PuzzledHeart

I just found out that my sister has to move out of her house in two months.

I actually think this is a good thing for her -she's been financially dependent on her ex and my parents for so long that it will be good to take a first step towards financial independence.

The problem is that for whatever reason, she and her current boyfriend, who is really into pot, have now started liking everything I do on FB.

I don't want to unfriend her or him because I don't want to deal with the ramifications. I have unfollowed them and it suited me just fine until they went on this like campaign.

He still thinks I'm on his side because I did want to give him a fair shake when I believed my sister and everything she said.

I've already customized things so they no longer see my posts. I know that I should just calm down and just let it go.

After you all went WHOA after my last vent, I did do some serious thinking about how angry I was at him and her. I still struggle very much with the idea of detaching with love, with being compassionate while separate. I still struggle with the fact that she calls me a liar for blowing the whistle on the woman who physically abused us (she said the last time that we talked about it that we deserved it so why did I make a fuss over it. She repeatedly tried to get me and our abuser in the same room together so we could make up. I said NO WAY.), while she continues to cover for the man who raped her - while smoking pot and blaming my parents for ignoring our physical abuse/her sexual assault even though they didn't know about it (our abuser used needles so it wouldn't leave marks, and I had no idea that my sister was being assaulted either.)

"I had no idea that my sister was being assaulted either." Oh God, maybe that's the reason why she thinks I _DESERVED_ the physical abuse.

God I feel so stupid for not realizing that before.

But where do I go from here?

DoubleBarrel

Ignore them. Don't look at your likes, stop posting. Or unfriend them and see what happens. I once did it to my sister.

AnvilheadII

so if i get this right, you check to see WHO liked your posts on FB and got upset because they liked a few posts? and read some evil campaign in it?

it's FB for pete's sake......if its upsetting you, QUIT POSTING. seriously, your life won't be negatively impacted. in fact, it will likely improve!!! and if your sister is upsetting you, steer clear there as well! detach, leave her be. let her live her life as she sees fit and just focus on yourself. you have your own wounds to heal......that should be your top priority. she can chose NOT to acknowledge any abuse......and she is not likely to validate you on that subject.

Ariesagain

Facebook is dysfunction's playground. I'm sure it's wonderful for some people, but mostly all I've ever heard is trouble from it.

You can't change the past and you can't fix your family, especially since they don't think they're broken. And The Denial Family Show is something I am all too familiar with.

Take a deep breath, exhale, and try hard to let them go?

zoso77

Where does it say you're obligated to be on Facebook?

To say Facebook is often insalubrious is an understatement.

SparkleKitty

If you're not ready to detach with love, PH, it might be good just now to just detach.

hopeful4

I always have likes on my stuff on FB but never even check to see who it was liking it.

I would say go on about your business and try to not future trip or worry about what they think or don't think.

Hugs to you.

PuzzledHeart

Well, without going into too much detail, Facebook is part of my job, so it's kind of hard to avoid it, and many of my posts are professional in nature.

I wish I could just detach without dealing with the blowback, but I guess I have to just suck it up and deal.

zoso77

Can you block her?

atalose

You can suck it up and deal with it and hold onto all that resentment or you can learn to DETACH your emotions from your sisters and her BF.

Detach by accepting that you are not responsible for your sisters or her boyfriends……

Feelings

Her outcomes

Her attitudes

Her consequences

Her actions

Her behaviors

Or her stress

hopeful4

I know FB has the capability to hide someone from the timeline w/out actually defriending them, I don't know if that hides the likes or not. You might look into that if you have not already.

Hugs. It has to be hard.

teatreeoil007

I really don't care who 'likes' me on facebook. Seriously. In fact I rarely look at my own profile, nor do I post pictures, nor do I post my 'status'. The pictures that are of me on facebook are ones other people have posted. I'm just not into it. But, there has to be a way to block someone if it's bothering you.

PuzzledHeart

I really don't want to block her personally because I'm afraid she would then close off my relationship with my nieces and I can't let that happen.

In terms of everything else, not checking likes is not an option for me, so again I'll have to suck it up and deal.

Believe it or not, I do welcome the 2x4s because it runs counter to what I hear in the real world. I also need to be reminded that when I talk about her I get consumed by anger and bitterness and it's best not to focus my attention on her.

So any practical advice on how to do that that doesn't involve social media is welcome!

zlhzlh

If you really want to keep fb running, set up another account and keep both running alongside. Block the people on one and not on the other. That way nobody gets upset and you can still have your fb life without living I fear of them seeing too much of your life!

PuzzledHeart

Thanks zlhzlh. I actually started my FB account for my job, and then as more people jumped onto the bandwagon it got increasingly personal, so now my FB account has turned into a place where the professional/personal boundaries have gotten so blurred I can't tell which is which half the time. I even have a little IFTTT that feeds certain tagged FB posts into LinkedIn because I'm too lazy to type things twice. Considering that this forum is dedicated to drawing boundaries I'm beginning to find my social media conundrum ironic.

Ariesagain

The great thing about irony is that it lives next door to humor and if you can laugh at stuff, it almost always loses its power to upset you.

talldude

Who cares if they like all of your posts or not, so long as they aren't typing out creepy replies to things. I have been surprised by who has liked some of the things I've posted.

For my posts it goes in patterns. Somebody or a few people will seem to like most everything I post, which is cool; but I feel no social obligation to like stuff they post just because they like my stuff. lol

One painful lesson I have learned in the past year is that I can like somebody...even love them...and they are under absolutely no obligation to care about me in the least iota!

PuzzledHeart

Talldude, you've just touched upon a huge source of my anxiety. Thanks for that insight. I need to act less codependent on social media.

Update: No block but I've set up custom groups so they no longer see my personal posts. My professional posts, which are set to public, well, I'll just have to deal with that, and as long as they don't start commenting truly offensive stuff, you're all right - why let it get my goat? And my co-workers know what's going on if she acts up on our page. But I think that because they are public, they're less likely to say anything. My sister's delusional, but she's not stupid (I hope).

OT Update for those who keep track: This week the oncologist was going over my mom's CT results. For a lady who was on hospice just a couple months ago, she's off the fricking charts. They're talking about writing a case study. She's responding to low dosage treatment. The cancer's decreasing. And now life is completely flipped upside down - in a GOOD way.

Anaya

Good ideas Of course, I know calming down and letting go may be easier said than done.

Making and sticking to boundaries can help to open up doors for you; changing focus can help point you in the direction to gain peace and strength.

Good luck.

Mountainmanbob

A two or three week total break away from Facebook can be such a healthy thing to do.

Drama is not good for us.
We know that yet, we play with it.
Question to ask of ourselves -- why?

Mountainmanbob