Am I making a mistake?
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Am I making a mistake?
I know that I'm probably the only one who can answer that question, but I wanted to share this.
I met up with 5 other guys I grew up with last night at a bar (VFW). We were the "core" group of guys who always got things going in the old neighborhood. I felt it important to be there as we all knew each other from the time we were about 8 years old until we graduated high school. It was a good time, myself and one other guy had water and the others drank beer. I felt no urges or cravings, stayed about an hour and half and went home. So, I don't know if I'm tempting fate or if I'm starting to be an adult. I'd like to think the latter.
I know I've mentioned this before and its probably getting old, but I no longer feel like I'm depriving myself of ANYTHING. Instead, I feel like I'm doing myself some good by not putting alcohol in my body. I know right now if I drank one night, I'd wake up with a hangover that would likely be gone in a few hours (nothing like the all day withdrawal process of a couple days drinking), but I don't even want that. I like going to bed tired, not drunk, and waking up refreshed, not hungover.
Anyway, that's my spiel for today.
I met up with 5 other guys I grew up with last night at a bar (VFW). We were the "core" group of guys who always got things going in the old neighborhood. I felt it important to be there as we all knew each other from the time we were about 8 years old until we graduated high school. It was a good time, myself and one other guy had water and the others drank beer. I felt no urges or cravings, stayed about an hour and half and went home. So, I don't know if I'm tempting fate or if I'm starting to be an adult. I'd like to think the latter.
I know I've mentioned this before and its probably getting old, but I no longer feel like I'm depriving myself of ANYTHING. Instead, I feel like I'm doing myself some good by not putting alcohol in my body. I know right now if I drank one night, I'd wake up with a hangover that would likely be gone in a few hours (nothing like the all day withdrawal process of a couple days drinking), but I don't even want that. I like going to bed tired, not drunk, and waking up refreshed, not hungover.
Anyway, that's my spiel for today.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
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You were right when you wrote that you're the only one who can answer the question.
I go to a pub about once per month, but more frequently either entertain in my home or go to social gatherings at friends' homes and I have no problem being around alcohol. But that's just me and has no bearing on anybody else so I wouldn't advocate anyone blindly replicating my approach.
I wish you the best.
I go to a pub about once per month, but more frequently either entertain in my home or go to social gatherings at friends' homes and I have no problem being around alcohol. But that's just me and has no bearing on anybody else so I wouldn't advocate anyone blindly replicating my approach.
I wish you the best.
Excellent
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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I agree with zufrieden. Only you can answer that.
Just a thought though, have you considered the reasoning behind asking us what we think? It seems like something doesn't sit right with you.
The only thing I can say is only you know what's going through your head. As long as you can remember that it's a slippery slope. It doesn't take long for certain thought processes to turn into a relapse. If you can recognize risky thought patterns before they get out of control, then you should be ok.
Just a thought though, have you considered the reasoning behind asking us what we think? It seems like something doesn't sit right with you.
The only thing I can say is only you know what's going through your head. As long as you can remember that it's a slippery slope. It doesn't take long for certain thought processes to turn into a relapse. If you can recognize risky thought patterns before they get out of control, then you should be ok.
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Hi! I have had periods of sobriety where I felt exactly as you do. I know, for me, that I can be in drinking 'situations' and not drink, nor feel compelled to do so. However I have learned the hard way not to tempt fate too much and not to become complacent. Not to think 'I got this'. It is always one day at a time....everyday recommitting to my recovery. And when I do decide to put myself in a drinking environment, really thinking this through and having a plan.
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
Am I making a mistake?
Not sure what the question pertains to, your going out to the bar?
Moot point. You went. Glad it worked out.
Not sure what the question pertains to, your going out to the bar?
Moot point. You went. Glad it worked out.
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Originally Posted by Delizadee
I agree with zufrieden. Only you can answer that.
Just a thought though, have you considered the reasoning behind asking us what we think? It seems like something doesn't sit right with you.
The only thing I can say is only you know what's going through your head. As long as you can remember that it's a slippery slope. It doesn't take long for certain thought processes to turn into a relapse. If you can recognize risky thought patterns before they get out of control, then you should be ok.
Just a thought though, have you considered the reasoning behind asking us what we think? It seems like something doesn't sit right with you.
The only thing I can say is only you know what's going through your head. As long as you can remember that it's a slippery slope. It doesn't take long for certain thought processes to turn into a relapse. If you can recognize risky thought patterns before they get out of control, then you should be ok.
As I mentioned in a response to doggonecarl, I read a lot about people putting themselves at risk by going to risky places. I never really was a bar guy anyway, but going to one for some people I'm sure would be difficult. I won't make a habit of it, that is for sure.
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Another vote for "only you can answer that for yourself".
A couple thoughts I'd add
1. If it wasn't a problem, why did you feel the need to come here and ask the forum?
2. The second half of your post seems to try and justify the actions of the first half - whether you intended it to or not. I'd look inside and ask yourself why you felt the need to do so...and if it was because you really did feel some temptation while you were there, then you know the answer.
3. You felt like you "needed" to be at the bar. That to me is a red flag no matter why you felt you needed to be there. It would be quite possible to meet at a different location or contact those folks in a different way when you really boil it down.
A couple thoughts I'd add
1. If it wasn't a problem, why did you feel the need to come here and ask the forum?
2. The second half of your post seems to try and justify the actions of the first half - whether you intended it to or not. I'd look inside and ask yourself why you felt the need to do so...and if it was because you really did feel some temptation while you were there, then you know the answer.
3. You felt like you "needed" to be at the bar. That to me is a red flag no matter why you felt you needed to be there. It would be quite possible to meet at a different location or contact those folks in a different way when you really boil it down.
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To address a couple comments regarding why I felt a need to ask members if this was a bad idea.
As a member of this forum, I do what little I can to encourage others and also like to use it to get various perspectives from others to help in my own recovery. Therefore if by asking the question in my OP is a misuse of this forum, please let me know.
As a member of this forum, I do what little I can to encourage others and also like to use it to get various perspectives from others to help in my own recovery. Therefore if by asking the question in my OP is a misuse of this forum, please let me know.
Um Dia de Cada Vez
Join Date: Sep 2014
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Well I could easily go to a bar or any drinking situation and spend some time there and not drink. But I think If I went with the people I most drank with in my drinking days I would not feel very confortable at all. If I spend any time with them nowadays there should be no drinking around.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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The title of the thread is am I making a mistake when what you really mean is did I make a mistake ?
I literally cannot remember if you came here first before you went and asked for advice of which I would of said something else but you did go & you stayed sober so for that I commend you
Would I recommend it - The answer to that is no
You done good staying sober Jeff
I literally cannot remember if you came here first before you went and asked for advice of which I would of said something else but you did go & you stayed sober so for that I commend you
Would I recommend it - The answer to that is no
You done good staying sober Jeff
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I don't think it was a misuse at all. Alcohol is around every corner and we're all going to be faced with it at some point.
I think it's great that you did it and didn't feel the urge to drink. And also that you don't feel like tempting fate too much.
Only it's not fate right? It's the actions you choose to take. The only thing I'd point out to you to watch for is are the red flags that you might not recognize. The questions of motivation, justification and even defensiveness are definitely warning signs to me. Drinking or sober your actions are yours to own. And absolutely this is a good thing to talk about . We all have to use our gauge as to what's safe and what's risky business. And to recognize we're on our way to relapse before, hopefully, it happens.
I think it's great that you did it and didn't feel the urge to drink. And also that you don't feel like tempting fate too much.
Only it's not fate right? It's the actions you choose to take. The only thing I'd point out to you to watch for is are the red flags that you might not recognize. The questions of motivation, justification and even defensiveness are definitely warning signs to me. Drinking or sober your actions are yours to own. And absolutely this is a good thing to talk about . We all have to use our gauge as to what's safe and what's risky business. And to recognize we're on our way to relapse before, hopefully, it happens.
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I don't know if it was a mistake for you to go hang out in a bar or not, but I do know that hanging around a bar has absolutely nothing to do with being an adult. That choice of words stuck out to me.
Glad you didn't drink. Glad you checked in. Whether it was appropriate for you to be there or not, I have no opinion on. But maybe your asking that question here will keep someone else from going somewhere where they don't need to be.
Have a great weekend, thomas11!
Glad you didn't drink. Glad you checked in. Whether it was appropriate for you to be there or not, I have no opinion on. But maybe your asking that question here will keep someone else from going somewhere where they don't need to be.
Have a great weekend, thomas11!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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I go out to bars still. I like to be a designated driver.
I feel you. I do not ever want to get trapped again. I usually go to bar/restaurants. People are amazed you quit drinking. How can you not drink? The real question is how can you drink?
I feel you. I do not ever want to get trapped again. I usually go to bar/restaurants. People are amazed you quit drinking. How can you not drink? The real question is how can you drink?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
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If you drink, it won't be because you went to a bar or any other place where people are drinking. You will drink because you want to drink.
Many people who relapse report something like "I shouldn't have gone to that wedding/bar/office party. It was too much of a trigger for me." If you agree that a relapse begins long before we pick up a drink, then the place and time where and when we drink will only be the fulfillment of our plan to drink and not the cause of our drinking.
Finally, this sounds very much like part of a plan to drink again, rationalization included:
Otherwise, there would be no good reason to even consider this.
Many people who relapse report something like "I shouldn't have gone to that wedding/bar/office party. It was too much of a trigger for me." If you agree that a relapse begins long before we pick up a drink, then the place and time where and when we drink will only be the fulfillment of our plan to drink and not the cause of our drinking.
Finally, this sounds very much like part of a plan to drink again, rationalization included:
Originally Posted by thomas11
I know right now if I drank one night, I'd wake up with a hangover that would likely be gone in a few hours (nothing like the all day withdrawal process of a couple days drinking), but I don't even want that. I like going to bed tired, not drunk, and waking up refreshed, not hungover.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hi Jeff
All I can tell you is I avoided bars for a long long time - because the company I'd keep in bars were people who expected me to drink - and, for all the talk of sports on TV, pool tables and chicken wings...I mostly went to bars to drink.
It was about a year before I felt secure enough to go to a bar and play music again. I drank sparkling water, I felt good doing that, and it was fine.
Only you know when you're at that point of security - that's something none of us can tell you.
Have a good weekend
D
All I can tell you is I avoided bars for a long long time - because the company I'd keep in bars were people who expected me to drink - and, for all the talk of sports on TV, pool tables and chicken wings...I mostly went to bars to drink.
It was about a year before I felt secure enough to go to a bar and play music again. I drank sparkling water, I felt good doing that, and it was fine.
Only you know when you're at that point of security - that's something none of us can tell you.
Have a good weekend
D
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Totally off the subject, but don't want to start a new thread. This neighbor gal of mine who is a little eccentric just pulled in my driveway while I was letting the dog do his business. She's suddenly into holistic medicine and told me all these things I should be juicing and drinking to help with my injuries.
She said I looked gray and my skin tone is poor. Here I've been doing everything I can to restore my health, she comes and smashes it to pieces in 1 minute flat.
She said I looked gray and my skin tone is poor. Here I've been doing everything I can to restore my health, she comes and smashes it to pieces in 1 minute flat.
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