NoMoBeer

... Yes, I know I'm powerless. Drank anyway. worked with a great sponsor. Drank anyway. Just didn't want to do AA at this point. Drank anyway.

Sh!t, you guys know me intimately by now, don't know why I do this, well I guess I do... Havent' been back on here in a while. Somehow God wants me to learn some new lessons or something. Now I've made an ass of myself.

I don't feel like I want to devote so much AA time in my life. I'd rather do workouts or whatever in that meeting time. Meetings got so "whah-whah-whah" for me I guess.

F@ck, sorry for doing this again, I just can't seem to put 2 weeks together... I love you all for hanging in there, I am just not that strong at this point. This means alot to me if you'll let me do this:

"God, I offer myself to you, to build with me and do with me as you will... relieve me of the bondage of self, so I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Your power, Your love, and Your way of life.... may I do Your will always..."

Ken

junem

Welcome back Ken. Just keep coming back and eventually it will stick. What were your thoughts just before you used? Was it a sudden decision, a planned thing or did you think at all? these are questions you have to ask so that you can learn from your experience. What do you think you could have done differently. It is a learning process.

NoMoBeer

... the desired high just doesn't exist, does it?

don't know where to go from here...

Ken

NoMoBeer

Thank God -- for right now my 10 year old diabetic son is at peace. It was a rough day of puking, figuring blood sugars and whatever. I just thank God that Tyler made it through this stuff... Thank you God.

Ken

2dayzmuse

(((Ken)))

Brookie

Welcome back Ken.

ted

HEY KEN WELCOME BACK
GLAD YOUR SON IS FEELING BETTER
YOU CAN DO THIS (NO MO)
YOU HAVE ALOT TO DO,MUCH EASIER SOBER.
LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AT THE ONLINE MTGS. AGAIN.
PRAYERS TO YOU AND YOURS.......ted

wild bill

[[[nomobeer,]]]

i have been relapsing for about a year and i too think aa mtgs. are a whole lot of wa wa wa most of the time but sometimes i learn things and so i keep going.ihave just begun to take a drug call naltrexone and it has taken away my desire to drink.it is not a narcotic and you must see your md.to get it.[rx only] it might be worth a try.keep coming back .we love to hear from you.

love,peace,and sobriety

wild bill

In memory of miracle

I am sorry for your relapse Ken , however I do feel I need to tell you that if you listen to the people in the meeting going "wah wah " you will hear how they are staying sober one day at a time . :attention Trish

lulu70

(((((((((Ken)))))))))) "If you want what we have and are willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to get it....."

I would not be sober today if I decided I didn't really need AA. You know what you need to do. Now you just need to make a commitment to do it. We are all pulling for you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to work. God may have some more lessons for you, but I believe you can learn them better sober. You are in my prayers....

Hugs--

3legacy

(((((((Ken )))))))))
Trudge Forward and find your Happy Destiny. That prayer you've posted is awesome even though I did not think so to begin with. I quit telling God what I wanted Him to do for me, and commence to offer myself to Him instead. Once I made the decision and became willing to follow it with action and more action, that is when things really started to change for me. A decision followed by action is very effective.

((((((Ken))))))) keeping you in thoughts and prayers
:ilu
Three Legs
:tri

JaySee

Hi Ken

Know exactly how you are feeling mate. For me everytime I relapsed (notice how that IS IN past tense) it made me stronger. I learnt from it. Also - they got shorter and shorter. My last one lasted a day instead of the days and days of usual chaos.

Now I take one day at a time. Whenever I start projecting too far ahead (stinking thinking) I pull myself back, say the serenity prayer, and be as honest as I can with myself and ask myself exactly what I want - keep myself fully and squarely in the day. Just get today right. Give yourself a couple of days and you will be spiritual fit again - keep going to those meetings. You'll get there.

One thing I am having to learn is humility. I am (like a lot of us alcoholics/addicts) very strong willed, I know best, I'll do exactly what I think is right ..... you see what I'm saying. Well I now know that I don't know it all. I have to eat humble pie and listen to others for suggestions on how to stay sober. Not easy for an arrogant, aloof b@stard like me, but I can now see that and do something about it. I'm getting there.

much love
JC

Sandy Marie

Hey Ken,
Sorry to hear about your setback. It's so difficult. We've all been there dozens of times. Try and have patience with yourself. You're so close to your goal. So don't give up.
Prayers, Sandy

sherbear5104

(((Ken)))

Welcome back. Glad you made, some of us don't. There have been alot of good suggestions here. I agree that AA can help you change your life. When I start getting bored with the meetings I'm going to, I go to different ones. A change in the scenary sometimes helps ease the wah, wah, wah! Keep your head up, you know what you have to do, and you can do it. One day at a time, like the rest of us!

Sherry

Dan

Me too Ken. I can't stand seeing my children suffer. A daddy's love and all that eh...
Can I tell you a little story? I posted it before, a long time ago. I'll just do the nutshell version now.
My daughter Hannah is soon to be seven years old. I stopped drinking when she was born. And when my wife went back to work, I stayed home to care for her.
She was six months old, perfect and happy. I loved being at home with her. I was real good at it. And the days went on...

It didn't take too long I guess, but I started having a few drinks during her afternoon nap. Figured I'd been dry for months, and that I couldn't possibly return to the insane drinking of before. Then a few in the afternoon became a few during morning nap as well... You get the picture I'm sure.
This will give you an idea of just how progressive the disease is. Within two weeks, I was drinking as soon as my wife was out the door in the morning.

Here's the nut...
One afternoon, getting Hannah out of her crib after her nap, I dropped her. On her head. Could have been worse than the actual result, but....
She now has a tiny hearing aid. Quasi-complete loss of hearing in one ear.

Oh how I love my children Ken. But today, I also love myself enough to not drink anymore. And I hope that somehow, this simple notion reveals itself to you.
So here's to Tyler and Hannah, and the fathers that love them.
(...)

ted

In memory of miracle

Now theres a lesson in accepting the things we cannot change ..miracles do happen .. Trish

Chy

Ken*hugs*,
You've got other options besides AA. Don't give up before the miracle happens k?

Brookie

Reminds me of an old-timer I heard a couple of weeks ago explaining why he goes to ten meetings a week, even though he probably only needs three or four. The trouble is, he never knows which four.

jmhs002

Hang in Ken. You can do it. Give it some time. Lean on people. It can and will work. There are other options to AA, but keep busy, don't fall back into old habits, keep busy, do whatever it takes to change it up. Good luck and stay safe!