Why can't I continue
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Rockhampton, QLD
Posts: 17
Why can't I continue
OK I'm trying to figure out why I relapse. I realise that you need to replace alcohol with a good addiction so I joined the gym and I've been a member for 12 months but that doesn't mean I've been there. I've been fighting this poison for a while now and it always seems to drag me back. Back means another 7 to 10 days of hell again but I still go there. It's my happy, sleepy place and I would be very grateful for any motivational guidance that can change back to forward.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I would suggest coming up with a plan on how you're going to stay sober. And you might try using SR more often. Come here every day to read and post. It really helped me in the early days. I hope we can help you get sober for good. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm not sure replacing one addiction with another is a good idea.
Replace addiction with a healthy balanced life full of work and purpose but play too,
Working out different ways to socialise, and different ways to deal with emotions rather than the bottle, is good too.
Finding sober support and using it is pretty vital too.
If you can come up with a plan that touches on all those areas, not just one or two, I think that's probably the best way I know to go.
This is a great link of recovery plans. It's a good start
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Replace addiction with a healthy balanced life full of work and purpose but play too,
Working out different ways to socialise, and different ways to deal with emotions rather than the bottle, is good too.
Finding sober support and using it is pretty vital too.
If you can come up with a plan that touches on all those areas, not just one or two, I think that's probably the best way I know to go.
This is a great link of recovery plans. It's a good start
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
We relapse because we choose to. It takes time to unlearn the behaviors and recognize our triggers to pick up again.
Part of a strong plan is acceptance and commitment.
And remembering that relapse usually starts long before we pick up the drink.
I posted the relapse ladder on here before. It has been a helpful tool for me. I'll post it again.
Do you have outside help? Like a counselor, support group, sponsor etc?
Throw as many tools in your tool box as you can right now. Including reaching out.
A lot of times we really need someone else to be our voice of reason so peer support is important.
Tell on yourself if you are having thoughts of drinking. Every time. If you step up the ladder towards relapse, up your game for your sobriety plan .
Part of a strong plan is acceptance and commitment.
And remembering that relapse usually starts long before we pick up the drink.
I posted the relapse ladder on here before. It has been a helpful tool for me. I'll post it again.
Do you have outside help? Like a counselor, support group, sponsor etc?
Throw as many tools in your tool box as you can right now. Including reaching out.
A lot of times we really need someone else to be our voice of reason so peer support is important.
Tell on yourself if you are having thoughts of drinking. Every time. If you step up the ladder towards relapse, up your game for your sobriety plan .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Are you on the relapse ladder
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories . "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad ." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease. The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations . Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again. The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance . During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top. The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use . This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...
If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you. So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs. Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
SoberTool App
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories . "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad ." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease. The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations . Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again. The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance . During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top. The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use . This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...
If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you. So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs. Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
SoberTool App
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Rockhampton, QLD
Posts: 17
I li*e your reference to dogs. I have two, one of which I inherited from my Dad last year. She's a beautiful girl (Australian Sydney Sil*y) and is 13 years old. Has selective hearing except when food or cats are involved. I have two cats as well and this wee girl thin*s they are the best thing since sliced bread . My other baby is a male Bichon Frise and finding it not easy to run a household of * females, he sleeps a lot!
. My other baby is a male Bichon Frise and finding it not easy to run a household of * females, he sleeps a lot!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Originally Posted by Tootla 
Sorry for some reason my posts are dropping letters and numbers, not too sure what that's about. Above post is missing *'s and the number *.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
I have a gym membership but don't go much. I did for a while. I'd put some shorts on and get in the car and point it at the gym. I found I couldn't motivate myself to go work out but could put on shorts and drive. Same way I went to AA, now it's a habit. I need to make the gym a habit again. They say it takes 30 days to for a habit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Rockhampton, QLD
Posts: 17
I believe I'm a good person with a bad habit
Hi, I am so glad I have returned to this site and for the information that has been shared with me. I didn't know about making a plan. My family and friends didn't understand that saying to me "I can't see the problem, just don't have a drink", wasn't going to work. The first time I acknowledged that I had a problem with alcohol was when I was trying to stop drinking and I got really sick and scared because I live alone so I rang the hospital who sent an ambulance and what I faced after that was horrific. I could barely stand and they gave me a bottle of water and told me I had to stay in the waiting room. I couldn't understand why when I'd given up smoking (twice actually) that I was congratulated, supported and made to feel like I'd achieved and I was a good person but when I tried to give up alcohol that I felt ridiculed, embarrassed and a complete failure. I lay on a toilet floor because I couldn't stand and my Dad picked me up that way and I saw the hurt in his face and I said I'm sorry but I knew that day I was on my own.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
You have to understand that no one but you can stop the drinking. Other people didn't cause the drinking problem they can't change your drinking and they can't control it. Only you can. You need to want this for yourself and don't let other people influence you. You can do this but it takes a lot of work and effort. Start by developing a plan on how to get sober, and more importantly, how to stay sober. That's the real work.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Have you made a plan, other than joining a gym?
What have you tried so far?
What have you been unwilling to try so far? And are you ready to get willing?
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and we need to change more than having a gym membership card in our wallet. We need to make plans and work them through if we want to get some sobriety, and start recovering so that we can Live and be comfortable in sobriety in the long term.
What have you tried so far?
What have you been unwilling to try so far? And are you ready to get willing?
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and we need to change more than having a gym membership card in our wallet. We need to make plans and work them through if we want to get some sobriety, and start recovering so that we can Live and be comfortable in sobriety in the long term.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Rockhampton, QLD
Posts: 17
I think my biggest problem is being on my own and hopefully that will change soon. I want to be sober and I understand that only I can make it it happen but I also believe that a cheerleading team wouldn't go astray on the hard days. Just someone that believes in you, understands that mistakes can happen but doesn't give up on you. A person who will look at where you went wrong and work WITH you to change your plan an put you back on track.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, the folk here have proved to be pretty fantastic cheerleaders for me, as he the people I meet at AA. (I do have a partner, but he's not always been the most supportive, especially at the start of my sobriety journey).
The cheerleader you describe sounds like a sponsor.
Why not give AA a shot? Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings near Rockhampton, QLD
The cheerleader you describe sounds like a sponsor.
Why not give AA a shot? Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings near Rockhampton, QLD
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
You CAN continue. Keep telling yourself that. Keep a positive monologue inside your head. I have found that positive thinking has been a huge help. When I start to have a negative thought cross my mind I tell myself to stop it and shift my thinking to something more positive. If you cannot think of something positive perhaps start with thinking of things you are thankful for.
Being alone or feeling alone in this can be a MIXED BLESSING. Sometimes it's actually BETTER to be alone as other people, depending on who they are can add complications and be a deterrent rather than a help. I would say if possible be very selective about you hang with.
Being alone or feeling alone in this can be a MIXED BLESSING. Sometimes it's actually BETTER to be alone as other people, depending on who they are can add complications and be a deterrent rather than a help. I would say if possible be very selective about you hang with.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Tootla
OK I'm trying to figure out why I relapse. I realise that you need to replace alcohol with a good addiction so I joined the gym and I've been a member for 12 months but that doesn't mean I've been there. I've been fighting this poison for a while now and it always seems to drag me back. Back means another 7 to 10 days of hell again but I still go there. It's my happy, sleepy place and I would be very grateful for any motivational guidance that can change back to forward.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hey Tootla keeping yourself accountable with a plan a place is the best way to go
A plan could include recovery meetings, recovery & spiritual literature, therapy/group therapy, sobriety jar (to put a stone in for each day of sobriety), regular interaction here at SR, finding healthy new hobby's & habbits, volunteering ?
There's lots of things you could include ultimately what you put into your recovery you will get back - I know this to be true
Make friends & make full use of the community support you have here
Hope this can be it for you
A plan could include recovery meetings, recovery & spiritual literature, therapy/group therapy, sobriety jar (to put a stone in for each day of sobriety), regular interaction here at SR, finding healthy new hobby's & habbits, volunteering ?
There's lots of things you could include ultimately what you put into your recovery you will get back - I know this to be true
Make friends & make full use of the community support you have here
Hope this can be it for you
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