MikeM

I know it isn't true, or maybe for some users it is, but I feel like I'm less than you all because of my sex thread. I feel like that to those who don't agree with what I did, I don't matter anymore.

To a certain degree that's true. There are people who said pretty direct things to me. Which I encourage. But since the thread is closed, I can't respond.

Low self-esteem, having to prove something, it not being true, all that stuff. I personally don't care since what I wrote was true, but it being a reason for things being different isn't cool. I can feel it.

So I've decided to stay here for a little while longer. Perhaps until day 60, maybe less. But if being so open about a concern about an addiction causes aversion, I guess it's time to go. And don't tell me that aversion isn't there. And it doesn't belong on an addiction forum where someone voices their concern.

Yes, I had sex with a woman again an hour ago. A second time with her. And I know a lot of you have an aversion to just that. Something normal.

Which leads me to the following, I may stay until my day 60. But since I've learned that this place isn't as accepting as I thought. Accepting to people calling out for need. Coke, dope, smack, alcohol, meth, painkillers, ok. But when it comes to sex, people recoil.

Nuff said. Had to get it off my chest. And hopefully opened up the way for actual sex addicts.

JD

Don't feel that way Mike. But posting anything controversial on an open forum like this, expect to get replies that may differ from your views. There's lots of people here from many different places with many different opinions, views, and points of reference.

sobriiestote

Interesting question...

Is the addict only accepted when the addict is on the path to righteousness...

What about all those diversions inbetween?


I've often wondered myself, tbh I keep my head down, keep reading, and don't feel I can join in again until I'm more than 50% sober...

Right now I'm 60% still drinking and wandering in the abyss... I don't feel I have a place here...

Aellyce

I think I was one who was glad to see that topic raised, exactly because it's too often shut down. I don't think you received critical responses, Mike, because you may or may not have a problem with sex, much more because there were some descriptions of women that upset a few members. Perhaps it irritates some people the way discussions on moderated drinking does, due to sensitive personal feelings or experiences.

So do you think it's an issue for you now or not? You obviously keep mentioning it in various posts. Also, why would you want to leave after your day 60 of sobriety?

MikeM

I don't mind the views being different from mine. But this was different. There were people who were hiding behind just posting here who were giving me a stab in their undertone.

I don't mind the difference of opinion. I mind the stabs. In the end, what I did was a lot less bad than drinking.

MikeM

I'm still sober, but with my other problem I noticed I don't have a place here.

Ariesagain

Mike, you're up against a lot of cultural, generational, and religious differences of opinion whenever sex as a topic is introduced, especially random sex with strangers and/or professional sex workers. It's a loaded topic no matter who brings it up, especially since sex "addiction" is controversial in how it is defined.

If you reread your OP, you might see that it wasn't really "Yippee!! Now that I'm sober I am the sex machine of the condo scene and I'm having the time of my life!!!" right? You introduced it as a concern that you were using sex as a substitute addiction, so when someone newly sober expresses that concern, other people are likely to be concerned as well.

You agreed that your AV might be running the show a little more than is healthy, right? Honestly, as long as you're safe, don't end up with accidental triplets, or get shot by a jealous husband, speaking only for myself, your gonads, your rules.

But what does concern me is whether your AV is now putting distance between you and the support you receive here for staying sober? I may be totally off base here, but it sounds like your AV might be scheming for a big coming home party on day 61?

You know I'm a fan...

tufty13

Hi Mike,

There's no need to go anywhere, stay right here on SR. :-)

Everybody is different, people have every right to air their views just as you have.

It's not always what people say that offends, it's the way things are said sometimes.

Let's not have the same discussion all over again though eh!

:-)

Congrats on your sober time.

MikeM

Thanks. I am happy that you're glad the topic was raised.

I did receive critical responses though. Not on my behavior so much, but as I remember it, someone, out of the blue, decided to tell me I have low self-esteem, wanting to prove myself, was being narcissistic and it was even called a potential April Fool's joke and some people didn't believe it.

The above didn't come from one person of course. But it was a thread inside that thread. I could feel the disgust directed towards me. I have never felt any disgust towards alcoholics (as it should be).

But I was fine until the responses started getting into my mind and I felt disgusted. While I didn't do anything disgusting!

The 60 days is 5 days away. If it all remains the same, I will leave. Otherwise I will stay.

MikeM

Thanks. And no worries. Day 61 will still be sober.

The difference is, I used to got a nice vibe from here. After I got honest once again, this time about sex, the vibe changed. Loaded topic or not, it is a legitimate topic that should be respected.

ScottFromWI

Mike - the topic has run it's course. It's been explained here already that you will most likely run into people who have differing views, and bringing the topic up again will only lead to more people who have opposing views. Please keep in mind that your views could be just as offensive/opposing to others as theirs are to you - so please don't start the same discussion again.

MikeM

Thank you. I just wish I never posted it. The vibe towards me has changed from quite some people. Where I first felt like I was in a helpful, safe environment, voicing one concern showed that that environment isn't all that safe.

entropy1964

Hey Mike
I'm sorry if my comment "this thread is killing me" hurt you. I meant it in a humorous way because, frankly, I thought you were being humorous. I guess because you started the thread seeming really concerned about a potential new addiction. And within maybe an hour, you were completely cavalier about it. No worries, false alarm, I'm just getting LAID. So, to me, the thread didn't seem to be relevant to addiction. And as a woman it is just simply a bit hard for me to fathom ringing someone's door for sex....but that's me. And I shouldn't project my thinking onto your experience.
That being said, post whatever you want. But like others have said, its an open forum and there will be reactions. For me, part of recovery is learning to tolerate other views and how people react to me, negative or positive. At the end of the day, it truly doesn't matter what other people think of me. Its what I think of me.
I hope you keep posting Mike. You're doing great.

MikeM

The problem is acceptance. "The topic" is apparently a no go, even if someone has a genuine sex addiction. Or porn addiction (I hate porn). But the negativity and the block against this topic is troubling to me and affecting me personally.

This place is about addictions, right? If someone destroys their life with alcohol, they get all the support they need. As they should get. But name the s-word as a concern for being an addiction and you get a negative vibe towards you.

THAT is the problem.

RegretFree

Having sex is normal. Nothing you, or anyone really, should be ashamed of.

It has little to do with being sober.

Respect+++

If someone is jealous of that, it's probably because they aren't getting as much action themselves/haven't in the past.

Human tendency.

ItsViolet

Hi Mike, It sounds like you might be barking up the wrong tree.

I have other problems too aside from alcohol/substance abuse...many of us do. But I recognize that this is not the best venue/source of support for every one of those problems. I've found that I fare better to seek specific help for specific problems and I rarely mention those problems here. I attend different groups and get lots of germane feedback I wouldn't expect from this forum or from AA. If I had a heart condition, I wouldn't ask my ear nose and throat doc what to do.

Not sure if this could help but soberrecovery.org has an online meeting for alcohol/substance abuse but with a sexual maladaptive behaviors focus. Check out their list of meetings, I forget which day it's held. To be honest I have no idea what sexual maladaptive behaviors even means and if that might apply to your situation or not, but perhaps those people might be able to steer you in the right direction?

MikeM

Thanks. I understand that. And I do get your point of view. But hearing "this thread is killing me" wasn't helpful, especially I was in panic about having developed a new addiction. But I get your point of view.

I'm popular where I am. I always blocked any avances. Until I didn't anymore. And telling one or two women to tell their friends causes a cascade effect. I've been hiding inside today.

MikeM

Thanks, I'll check it out.

It's bedtime over here and I need the sleep. I appreciate the input. For now I keep my presence here to 60 days sober, but given how it goes, I might stay.

tufty13

That's a real shame, I hope you stick around. :-)

Sometimes we project how we feel about ourselves onto others and tell ourselves it's their opinion of us too.

I know I did my fair share of this when I was drinking. In fact I hid behind it.

Silly me!

Ariesagain

Gotta tell you, I've posted here about my family and gotten replies that weren't warm and fuzzy. Some people get their own histories triggered and post from that perspective...some people are just having a cranky day (I believe I've been guilty of Posting While Previously PO'd before with you in particular, mea culpa). And sometimes posts don't accurately reflect intent because of the limits of the medium.

We also can be pretty raw in early sobriety, since our armor and security blanket is gone.

Hang in there...we're just a bunch of confused people trying to become less so.