thinklove1013

Hello all. I'm 23 years old and have spent far too much of my life losing the battle against alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic and so I've seen the damage drinking can do, but for some reason I'm just stubborn. I worked in a bar and got drunk often, quit the job to get away from the alcohol and have been doing *relatively* good so far. But I still get monthly relapses. I don't vomit, or "black out" per se, so I consider myself invincible. I'm so tired of hurting those around me who love me. I hate who I am when I binge drink. I wish I could undo it all.
I'm really sad about going to see my therapist this week and telling her "I made a mistake". I'm tired of this cycle. I feel like I've worn out my "I'm going to stop drinking" card and that I don't even know if I believe myself anymore. I don't even want to go to Easter tomorrow because I feel so negative about myself.
How do you keep yourself positive when relapsing? I guess I just haven't accepted that it's a lifelong issue I'll never be able to forget.
Best of luck to everybody and their recovery and I hope we can do this together!

least

The best thing I did for my recovery was to practice gratitude every day. It put my focus on the positive and reminded me of what I had to be sober for.

Our beloved CarolD used to say, you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Renew12

Glad your here... Keep coming back. Agree, gratitude is powerfully positive.

Soberwolf

Welcome Thinklove to a great community in sobriety & helping everyone achieve it

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.

You're young and have a good grip on the thought that you may have a problem.
I relapsed so many times I used up every card in Vegas, to go with your analogy.
I mean, I failed and failed. So, so many times. But I never gave up trying.
I finally realized I needed help. I wanted to go to an AA meeting. I was so afraid of that. The first four times I circled the block, too afraid to go in but in my heart I was willing.
I finally made it in. It was a speaker meeting and I didn't have to say anything.

It changed my life there, like here, because here were people just like me. Uniting to solve our common problem with drink.
I would drink again, but it was never the same. A bug had been planted in my head. There was a way out if I was willing. I was.
It's been five years three months since I've found the need to dink alcohol. One day at a time.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I beat myself up about my 'weakness' for years.
Why couldn't I just stop? I found I was a late stage drunk. I was addicted. Mentally and physically.
Watch out for the 'yets', like I don't blackout. If you're anything like me, you will. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive and relapsing disease. If left untreated, things can and will get worse.
I'm older than you by quite a bit. I knew I had a problem at your age, but I was having too much fun drinking. And I was always drinking. Little did I know how low I would sink. A daily drinker. The fear, remorse and gut wrenching anxiety of the hangovers which also got progressively worse.

AA is great, this place is great and there are other programs that people use.
I really hope you can stop now. I come from a long line of alcoholics, too. I watched them die. But that's a good reason to stop now.

Sorry so wordy but I just want you to know you're not alone and you can stop and that there is hope.
I wish you the best.

Jade1224

Alcoholism IS a progressive disease. I know this because it happened to me. When I drank I couldn't stop. Once I got started, I was done for.

But I never woke up wanting a drink until a few months ago.

It's a dangerous road.

You can get it under control now and save yourself the pain...

Jsbodhi

Oh god I relapsed and failed at so many attempts to stop drinking it was getting embarrassing.
You just gotta keep trying, it'll stick. Xoxo
I never used to black out either- now I blackout every time I drink- and I was never a daily drinker.
Trust me, the blackouts will come, they always come after a while