Scary Event with AA-Help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Scary Event with AA-Help
About the Active Alcoholic (AA):
*He is in his 40's, divorced with 2 older children.
*He is an Army veteran with PTSD.
*He is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder through the VA.
He was sexually molested by his father for years as a child.
He is an only child and his father is dead.
His mother is an alcoholic that abandoned him to his father as a child, and he feels knew the molestation would happen. She left him for over a year. On her return he stated to me he didn't recognized her from the amount of trauma he experienced.
About ME:
*Married for 25+ years, with children, and living a normal day-to-day life.
*Living in a separate state from AA.
*ZERO ZERO experience with Alcohol or Addiction issues. Zero experience with sexual abuse issues. Zero experience with mental health issues.
Zero experience with these feelings.....
Story:
About 18 months ago I commented on FB post he posted of an artwork piece. It was beautiful and it was random on my part to comment, but I did, and he started messaging with me about art, life, common high school friends, memory lane, etc. We know/knew each other from high school as acquaintances and had never spoken or communicated in over 25+years.
Over time he confided to me about his past and present. When we started communicating he was living in a VA in-patient facility for over a year. He was there for the first 6 months of our communication. He got out, lived with his adult son, numerous relapses, drama, many lies, fear from his kids, tears, broken promises...you all know the story. It's the classic behaviors and stories I've read on here over and over. He didn't go longer then 3 weeks without a binge episode.
My experience:
During the time he was sober and still at the VA rehab he was an absolute gentleman, kind, spoke lovingly about his children, not bitter, tender, vulnerable, gentle, soft spoken, and honest. (questionable)
After life outside rehab: lies, recurrent binges and disappearances, anxiety, depression, over medicated, under medicated, lack of self regulation, emotional episodes, expressions of his fear of abandonment of our talks by phone, grief, shame, regret.
Scary episodes for me:
Disappearances for weeks, lies, not knowing if any/all are lies, suicide threat (he told me he had a gun in his hand and let me hear the click of the hammer) with me on the phone requiring a 911 call and removal from his house, 911 call I made again (by his request) during a binge with friend, knowledge of him having seizures, blackouts, numerous medical / hospital detox visits....and finally re-entry back into the VA institution because his sons apartment threatened eviction if he returned and he had no where else to go.
Present:
About 3 weeks ago he "reminded me" of a weekend pass he was requesting to go see an old girl-friend. He convinced me he had mentioned it to me and who she was etc. I now recognize he had already made a decision, lied to me, and had full knowledge of his plans with her regarding his needs. He then tells me her husband died 6 months ago and he was just going for comfort and a visit and leaving from Thu-Tue. I phoned him the following weekend and he said he had decided to stay there with her, had checked out of the VA prior to going down to see her, and was in a romantic relationship with her. A week later he calls me and he's crying, says he's pulled off the ultimate manipulation, she's offered for him to stay and work or not, has a comfortable home, has zero expectations on him, no children involved, and is set. However, he's in tears, expressing regret, confusion, sense of loss from so much change, etc.
I go down all the rational thoughts I am having:
*This is not a healthy time for you or her to start a relationship for all the obvious reasons.
*Please go check in with the VA in the new city to establish a lifeline and support. He knows no one in the new city.
*Realize that your true feelings will reveal themselves despite her expression of her need for him to stay there.
*Recognize his pattern of behavior (finding women to live with so he's not accountable)
Dilemma:
*His emotional tears and behavior over the phone are consistent with past binges. I fear he's drinking.
*He has nothing left. No home, reduced funds, kids that are fearful of his binges and behavior, no family support.
*I feel terrible for this grieving woman. I know she is in for a serious ride with the chaos he brings to those around him when he drinks. I feel responsible (strange) because I facilitated some independence in him ex: buying a car (he had not had one in over 4 years) by advising him on where and how. In my mind, I was helping him get on his feet, inspiring self-esteem, and establishing independence again.
*He has not called me in weeks and only responded with cryptic texts prior.
*I have not reached out in weeks and do not intend to. I have no intention on being a third party in his new relationship, even as a friend. I do not want to hear anymore lies or enable his choices.
BUT
I feel love for him, compassion for him, empathy for him, and deep sadness about his childhood.
I feel awful, scared, worried, literally sick to my stomach-vomitting, nightmares of him drunk driving, anxiety, and responsible. What in the world? How did I get here? Why do I feel responsible? I don't recognize myself and I feel depressed that he's just poof --absent. My imagination of self harm, harm to others, etc is running wild!! What if he has a DWI and kills someone? I've known people with great lives that have committed suicide. Fear!
My quiet, content, calm, and happy life feels turned upside down. I feel like I'm grieving? and yet I don't know why. I feel daily anxiety and I don't know why? Everything is upset...daily thoughts, sleep, not eating, social activity, etc. I've noticeably lost weight.
I actually called a hotline for support because of how shattered I feel.
This is all bizarre to me and I'm completely unrecognizable to myself.
I was told this: There are only 3 places for an alcoholic: AA, institutions, or death.
He's done the first two...omg. I'm in a tailspin, frantic.
Advice?
Thoughts?
What is happening?
What do I do/say if he calls?
*He is in his 40's, divorced with 2 older children.
*He is an Army veteran with PTSD.
*He is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder through the VA.
He was sexually molested by his father for years as a child.
He is an only child and his father is dead.
His mother is an alcoholic that abandoned him to his father as a child, and he feels knew the molestation would happen. She left him for over a year. On her return he stated to me he didn't recognized her from the amount of trauma he experienced.
About ME:
*Married for 25+ years, with children, and living a normal day-to-day life.
*Living in a separate state from AA.
*ZERO ZERO experience with Alcohol or Addiction issues. Zero experience with sexual abuse issues. Zero experience with mental health issues.
Zero experience with these feelings.....
Story:
About 18 months ago I commented on FB post he posted of an artwork piece. It was beautiful and it was random on my part to comment, but I did, and he started messaging with me about art, life, common high school friends, memory lane, etc. We know/knew each other from high school as acquaintances and had never spoken or communicated in over 25+years.
Over time he confided to me about his past and present. When we started communicating he was living in a VA in-patient facility for over a year. He was there for the first 6 months of our communication. He got out, lived with his adult son, numerous relapses, drama, many lies, fear from his kids, tears, broken promises...you all know the story. It's the classic behaviors and stories I've read on here over and over. He didn't go longer then 3 weeks without a binge episode.
My experience:
During the time he was sober and still at the VA rehab he was an absolute gentleman, kind, spoke lovingly about his children, not bitter, tender, vulnerable, gentle, soft spoken, and honest. (questionable)
After life outside rehab: lies, recurrent binges and disappearances, anxiety, depression, over medicated, under medicated, lack of self regulation, emotional episodes, expressions of his fear of abandonment of our talks by phone, grief, shame, regret.
Scary episodes for me:
Disappearances for weeks, lies, not knowing if any/all are lies, suicide threat (he told me he had a gun in his hand and let me hear the click of the hammer) with me on the phone requiring a 911 call and removal from his house, 911 call I made again (by his request) during a binge with friend, knowledge of him having seizures, blackouts, numerous medical / hospital detox visits....and finally re-entry back into the VA institution because his sons apartment threatened eviction if he returned and he had no where else to go.
Present:
About 3 weeks ago he "reminded me" of a weekend pass he was requesting to go see an old girl-friend. He convinced me he had mentioned it to me and who she was etc. I now recognize he had already made a decision, lied to me, and had full knowledge of his plans with her regarding his needs. He then tells me her husband died 6 months ago and he was just going for comfort and a visit and leaving from Thu-Tue. I phoned him the following weekend and he said he had decided to stay there with her, had checked out of the VA prior to going down to see her, and was in a romantic relationship with her. A week later he calls me and he's crying, says he's pulled off the ultimate manipulation, she's offered for him to stay and work or not, has a comfortable home, has zero expectations on him, no children involved, and is set. However, he's in tears, expressing regret, confusion, sense of loss from so much change, etc.
I go down all the rational thoughts I am having:
*This is not a healthy time for you or her to start a relationship for all the obvious reasons.
*Please go check in with the VA in the new city to establish a lifeline and support. He knows no one in the new city.
*Realize that your true feelings will reveal themselves despite her expression of her need for him to stay there.
*Recognize his pattern of behavior (finding women to live with so he's not accountable)
Dilemma:
*His emotional tears and behavior over the phone are consistent with past binges. I fear he's drinking.
*He has nothing left. No home, reduced funds, kids that are fearful of his binges and behavior, no family support.
*I feel terrible for this grieving woman. I know she is in for a serious ride with the chaos he brings to those around him when he drinks. I feel responsible (strange) because I facilitated some independence in him ex: buying a car (he had not had one in over 4 years) by advising him on where and how. In my mind, I was helping him get on his feet, inspiring self-esteem, and establishing independence again.
*He has not called me in weeks and only responded with cryptic texts prior.
*I have not reached out in weeks and do not intend to. I have no intention on being a third party in his new relationship, even as a friend. I do not want to hear anymore lies or enable his choices.
BUT
I feel love for him, compassion for him, empathy for him, and deep sadness about his childhood.
I feel awful, scared, worried, literally sick to my stomach-vomitting, nightmares of him drunk driving, anxiety, and responsible. What in the world? How did I get here? Why do I feel responsible? I don't recognize myself and I feel depressed that he's just poof --absent. My imagination of self harm, harm to others, etc is running wild!! What if he has a DWI and kills someone? I've known people with great lives that have committed suicide. Fear!
My quiet, content, calm, and happy life feels turned upside down. I feel like I'm grieving? and yet I don't know why. I feel daily anxiety and I don't know why? Everything is upset...daily thoughts, sleep, not eating, social activity, etc. I've noticeably lost weight.
I actually called a hotline for support because of how shattered I feel.
This is all bizarre to me and I'm completely unrecognizable to myself.
I was told this: There are only 3 places for an alcoholic: AA, institutions, or death.
He's done the first two...omg. I'm in a tailspin, frantic.
Advice?
Thoughts?
What is happening?
What do I do/say if he calls?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
A friend, living in another state, phone conversations with him.
In the process of getting to know him, I have sought medical advice on his behalf, found veteran support organizations, just tried to help because it seemed like he had not had anyone support him and his needs.
I can see that he probably exhausted people that have tried to help him with his addiction behaviors. I've just never known anyone like this before....I think that's why I feel responsible. I feel like I enabled him, facilitated the purchase of a car by advising him, and 3 days later he's checked out of a rehab he needs.
In the process of getting to know him, I have sought medical advice on his behalf, found veteran support organizations, just tried to help because it seemed like he had not had anyone support him and his needs.
I can see that he probably exhausted people that have tried to help him with his addiction behaviors. I've just never known anyone like this before....I think that's why I feel responsible. I feel like I enabled him, facilitated the purchase of a car by advising him, and 3 days later he's checked out of a rehab he needs.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
All of the things you worried about you have absolutely no control over.
Personally I would run as fast and and far as I could from this individual. He is going down fast and he will take you with him if you let him
Personally I would run as fast and and far as I could from this individual. He is going down fast and he will take you with him if you let him
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Okay. First, take a deep breath. Second, I'm sorry to be really direct here, but you are waaaay over-involved in this man's situation for a married friend living in another state.
I'm sure it happened gradually and with good intentions on your part, but you are essentially in the midst of an emotional affair with a long-term addict and now you are stuck in codependency and hooked on his drama. Hey, addicts are great at sucking others in under the guise of needing help...you're certainly not alone.
Fact: He is going to drink and/or use drugs no matter what you or anyone else does unless he, on his own, decides to get help. His recovery or lack thereof is his alone.
Fact: His relationship with this other adult is not your business.
Fact: He may or may not kill himself or ruin his life. But what you have control over, and ONLY that, is how much you let his problems ruin your life. I can't imagine your husband or children being very happy with this situation?
You might want to read about codependence...Melody Beatty's "Codependent No More" is really a great start. You might also think about seeing a therapist who understands codependence and who can help you move on.
You need to get on with your own life, already in progress, and leave him to his.
Wishing you well...
I'm sure it happened gradually and with good intentions on your part, but you are essentially in the midst of an emotional affair with a long-term addict and now you are stuck in codependency and hooked on his drama. Hey, addicts are great at sucking others in under the guise of needing help...you're certainly not alone.
Fact: He is going to drink and/or use drugs no matter what you or anyone else does unless he, on his own, decides to get help. His recovery or lack thereof is his alone.
Fact: His relationship with this other adult is not your business.
Fact: He may or may not kill himself or ruin his life. But what you have control over, and ONLY that, is how much you let his problems ruin your life. I can't imagine your husband or children being very happy with this situation?
You might want to read about codependence...Melody Beatty's "Codependent No More" is really a great start. You might also think about seeing a therapist who understands codependence and who can help you move on.
You need to get on with your own life, already in progress, and leave him to his.
Wishing you well...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Yes, I recognize that and I have been doing that for a couple of weeks now. My husband feels bad too because we both tried to advise him on his recovery journey.
I just have fear that he is now in a vehicle and probably binging and possibly driving. So scary.
I have regret that I was most likely manipulated and I enabled him by just trying to be a lifeline to him. I concluded this after reading many of the posts on here.
I just don't know the language to use if he calls me. I don't want him to kill himself. I feel tangled in this.
I just have fear that he is now in a vehicle and probably binging and possibly driving. So scary.
I have regret that I was most likely manipulated and I enabled him by just trying to be a lifeline to him. I concluded this after reading many of the posts on here.
I just don't know the language to use if he calls me. I don't want him to kill himself. I feel tangled in this.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
If he calls and is threatening suicide or you know he is driving drunk, call 911 and give them his number and approximate location.
Tell him his situation is beyond your ability to help, that he needs to seek treatment, and that you wish him well, but you can't do this anymore. Then block him.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Tell him his situation is beyond your ability to help, that he needs to seek treatment, and that you wish him well, but you can't do this anymore. Then block him.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
😳😳😳😳😳😳
OK. PLEASE RECOGNIZE
I can definitely FEEL I am too involved.
I am trying to understand this or I would not have reached out.
I do NOT feel like I'm in an affair with him.
I feel like I gradually got sucked in over the past 18 months because of his "need for sound advice".
Maybe I am emotionally involved, but I assure you, I do not want to be.
I feel sad for him. He's a kind, loving, and good person that has been through a lot.
I will step back. I just do not want to say the wrong thing to a fragile and troubled soul.
Just makes me sad....very sad.
OK. PLEASE RECOGNIZE
I can definitely FEEL I am too involved.
I am trying to understand this or I would not have reached out.
I do NOT feel like I'm in an affair with him.
I feel like I gradually got sucked in over the past 18 months because of his "need for sound advice".
Maybe I am emotionally involved, but I assure you, I do not want to be.
I feel sad for him. He's a kind, loving, and good person that has been through a lot.
I will step back. I just do not want to say the wrong thing to a fragile and troubled soul.
Just makes me sad....very sad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Thank you for the advice.
My gut was telling me to say that to him, but it just feels harsh.
It's not me, not my nature to speak that way to anyone...EVER!
I deactivated my FB account already, blocked his calls, but worry if I'm doing the right thing.
Feels awful.....
My gut was telling me to say that to him, but it just feels harsh.
It's not me, not my nature to speak that way to anyone...EVER!
I deactivated my FB account already, blocked his calls, but worry if I'm doing the right thing.
Feels awful.....
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
As long as you prop him up, he doesn't have to face the consequences of his addiction. It's easy to go from wanting to help to enabling, especially when the addict is manipulating you. Lots of us have done it.
If what he has told you is all true, he has had a rough life. But many people have had rough lives and don't become addicts. And lots of addicts realize they need help and made sure they got it. Your friend has walked away from treatment and exploited your friendship in multiple ways. Enough?
It's eerie how addicts find the kindest, most giving people to latch onto, it really is...
If what he has told you is all true, he has had a rough life. But many people have had rough lives and don't become addicts. And lots of addicts realize they need help and made sure they got it. Your friend has walked away from treatment and exploited your friendship in multiple ways. Enough?
It's eerie how addicts find the kindest, most giving people to latch onto, it really is...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
You can care from a distance--
he may need treatment, but clearly he doesn't want it
at this time.
That's his choice, difficult as it is.
Being compassionate is wonderful,
but you also owe compassion to you, and your family.
It really is OK to step back if your gut, emotions, and health
are telling you to do so.
He has made his choices, and at this point you don't have to
witness the outcome or participate.
He managed before he met you, and he'll manage now.
Sometimes addicts are more resourceful than we give them credit for.
he may need treatment, but clearly he doesn't want it
at this time.
That's his choice, difficult as it is.
Being compassionate is wonderful,
but you also owe compassion to you, and your family.
It really is OK to step back if your gut, emotions, and health
are telling you to do so.
He has made his choices, and at this point you don't have to
witness the outcome or participate.
He managed before he met you, and he'll manage now.
Sometimes addicts are more resourceful than we give them credit for.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Aries....
My husband said "Your biggest nemesis is your loving heart."
People, animals, nature...I just try to love and be a good person, not cause pain or harm to anyone/anything.
Someone I loved many years ago died from addiction related issues.
I think I wanted to help him, to help my childhood friend....
These are all weird, confusing, and unexpected thoughts It's obviously bringing up past pain from my own stuff, but I do recognize I can not be a friend to him in any way.
I just have no experience in this and do not want to make a wrong choice in words....
I feel bad for saying this, but I hope he doesn't call me again. It takes the burden off of saying harsh words to someone/anyone.
My husband said "Your biggest nemesis is your loving heart."
People, animals, nature...I just try to love and be a good person, not cause pain or harm to anyone/anything.
Someone I loved many years ago died from addiction related issues.
I think I wanted to help him, to help my childhood friend....
These are all weird, confusing, and unexpected thoughts It's obviously bringing up past pain from my own stuff, but I do recognize I can not be a friend to him in any way.
I just have no experience in this and do not want to make a wrong choice in words....
I feel bad for saying this, but I hope he doesn't call me again. It takes the burden off of saying harsh words to someone/anyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
As long as you prop him up, he doesn't have to face the consequences of his addiction. It's easy to go from wanting to help to enabling, especially when the addict is manipulating you. Lots of us have done it.
If what he has told you is all true, he has had a rough life. But many people have had rough lives and don't become addicts. And lots of addicts realize they need help and made sure they got it. Your friend has walked away from treatment and exploited your friendship in multiple ways. Enough?
It's eerie how addicts find the kindest, most giving people to latch onto, it really is...
If what he has told you is all true, he has had a rough life. But many people have had rough lives and don't become addicts. And lots of addicts realize they need help and made sure they got it. Your friend has walked away from treatment and exploited your friendship in multiple ways. Enough?
It's eerie how addicts find the kindest, most giving people to latch onto, it really is...
I feel pretty foolish already, pathetic, duped, dumb, stupid.
I/We are educated people with post graduate doctorate degrees.
It's obvious to me that I've been all of the above, but it's still very painful to know you've genuinely tried to help someone and been manipulated. We've been all over the world and helped many other people in need. Different needs, not addiction, but this is just another world to me.
Just FYI if you are coming from an addict perspective or friend perspective. It hurts. It's sad. It's scary to start to care for someone and FEEL in some way I could be a catalyst to his death. Very scary.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I've been both involved with an addict and I am currently 90 days sober in being myself addicted to alcohol.
It's something that I've been thinking about tonight as I read your posts...addicts like this one give the rest of us a bad name! There are so many good people I know and have "met" here who are addicted and if anything are overly apologetic about their actions and relentlessly blame themselves, even in recovery...and then there are people like this guy, who just take and take.
It's something I need to think more about, because one of the tenets of recovery is the similarities of addiction, not the differences, but still...
Anyway, I'm rambling. I have just been struck as I read thread after thread as to how many giving, nurturing, intelligent people seem to end up feeling so responsible for the very existence of this type of addict, even to the extent of damaging their own lives. I'm no expert, that's for sure.
It's something that I've been thinking about tonight as I read your posts...addicts like this one give the rest of us a bad name! There are so many good people I know and have "met" here who are addicted and if anything are overly apologetic about their actions and relentlessly blame themselves, even in recovery...and then there are people like this guy, who just take and take.
It's something I need to think more about, because one of the tenets of recovery is the similarities of addiction, not the differences, but still...
Anyway, I'm rambling. I have just been struck as I read thread after thread as to how many giving, nurturing, intelligent people seem to end up feeling so responsible for the very existence of this type of addict, even to the extent of damaging their own lives. I'm no expert, that's for sure.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Aries
Congratulations on your sobriety! I really hope you forge forward through your recovery and sobriety. I don't know you, but I can tell you that I feel proud of you and your accomplishment. I hope you recognize how big this is.❤️
I too have learned a lot about a topic that I've never really been exposed to.
I've learned how damaging, wreckless, weary, isolated, lonely, painful, and terribly sad addiction is for BOTH the addict and the people that try to care for them.
Imagine: His adult son, someone I've never spoken to or met, calling me and crying over his own pain and shame over his father. Weeping like a child, asking ME to help HIM. ??!!! A professional young man asking me how to help his father.
I do appreciate all the responses.
I have such a deep respect for each of you struggling with addiction.
I sincerely honor all of you...
Broken hearted, sunken feeling, heavy feeling folks
Congratulations on your sobriety! I really hope you forge forward through your recovery and sobriety. I don't know you, but I can tell you that I feel proud of you and your accomplishment. I hope you recognize how big this is.❤️
I too have learned a lot about a topic that I've never really been exposed to.
I've learned how damaging, wreckless, weary, isolated, lonely, painful, and terribly sad addiction is for BOTH the addict and the people that try to care for them.
Imagine: His adult son, someone I've never spoken to or met, calling me and crying over his own pain and shame over his father. Weeping like a child, asking ME to help HIM. ??!!! A professional young man asking me how to help his father.
I do appreciate all the responses.
I have such a deep respect for each of you struggling with addiction.
I sincerely honor all of you...
Broken hearted, sunken feeling, heavy feeling folks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
WHAT are you doing have this emotional, overwhelming relationship with a MAN on the internet, as a married person??
you have let this "ethernet friend" invade your whole life!?? someone you only know thru the BOX (computer).
I feel like I gradually got sucked in over the past 18 months because of his "need for sound advice".
Maybe I am emotionally involved, but I assure you, I do not want to be.
you let this happen......now would be a good time to look deep inside yourself and figure out why this online persona has become SO important in your life.
you have let this "ethernet friend" invade your whole life!?? someone you only know thru the BOX (computer).
I feel like I gradually got sucked in over the past 18 months because of his "need for sound advice".
Maybe I am emotionally involved, but I assure you, I do not want to be.
you let this happen......now would be a good time to look deep inside yourself and figure out why this online persona has become SO important in your life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
Anvil
I've asked myself those questions...many times. I walked through it with my husband too. He has never been a secret in MY life. His story, his life, was something I bounced off my husband constantly.
Again, I allowed it. I'm inexperienced with this type of behavior, I wanted to help him, maybe save him. I wanted him to feel worthy of his life and his role as a father and man.
I can feel your judgement towards me and my decision to show this old acquaintance compassion. I get it, it sounds crazy to you. He is NOT a random man I met online. We shared common friends etc.
He was not an Internet box friend, we spoke on the phone from time to time and I learned about his life through conversations.
I honestly did not feel like I was doing anything different then helping a friend. Haven't we all been sounding boards to a friend struggling with something? I have!!
BUT. Never addiction!!
I know I've allowed myself to take on too much. I see that, but I just want to make sure that I can still be the caring person that I am, and causing the least amount of pain too.
Please don't judge me. I can feel your anger and irritation.
Point taken, thumbs down.
I've asked myself those questions...many times. I walked through it with my husband too. He has never been a secret in MY life. His story, his life, was something I bounced off my husband constantly.
Again, I allowed it. I'm inexperienced with this type of behavior, I wanted to help him, maybe save him. I wanted him to feel worthy of his life and his role as a father and man.
I can feel your judgement towards me and my decision to show this old acquaintance compassion. I get it, it sounds crazy to you. He is NOT a random man I met online. We shared common friends etc.
He was not an Internet box friend, we spoke on the phone from time to time and I learned about his life through conversations.
I honestly did not feel like I was doing anything different then helping a friend. Haven't we all been sounding boards to a friend struggling with something? I have!!
BUT. Never addiction!!
I know I've allowed myself to take on too much. I see that, but I just want to make sure that I can still be the caring person that I am, and causing the least amount of pain too.
Please don't judge me. I can feel your anger and irritation.
Point taken, thumbs down.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 29
I will disappear from here shortly. No worries.
The negative comments are hurtful. I feel ridiculous.
I was looking for support to "do the right thing" by your standards and your advice. I see now that I seem foolish to many of you.
It's harsh medicine for good intentions, but the points are all taken into consideration.
If you read through my comments, I have validated that some of my own stuff probably clouded my decisions to keep open communication with him. A childhood friend I knew, died of addiction related issues.
I just wanted to help.
I thought I could.
I have failed.
The negative comments are hurtful. I feel ridiculous.
I was looking for support to "do the right thing" by your standards and your advice. I see now that I seem foolish to many of you.
It's harsh medicine for good intentions, but the points are all taken into consideration.
If you read through my comments, I have validated that some of my own stuff probably clouded my decisions to keep open communication with him. A childhood friend I knew, died of addiction related issues.
I just wanted to help.
I thought I could.
I have failed.
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