epskie

Hello old friends,

I hope everybody is well. I can't believe I'm back in this nightmare. Chasing moderation again but never quite making it.

I feel poorly and I don't want to be in this situation any more.

Sorry for the self pity.

Feels nice to be back though.

Fabela

You've tried moderation and it didn't work. Why are you trying again?

Welcome back.

IvanMike

Moderation does not work for addicts/alcoholics. We deceive ourselves and use until we die, and the trip isn't all that great.

Have you had enough?

Delizadee

Don't give up.

Once you've crossed a line physically, there really is no going back. There isn't a lot of happiness to be had in chasing moderation for those of us whose addiction voices are never happy with just enough, there is not bottom for them save death.

If you can work at finding acceptance that you can't moderate, you simply canNOT have a relationship with alcohol, that can be part of your starting point.

Have you read "Beyond the Influence"? Or read excerpts from the book which are stickie'd on here? I would suggest you do. Sometimes understanding things on deeper levels helps us to reach a strong resolve that X doesn't and can't work for us NO MATTER WHAT, so we must try the 25 other letter of the alphabets if we'd like different results.

You are not the first and won't be the last... you're among friends
Do you think you're ready for a commitment to abstain? I'd suggest doing lots of the sticky reading and "Best of SR" and just reading posts and contributing... that really helped me when I had lapsed back into physical dependency and was detoxing.

Stay strong and stick around
I hope this time you can find your light at the end of the tunnel... and find a new way forward.

Hevyn

Good to see you, epskie. Sometimes we need further proof that there is no moderation for us. I know I did.

I must've tried every trick out there. Only drink on weekends, only beer - no hard stuff (ha!), not on an empty stomach, etc. It all led to the same sad, desperate place...I have no control and never will. For me, it was much easier to say never again. Wish it hadn't taken me decades to figure it out. Willpower is useless against addiction. You can do it, epskie - we're with you.

suki44883

Alcoholics cannot moderate; otherwise, we wouldn't be alcoholics.

bandit112

Attempting to moderate for me usually meant a few days of "success" and then a week or two long bender.

2thru1

Before I became 2thru I was a Recovering Addict with 18+ yrs clean. I returned to school and became a Substance Abuse Counselor. Working with Alcoholics and Addicts for 16 yrs and Living My Own Recovery Daily. As Addicts There is the Invisible Line Our Disease Crosses With Continued Use. "Before" That Line Is Reached and Crossed There Are Such Things As Control, Social , Recreational Use & MODERATION !!! However "After" We Cross The Line Into Addiction It Is Our AV That Tells Us Moderation Is Possible. In The End It The Lie That Keeps One Chasing. Been There, Did That...Failed That ! With Countless Others

mav

Doesn't work. End of story. The sooner you are able to get your head around that, the sooner you'll be able to start recovering.

CaseyW

Welcome back, epskie.

I can't tell if you are saying that you are still chasing moderation or trying to moderate is what led you back in here and you are now wanting lasting sobriety. I hope the latter. It really is a better way of life.

If you're looking for sobriety, I suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of April 2016 thread on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are newly sober.

48heath

Welcome back epskie.I remember you from a while ago,I have a new profile since then!

If you are an alcoholic moderation is impossible.It is also hard work trying!

The only way to go forward is to put the drink down for good.Not easy but doable.

The booze will beat you if you continue to drink.

Wishing you well.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back epskie

I hope you'll stop chasing your tail on this one

D

Anna

Welcome back, Epskie!

Coldfusion

It looks as if you have been struggling with this for a while. I finally found support and a lasting solution in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. There is probably a meeting soon near you!

Hawkeye13

didn't work for me either

since I quit trying to moderate, I find sobriety much easier and peaceful

least

Welcome back. I hope you'll use the support available, here and elsewhere, to get yourself sober for good.

Steve3929

Epskie- What was your definition of success with moderation? To chase, there must be an ability to catch. How will you know when you catch it? You must know this before the chase. More than likely it isn't winnable, but who knows? Cal Ripken shouldn't have beat Joe D's iron man streak, so why can't you succeed? Good luck! Gotta say though, feels good every morning that we wake up sans hangover

Soberwolf

Having a plan based on acceptance & regular interaction here & at recovery meetings will help, aswell as reading recovery & spiritual literature.
Journalling is a excellent tool in keeping your recovery up to date & makes excellent reflection material to read back on & learn from

totfit

Abstinence for most everyone that has an issue with alcohol is really the easier softer way.

thomas11

Hi epskie, I have not read all the responses, but I think many of us have tried moderation and learned its easier just to take it off the table. I'm at a point now where if I have a thought of drinking, I'd rather lay down and take a 40 minute nap than get drunk. Its crazy but I'm not going to question it.