otherwise, you will be miserable and relapse. It is a cycle.

There is no luck involved w quitting being a drunk.

There is only not drinking. Moderation is a prison.

Alcohol is poison. Don't believe the hype.

FLCamper

Jaded, Congratulations on day 6!

Unfortunately, I don't have a quick cure to stop your thoughts about your last night of drinking. Those feelings of guilt, shame and dread will fade in time. I know it feels terrible. But, it is a good motivation for staying sober.

Soberwolf

it takes times to forgive yourself it will happen though in the meantime just keep doing what your doing the days are stacking up

Congrats on day 6

blueberry2015

Congrats on day 6 x We all have been there, that remorse and regret, trying to fill in the blanks etc. What I have learnt is that we cannot change our past, no amount of remorse or regret or drink for that matter will do that. Be kind to yourself okay, beating yourself up will make you want to pick up and if you do that your straight back in that vicious circle. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. You are in a good place to reshape your future, it takes time and know that everything you are feeling is part and parcel of healing and recovery. If the cravings are still really bad, just tell yourself that it WILL pass, keep posting here, occupy your mind with something else, keep it in the hour (I will not drink in this hour) and when that hour is up, tell yourself the same thing. You got this. Today all you have to do is go to bed sober - you can do it!!!

Anna

Blackouts are incredibly scary, especially for women. I had blackouts towards the end of my drinking days. You make no memories during a blackout, so everything that happens is never stored in your mind. The only way to prevent this is to stop drinking and I hope you make that choice.

gobletoffire19

Hi there. I'm struggling with this too, so you're not alone. I had blackouts where I was completely normal-drunk, of course, but nothing outrageous or ridiculous. Then I had blackouts where I acted completely out of control-slurring my words, being argumentative, falling down, just generally being a drunken fool. I blacked out after three drinks and then I've not blacked out after 15 drinks. There is no rhyme and reason to blackouts other than they are dangerous and leave us feeling very low.

I'm working on accepting the fact that I will never get those nights back. The memories aren't there to begin with. I did a lot of shameful and embarrassing things but I can't take them back. All we can do is move forward. People tend to forget after a few days and are usually too polite to mention to you if you did anything embarrassing. I used to spend days after a blackout imagining the worst and filling in the blanks with my own false ideas about what actually happened. I was my own worst enemy when it came to that.

We can work on this together. Staying sober is the #1 goal. Blackouts don't happen when we are sober.

jaded25

That's what I keep telling myself. I don't have to worry about blackouts and that feeling anymore if I don't pick up another drink.

least

I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.

Dee74

I hope you can get past the not knowing and focus on the here and now Jaded.
You never have to feel like this again

D