Colleen1234

Hi everyone,

Am seeing if anyone has any good self-help book recommendations? My boyfriend just finished detox for heroin. He is a previous user (12 years ago and the past 7 months). I am going to read "Codependent No More" and " Beyond Addiction : how science and kindness help people change : a guide for families" but wonder if anyone has any other suggestions? My therapist suggested Al-Anon's "One Day at a Time" too.

I am not sure where we are going to go forward in our relationship because there were many lies and emotional cheating on his part but either way I want to support his sobriety. Thank you!

atalose

I think there is tremendous knowledge and a wealth of information in the sticky’s at the top of this page.

When we talk – SELF-HELP and loving an addict – Codependent No More is your best tool.

Reality is, your presents in his life didn’t make him use drugs and your presents in his life isn’t going to get him clean.

We can always be supportive from afar especially to people who have used us and lied to us and cheated on us.

CodeJob

You've got an excellent start. I think there's a sticky thread in the upper section in a few areas that are updated periodically.

Brene Brown does excellent work on vulnerability and empathy. You can watch some of her Youtube stuff to see if you like her.

CaringScared

Hi Colleen,

It's not about recovery per se, though there is a very pertinent chapter on drug abuse. But a book that has been really helpful to me is "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. It's really good at helping you decide what is yours to own, what is your partner's, what is God's, etc--and I have found a good deal of peace from it.

I found it through Gabor Mate's book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts." This is an excellent book. Not a light read by any means, but a very compassionate book about addiction that examines the science and reality thoroughly.

The man I haven't seen in five months is addicted to crack. I am having to learn from all the kind compassionate people on this board who counsel loving from a distance. I held on until I couldn't. I still feel guilty, but I think that's a symptom of my own unhealthy thinking--why do I feel guilty? His crack addiction makes a mutual relationship very hard and I didn't stick the pipe in his lips.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there but you are to be congratulated for looking for some resources to improve your situation, and good luck to you.

AnvilheadII

but either way I want to support his sobriety.

let's hope HE has half as much interest and enthusiasm in HIS recovery and you do! that's where we need to be careful, that we don't become the cheerleader, quarterback AND coach for HIS team while he fails to show up for practice.

it's really a lot like someone deciding to get serious about weight loss - either thru a restructured diet, exercise program or a combo of both. if WE eat salad, THEY don't lose weight. even if we go to the gym WITH them, we can't lift their weights for them, and no matter how many miles WE log on the treadmill, it doesn't FIX or CHANGE them one teeny bit.

but if we take our dieting friend to dinner, we can avoid the All You Can Eat and Endless Dessert buffet and pick a venue with healthier greener choices. and we can make sure to get the stinky workout clothes washed and the gym bag aired out. but that is really about all WE can do FOR them.......their success will be exactly equivalent to the amount of effort THEY put in.

Ann

Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie (author of Codependent no More) offers wonderful daily readings and I refer to it often to keep my recovery fresh.

Good luck.

FeelingGreat

This one is pretty old, and doesn't deal with addiction as such, but it is fabulous for teaching a very structured way of dealing with difficult people, relationships, manipulation etc without burning all your bridges.

It's called 'When I say No I feel Guilty' by Manuel Smith.