blueberry2015

Deal with a family member whom is an untreated alcoholic?

Im finding this hard, and can feel some resentments coming in about it. Its not that I dont understand why the person is drinking but its more the frustration of them not seeing it.

I need to get this out there as it is bothering me.

Ariesagain

All you can do is concentrate on keeping your own wagon on the road and be a quiet example of a better way to live.

I have this frustration in my life, as well, but I also know that nobody could have told me anything until I came to my own conclusions. We can be a teensy tiny wee bit stubborn that way

blueberry2015

Yes I keep reminding myself that I too lived in that denial. It is so hard. I need to look at why I feel resentful towards her I feel. It IS causing problems within the family, my son doesnt want to be around her, my sister in law wont speak to her anymore because when she does she is always drunk. I feel unsupported at times (its my mum, she is supportive of me in other things but I guess I am expecting the impossible if I ask for her support on this). I am having to establish boundaries with her so that her drinking doesnt have an impact on my sobriety. Its not an easy situation to be in.

grubby

Ignore them? So simple.

My dad is a life-time alkie, I just avoid him and leave him to his devices.

Only person you can change is yourself, so don't worry about these other people.

blueberry2015

I wish it were that easy, shes my mum and plays a significant role in my life and that of my family. My dad died four years ago,(non alcoholic) I couldnt bare to lose her too.

Acheleus

When I got sober i felt a lot of distance between me and my father. He drinks everday and we used to drink a lot together. I think i have had to accept that he has a problem but I do not say anything. It is difficult sometimes to be left alone but it is how things are. I hope you feel better! Have a great evening!

grubby

I see.

It's still ultimately it's up to her what she wants to do. I don't even try to bring this up w/ my dad, he's been drinking for decades and decades, I don't think he will ever quit. The longer a person has been at this, the harder it is to quit.

Like you, I sometimes worry about my dad dying, but we all die eventually so there's no point in fretting over the inevitable. My dad will be 70 soon. To be honest I'm surprised he is still alive with all the drinking and smoking that he does, I guess he just has good genes.

Like I said, we can only change ourselves. Change comes from within, it's a personal choice. I think the best you can do is try to persuade her or talk her out of the drinking habit, but that's about it. Maybe point her to this website, for example?

Soberwolf

Has to be the person Blue if they want to get sober x

blueberry2015

Yes, ive tried all that she keeps saying to me "your're only saying this because you're an alcoholic, Im not like you" I think you're right, there is nothing I can do until she wants to stop herself. She has tried to stop and ive been hugely supportive of her but only lasts a week and she straight back to square one. Maybe that is what I find frustrating.

blueberry2015

I know x Im finding it hard tho x

blueberry2015

Yes x Thank you x

grubby

Hahahahahaha

Claims to be non-alcoholic..... but can't stay off the bottle for more than a week

I think a true non-alkie can "take it or leave it". They can go to a party or bar, get wasted, and then not think about alcohol for a month. It's not even an issue or "after thought" for them. Normal people can go to a wedding or social event and get wasted and then not drink for months.

On the other hand, an alkie is constantly thinking about it, "daydreaming" or "romanticizing" it, etc. An alkie "can't wait" to drink again, and so on.

blueberry2015

Lol! I know! When she says this to me Im like erm.... yes you are mother!!!! Drinking whiskey at half 10 of a morning is NOT what normal drinkers do. I just find it sooooooo frustrating that she cant see her drinking is abnormal. Im gonna have to let this go arent I? There is nothing I can do until she wants to completely abstain. She says shes going to cut down etc etc done all those things I tried to do and always goes back to square one.

Jade1224

Shes definitely not a normal drinker. Im sad for her. I think you can tell her until youre blue in the face but only she can see it for herself!

Jade1224

She needs to stop completely, not try to moderate.

blueberry2015

Deep down, like I did she knows her drinking is a problem. She just hasnt got to the stage of where enough is enough. Thinks she can control it etc. There IS nothing I can do.

Anna

Blueberry, I hope that you can come to accept the situation with your mother. The most important thing is for you to not put your recovery in jeopardy. If it means stepping back from your mother for awhile, or to not be around her when she's drinking, then do that. You have worked hard to get where you are and I wouldn't want to see you lose it.

Delizadee

I think most of us have to experience some level of our own bottom to really want to get help.

I know it's painful and frustrating but at the end if the day you only have control over you and your own sobriety.

blueberry2015

I do too. I worry for her. In some ways im hoping her liver tests she due soon comes back with high ezymes so she will SEE what its doing to her.

Jade1224

Sometimes it has to get really bad before it can get better. She might need to hit her own rock bottom. Its hard enough to quit and it makes it especially hard because she's in denial.