Jade1224

Last Friday is when I spiraled out of control.

I don't remember a lot of it. I went to the bar to buy a few shots thinking I would stop after that.

After I left the bar at noon, i bought a bottle of vodka. I drank straight out of it despite having plans to drive to los angeles to visit my mother for Easter.

I don't pack anything except a toothpaste because I'm pretty buzzed and just want to leave. I am happy driving on the 101, the ocean is gorgeous and how can anyone be unhappy seeing the ocean every day? And I am ecstatic to be seeing my mother soon and vacationing and visiting my best friend. I'm on a high like nothing and nobody can touch me.

At my moms house I'm still happy. Drunk and trying to keep it together but I'm happy. The vodka is in my purse. Not in a flask or a water bottle. Just a bottle of vodka.

Hours pass and its time to meet my friend at the bar. I drive, drunkenly, to meet her. I try to park in a parking lot and I scrape the side of my car. I'm walking to meet her and I realize I'm drunk. Sloppy, stumbling down, can't see straight drunk. without seeing my friend, I call a cab and go home.

On Saturday morning I wake up and finish the vodka.

My mom is worried. She tells me I smell like a brewery and I'm not even trying to hide the vodka and what's wrong, why are you drinking this way?

I quit because I have to. My mom locks up her liquor cabinet and I detox that night and my weekend is ruined. I don't even remember where I parked my car.


That was last Friday. Last saturday morning the shame was unbearable. I could have killed someone. I could have gone to jail for the vodka in my purse.

That was one week ago.

Its been one week and I'm proud to say I woke up sober, happy, and with no regrets of the night before.

I posted this and confessed this so I don't forget where I came from.

I can never, ever drink again. My life could have been ruined forever last Friday.

Happy sober weekend y'all

Fabela

I'm so glad you decided to quit drinking.

ChloeRose63

Wow...I was actually holding my breath while reading your post...you must have Angels watching over you. I am so glad you are safe, unhurt, not in jail and didn't kill anyone. Time to wise up, my friend. You were very lucky. Be thankful...count your blessings and start taking your sobriety seriously. I wish you all the best.

JD

Glad to see you're sobering up Jade. Do you have a plan? You've been here long enough to know staying quit is were the real work is.

Delizadee

Glad you made it here I agree a plan is a good idea, do you have one?
I too am glad you got through that safely. Take care

Jade1224

I know! Driving in los angeles is hard enough sober.

Drunk driving in los angeles is a stupid, sick idea. I'm glad I didnt hurt anyone.

goodkitty

Jade, I have tears in my eyes. I am so grateful this ended safely for you and everyone who was or could have been involved. Thinking of you. You, and I, and all of us, we can do this. I am 3 weeks today...havent posted yet, but wanted to send you some support.

Jade1224

Congrats on three weeks kitty we can do this. Its helpful to me to remember what a disaster I was and a reminder of what I dont want to be

FormerWineGirl

You are very fortunate indeed! You've been given another chance. Do everything in your power to stay sober, your life depends on it.

MIRecovery

The remorse and guilt will fade then the thought will creep in that all I need to do is control it. It will be different this time. Then you will find yourself right back in the muck of alcoholism.

Make a plan, get help, and make the changes in your life necessary to support you living a sober life.

There is an incredible sober life to be had if we want it bad enough.

thomas11

You mention your life could have been ruined. I'm sure you know full well your life could have ended. Very glad to hear you've got a solid week under your belt. Good job.

Para

Congrats on your week of sobriety! I'm glad you are safe and that Friday's experience was a wake up call for you.

I would drink and drive a lot when I was drinking. I remember one morning I got up praying that my car was in the drive way, and if it was, it wasn't smashed up or anything. I make terrible decisions when I drink.
I have chosen not to drive until I have at least a year of sobriety or maybe more.

Dee74

Congrats on your week Jade.
It might sound like a cliche but it really is true - you never have to feel that way again

you just have to remember where that first drink takes you

D

SweatyHands

I have a rough memory from last fall that I pull up whenever I don't think my drinking was that bad. I had spent two days drinking around the clock on Ambien. I drove to the liquor store (which is four blocks away) at dusk, and parked. As I was getting out of the car, I realized that I was too drunk to be driving. So, I turned the truck around and went back home. Then, instead of settling into my drunkenness for the evening, I walked back to the liquor store. My thinking was that if they didn't see me get out of a vehicle, they would probably sell to me even though I could barely walk. And, I was right. I filled my back pack with a 12 pack, a liter of vodka, and 10 nips of vodka, you know, just to hide. Seven days later, I had successfully detoxed myself, and still decided to start drinking again after a few weeks. Brilliant.