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A break from life

Old 03-31-2016, 04:25 PM
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A break from life

I need a break. 82 days sober but have no way to escape anymore. Nothing to numb me. I'm working so much and it's killing me with my lupus. My husband just told me we have to file for bankruptcy. My beautiful son graduated from high school in two months and has made it into prestigious colleges. I am so proud but I don't know how we will pay for it. I'm constantly in tears. I need an escape and I don't have alcohol anymore. I can't breathe. If anyone can please help me deal with these emotions I'd be so grateful
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Old 03-31-2016, 04:41 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I have relied on music and books, as well as long walks to help me escape and for the most part it works very well. It's really important to try to find things that work for you because, as you know, life can be complicated. Congratulations on 82 days sober!
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Old 03-31-2016, 04:57 PM
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82 days is excellent. I would say as much as possible don't worry about things you can't change, deal with things with a plan of action but don't get emotionally involved with your worries as that will exhaust you even more.
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Old 03-31-2016, 05:06 PM
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I'm sorry you're under so much stress right now. But that's right now the future lye's ahead and we can face it when it comes.
Things have a way of working out if we stay sober.
What good is a drink going to do anyway? Make you numb? Well, what about tomorrow? Another drink or solve these situations sober?

Believe me, there's nothing drinking is going to make better.
Do something you enjoy. Take a nice bath. Take on one thing at a time.
Go to an AA meeting and express what you feel.

Things will work themselves out. Trust me.
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Old 03-31-2016, 05:16 PM
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I had to seek a spirtual refuge from the pressures that drove me to want to escape to drink and drugs. Sobriety has taught me that seeking a solution to our problems has better chance of changing things than diving in a bottle will.

Sorry you are struggling, but drinking won't solve your financial issues, pay for your son's college, or cure your lupus. But it will feed your addiction.
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Old 03-31-2016, 05:31 PM
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Drinking won't help--one thing that may offer some positive options
is to check with the University financial aid offices--if you are filing for
bankruptcy, that would very possibly mean his funding package may be very different.

The financial form you file--FAFSA--see if this means you can file an amended one
or how it works in each place.

You might find he is eligible for more "free" money due to this.
It is at least worth checking and may remove some stress.
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Old 03-31-2016, 06:51 PM
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I'm sorry things are tough Eliasson.
I was thinking along the lines of Hawkeye's suggestions. Your teen's upcoming college adventure is an amazing thing and it would probably be uplifting for you to throw a lot of effort into making sure that dream happens to him.
I see you are in Corinth, Tx.... I grew up very near there and graduated a week before my parents went through a surprise divorce. My mother acted fast that summer and we jumped through every hoop needed to get additional funding forthe Univ. Texas/Austin where i had been accepted. Despite all the challenges from that time I got my degree 5 years later, a feat that my parents are still really proud of.
BTW... my one sorry and major stressor when I headed off to Austin was that my dad was drinking himself to oblivion daily, lost his job, lost his life etc.... His drinking ruined many of my young hopes and dreams. I hope you can maintain your sobriety at all cost. The rest will work itself out.
My best.
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Old 03-31-2016, 07:45 PM
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I'm sorry Eliasson - but drinking is not going to make any of that better and will definitely make things worse.

Re-read your old posts if you've forgotten who drinking really made you feel. There was not a lot of respite there, yeah?

I'll talk plainly.

Money troubles are tough - but spending more money you don;t have on alcohol is not going to fix the problem and neither is wasting days, perhaps weeks being drunk.

Is you son eligible for any scholarships or bursaries of any kind?

Is your family entitled to any assistance?

is your son prepared to help pay his way by getting a part time job?

There are ways for kids to go to college. It will happen

If you want respite please think of healthy ways to achieve this - meditation, exercise, sports, hobbies...even listening to music or watching a favorite TV show is better than nothing.

Try not to be afraid Elisson. You can get through this just like you've gotten through other things sober

D
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Old 03-31-2016, 08:00 PM
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Please don't pick up and drink. You've struggled so much to get where you're at in your sobriety. If you pick up and drink, it won't solve anything and it will only start the struggle all over again.

Doing something physical can be really helpful when feeling overwhelmed, whether going for a walk, a swim, weights, or yoga.

Keep on hanging in there!
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Old 03-31-2016, 09:55 PM
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Lots of great advice above. My kids are still a few years from college, but they are going to have to take out student loans, and hopefully get some scholarships.

We make too much to qualify for financial aid, and not enough to just write a blank check.

Money issues are hard, we are dealing with some as well, and I always try to remind myself that worrying about it will not change anything.
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Old 04-01-2016, 01:28 AM
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When I want to escape, I take my dogs for a walk. Can you go for a walk sometimes? Getting some sunshine and fresh air can help to boost your mood. Drinking will only make things worse.

Congrats on 82 days sober!
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:33 AM
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recovery is about learning to live Life on Life's Terms. As it comes, One Day At A Time.

one of my fave sayings is: There are no problems, only resistance to the solutions.

Bankruptcy isn't the end of the world. And there are many steps you can take prior to making that decision. Get to know your finances....intimately. Build a budget, examine ALL expenses, develop a plan.

while it is WONDERFUL that you son was accepted to such nice schools, reality says that might not be feasible if he does not have financial aid. if you can't afford it, you CAN'T AFFORD IT. however there are many avenues to pursue before making that determination.

you probably need to speak to your supervisor or perhaps even HR about your workload and your health.

notice that drinking wasn't a part of any of those suggestions.
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:51 AM
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As has already been suggested, fill out a FAFSA. I would recommend talking to your son's guidance counselor about ways to navigate the loan/scholarship process and also contact the financial aid departments of the colleges. Packages are available and to some extent are negotiable. A friend of mine and his son went as far as to visit a financial aid person at the son's school of choice and walked away with a much more generous package than was originally offered.
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Old 04-01-2016, 02:17 PM
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How are you doing Eliasson?

D
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Old 04-01-2016, 03:38 PM
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Scholarships and grants based on performance, low-income, parents' veteran status, and other qualifiers can go far to offset the burden of university.

Bankruptcy is tough, but you can get through it. It may even help financial aid for university.

You know that drinking doesn't make anything better. Use that sure knowledge to stiffen your resolve and protect your sobriety. Congrats on 82 days, and keep up the great work.
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Old 04-04-2016, 07:10 AM
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Thank you all so much for the replies. I really can't begin to tell you how touched I am and how much it has helped me.
I am still sober. You are right that drinking will not help anything (except for maybe the first 10 minutes). I really want to hang in there long enough to truly learn a new way to live. And then live that way. Without alcohol.
I'm so grateful I have all of you to turn to. Thank you.
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Old 04-04-2016, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm sorry Eliasson - but drinking is not going to make any of that better and will definitely make things worse.

Re-read your old posts if you've forgotten who drinking really made you feel. There was not a lot of respite there, yeah?

I'll talk plainly.

Money troubles are tough - but spending more money you don;t have on alcohol is not going to fix the problem and neither is wasting days, perhaps weeks being drunk.

Is you son eligible for any scholarships or bursaries of any kind?

Is your family entitled to any assistance?

is your son prepared to help pay his way by getting a part time job?

There are ways for kids to go to college. It will happen

If you want respite please think of healthy ways to achieve this - meditation, exercise, sports, hobbies...even listening to music or watching a favorite TV show is better than nothing.

Try not to be afraid Elisson. You can get through this just like you've gotten through other things sober

D
D is correct. Your son will grow up quickly, in that he will have to help subsidize his tuition through a part time job. There are many available on campus that are geared towards students in need of financial assistance.
Dont think of this as a bad thing, it infact helps your son to appreciate his studies a lot more and comprehend the value of education and what it can do to prepare him for the real world.

University is not about partying and taking off for spring break. There is no right of passage, it is an institute of learning, and if he was accepted on his academic merit then he has accomplished something already.

Be emotionally strong for him, and help him in other ways. In time this will turn out to be a great opportunity in moulding your son to become a productive and successful member of society.
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