The path to commitment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 346
The path to commitment
Hello Friends.
I was trying again to quit drinking earlier this week, then yesterday I drank 2 bottles of wine yesterday. I had a dream that I went to the Dr for something and he told me my liver showed I was an alcoholic. All off the "friends" that surrounded me in the dream merely gave me a half hearted hug and told me that there was a guy in the back alley I could go talk to. When I went, there was an overweight man eating fast food in a dark corner... Then I awoke and realized a few things:
~Deep down I know that I am damaging my liver/ life force.
~I close myself off from people and don't have close friends.. I don't want people to know how much I drink, therefore, I don't go out much.
~My experiences with AA have been shady and kind of scary and I am not sure I want to take that route.
~My view on how Americans deal with recovery is by replacing one addiction with another, low grade food, caffeine, sugar.
While I know that while not all of this is true, it is how i feel about it. When I was 6 my brother sexually abused me for a year, after that he was mostly mentally abusive, but at times physically as well. I never talked about it or told anyone until I was 30. This I know has also contributed to me closing myself off to others and pacifying with alcohol. It also is part of why AA is so uncomfortable for me. The last time I went, I felt like I was pushed into partnering up with a woman who had alcohol and sex addiction issues. She was only dealing with the alcohol addiction. She was very forward with me. I never went back..
I know I need something, I want to find a meditation group or something.
I just started yoga and when my head is in it, it helps a lot, but I am still missing something.
I was trying again to quit drinking earlier this week, then yesterday I drank 2 bottles of wine yesterday. I had a dream that I went to the Dr for something and he told me my liver showed I was an alcoholic. All off the "friends" that surrounded me in the dream merely gave me a half hearted hug and told me that there was a guy in the back alley I could go talk to. When I went, there was an overweight man eating fast food in a dark corner... Then I awoke and realized a few things:
~Deep down I know that I am damaging my liver/ life force.
~I close myself off from people and don't have close friends.. I don't want people to know how much I drink, therefore, I don't go out much.
~My experiences with AA have been shady and kind of scary and I am not sure I want to take that route.
~My view on how Americans deal with recovery is by replacing one addiction with another, low grade food, caffeine, sugar.
While I know that while not all of this is true, it is how i feel about it. When I was 6 my brother sexually abused me for a year, after that he was mostly mentally abusive, but at times physically as well. I never talked about it or told anyone until I was 30. This I know has also contributed to me closing myself off to others and pacifying with alcohol. It also is part of why AA is so uncomfortable for me. The last time I went, I felt like I was pushed into partnering up with a woman who had alcohol and sex addiction issues. She was only dealing with the alcohol addiction. She was very forward with me. I never went back..
I know I need something, I want to find a meditation group or something.
I just started yoga and when my head is in it, it helps a lot, but I am still missing something.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Garden Girl 
...but I am still missing something.
Sorry for your childhood trauma, but you can get sober despite it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Garden Girl,
Denver has several LifeRing meetings.
they are secular, abstinence-based and peer-support.
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Denver has several LifeRing meetings.
they are secular, abstinence-based and peer-support.
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
GG, I completely understand the feeling of self-isolation around addiction. I went through the same thing. But, I have some suggestions for you. AA didn't work for me either, so I had to find other resources. For a recovery program, look up Rational Recovery. Check out the website, and if it makes sense for you, the book is pretty inexpensive. As for a meditation group, I don't know too much about Denver, but the Boulder Shambhala center has programs for beginners to experienced meditators all year long. Their website is another good starting point for looking into this. And finally, I discovered, as many others have also, that getting sober only solves one problem. Working with a therapist through my unresolved trauma has been a great supportive tool in maintaining my positivity in sobriety.
There are so many meditation resources around this part of Colorado. If you are having trouble finding something closer to you, let me know and I will see what I can find.
There are so many meditation resources around this part of Colorado. If you are having trouble finding something closer to you, let me know and I will see what I can find.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Good to see you again, Garden Girl 
I know, for me, when I was finally ready to commit to sobriety, I did some things that were "over the top" in my own mind, because I was making sort of a formalized statement to myself. Drawing a line in the sand not to be crossed over. I did a few things that, ordinarily, I might've shrugged off. The things that I finally ended up doing were IOP and AA meetings. I don't credit the actual meetings or even the IOP classes for keeping me sober, though. I think it was my desperation and willingness to do whatever it took that was the key. I wasn't as desperate as some, but for me, it was enough.
I think there comes a time for each of us who got and stayed sober when we draw that line and we internalize the commitment. Maybe you are there.
Put together your plan of action, your recovery plan, and know that we are all behind you to support you.
I know, for me, when I was finally ready to commit to sobriety, I did some things that were "over the top" in my own mind, because I was making sort of a formalized statement to myself. Drawing a line in the sand not to be crossed over. I did a few things that, ordinarily, I might've shrugged off. The things that I finally ended up doing were IOP and AA meetings. I don't credit the actual meetings or even the IOP classes for keeping me sober, though. I think it was my desperation and willingness to do whatever it took that was the key. I wasn't as desperate as some, but for me, it was enough.
I think there comes a time for each of us who got and stayed sober when we draw that line and we internalize the commitment. Maybe you are there.
Put together your plan of action, your recovery plan, and know that we are all behind you to support you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi Garden Girl,
I'm sorry for what happened, that is a lot to deal with, and might be good to start seeing a counselor to help you deal with those issues.
As for drinking, it was my escape whether happy, sad, stressed, excited. I had to put a plan in place. Tonight part of my plan has been SR, a walk not long before sunset to hit my 10,000 step goal, a bath, and now SR and a book I am going to read in about five minutes. Tomorrow morning I am meeting a friend for yoga at 8:15, and that will help me be I. A good mindset the rest of the day. I also love the fact that I do not need to be co corned I may be too hungover to make it to class. The lemon in my water is a little zesty, but that is the only kick to my beverage of choice this evening.
You can do this!!!
❤️ Delilah
I'm sorry for what happened, that is a lot to deal with, and might be good to start seeing a counselor to help you deal with those issues.
As for drinking, it was my escape whether happy, sad, stressed, excited. I had to put a plan in place. Tonight part of my plan has been SR, a walk not long before sunset to hit my 10,000 step goal, a bath, and now SR and a book I am going to read in about five minutes. Tomorrow morning I am meeting a friend for yoga at 8:15, and that will help me be I. A good mindset the rest of the day. I also love the fact that I do not need to be co corned I may be too hungover to make it to class. The lemon in my water is a little zesty, but that is the only kick to my beverage of choice this evening.
You can do this!!!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 346
I was looking at the Shambhala Center earlier today and they have meditation for recovery, however they ask that you must be 6 months in. I will look into it more.
I want to thank you all for sharing with me. It is vey encouraging. Tonight my strongest drink was chamomile and I will feel good tomorrow. Just need to make it through the weekend! Scheduled 2 yoga classes on sunday and ready to do this!
Current recovery plan as of tonight:
1. I got involved with the mycology society and am on the board this year. I am by far the youngest one, so it helps that many are 80 and not interested in drinking, just learning about the many species of fungus. This is one day out of the week I need to be sober for.
2. SR. I tend to plan my drinking, when this happens, use that as an alarm to post and ask for support.
3. Yoga. Every day that is possible.
4. Get back into therapy. All the money saved from not drinking can go toward that!
5. Look into Shambhala Center for meditation support.
I want to thank you all for sharing with me. It is vey encouraging. Tonight my strongest drink was chamomile and I will feel good tomorrow. Just need to make it through the weekend! Scheduled 2 yoga classes on sunday and ready to do this!
Current recovery plan as of tonight:
1. I got involved with the mycology society and am on the board this year. I am by far the youngest one, so it helps that many are 80 and not interested in drinking, just learning about the many species of fungus. This is one day out of the week I need to be sober for.
2. SR. I tend to plan my drinking, when this happens, use that as an alarm to post and ask for support.
3. Yoga. Every day that is possible.
4. Get back into therapy. All the money saved from not drinking can go toward that!
5. Look into Shambhala Center for meditation support.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Another resource for meditation: I'm a graduate student at Naropa University, and there is currently free meditation instruction available to the general public at the Nalanda campus on Wednesday evenings from 6:30-7:30. Here is a link to the home page with info on this as well as several other events. The info about the free meditation instruction is at the bottom of the page. Upcoming Events
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
No problem! The event on Friday is just a talk about a specific meditation practice, which should be really insightful. In fact, I am hoping to make it to that. But the experiential meditation instruction is on Wednesdays.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
There's some great advice here already.
This link on making a recovery plan is really useful too - I hope you get something out of it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
This link on making a recovery plan is really useful too - I hope you get something out of it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Garden Girl, I haven't read all the responses but time is a great healer. The more time you can put between yourself and your last drinking episode, I believe the easier it becomes. The obsession slowly goes away.
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