Priscilla84

Been awhile since I've posted. In the past few months I've been getting back to my life. It feels good. Got a new part time job (in addition to my full time) and I've been enjoying it a lot and meeting new friends. I'm taking some classes. I'm excited for my future. I'm looking forward to what I will do with my own life.

The ex (cocaine/alcohol and whatever else addict) has reached out here and there. Unemployed now. A little trouble with the law. Says he is unhappy. Sometimes. Other times acts like he is on top of the world. Thing is, I just find it all so very annoying now. There are still some feelings on my side, I admit. But this person he is and has been the past few months...kind of sickens me.

He's been going on some apology tour of sorts lately. Making up with all his exes. Making a show of being friends with them all. Like..."everyone look at what an evolved human being I am, I'm friends with all my exes, everyone likes me."

I'm the latest stop on the tour. I'm now expected to be his friend. I don't want to. I don't like him. I don't like the way he treats people, the way he acts. And I'm FLIPPING PISSED all of a sudden about the way he treated me. He came in my life like a tidal wave. He wanted me so he was going to have me. And he made all these promises...because they're easy to make when you know you can say "never mind" and break them without any guilt. He used me and played with me, like a child with a toy. "I want you so you're mine," and then when the wind changed directions he threw me out like trash with no guilt. "Well I don't want it anymore and I'm going to do what I want. Bye."

So are we friends? No. He's too selfish to be anyone's friend. And I don't feel like I have to put on some pretense of being friends to prove to the world how mature I am.

I really really don't like him. And I think that's warranted.

Now I just need this rage to go away. I want to scream at him for what a selfish immature jerk he was for using people. But of course there is no point in that. Forgive him? Nah. I just want to be indifferent. This rage is uncomfortable to sit with.

zoso77

Well, there's nothing wrong with rage so long as you don't allow that rage to influence your decision making. That will dissipate over time.

And there's nothing wrong, I think, with not forgiving him. I'm of the opinion that forgiveness towards others is often overrated. I have not, and will not, forgive my AXGF for her sins. I do not lose any sleep about that. At the same time, I do not wish any ill will on her and haven't for a long, long time. So long as she stays the hell away from me, all is good.

Be patient...be mindful of what you're feeling...stay grounded in the here and now...and before you know it, he'll be just a faint blip from your past.

hopeful4

It's absolutely fine not to like someone. You don't have to.

What is not fine is letting that anger eat you up so it's a detriment to your own self. I learned the hard way. My anger was changing me, and it was not for the better.

Don't let that happen to you. But be his friend. Pffttt....no way. Not required.

Ariesagain

I'm not sure when "forgiving" people became such a thing. Seems like someone can do anything up to and including murder and then there's all this pressure on the victims to prove what mature, spiritual people they are and"forgive" them.

Well, horsefeathers. In particular, there's a very thin line between forgiving someone who's a known manipulator and setting yourself up for more manipulation.

As we up here say, he can go eat a **** sandwich.

atalose

Just because you allowed him to contact you here and there and he has apologized doesn’t mean you have to be his friend. Now may be the time to block him from contacting you further. Cut the string that keeps you bound to him.

Priscilla84

That's exactly how I feel. If forgiving everyone works for you, great. But to me it feels like one more kick in the teeth. One more chance to swallow my pride and let him walk all over me. Why should I absolve him? I'm not God. It's not my job to forgive everyone. I hate the pressure we put on forgiveness. I don't consider myself a victim here, but for lack of a better term, I hate how we make the victim out to be the bad guy. Not forgiving has become the greatest sin. It's total crap.

I'm friendly with about half my exes. Some have hurt me, but they didn't mean to so it's okay. But the ones who selfishly do what they want with no regard to the other person? The ones who toss you out like trash with no remorse for the damage they've done, and who continue to go on and treat future relationships with the same disregard? Nope. Here's a one way ticket out of my life.

Addiction is a disease? Well, that may be. But the onus is on you to manage it. Guess what? Depression is a disease too. I have it, and no one babies me or puts up with bad behavior from me because of it.

So...about this anger. I know there's no point to it and it's doing me no good. I'm really anxious for it to dissipate. So I'm trying to analyze where it's coming from. The fact that I did love him so obviously there's going to be residual feelings. And feelings of love and longing were useless, so now it's turned to rage.

What do I want? I guess for him to feel the pain I felt. I guess for him to say that I'm right and he deserves my hatred and he was bad to me. To be honest, that's what I want. But that's not productive. And why would he feel that way? It's easier for him to convince himself he is in the right and did nothing wrong. And if that fails, it's easier to just get high.

So how do I get rid of this on my own....

Ariesagain

Pity the fool?

He's going through life with no self-awareness, zero empathy or compassion, and without any sort of moral compass or conscience. He will go from drama and chaos to the next drama and chaos until he's too old and/or addicted to be able to find new enablers.

Not a life I'd want to live, for sure...

Thumpalumpacus

I extend forgiveness when the repentance is sincere, not for the person who harmed me but for my own peace of mind. It works for me.

I'm not friends with all my exes and don't feel obliged so. Nor should you, in my opinion.