Kp1130

I'm new here. I've been with my addicted for 8 years. He has a problem with H. I was in a sort of denial for a long time. I knew what he was up to but just ignored it. After years of lying, manipulation, stealing and so on, I finally put my foot down and gave the ultimatum. He agreed to treatment and went into a 5 day detox. He just started intensive outpatient today.

I feel like I should be so happy and feel relieved. I'm finding that instead I feel nothing but worry and anxiety. I feel sick. I'm trying to forgive and I'm trying to be supportive but I can't help feel extremely suspicious of him. He acts like I should just trust him now because he is finally clean and I just can't do that.

I'm completely obsessed with what he's doing ( that's been going on for a long time). I keep trying to distract myself but it seems impossible. He says I'm smothering him and it makes him want to use. At the same time, he has been out and about for hours at a time, not responding to my texts, and not calling me. What am I supposed to think? What should I do? I can't continue this unhealthy behavior.

I love him. He makes me feel like I'm crazy and I do feel like I'm losing it. I have no one to talk to. No one seems to understand. I'm just lost in this road to recovery and I feel like I might not be able to do this.

Thanks for listening

suki44883

I'm sorry, but I understand what you are going through. Have you considered some type of therapy for yourself? Are there nar-anon or al-anon meetings in your area? These meetings help you learn how to take care of yourself, regardless of what your addict chooses to do. You will meet people who are in the exact same situation as you and can be awesome support.

Kp1130

Thank you for the suggestion. He actually suggested that to me because his friend's wife attends them. I have been thinking about going and t makes me anxious. I have some social anxiety, but the thought of people who understand what I am going through sounds nice. I have also considered therapy. It is really hard for me to talk to people about this. I've been able to hide his addiction from both our families and our friends. I guess I pretended everything was ok for so long that I'm having trouble facing the reality.

AnvilheadII

we are masters at taking that "elephant in the living room" tossing a linen cover over it and calling it an END TABLE. bit harder to explain the really big piles 'o poop tho!!!

The saying The Truth Shall Set You Free comes to mind. maybe RIGHT NOW this doesn't seem like the start of a grand new life, but a life with no more secrets and lies is yours for the taking!

JimC60

KP,

Welcome to the forum, we're glad you're here and sorry that you need to be.

You are not crazy, at least not any crazier than any of us, either are or, have been in the past. You are not alone.

I second the motion to find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting and start attending -- Nar-Anon Family Groups -- click on "Find A Meeting".

At the meetings you will find a whole room full of people who "have been there and done that" - none of them will think you are crazy, learn to lean on them, they won't mind.

Someone here posted this little story, and it is true: " I discovered my son was a heroin addict. I confided in a co-worker that I had known for years, they told me I was a lousy parent and should be ashamed of my parenting skills. I went to a Nar-Anon meeting and told a room full of strangers that my son was a heroin addict -- they gave me hugs and told me to keep coming back."

Keep coming back,

Jim

Bekindalways

So, so sorry for what you are going through Kp. It is beyond painful.

Please do everything to educate yourself about being in a relationship with an addict. Reading the stickies at the top of the forum is a good place to start.

So glad you found the site and I hope you find it as helpful as many have.

glitterdeva

I can tell you one thing - I am 100% sure I have PTSD from being with my soon to be ex husband for 6 years (h user as well). My life completely and totally revolved around him, where he is at, who he is calling, who is calling him, what did he take, how much did he take, DID he use, did he steal, did he lie, am I crazy, am I imagining things, etc, etc, etc. INSANITY. I have been on this forum for 3 years and recently checked what threads I started here (I don't remember why, I think someone messaged me and I realized there was this feature ). Anyway, here are some of my threads:

Heartbroken, please advise
Do you ever think YOU are the crazy one?
Detaching with love
I am the biggest enabler
Kicked him out, feeling guilty and broken
Here we go and I have had it
Just like last year
Stuck - how to make a move
All hope is gone
Hell on earth

Yep, 6 years like this. No, you are not the crazy one, you are dealing with some crazy chit 5 days of detox after 8 years of heroin, I am sorry but you have zero reason to trust him. 8 years of clean time after 5 days of heroin, ok, i understand that. He has A LOT of work to do before you ever come to anything remotely resembling trust. Maybe never. I hope you find peace and take care of yourself. love and hugs

zoso77

Welcome to the Board. Let's cut to the chase.

Are you crazy? No.

Are you in a situation that has and will continue to compromise you? Yes.

Eight years is a long time to be with someone, but it's also worth remembering that while you may have been with him, he hasn't been with you. And that's because he's been with heroin. When someone's on heroin, that's all that person cares about.

I am not going to tell you what to do. I will, however, explain to you what you're in for.

A five day detox means squat in the grand scheme of things unless a decision is made by the addict to continue on a path to recovery Where the drug of choice is heroin, it's important to note that even when someone detoxes off it, that person's mind remembers all too well the bliss of being under the influence. Your loved one's emotions, without the attenuation heroin provides, will seemingly be cranked up to 11, and he's going to hate every minute of it and be looking for a way to make that go away. He will be dying to pick up again. And to be honest, he probably will.

Which leaves you with a dilemma, one you didn't ask for, and one you certainly don't deserve. So I'll leave you with this: we have plenty of women here who've been where you are. When they pipe up, keep your mind and eyes open, for they know what they're talking about.

Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.

hopeful4

I think Zoso points out something very specific I would like to second. Five days of detox does not equate to recovery at all. Most addicts have went to detox tons of times. Recovery is when YOU DECIDE, FOR YOU, that you will use every means within your power to recover. Forever. And be willing to work on it every single day, for the rest of your life. It's a big commitment that many H users are not willing or able to do.

I know that crazy feeling. Like your own reality is skewed. You are not crazy. You are hurt, and tired. It's good that you see how unhealthy this is for YOU.

Now would be a good time to check out some support groups to get YOU through this time.

Many hugs, I am glad you are here.

Kp1130

Thank you all for the encouraging words! I am glad I found this place. I am taking this one day at time right now. As of this moment, he is in intensive outpatient and going to meetings and appears to be serious. I can only pray that it will get better.

I also keep in mind he is a master manipulator, so I am proceeding with caution. He is looking for a counselor for us and a doctor for the vivitol shot. I am looking for a counselor for myself and nar anon meetings. I plan on healing with him or without him and I think he realizes that.

I will keep in touch as I am sure I will need to.

Kp1130

I looked through some of your threads and I cried because our lives could be cloned at times. I hope you too find peace.