Hello to all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 8
Hello to all
Hello Sober Recovery,
It has taken some time for me to build up the courage to be here.
I am a binge drinker, more than a couple of times a week I drink to get away from it all.
It wasn't always this way. Well, it was to a degree. I used to have a binge on weekends for a a bit of fun. I've never been able to have just 'a few'. If I wasn't driving I had to get buzzed, more than buzzed actually, it is always all or nothing.
Over the past couple of years it has progressed. From weekends to weekends plus Tuesday. I don't know why Tuesday but it just seems to happen then.
My wife and I have 2 children, both are on the Autism Spectrum. As many of you may know having a child on the spectrum can be challenging. We have 2.
I don't want to say that this is the reason for my extra drinking over the past couple of years but it is a major contributor.
Excuses, excuses. I know, I know.
We live in a regional town a long way from family and friends. About 7 hours drive from them if we don't stop. So we have no babysitters, no support, not even a chance to see a movie until we are back visiting family.
With 2 special needs kids and nowhere to go and no-one to see I have taken to having 'a couple' of drinks once the kids have gone to sleep.
You see, that is a moment to celebrate. It is so hard to raise them and make sure they are safe that when they are down I have to have a drink to calm my nerves or 'celebrate' them as I just mentioned.
Before you ask, we are planning the big move back to them all. I am self employed and business has come to a standstill. Not drinking related but we have decided that we need to get back to family even if we are going broke.
Both my wife and I know that we are drinking too much. My wife is an angel. She takes care of the boys every day and I just poke at a keyboard. She thinks that she is drinking too much, but she isn't. I am.
I am a big bloke, always have been. I used to be just big and brawny but now am big, brawny and fat. So when I drink it isn't a six pack, it is 20.
And I can't drink less. I may only drink 3 - 4 times a week but it is a lot of beer. Or wine, or champagne, or whatever. I have never tried to measure in standard drinks but at a guess I would say I would never have less than 20 standard drinks in a session.
15 years ago that would be a boast.
Today it breaks my heart.
I need to get this under control before we move back to family. They have no idea.
I love my kids and I love my wife. They are so precious to me and I don't want to leave them or let them down but I am on a path that will do both.
Several times I have abstained for a few days but I want to be able to go without drink for good.
But I don't know how.
Being so isolated with my family, having a drink is what my wife and I do for fun. We can't go out as the children can be difficult. The youngest can't stop moving and is impervious to danger. If he hurts himself he doesn't learn and will do the same stunt over and over again.
So we are stuck at home nearly all the time and so I drink. I drink to pass time, to 'have fun with my wife' and to escape. Escape is my biggest problem.
My children are the best part of me, yet as soon as they are asleep I want to vacate. Business is bad, kids are hard and I want to be someplace else.
Which leads me to here.
I want to be present, I want to be a great father and husband. So it is time to stop hiding. Time to be the person I want to be and that my family deserves.
My username means 'a noisy or drunken feast' which is what my dyas drink are but it also means 'Can be confused'
I am the latter. I don't know why I am doing this to myself. It has been going on along time. Not to the same degree as now but I do know that most of my memories over the past 20 years have been when I was drinking.
Time to change.
I am so sorry that this has been so long. I could keep going but I think my story has been told many times over.
Thanks for reading.
Carousal.
It has taken some time for me to build up the courage to be here.
I am a binge drinker, more than a couple of times a week I drink to get away from it all.
It wasn't always this way. Well, it was to a degree. I used to have a binge on weekends for a a bit of fun. I've never been able to have just 'a few'. If I wasn't driving I had to get buzzed, more than buzzed actually, it is always all or nothing.
Over the past couple of years it has progressed. From weekends to weekends plus Tuesday. I don't know why Tuesday but it just seems to happen then.
My wife and I have 2 children, both are on the Autism Spectrum. As many of you may know having a child on the spectrum can be challenging. We have 2.
I don't want to say that this is the reason for my extra drinking over the past couple of years but it is a major contributor.
Excuses, excuses. I know, I know.
We live in a regional town a long way from family and friends. About 7 hours drive from them if we don't stop. So we have no babysitters, no support, not even a chance to see a movie until we are back visiting family.
With 2 special needs kids and nowhere to go and no-one to see I have taken to having 'a couple' of drinks once the kids have gone to sleep.
You see, that is a moment to celebrate. It is so hard to raise them and make sure they are safe that when they are down I have to have a drink to calm my nerves or 'celebrate' them as I just mentioned.
Before you ask, we are planning the big move back to them all. I am self employed and business has come to a standstill. Not drinking related but we have decided that we need to get back to family even if we are going broke.
Both my wife and I know that we are drinking too much. My wife is an angel. She takes care of the boys every day and I just poke at a keyboard. She thinks that she is drinking too much, but she isn't. I am.
I am a big bloke, always have been. I used to be just big and brawny but now am big, brawny and fat. So when I drink it isn't a six pack, it is 20.
And I can't drink less. I may only drink 3 - 4 times a week but it is a lot of beer. Or wine, or champagne, or whatever. I have never tried to measure in standard drinks but at a guess I would say I would never have less than 20 standard drinks in a session.
15 years ago that would be a boast.
Today it breaks my heart.
I need to get this under control before we move back to family. They have no idea.
I love my kids and I love my wife. They are so precious to me and I don't want to leave them or let them down but I am on a path that will do both.
Several times I have abstained for a few days but I want to be able to go without drink for good.
But I don't know how.
Being so isolated with my family, having a drink is what my wife and I do for fun. We can't go out as the children can be difficult. The youngest can't stop moving and is impervious to danger. If he hurts himself he doesn't learn and will do the same stunt over and over again.
So we are stuck at home nearly all the time and so I drink. I drink to pass time, to 'have fun with my wife' and to escape. Escape is my biggest problem.
My children are the best part of me, yet as soon as they are asleep I want to vacate. Business is bad, kids are hard and I want to be someplace else.
Which leads me to here.
I want to be present, I want to be a great father and husband. So it is time to stop hiding. Time to be the person I want to be and that my family deserves.
My username means 'a noisy or drunken feast' which is what my dyas drink are but it also means 'Can be confused'
I am the latter. I don't know why I am doing this to myself. It has been going on along time. Not to the same degree as now but I do know that most of my memories over the past 20 years have been when I was drinking.
Time to change.
I am so sorry that this has been so long. I could keep going but I think my story has been told many times over.
Thanks for reading.
Carousal.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome. You have all the reasons in the world to stop drinking. Now find the means to support that decision to get sober and stay sober.
Raising two children with autism is a challenge, I'm sure. But people do it, and without drinking. So start with facing the things you are seeking escape from, whether that be the stress, or whatever, and the discomfort that will you will certainly face in the early days of recovery.
Raising two children with autism is a challenge, I'm sure. But people do it, and without drinking. So start with facing the things you are seeking escape from, whether that be the stress, or whatever, and the discomfort that will you will certainly face in the early days of recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 8
Thanks doggonecarl,
Prescient advice. We are moving back to the city with family and I know that will help for weekdays. The rest is up to me.
And I know that it will be a challenge. But what is life without challenges?
Let's get started.
Prescient advice. We are moving back to the city with family and I know that will help for weekdays. The rest is up to me.
And I know that it will be a challenge. But what is life without challenges?
Let's get started.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
Hi Carousal! Glad you are here and wanting to stop the madness. I'm only five weeks in, but the wise ones will be here soon to chime in with the "how". There are a lot of resources on this website so read them and use what you can. Start today!
Somebody on here said that nobody ever regretted a day not drinking. True in my case.
Somebody on here said that nobody ever regretted a day not drinking. True in my case.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
When I first saw your username, my brain registered "carousel" (until I read why you chose your username), which is kind of how my life felt for 30 years of drinking. I never moved forward, just circled round and round as if I was sitting on funny plastic animals.
It's good to break free of that!
It's good to break free of that!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
It sounds like you are drinking for the same reason many of us drink....escape/relief. Ultimately there is no problem alcohol does not make worse. Glad you have recognized it and plan to do something about it. This forum is tremendously helpful. A new, healthier "escape" if you will.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome aboard Carousal! Bottom line is you can break this cycle. I was on the same schedule as you, and I was drinking 7 days a week. A case of beer a day or a box of wine a day when I wasn't drinking beer.
My wife and I drank together; although I am the one with the problem. Our outlet was drinking together, that's what we did when we met, that's what we did before kids, that's what we did after we had kids, that turned into who we were. We didn't go out, we drank at home, together, every day.
I will say it took a huge adjustment when I quit... but with that adjustment, I got my life back. Break this cycle and you will have your life back too.
Lean on us as much as you can. Come up with a plan, and stick close to SR to get you through tough times.
Welcome aboard.
My wife and I drank together; although I am the one with the problem. Our outlet was drinking together, that's what we did when we met, that's what we did before kids, that's what we did after we had kids, that turned into who we were. We didn't go out, we drank at home, together, every day.
I will say it took a huge adjustment when I quit... but with that adjustment, I got my life back. Break this cycle and you will have your life back too.
Lean on us as much as you can. Come up with a plan, and stick close to SR to get you through tough times.
Welcome aboard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 8
Haven't done well at all. After 5 days off I have had 4 days on. Only 1 has been a binge though and that is today, right now in fact.
Going to try and straighten up tomorrow.
I don't want to let this thread go, it is my way of talking to myself.
Going to try and straighten up tomorrow.
I don't want to let this thread go, it is my way of talking to myself.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, Carousal.
If you really want sobriety, this is a good place to start. You can get support and ideas of what others have done to get and stay sober.
For me, just deciding to stop drinking without doing anything else never worked for long.
If you really want sobriety, this is a good place to start. You can get support and ideas of what others have done to get and stay sober.
For me, just deciding to stop drinking without doing anything else never worked for long.
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