Ianidus

Hi, as I mentioned earlier, I am giving up today but I need to go back to why it started. When I was young I was very, very naughty. Alas that was 20 odd years ago but I still have that naughty side and I actually love being bad ,like you've no idea how much of a kick I get from it. I found at a young age that alcohol supressed my desires to make mischief and 20 years later I'm giving up and I'm worried what I may unleash on the area once I start looking for kicks again if it comes back. Has anyone ever been this way or are you still ? how do you cope with it ?

Id like to just mention that ive never hurt a soul and never will but I'm already starting to wonder what I can do to cause some rukkas and its only been 7 hours

doggonecarl

Acting out is a choice, and you can choose not do. Part of your recovery needs to address this aspect of your personality. But as far as alcohol suppressing your desire to be bad, if you drank like I did, it was pretty bad in its own right.

You have two things to combat. Good luck.

Bunny211

Go to a meeting and talk about JUST that. Yes, I hear you. My sponsor was 5 years sober and she stole a package of barrettes from the drug store because she couldn't STAND being so good all the time. Alcoholics and addicts are thrill seekers. Once you get some sober time under your belt you can put that thrill seeking to good use -- sky diving, rock climbing, skiing etc. The world awaits!

Ianidus

yeah I called a place today and they said they will call me today. this is the last time that I try counselling as the first place they referred me to never got in touch after I called them. If they don't call today, then I don't know what ill do.

ScottFromWI

Good for you on seeking help via counseling. If they don't call you back call again - keep bugging them until they get an appointment set for you.

Ianidus

I'm a very proud man, it was hard enough to ask for help. I wont ask a second time it would be humiliating to me.

However I'm going to throw all that aside and trust what people here say so I will call again tomorrow against my better judgment but I will let them know I was disappointed. Thank you ScottFromWI

Ariesagain

We all have an inner brat (mine is all about "But I HATE cleaning the bathroom!)but 20 years is a long time and you have no doubt grown up a bit despite the alcohol.

It does sound a little like your addiction is setting up your escape clause? "If you don't drink I'll see to it that you act out and then we can get back to drinking and ruining your life right on schedule."

Asking for help takes more guts than pretending we don't need it. Good for you!