jaded25

So this is new for me. Since I was 18, I have always been a binge drinker. I am now 31. I never drank that often but when I did, it seemed to be in excess. I can't control myself or stop myself when I know I have had enough. I have had more blackouts than I can recall. I have woke up in places I don't remember. So many nights trying to remember what I said, what I did or how I screwed up. Sunday night was probably one of the worst blackouts I have ever had. I have a ton of remorse and realize these blackouts are a much bigger problem. I don't have to drink every day for my drinking to be an issue, and I realize that now. In the process of what happened Sunday, I ruined a friendship because I acted irrationally. It was the first time I really hurt someone I cared about. I can't change what happened, and I have to live with the consequences.

I told my friends and family that I am taking this step to not drink anymore but I don't think they believe me. I want to be in control of my life, and I don't need alcohol to be a factor anymore.

I am trying to deal with the remorse, humiliation and shame that I feel for the other night. It pains me that how my friendship ended and I was the key factor.

I don't want to wake up anymore not remembering things. I don't want to do things I immediately regret. I don't want to put myself or others at risk. It really needs to stick for good.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Jaded!

I hope SoberRecovery can help you make a plan for sobriety and stick to it. Read around and post often!

firstymer

Welcome to SR. I am glad you found us. I have received a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here.

I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.

Soberwolf

Welcome Jaded

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
Blackouts are a bad sign for drinking too much. I'm much like you, started at heavy drinking at eighteen and stopped when I was fifty one. That's a long haul of drinking and I drank every way possible. Occasionally at the start, but still alcoholically, Binged, then most every day.

I, too, woke up in strange places and with strangers laying next to me.
It's safe to say I drank alcoholically for some thirty years.
No one believed me when I expressed a desire to quit. In fact, some laughed in my face.
The only places where I wasn't judged or not believed were here and in AA.

I've got over five years sober now, and at the end I was a bad drunk. Seemingly doomed to a miserable existence. And that's all I was doing- existing to drink.

You've found a great place for support here and congratulations on your decision to quit.
Keep in mind the bad times the next time you want a drink. Nothing good will come out of it.
Best to you and I hope you stick around, and remember, you never have to drink again.

immri

Welcome!
I relate to a lot of what you wrote, I'm sure you'll find so many others who do as well. Glad you're here