12 Steppin' (NA style)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
12 Steppin' (NA style)
I have begun step one with a real person, instead of alone again.
Thank you for all the comments to stick with what works for me as long as my focus was on staying clean, it has eventually led me to a place to trust another human being.
I am ready to see where this willingness will take me.
Wouldn't have found this opportunity without first being supported on SR and gained some confidence that my voice is valuable.
Thank you for all the comments to stick with what works for me as long as my focus was on staying clean, it has eventually led me to a place to trust another human being.
I am ready to see where this willingness will take me.
Wouldn't have found this opportunity without first being supported on SR and gained some confidence that my voice is valuable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
It is hard to write because I.m exhausted with everything that is coming out of me. And I definitely sleep a lot.
It helps so much to read posts on here as I'm working through my past. It,s slow going but I am surprised by the encouragement, care and lack of immediate judgment by my sponsor.
I can feel a desire to connect that makes me want to run, but I am working my way through that, too.
Thank you for caring about me.
I am so tired.
It helps so much to read posts on here as I'm working through my past. It,s slow going but I am surprised by the encouragement, care and lack of immediate judgment by my sponsor.
I can feel a desire to connect that makes me want to run, but I am working my way through that, too.
Thank you for caring about me.
I am so tired.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Right on.
Those questions won't kill you, but they will get you emotional at times. It helps to stay in close contact with your sponsor. I also found it invaluable to talk to a few of the old-timers in my area as I wrote, or whenever I got emotionally worked up and my sponsor was unavailable. (In early recovery, I got jammed up in my head at least every day, on a good week maybe I had two sort of ok days.) I got the good advice to write before I went to a meeting so I would have a place to go if it got me off balance.
Don't forget, you're not a bad person.
Being clean is great, Recovery is even better. The steps are the key. Good job on being brave enough to do this for yourself.
Those questions won't kill you, but they will get you emotional at times. It helps to stay in close contact with your sponsor. I also found it invaluable to talk to a few of the old-timers in my area as I wrote, or whenever I got emotionally worked up and my sponsor was unavailable. (In early recovery, I got jammed up in my head at least every day, on a good week maybe I had two sort of ok days.) I got the good advice to write before I went to a meeting so I would have a place to go if it got me off balance.
Don't forget, you're not a bad person.
Being clean is great, Recovery is even better. The steps are the key. Good job on being brave enough to do this for yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Choicy, I had the feeling of wanting to run in the early days of my recovery too. Facing everything is so very hard. But, you will be able to get through it. Be patient and kind to yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
I realize I've Been hitting the junk food pretty hard. Step 2 being the "Hope" I realize it is important to keep on now that I have some perspective on some key behaviors from step 1. My old habits are waiting to come back in a moment of weakness with all this abstaining and not sharing. I'm determined to trust this process. I was never able to 100 percent commit, and kept avoiding telling others oh so much. It's now or never. I don't have a backup plan in my head this time. Ima see where this leads me now that I've made enough connections here (3 NA members) and work these steps the best I can. Can't be free of me, but can maybe see differently. See Life instead of death all the time. This isn't a quick road, but I'm willing to put time into me if these people are.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Don't beat yourself up. We address our addictions in the order that they are killing us. I quit smoking with 8 months clean. Stopped seeking a feel-good in sex or inappropriate relationships later on. Eating better is still something I'm working on.
In my experience we slowly and gradually come to believe that we can be restored to sanity in all areas of our lives. I've been writing on step 2 again and I've found that what I have hope for is a lot more expansive than I did the last time.
I'm still crazy, and I still have off days, but my ability to navigate my feelings and life has improved with the help of the power of my understanding.
Sometimes step two simply means that even when my emotions are all in knots (like today), I know that it won't last and that I'll be OK. - So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.
In my experience we slowly and gradually come to believe that we can be restored to sanity in all areas of our lives. I've been writing on step 2 again and I've found that what I have hope for is a lot more expansive than I did the last time.
I'm still crazy, and I still have off days, but my ability to navigate my feelings and life has improved with the help of the power of my understanding.
Sometimes step two simply means that even when my emotions are all in knots (like today), I know that it won't last and that I'll be OK. - So long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
hi Choicy ... it's good to see you posting, and sounds like you're working very hard to make positive changes. I just want to second the good advice on this thread ... to be kind and gentle to yourself. I ate a lot of junk food (chocolate, mostly) my first few months, and I tried not to judge myself because it seemed to help me get through it. My diet straightened out later without too much of a struggle.
Cheers to you ... keep us posted.
Cheers to you ... keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
NA Steppin'- 2 --and twinges of belief I may be on this step for a while. I have continually struggled with coming to believe. I want to believe. I uderstand the meaning of PROCESS which means "not right now this second" and "not my way" entering into belief in something that can't wrap me in his/her arms no matter what, having never had that, in safety is my human struggle. I had to go a long way to admit some of my basic human needs. All the work I do and it means nothing if I rely on myself. Myself makes crappy choices, especially in times of heightened anxiety.
Believing what I see in recovering addicts gives me hope that I can find my way to that Higher Power and really believe.
For today I will be that child that believes in faeries and clap my hands, even THROUGH my child-like embarrassment. That child that believes in the "Roy Hobbs" [the Natural]--- in all of us. My field of dreams doesn't have to be a field of dreams moment.
But I'd like to know if it can happen!
(I'm certain someone here has a story to confirm it!)
I turn to the Matrix to wonder if I can truly see differently and come to believe we are all the One. Including me. Today I'll quit struggling with this & be okay with my little willingness to not be so jaded and mistrustful.
Finding hope in the movies may be silly, but it is my opening to possibilities beyond what I have grown up in, what I have witnessed and done. It can be my safe path to believing others have found peace instead of being skeptical-- because of all my pain. Seeing it in front of me is possible, then, eventually, having it reinforced in my own life is a possibility. That, like in the Piano, be profoundly surprised my Will chooses Life.
To keep coming back.
Today it is enough.
Practicing the principle of TRUST may require overcoming a sense of fear about the PROCESS of being restored to SANITY. Even if we've been clean only a short time, we've probably already experienced some emotional pain as we've grown in recovery. We may be afraid that there will be more pain. In one sense, we're right about this: There will be more pain. NONE of it however, will he more than we can bear and NONE OF IT HAS TO BE BORNE ALONE. If we can develop our sense of TRUST in the PROCESS OF RECOVERY and in a Power greater than ourselves, WE CAN walk thROUGH the painful times in OUR RECOVERY. We'll KNOW that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness; it WILL BE a fundamental transformation that will make or lives more satisfying on a deeper level. Narcotics Anonymous
Believing what I see in recovering addicts gives me hope that I can find my way to that Higher Power and really believe.
For today I will be that child that believes in faeries and clap my hands, even THROUGH my child-like embarrassment. That child that believes in the "Roy Hobbs" [the Natural]--- in all of us. My field of dreams doesn't have to be a field of dreams moment.
But I'd like to know if it can happen!
(I'm certain someone here has a story to confirm it!)
I turn to the Matrix to wonder if I can truly see differently and come to believe we are all the One. Including me. Today I'll quit struggling with this & be okay with my little willingness to not be so jaded and mistrustful.
Finding hope in the movies may be silly, but it is my opening to possibilities beyond what I have grown up in, what I have witnessed and done. It can be my safe path to believing others have found peace instead of being skeptical-- because of all my pain. Seeing it in front of me is possible, then, eventually, having it reinforced in my own life is a possibility. That, like in the Piano, be profoundly surprised my Will chooses Life.
To keep coming back.
Today it is enough.
Practicing the principle of TRUST may require overcoming a sense of fear about the PROCESS of being restored to SANITY. Even if we've been clean only a short time, we've probably already experienced some emotional pain as we've grown in recovery. We may be afraid that there will be more pain. In one sense, we're right about this: There will be more pain. NONE of it however, will he more than we can bear and NONE OF IT HAS TO BE BORNE ALONE. If we can develop our sense of TRUST in the PROCESS OF RECOVERY and in a Power greater than ourselves, WE CAN walk thROUGH the painful times in OUR RECOVERY. We'll KNOW that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness; it WILL BE a fundamental transformation that will make or lives more satisfying on a deeper level. Narcotics Anonymous
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
Thank you
I am certainly hoping to learn to trust myself, and when I talk with a member of NA who has been clean since 1992, it makes me want to begin to trust instead of suspect. That's enough for today.
With the willingness, I find it had trashed my hopes in the past, because I put trust in the wrong things, like a magic. Trust in the wrong people by repeating patterns and having distorted thinking. This is why I am treading carefully.
I wanted a quick fix and I ended up on the downward slope of a mountain caught up in an avalanche I caused! Then would promptly blame others .
I am willing to see things differently and trust I'll recognize the helpful people, mainly because I'm ready to sift through the discomfort and be willing to be disappointed in others imperfections. TO keep focussing on Love, though I'm scared to death of it.
To see what happens if I keep being willing to let a HP to show up; for me to see what I have been told has been there for me--- all along. I was more comfortable in the punishment, truth be told.
The painful and sad will still happen, but I want to experience some happiness. Lets see if it's less scary to let that in, at this stage.
And keep the eyes on the prize.
Today I am clean.
Today I am connecting with you.
This is progress thRough pain.
With the willingness, I find it had trashed my hopes in the past, because I put trust in the wrong things, like a magic. Trust in the wrong people by repeating patterns and having distorted thinking. This is why I am treading carefully.
I wanted a quick fix and I ended up on the downward slope of a mountain caught up in an avalanche I caused! Then would promptly blame others .
I am willing to see things differently and trust I'll recognize the helpful people, mainly because I'm ready to sift through the discomfort and be willing to be disappointed in others imperfections. TO keep focussing on Love, though I'm scared to death of it.
To see what happens if I keep being willing to let a HP to show up; for me to see what I have been told has been there for me--- all along. I was more comfortable in the punishment, truth be told.
The painful and sad will still happen, but I want to experience some happiness. Lets see if it's less scary to let that in, at this stage.
And keep the eyes on the prize.
Today I am clean.
Today I am connecting with you.
This is progress thRough pain.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
