Fear of Never Drinking Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Fear of Never Drinking Again
Hello Everyone,
I've come down with a bit of a cold and I've been thinking on how much fear has played into my addiction. I suspect it has a role in many peoples' addiction to alcohol. The declaration " I will never drink again" seem so scary that people avoid this reality by declaring not to drink "just for today" or "one day at a time." This is very helpful for many and ANYTHING that helps an addict from not drinking is good in my book. For me, one day at a time never worked. For me, that declaration nothing more than the suspension of disbelief. The disbelief that I cannot ever drink again. That is when the fear kicks in. What have I been afraid of and why? Have I been afraid of admitting that I can never drink again? Have I been afraid of getting sober and dealing with the idea that I am this age and that I've wasted so much time drinking? Have I been afraid of dealing with life as it unfolds, good or bad, without my crutch? What about you? What makes you afraid? There is nothing wrong with being afraid of something that is coming in your life. There is certainly nothing wrong with being afraid of that very same thing without alcohol. The very idea that "I can't do this without a drink.... or 10" for me is the realization that I'm afraid. And I'm going to be afraid whether I drink or not. How many times have I drank before a life/work/social commitment so that I could say "I can't because I'm "sick." Sick? Was this a virus or bacterial infection? No, but,they won't know the difference...and I really am sick... I can't even get out of bed.... and now I'm ok and I've bought myself some time.... but have I really bought myself time? Seems like I just wasted it... well it doesn't matter I've got some time... so I might as well drink some more...and the cycle continues. I know I'm not very popular on these forums. I know I haven't been posting that much in the last few months...but I've been lurking and reading and that's also ok. I'll hit 30 days sober for the first time ever.... EVER... in my life in the next week...(obviously my childhood doesn't count... ) and I'm still afraid of how I'll do all the things I want and need to do without alcohol.... but I won't let that fear control me. I won't say that I'm going to be sober today. I'm going to be sober until I die... and that is scary to say, and that's ok. But I will have to deal with the realization that I can never use alcohol as an escape. Almost 30 days out that fear is not as scary as it was when I was drinking. How about you? Have you put off quitting for good/tried to moderate because you just couldn't accept it? It's still scary and fear still drives my desire to drink, but I won't because some point I'll learn to deal with my fears like the longtimers on this forum or the longtimers in AA... The difference between them and us is that they have LEARNED.... how to deal with fear... Longtimers help me out and I ask you to tell us how you learned to deal with fear? Specifically, how did you deal with the fear of never drinking again?
-Serper
I've come down with a bit of a cold and I've been thinking on how much fear has played into my addiction. I suspect it has a role in many peoples' addiction to alcohol. The declaration " I will never drink again" seem so scary that people avoid this reality by declaring not to drink "just for today" or "one day at a time." This is very helpful for many and ANYTHING that helps an addict from not drinking is good in my book. For me, one day at a time never worked. For me, that declaration nothing more than the suspension of disbelief. The disbelief that I cannot ever drink again. That is when the fear kicks in. What have I been afraid of and why? Have I been afraid of admitting that I can never drink again? Have I been afraid of getting sober and dealing with the idea that I am this age and that I've wasted so much time drinking? Have I been afraid of dealing with life as it unfolds, good or bad, without my crutch? What about you? What makes you afraid? There is nothing wrong with being afraid of something that is coming in your life. There is certainly nothing wrong with being afraid of that very same thing without alcohol. The very idea that "I can't do this without a drink.... or 10" for me is the realization that I'm afraid. And I'm going to be afraid whether I drink or not. How many times have I drank before a life/work/social commitment so that I could say "I can't because I'm "sick." Sick? Was this a virus or bacterial infection? No, but,they won't know the difference...and I really am sick... I can't even get out of bed.... and now I'm ok and I've bought myself some time.... but have I really bought myself time? Seems like I just wasted it... well it doesn't matter I've got some time... so I might as well drink some more...and the cycle continues. I know I'm not very popular on these forums. I know I haven't been posting that much in the last few months...but I've been lurking and reading and that's also ok. I'll hit 30 days sober for the first time ever.... EVER... in my life in the next week...(obviously my childhood doesn't count... ) and I'm still afraid of how I'll do all the things I want and need to do without alcohol.... but I won't let that fear control me. I won't say that I'm going to be sober today. I'm going to be sober until I die... and that is scary to say, and that's ok. But I will have to deal with the realization that I can never use alcohol as an escape. Almost 30 days out that fear is not as scary as it was when I was drinking. How about you? Have you put off quitting for good/tried to moderate because you just couldn't accept it? It's still scary and fear still drives my desire to drink, but I won't because some point I'll learn to deal with my fears like the longtimers on this forum or the longtimers in AA... The difference between them and us is that they have LEARNED.... how to deal with fear... Longtimers help me out and I ask you to tell us how you learned to deal with fear? Specifically, how did you deal with the fear of never drinking again?
-Serper
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Serper2014 
Longtimers help me out and I ask you to tell us how you learned to deal with fear? Specifically, how did you deal with the fear of never drinking again?
I was about 90 days sober, doing my personal inventory and it became pretty clear that I was never a normal drinker, not even from the first drink. Never a normal drinker and I was never, ever going to turn into one. Therefore, I could never drink again. Ever.
I found that very liberating. Not fearful at all.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The fear of not waking up in the morning or harming another person became a greater fear than that of quitting. I believe that when the consequences on not quitting become greater that those of staying drunk, I found acceptance.
It is the unreasonable, self made fear that I have been taught how to find release of in working the program of AA.
"I lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
It is the unreasonable, self made fear that I have been taught how to find release of in working the program of AA.
"I lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
It took me hitting rock bottom many times. I lost everything, but still drank.
When I was at my lowest, I had a fear of not drinking just to stave off the inevitable things that awaited me if I stopped- the fear, remorse and gut wrenching anxiety.
It took help. I went to AA and met people like me who drank like me and had successfully stopped. I came here and found the same.
I very slowly managed to realize that I could never drink safely again.
And I haven't and I was about as bad a drunk as it gets.
It's been over five years now since I last drank. I don't have a fear of drinking, because all I have to do is keep sobriety first. And remember the past.
I'm lucky. I made it out alive. I never planned on seeing thirty. And didn't care.
But King alcoholism is a slow merciless death and that's where I was headed.
I wouldn't wish that nightmare on anyone.
Alcohol can be an obsession. One that's hard to break. I understand where you're coming from. But if you never drink again, I promise things will only get better. Sure there are rough times, but now I know it's nothing a drink won't make worse.
I wish you the best and there is nothing to fear except fear itself.
When I was at my lowest, I had a fear of not drinking just to stave off the inevitable things that awaited me if I stopped- the fear, remorse and gut wrenching anxiety.
It took help. I went to AA and met people like me who drank like me and had successfully stopped. I came here and found the same.
I very slowly managed to realize that I could never drink safely again.
And I haven't and I was about as bad a drunk as it gets.
It's been over five years now since I last drank. I don't have a fear of drinking, because all I have to do is keep sobriety first. And remember the past.
I'm lucky. I made it out alive. I never planned on seeing thirty. And didn't care.
But King alcoholism is a slow merciless death and that's where I was headed.
I wouldn't wish that nightmare on anyone.
Alcohol can be an obsession. One that's hard to break. I understand where you're coming from. But if you never drink again, I promise things will only get better. Sure there are rough times, but now I know it's nothing a drink won't make worse.
I wish you the best and there is nothing to fear except fear itself.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
I'll be honest and when I first decided to get sober the thought of never drinking again didn't sit that well. But that quickly went away when I realized I never have to drink again. Just a drink didn't work for me. I wanted many. Too many for my good and others. It really is a freeing feeling when alcohol no longer controls your whole life. Life is so much better sober.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For me it all comes down to acceptance. I accept that drinking alcohol is not an option for me because I cannot control it, and no matter what small enjoyment I might get it will always lead to pain, sorrow and regret. And I also accept that there is nothing that will ever change this fact...I will ALWAYS be this way. It might not be "fair", and certainly it would be nice if it wasn't this way, but it IS this way. And I accept it and I"m OK with it.
Does that mean that I never have memories of good times or friends that I had when was drinking? Of course not. But i realize they are just thoughts...and I can control how I react to them.
There's a lot of different factors that came into play that allowed me to get to where I am now.
Time: I would say it took a good year at least before I started feeling even remotely comfortable with the fact that I do not drink. Everything was a "first" - the first Christmas sober, first birthday sober, etc..
Mental health: I suffer from anxiety and have most likely my whole life. I needed to address that problem as a completely separate issue from my alcoholism. I'm still working on that 3 plus years into sobriety, but things are getting a lot better.
Finding new "things to do". This doesn't take long at all actually, but getting up the confidence to actually do it can take a while. Once you do start participating in activities not revolving around drinking, you realize that most things don't revolve around drinking. After a while, you realize that our alcoholic lifestyles were very much the minority.
Does that mean that I never have memories of good times or friends that I had when was drinking? Of course not. But i realize they are just thoughts...and I can control how I react to them.
There's a lot of different factors that came into play that allowed me to get to where I am now.
Time: I would say it took a good year at least before I started feeling even remotely comfortable with the fact that I do not drink. Everything was a "first" - the first Christmas sober, first birthday sober, etc..
Mental health: I suffer from anxiety and have most likely my whole life. I needed to address that problem as a completely separate issue from my alcoholism. I'm still working on that 3 plus years into sobriety, but things are getting a lot better.
Finding new "things to do". This doesn't take long at all actually, but getting up the confidence to actually do it can take a while. Once you do start participating in activities not revolving around drinking, you realize that most things don't revolve around drinking. After a while, you realize that our alcoholic lifestyles were very much the minority.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
The fear that you can never run away and seek oblivion again? That you can never flee from life and try to escape from yourself and that ever-present nagging feeling of discomfort?
That fear?
One day I was minding my own business in oblivion, and Ivan showed up. No matter how much I used alcohol and other drugs, they just didn't work any longer.
In the last week I have had two friends in recovery decide that they were going to seek that temporary refuge in getting loaded, and they got more oblivion than they bargained for. We buried one last Saturday, and the wake for the second is coming up on Wednesday. That's where the disease always ends, sometimes sooner, sometimes later.
A lot of honesty as a result of working the steps with an experienced sponsor in NA has given me acceptance that using will not bring me the peace I seek, and that I can find true solace and happiness via a different way of life. When you boil it down, each day I reaffirm my choice not to use and live this new way of life. So, In a very real and practical way I "never use again" one day at a time.
That fear?
One day I was minding my own business in oblivion, and Ivan showed up. No matter how much I used alcohol and other drugs, they just didn't work any longer.
In the last week I have had two friends in recovery decide that they were going to seek that temporary refuge in getting loaded, and they got more oblivion than they bargained for. We buried one last Saturday, and the wake for the second is coming up on Wednesday. That's where the disease always ends, sometimes sooner, sometimes later.
A lot of honesty as a result of working the steps with an experienced sponsor in NA has given me acceptance that using will not bring me the peace I seek, and that I can find true solace and happiness via a different way of life. When you boil it down, each day I reaffirm my choice not to use and live this new way of life. So, In a very real and practical way I "never use again" one day at a time.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I think Scott is spot on
I sometimes post this link I've Inc it's on FOMO
Fighting FOMO - The Sober School
I sometimes post this link I've Inc it's on FOMO
Fighting FOMO - The Sober School
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Serper2014
Have I been afraid of dealing with life as it unfolds, good or bad, without my crutch?
I can't advise on long-term sobriety, I only recently stopped. But for me, the approach had to be learning how to manage life and myself better.
I've never understood how "one day at a time" could work (for me I mean). I won't go into details why in case I upset anyone who finds it helpful. But for me - complete non-starter. I suspect whether it helps might be related to why and how we're drinking.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Snowflake34
Hi I hope you don't mind me asking, but what do you mean by that?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Thanks for posting that Soberwolf- very helpful!
For me, the fear is/ was FOMO and having to finally face and deal with 'me'- with all my anxiety and depression and perhaps most of all, discovering that I'm capable of far more than I've ever given myself credit.
I'm realising though that I can run from me but I can't hide and as for FOMO, well what I'd actually be missing out on would be drinking without control, hideous hangovers, dangerous and reckless behavior, crippling anxiety and depression and self loathing. There were good times, but they were a long time ago.
For me, the fear is/ was FOMO and having to finally face and deal with 'me'- with all my anxiety and depression and perhaps most of all, discovering that I'm capable of far more than I've ever given myself credit.
I'm realising though that I can run from me but I can't hide and as for FOMO, well what I'd actually be missing out on would be drinking without control, hideous hangovers, dangerous and reckless behavior, crippling anxiety and depression and self loathing. There were good times, but they were a long time ago.
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