But, I'm myself when I drink...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 12
But, I'm myself when I drink...
Let's put it this way - I was always outgoing, popular, the life of the party. I developed depression and bipolar disorder in college. I became a recluse, and I like it to this day. I am a loner and I love it - but when I drink, I become who I was as a teen, and I like that feeling more. I'm fun and carefree...I'm a writer and become unafraid to post my work (as opposed to when sober).
Maybe I'm growing up, but still trying to hang onto that kid in me, and the alcohol does the trick. I know I just need to face life - and happiness is never found at the bottom of a bottle.
Stopping isn't so much my problem. It's feeling not like myself when sober that is...But it's just not worth my health to keep on with this.
. I can go 2 or 3 months without a drink, but when I fall into that temptation again, I get addicted.
Is anyone else a writer/artist here? How do you hone into your creativity sober, or become unafraid of showing you work sober? That's what I really need to learn. I only drink when I write...but that's almost 12 hours a day
Maybe I'm growing up, but still trying to hang onto that kid in me, and the alcohol does the trick. I know I just need to face life - and happiness is never found at the bottom of a bottle.
Stopping isn't so much my problem. It's feeling not like myself when sober that is...But it's just not worth my health to keep on with this.
. I can go 2 or 3 months without a drink, but when I fall into that temptation again, I get addicted. Is anyone else a writer/artist here? How do you hone into your creativity sober, or become unafraid of showing you work sober? That's what I really need to learn. I only drink when I write...but that's almost 12 hours a day
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, WalkingOnAir!
I don't think you would have joined this forum unless alcohol was causing problems for you. You're not alone--many members here have bi-polar disorder. Read around and post often!
I don't think you would have joined this forum unless alcohol was causing problems for you. You're not alone--many members here have bi-polar disorder. Read around and post often!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 12
I really think there is a brain chemistry linked to my alcohol consumption and bipolar disorder. I have been doing a lot of research on it. Sort of like anti-depressants or lithium, it helps me in that way; but, I can't keep consuming something that is slowly killing me as well.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
I have schizo-affective disorder, and my wife has PTSD. We both self-medicated with alcohol, but quit drinking three years ago.
Alcohol kills, sometimes quickly--sometimes slowly. It is a depressant. Stick around SoberRecovery, and you will learn about the folly of consuming a depressant to treat depression.
Alcohol kills, sometimes quickly--sometimes slowly. It is a depressant. Stick around SoberRecovery, and you will learn about the folly of consuming a depressant to treat depression.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 43
Ive been there too. Yes sometimes it seems like you are much more alive and focused and feeling like your the best version of yourself until drink 3 or 4... For me, I cannot stop at drink 2 or 3 or 4.... fast forward to drink 10 and I am no longer the life of the party but I bubbling idiot doing **** I wouldn't normally do or say. Its not worth it to me anymore and its only gotten worse as time progresses.
Only you know if its a problem. I am just glad I stopped before things really got bad. As bad as they are now, its a slippery slope and things only get worse the longer you continue to abuse yourself.
As for creativity - wouldn't you rather put your best self forward? Sober me is so much better at everything. I like to write too and felt more inspired when drinking.. but when I look back at the writing, painting I have done.. I cant say it was my best work because I don't know what it would look like if I was sober.. my guess is that maybe it would be a lot better.
Have you seen the movie 28 days (Sandra Bullock) she was a writer and an alcoholic in the movie, this might give you some inspiration
Only you know if its a problem. I am just glad I stopped before things really got bad. As bad as they are now, its a slippery slope and things only get worse the longer you continue to abuse yourself.
As for creativity - wouldn't you rather put your best self forward? Sober me is so much better at everything. I like to write too and felt more inspired when drinking.. but when I look back at the writing, painting I have done.. I cant say it was my best work because I don't know what it would look like if I was sober.. my guess is that maybe it would be a lot better.
Have you seen the movie 28 days (Sandra Bullock) she was a writer and an alcoholic in the movie, this might give you some inspiration
Last edited by lovingliving; 03-30-2016 at 10:17 AM. Reason: wanted to address artistic ability sober
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
You don't need help from booze for creative inspiration.
Just like alcoholism is a progressive disease so will be your inability to tap into the creative well over time the more you continue to drink.
You are destroying brain pathways with alcohol. Depending on how severe the problem was for you you may have to dig a little deeper, work a little harder to find inspiration.
You are not your authentic self when you are drinking.
And the truth is, many of us don't know our authentic selves when we're sober either.
Part of recovery is working to find that. There is inspiration to be had every where in life.
Read a lot. Get out in nature. Carry a journal with you wherever you go. Write as much as you can. There's so much more I could add....
I honestly couldn't write properly when I was drinking. I was so full of heartfelt, earnest BS. I think so much clearer without drinking and the words tumble out and ideas form with clarity again. I'm able to look at things deeper and find new ideas and it's fun... and exciting.
I think if you really want to grow. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Instead of being a recluse, hit up meetings. Go to writing workshops. Try it on for size, being that person you described as you are drinking without the booze.
I think that one of the beautiful things about not knowing who we really are is that is opens us up to being able to be whatever we want to try to be.
Like writing a story.
Just like alcoholism is a progressive disease so will be your inability to tap into the creative well over time the more you continue to drink.
You are destroying brain pathways with alcohol. Depending on how severe the problem was for you you may have to dig a little deeper, work a little harder to find inspiration.
You are not your authentic self when you are drinking.
And the truth is, many of us don't know our authentic selves when we're sober either.
Part of recovery is working to find that. There is inspiration to be had every where in life.
Read a lot. Get out in nature. Carry a journal with you wherever you go. Write as much as you can. There's so much more I could add....
I honestly couldn't write properly when I was drinking. I was so full of heartfelt, earnest BS. I think so much clearer without drinking and the words tumble out and ideas form with clarity again. I'm able to look at things deeper and find new ideas and it's fun... and exciting.
I think if you really want to grow. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Instead of being a recluse, hit up meetings. Go to writing workshops. Try it on for size, being that person you described as you are drinking without the booze.
I think that one of the beautiful things about not knowing who we really are is that is opens us up to being able to be whatever we want to try to be.
Like writing a story.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
I know without a shadow of doubt that I am not my true, authentic self when I drink. I used to believe that drinking made me 'myself'- wittier, more creative, more social.
It's a facade. A mask. Alcohol makes me selfish, self absorbed and at times, obnoxious.
It's a facade. A mask. Alcohol makes me selfish, self absorbed and at times, obnoxious.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
We drinkers have a way of talking ourselves into believing things that aren't necessarily true (we are special like that) and we are masters at justifying why we drink. Alcohol doesn't give you inspiration any more than Red Bull gives you wings. You have just talked yourself into thinking it does.
After we have drank for awhile, when we stop it take some time to clear our minds. Maybe you have mistaken that period of time, when your brain is trying to heal, as being less creative when sober? Just a thought. But I do believe that, given time, you will experience a better "you" sober than you ever dreamed of being while drinking. Glad you are back with us!
After we have drank for awhile, when we stop it take some time to clear our minds. Maybe you have mistaken that period of time, when your brain is trying to heal, as being less creative when sober? Just a thought. But I do believe that, given time, you will experience a better "you" sober than you ever dreamed of being while drinking. Glad you are back with us!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi and welcome walkingonair.
For me alcohol was an attempt to make me into who I thought I had to be - the witty racounteur holding court, or the party hard rockstar*.
I'm actually neither of those things - but it took me 40 years to accept and learn to love the real quieter me.
If you feel the outgoing party guy is the real you, that's fine...we're all different...
but no one should need alcohol to feel real....if you feel you do, you may be kidding yourself?
As far as creativity goes...what was first a tool in aiding me to get creative completely robbed me of my creativity in the end.
Truth be told, it's taken a very long time for me to get it back to what it was, but I have, and it's worth it
I hope you stick around
D
* Of course what really happened was I ended up obnoxious embarrassing or passed out - sometimes all three.
For me alcohol was an attempt to make me into who I thought I had to be - the witty racounteur holding court, or the party hard rockstar*.
I'm actually neither of those things - but it took me 40 years to accept and learn to love the real quieter me.
If you feel the outgoing party guy is the real you, that's fine...we're all different...
but no one should need alcohol to feel real....if you feel you do, you may be kidding yourself?
As far as creativity goes...what was first a tool in aiding me to get creative completely robbed me of my creativity in the end.
Truth be told, it's taken a very long time for me to get it back to what it was, but I have, and it's worth it
I hope you stick around
D
* Of course what really happened was I ended up obnoxious embarrassing or passed out - sometimes all three.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Some great points here. Couple questions: How exactly has drinking helped your writing? You win a Pulitzer or something? I don't mean to be harsh. But the reality is that unless you're actually working on your craft, studying your prose, and putting hours and hours of study into your work...you're not going to be where you want to be.
Don't fool yourself. Hemmingways and Hunter S. Thompson's don't grow on trees. They are the exception, not the rule. Same goes for the greats of rock and roll, the great painters, the great athletes, and so forth.
C'mon, man! You can do this. If you really have "it", then you've got to be sober to cultivate that talent. Make that sacrifice. The first thing is to put down that drink and get a hold of some support and a plan. We're here to help you with advice if you need help getting sober. Good luck and welcome!
Don't fool yourself. Hemmingways and Hunter S. Thompson's don't grow on trees. They are the exception, not the rule. Same goes for the greats of rock and roll, the great painters, the great athletes, and so forth.
C'mon, man! You can do this. If you really have "it", then you've got to be sober to cultivate that talent. Make that sacrifice. The first thing is to put down that drink and get a hold of some support and a plan. We're here to help you with advice if you need help getting sober. Good luck and welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 51
A lot of alcoholics are very creative people. Whatever it is, we trick ourselves into thinking substance abuse is the answer.
I'm a math and science guy, but arguably my best skills are in music production. I like Fleetwood Mac and a lot of obscure death metal bands
Really though, everyone loves a sober alcoholic.
I'm a math and science guy, but arguably my best skills are in music production. I like Fleetwood Mac and a lot of obscure death metal bands
Really though, everyone loves a sober alcoholic.
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