Question from a massive screw up (first post)
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 9
Question from a massive screw up (first post)
Hi everyone.
I'm hoping you guys can help me with something.
I'm a late-twenties woman. I live with my sisters and mother in the US and I'm a part-time secretary. I spend a lot of time on Tumblr.
Alcohol helped me to ruin the career I worked on through my early and mid twenties. It then helped me wallow in shame at moving home and becoming s secretary when I used to feel like I was gonna be somebody. I've been trying to quit drinking and then deciding that I can drink safely after all for one reason or another, and then having more horrible consequences, for about three years. I've tried everything to stay sober. I've done the steps of AA and lived that AA life. I've tried belonging to an online Lifering group and doing that whole online support deal. I've tried therapy. I've read so many books on how to stay sober I could fake expertise.
Today is the day after a ten-day binge that led me to do many bad things, and to finally unlock that vaunted achievement, Drinking A Whole Bottle of Liquor in 24 Hours.
I should feel despair, considering how epically and unusually unsuccessful I have been in staying sober. But I don't feel despair because I realized something that makes it all make so much more sense: I don't want to stop and stay stopped. I love drinking too much. I love it more than anything else. That's an awful thing to say, but it's true. It's kind of all I have.
So if I want to end the consequences of drinking, which I do, I have to make myself want to be sober for good. I have to stop wanting to drink.
How do I do that?
I'm hoping you guys can help me with something.
I'm a late-twenties woman. I live with my sisters and mother in the US and I'm a part-time secretary. I spend a lot of time on Tumblr.
Alcohol helped me to ruin the career I worked on through my early and mid twenties. It then helped me wallow in shame at moving home and becoming s secretary when I used to feel like I was gonna be somebody. I've been trying to quit drinking and then deciding that I can drink safely after all for one reason or another, and then having more horrible consequences, for about three years. I've tried everything to stay sober. I've done the steps of AA and lived that AA life. I've tried belonging to an online Lifering group and doing that whole online support deal. I've tried therapy. I've read so many books on how to stay sober I could fake expertise.
Today is the day after a ten-day binge that led me to do many bad things, and to finally unlock that vaunted achievement, Drinking A Whole Bottle of Liquor in 24 Hours.
I should feel despair, considering how epically and unusually unsuccessful I have been in staying sober. But I don't feel despair because I realized something that makes it all make so much more sense: I don't want to stop and stay stopped. I love drinking too much. I love it more than anything else. That's an awful thing to say, but it's true. It's kind of all I have.
So if I want to end the consequences of drinking, which I do, I have to make myself want to be sober for good. I have to stop wanting to drink.
How do I do that?
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Don't give up. Try, try again. But don't keep trying things that haven't worked. Support, AA, and therapy helps an awful lot of people. But it didn't help me, and it sounds like it didn't help you. So, either try those approaches with a different mindset, or explore new approaches.
There are other recovery philosophies that might suit you; do a little reading and see if something sounds good. Look up SMART, Women for Sobriety, and Reformers Unanimous (this one is Christian) for starters.
Like you, I LOVED drinking!!! LOVED it!!! But fortunately, there were a few other things I wanted out of life as well. What helped me fan the flames of my embryonic desire toward sobriety was realizing how much more I wanted to do and become in my life. And it wasn't gonna happen while I was drinking. I did a lot of reading on the subject of "peak performance." That spoke to me. I wanted to be in great physical shape, I wanted to take my business to the next level, and I wanted a higher caliber of men in my life. Not tired, complacent, washed up guys.
See if you can imagine something you want out of life. Do you want to "be somebody" as you said? Do you want your career back up and growing? Whatever the dream is, you'll need to be sober to do it.
I'm not sure if this helps, but I hope so, and I'm definitely pulling for you. I'm 73 days sober, and life is going in the right direction...fast!
It sounds like you are or were a fairly ambitious woman. Tap into your personal North Star and let it motivate you.
There are other recovery philosophies that might suit you; do a little reading and see if something sounds good. Look up SMART, Women for Sobriety, and Reformers Unanimous (this one is Christian) for starters.
Like you, I LOVED drinking!!! LOVED it!!! But fortunately, there were a few other things I wanted out of life as well. What helped me fan the flames of my embryonic desire toward sobriety was realizing how much more I wanted to do and become in my life. And it wasn't gonna happen while I was drinking. I did a lot of reading on the subject of "peak performance." That spoke to me. I wanted to be in great physical shape, I wanted to take my business to the next level, and I wanted a higher caliber of men in my life. Not tired, complacent, washed up guys.
See if you can imagine something you want out of life. Do you want to "be somebody" as you said? Do you want your career back up and growing? Whatever the dream is, you'll need to be sober to do it.
I'm not sure if this helps, but I hope so, and I'm definitely pulling for you. I'm 73 days sober, and life is going in the right direction...fast!
It sounds like you are or were a fairly ambitious woman. Tap into your personal North Star and let it motivate you.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,695
Have you ever gone for inpatient treatment? It seems you have tried alot of ways but, are stuck and could really use a fresh outlook on life. Maybe it is time to get away from the old ways and reinvent yourself and your future. It is the Easter season. Easter brings us hope. I hope you find the help you need.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Glad your here. 
Perhaps, since you have an AA background, you could pray to your HP (if you have one) for the willingness, desire for sobriety. Maybe, try making a list of positives & negatives. Seeing the pros & cons on paper may give you some insight to what is more important for your life. Possibly, helping to alleviate your internal struggle.
I'm guessing you've heard others stories in AA. You, may know alcoholism gets worse over time. Not better. You truly have to want sobriety more than getting drunk.
Hope you'll keep reading this sight. Keep posting. There's wisdom, support, love, and many other resources. You can do this!...
Perhaps, since you have an AA background, you could pray to your HP (if you have one) for the willingness, desire for sobriety. Maybe, try making a list of positives & negatives. Seeing the pros & cons on paper may give you some insight to what is more important for your life. Possibly, helping to alleviate your internal struggle.
I'm guessing you've heard others stories in AA. You, may know alcoholism gets worse over time. Not better. You truly have to want sobriety more than getting drunk.
Hope you'll keep reading this sight. Keep posting. There's wisdom, support, love, and many other resources. You can do this!...
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
I don't think anyone here has the power to make you want to get sober.
I liked to drink and I didn't think I had a problem with alcohol. That kept me enslaved to alcohol for 25 years...then for 10 more years I knew I had a problem, still couldn't quit. I could cut down, only to ramp it up over a period of time.
Then one day, after a night of uncontrolled drinking, I had a moment of clarity regarding the extent of my drinking and where it was headed. I stopped and haven't had a drink in over 5 1/2 years.
What's kept me sober? Realizing that sobriety wasn't a punishment. That I wasn't depriving myself of alcohol, that I was freeing myself from the grasp of a ruthless addiction. And the recognition that there was a big difference between abstinence and living and loving the sober life.
I'm not sorry I quit. I'm sorry I didn't do it when I was as young as you.
Originally Posted by iLikeThatWookie 
So if I want to end the consequences of drinking, which I do, I have to make myself want to be sober for good. I have to stop wanting to drink.
How do I do that?
How do I do that?
I liked to drink and I didn't think I had a problem with alcohol. That kept me enslaved to alcohol for 25 years...then for 10 more years I knew I had a problem, still couldn't quit. I could cut down, only to ramp it up over a period of time.
Then one day, after a night of uncontrolled drinking, I had a moment of clarity regarding the extent of my drinking and where it was headed. I stopped and haven't had a drink in over 5 1/2 years.
What's kept me sober? Realizing that sobriety wasn't a punishment. That I wasn't depriving myself of alcohol, that I was freeing myself from the grasp of a ruthless addiction. And the recognition that there was a big difference between abstinence and living and loving the sober life.
I'm not sorry I quit. I'm sorry I didn't do it when I was as young as you.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome ilikethatwookie great question & you have found the right place
I truly know having a plan or following a recovery programme is the best way to go here are some useful links
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
I truly know having a plan or following a recovery programme is the best way to go here are some useful links
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Welcome. I can only tell you what helped me...THERAPY.
Somebody I could tell everything and anything. From there, they just make you think. Give you different views and alternatives to what you've tried.
Drug and alcohol addiction is very common and they ALL have multiple clients with issues. So you won't be new to them.
It's in your head. It's a thought process or a belief you have. There may be a chemical imbalance and you may be self medicating too.
One way or another, I assure you, therapy is a DEAL BREAKER.
Somebody I could tell everything and anything. From there, they just make you think. Give you different views and alternatives to what you've tried.
Drug and alcohol addiction is very common and they ALL have multiple clients with issues. So you won't be new to them.
It's in your head. It's a thought process or a belief you have. There may be a chemical imbalance and you may be self medicating too.
One way or another, I assure you, therapy is a DEAL BREAKER.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I had to accept that the consequences of drinking and the loving the euphoria of intoxication were inseparable, not just that I wasn't able to manage them and keep them separate, but that for me the loving and the consequences were the same thing.
I had to quit both, but really I was choosing to not live the consequences. It turned out I didn't love the drinking as much as I was addicted to the idea that I did. I'd had enough of the consequences that even if I loved the drinking , I was still going to choose to stay quit of the drinking because the consequences were so dire .
Turns out , after sobering up and deciding no matter what to stay sober, instead of missing a thing I thought or once loved , I was able to see how far addiction had its hooks in me, and for how long.
I heard others speak of the leap of faith for years , and being very non religious, I always confused the notion , now I realize the leap was just believing that after becoming sober , what was once love would turn to revulsion.
My screen name was derived from the idea , dwtbd "don't want to be drunk" , at first an idea I was trying to pound into my head by being forced to type it in, now it's an effortless statement of fact.
Take the leap, it's worth it, you are worth it, you don't deserve the consequences if you don't want them, you Can make them stop, and you will find you are Not giving up anything worth having in the bargain
Wish you well and hope to see you around
I had to quit both, but really I was choosing to not live the consequences. It turned out I didn't love the drinking as much as I was addicted to the idea that I did. I'd had enough of the consequences that even if I loved the drinking , I was still going to choose to stay quit of the drinking because the consequences were so dire .
Turns out , after sobering up and deciding no matter what to stay sober, instead of missing a thing I thought or once loved , I was able to see how far addiction had its hooks in me, and for how long.
I heard others speak of the leap of faith for years , and being very non religious, I always confused the notion , now I realize the leap was just believing that after becoming sober , what was once love would turn to revulsion.
My screen name was derived from the idea , dwtbd "don't want to be drunk" , at first an idea I was trying to pound into my head by being forced to type it in, now it's an effortless statement of fact.
Take the leap, it's worth it, you are worth it, you don't deserve the consequences if you don't want them, you Can make them stop, and you will find you are Not giving up anything worth having in the bargain
Wish you well and hope to see you around
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
None of us can convince you to want to be sober. You have to convince yourself. If your most recent disaster hasn't made you want to get sober, I don't know what will. You must remember that if you continue drinking, it will get worse. How much worse will you let it get?
For me, I was just sick and tired of always waking up feeling horrible and hating myself.
I'm so glad I got sober and wish I had done it sooner.
For me, I was just sick and tired of always waking up feeling horrible and hating myself.
I'm so glad I got sober and wish I had done it sooner.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
We can give you our experiences, but no one here can convince you that you want to stop drinking. You will need to reach that point yourself. I hope you do make the decision to stop drinking because alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Welcome, like you I loved drinking despite the horrible consrquences. I too tried absolutely everything to quit. Even when I was drinking three bottles of wine a day, starting about 10:30, 11:00am, I still kept trying. I am currently in rehab, which I fought for years thinking I could never manage organizing my work, kids, etc. but I am here and it is the best thing I've ever done. Go check out my thread "The rehab report" for more information about what it is like. Best of luck and lots of love to you.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
I loved drinking too. I wasn't going to fight a losing battle with alcohol. I knew I was going to lose if I continued on with my addiction so I surrendered. I gave up. I then made some life changes. Stopped hanging out with people who weren't good for me. Went to meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps. You can do it too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 34
Welcome iLikeThatWookie, and a huge congratulations on having the best username ever! I totally relate to what your saying. Stay strong, there's some great advice on here. These lovely people having been giving me some amazing advice on my own problems lately and i couldnt be happier to be a part of a great community! Stick with us! x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Germany
Posts: 81
Hi there,
I too loved drinking! I guess that is what makes me an alcoholic. ..
What helped me is to get a sponsor. And what got me dry is that I prayed to god/higher power/buddha nature/Tao/Brahman whatever people called it across all cultures for aeons...
And, seriously, after I prayed I really felt how this heavy burden was taken off me.
Iīm dontīt have a religion but this is really what happened.
Want to share more of your experiences in AA?
I too loved drinking! I guess that is what makes me an alcoholic. ..
What helped me is to get a sponsor. And what got me dry is that I prayed to god/higher power/buddha nature/Tao/Brahman whatever people called it across all cultures for aeons...
And, seriously, after I prayed I really felt how this heavy burden was taken off me.
Iīm dontīt have a religion but this is really what happened.
Want to share more of your experiences in AA?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome aboard ILikethatWookie. Like the others are saying, no one can make you want to get sober. You've got to get to that point on your own.
After 20 years of heavy drinking, I had convinced myself that I truly didn't have a problem. As my drinking progressively got worse, I was justifying drinking mid morning and at work, every day.
Our mind can create an illusion to keep us wanting alcohol. Bottom line is, life without alcohol was scary for most of us before quitting. Now, life with alcohol is truly a blessing, life opens up again. This takes a lot of work on your part, dedication and commitment. But it is doable and you will be able to enjoy everything you have in front of you. I promise with determination, you will get there and be so happy to be in control of you again.
I sure wish I had quit in my mid / late twenties. You deserve to be happy and have the keys to get you there. Lean on us to help you through the tough times.
Welcome to SR.
After 20 years of heavy drinking, I had convinced myself that I truly didn't have a problem. As my drinking progressively got worse, I was justifying drinking mid morning and at work, every day.
Our mind can create an illusion to keep us wanting alcohol. Bottom line is, life without alcohol was scary for most of us before quitting. Now, life with alcohol is truly a blessing, life opens up again. This takes a lot of work on your part, dedication and commitment. But it is doable and you will be able to enjoy everything you have in front of you. I promise with determination, you will get there and be so happy to be in control of you again.
I sure wish I had quit in my mid / late twenties. You deserve to be happy and have the keys to get you there. Lean on us to help you through the tough times.
Welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
I'm another that loved drinking, eventually I had to look at my life and how alcohol had stopped my development in every way. I forgave myself and decided I needed to stay sober to give myself a shot of a real life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi and welcome
Like others have said, I don;t know how to make someone want to stop drinking - if I did I'd be rich
What I do know is I came here to SR in two minds...I wanted to drink, and yet I didn't.
Reading and posting here, and especially, helping others helped me fan that little spark in me that wanted recovery.
It sputtered into life and it's never gone out since.
I was scared of gicing up my old life but the tursth is this life is a million times better. I love life and I love myself. I could never say that when I was drinking.
I gave years to drinking - I figured I owed myself at least a few months recovery to see how that turned out.
I hope you'll decide the same.
D
Like others have said, I don;t know how to make someone want to stop drinking - if I did I'd be rich
What I do know is I came here to SR in two minds...I wanted to drink, and yet I didn't.
Reading and posting here, and especially, helping others helped me fan that little spark in me that wanted recovery.
It sputtered into life and it's never gone out since.
I was scared of gicing up my old life but the tursth is this life is a million times better. I love life and I love myself. I could never say that when I was drinking.
I gave years to drinking - I figured I owed myself at least a few months recovery to see how that turned out.
I hope you'll decide the same.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
I drank an ocean of beer over 30 years. Had 5 DUI's, other legal problems. I love beer especially the good kind...cold. I've taken a hell of a beating over the years and always come back for more. I can't really tell you what made me think I'd had enough. I still have some money and time and could go another round but I'm really just tried of it. How do you get to the point you want to stop drinking? Just keep drinking and let it pound down to nothing. Eventually you will probably get tired or it will kill you.
"It's kind of all I have." I have felt like this too many times. It's Not true. The longer I'm sober the more I recognize how much more there is to me and how much more I have than self destruction found at the bottom of a brown bottle.
"It's kind of all I have." I have felt like this too many times. It's Not true. The longer I'm sober the more I recognize how much more there is to me and how much more I have than self destruction found at the bottom of a brown bottle.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Read the Sucess Principles by Jack Canfield. And keep reading everyone's stories here. Maybe by finding what resonates in you with others will help you find your way back to being and to help you find all the reasons you want to be sober.
Sober life cam be better.
Alcohol is a thief that robs us blind of our self worth and true sense of being. It ain't your friend.
But you are always among friends here.
Sober life cam be better.
Alcohol is a thief that robs us blind of our self worth and true sense of being. It ain't your friend.
But you are always among friends here.
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