Day 89 and Feeling Resentful
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 80
Day 89 and Feeling Resentful
Tomorrow will be Day 90 for me, crazy to think that the case. It's been pretty smooth sailing but I've hit some emotional bumps in the past few days. They mainly center around my past employer. I had a bad relapse in January, which triggered a "if Dave drinks again it means he is resigning" written agreement I had with them. (I know there are legal issues to be disputed here, but really I wanted to leave anyway so I'm not going there). I put in 8 years of hard work to build the company, and owned some shares of equity and was a senior management team member.
Yesterday I got a letter from the company offering to buy back my shares at book value, which is way less than I paid for them last year, so I basically lost my shirt in the deal. I felt furious and under-appreciated. They stuck to the letter of the buy sell agreement for when an employee resigns early, so I need to own my own business decision to invest in the first place, but I can't help but feel like they have cast me off and all of the work I did to help them succeed. Couldn't they have had some compassion and met me half way on the share price to say, "we're sorry it worked out the way it did and we know you didn't anticipate this when you invested in us last year. While the book value of the shares is (x), in the spirit of all you've done for us were giving you (y) so you can recoup some of your losses." This, of course, is my AV trying to be the director of a messy play.
Alcoholism is a tricky thing. I chose to drink on the day I relapsed and then didn't show up for work for three days and ended up in the ER. So I realize I left the company in a bind, and for that I am working on my amends. But at the same time ive received few words in thanks for my service, and then the financial loss really set me off.
When connected to my higher power and out of my ego, its about doing my best, about giving and expecting nothing in return. But today my bruised ego is not getting what it wants, especially when there are finances involved.
Anyone had similar experiences with past employers? How did you work through it and find a place of serenity? Should I share with them how I feel about the situation or just say silently to them, "may you be happy" and move on?
Yesterday I got a letter from the company offering to buy back my shares at book value, which is way less than I paid for them last year, so I basically lost my shirt in the deal. I felt furious and under-appreciated. They stuck to the letter of the buy sell agreement for when an employee resigns early, so I need to own my own business decision to invest in the first place, but I can't help but feel like they have cast me off and all of the work I did to help them succeed. Couldn't they have had some compassion and met me half way on the share price to say, "we're sorry it worked out the way it did and we know you didn't anticipate this when you invested in us last year. While the book value of the shares is (x), in the spirit of all you've done for us were giving you (y) so you can recoup some of your losses." This, of course, is my AV trying to be the director of a messy play.
Alcoholism is a tricky thing. I chose to drink on the day I relapsed and then didn't show up for work for three days and ended up in the ER. So I realize I left the company in a bind, and for that I am working on my amends. But at the same time ive received few words in thanks for my service, and then the financial loss really set me off.
When connected to my higher power and out of my ego, its about doing my best, about giving and expecting nothing in return. But today my bruised ego is not getting what it wants, especially when there are finances involved.
Anyone had similar experiences with past employers? How did you work through it and find a place of serenity? Should I share with them how I feel about the situation or just say silently to them, "may you be happy" and move on?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Originally Posted by SunnyDenver 
They stuck to the letter of the buy sell agreement for when an employee resigns early, so I need to own my own business decision to invest in the first place, but I can't help but feel like they have cast me off and all of the work I did to help them succeed.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Well, you could always ask? You know the people involved and what they're like, but for a lot of businesses, they lead with the least expense to the company and see if someone will go away quietly.
It would hurt to have them say "no" again, but maybe if you made your case you would feel less helpless?
It would hurt to have them say "no" again, but maybe if you made your case you would feel less helpless?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 80
Because there is the market value for the shares, then the book value. As a small consulting company the book value is very low - basically all of the physical assets and cash on hand. The market value is about the brand, clients, etc. and is much higher. I bought at market value (with a discount) and being offered a buyback at book value.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Just wanted to congratulate you on 90 days Denver 
sure things could have been better with the deal, but like Anna says, this is a great opportunity for a fresh start somewhere else...
maybe this one of those hard lessons - to help you deal with resentments?
D
sure things could have been better with the deal, but like Anna says, this is a great opportunity for a fresh start somewhere else...
maybe this one of those hard lessons - to help you deal with resentments?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'll be honest with you SunnyDenver, the situation you are in sounds like it sucks, I don't dispute that at all. On the flip side, I owned a business, and business has no emotions...it can't. Without knowing the situation in detail, it appears the business is doing what business's do, and that is fulfill their obligation. When emotions interfere with business decisions, things can go haywire real fast. Again, I feel for ya, but I can understand their position as well. Great on 90 days. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 133
Well done on 90 days thats awesome. I haven't been in your situation but if I was I think I'd be keen to just let that all go. Its probably unfair but life is unfair and dwelling on it is just going to remind you of who you were then and you aren't that person now. Sure you have to revisit the past in recovery but dwelling on it in anger sounds counterproductive. Let it go and move forward with your life. We often think we are almost indispensible at work, particularly if we work hard and put in many hours but it really is rarely the case. Life lessons hurt sometimes. I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I'm sorry about your situation, SunnyDenver, I'm sure it weighs heavily on you.
Being in the financial industry for 30 years, which is notoriously dod-eat-dog, I have seen many cold decisions affect people's livelihoods. They complete the "transaction" for whatever reason and move on, never looking back at the destruction they have left in their wake. Sadly, Most often it is just a "business decision" and no fault of the affected employee who often gave the company 110%.
As hard as it is, I would suggest you cut your losses and move on. Dwelling on it will only serve to make you miserable.
Being in the financial industry for 30 years, which is notoriously dod-eat-dog, I have seen many cold decisions affect people's livelihoods. They complete the "transaction" for whatever reason and move on, never looking back at the destruction they have left in their wake. Sadly, Most often it is just a "business decision" and no fault of the affected employee who often gave the company 110%.
As hard as it is, I would suggest you cut your losses and move on. Dwelling on it will only serve to make you miserable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but I can't help but feel like they have cast me off and all of the work I did to help them succeed.
uh no......you were given a written warning that spelled out exactly what would happen if you drank again....you drank, they executed the consequences of that action. as you BOTH agreed to.
i'm sure the company invested a lot of time in YOU along the way....training, opportunities, advancements. and that the void your absence creates is noticed. you were a valued employee. and they at least gave you the dignity to RESIGN rather than be fired.
i'd say all in all, you were pretty fortunate. especially since all that helped to result in your 90 day sobriety achievement today!!!!!!
uh no......you were given a written warning that spelled out exactly what would happen if you drank again....you drank, they executed the consequences of that action. as you BOTH agreed to.
i'm sure the company invested a lot of time in YOU along the way....training, opportunities, advancements. and that the void your absence creates is noticed. you were a valued employee. and they at least gave you the dignity to RESIGN rather than be fired.
i'd say all in all, you were pretty fortunate. especially since all that helped to result in your 90 day sobriety achievement today!!!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
