lovingliving

I have been trying to quit drinking for years.. I can usually go a few days or weeks but then I think I am fine and go right back to it. I know I am not fine, I can never have just one or 2 drinks, I always end up having 10 or more.

Anyway, I was married for 15 years to a man who also liked to drink, we entertained etc. I always thought that when/if we divorced I wouldn't want to drink anymore, sort of blamed him but now I realise, 4 years after divorce that the problem was my own, and I will own it.

That said I have been in another relationship (engaged) to a man who also likes to drink a lot , almost as much as me and I am starting to think that this may not be the healthiest environment for someone who is trying to stay sober.

When I told my ex husband (married at the time) I wanted to quit drinking he said I was being selfish and its not fair to him or our friends (ya, real supportive thanks) I knew I could not stay with him and be healthy so I left after 15 years. Now I am back in the same situation and feel trapped again in an unhealthy relationship with a man who has a drinking problem. The men in my life never seem to want me to stop? Why not? Probably because they want a partner to booze with?

HELP. What should I do. I don't really have the finances to live on my own right now and I have two kids that I will not be able to afford to house without splitting housing costs with him. I am feverishly looking for a better job. I am worried that staying here will sabatoge my sobriety. I really don't want to drink again. Is it possible to stay sober while in a relationship with someone who still drinks?

AddictGuy

I think back to Sam on that old show "Cheers". He was a former lush, but made up his mind that he was through drinking and yet there he was still a bartender. I don't recall if he was in AA or if it was ever mentioned, but I know people who just made up their minds for themselves, maybe with some help from a support group and they could go to festivals and serve drinks all day. They just had their minds made up and that was that. It's not about what other people think you should do or how they think you are the most fun. We can't blame them. It's our walk. It's our life. Drinking is not something you want to do, so just don't do it. And yeah, I can see looking for that better paying job too.

least

If you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober in the face of difficulties. It's harder when your partner drinks, but it can still be done.

doggonecarl

If you can own the problem, you can own the solution too!

Is it hard to get sober with a loved one who is drinking? Yes.

Impossible? No.

lovingliving

Your right. I spent the last 15 years with my ex husband blaming him for my continued drinking but after I left him nothing really changed, I still continued to drink. Its me that has to stop drinking regardless of what others around me are doing.

Soberwolf

I like to keep my home alcohol free non alcoholics shouldn't have a problem with this ?

tomsteve

in all honesty and just my opinion, im reading problems deeper than alcoholism, that being in a marraige with a drinket to another- maybe some codependency issues?

there is a solution!

lots of double winners here!

have you talked to the new man about this?

SoberinSyracuse

Yes, it is possible to be sober while others close to you are not.

We live in a world full of people using alcohol, or not, in various ways. We must decide what we want for ourselves. We can't let other people's habits or decisions influence our own.

I've found that since I've become sober, and am unequivocal in this decision, I don't need to avoid alcohol, or people who use it. It is possible, once you are set in your decision. And until you really are set in the decision, I'm not sure it's possible to "outrun" alcohol. It's everywhere. If your sobriety depends on its not being around, sooner or later, you're gonna fall.

When I explained to someone close to me (a pretty heavy drinker) that I was going to quit, and what my reasons were, he was very supportive. He cares about me, wants to see me achieve my goals in life, etc. Perhaps your S.O. will feel the same way?

AnvilheadII

watch out, recovery might be bad for the relationship!!!! sometimes when we come out of the fog and into the light, we SEE things we never noticed before........and not all of them are pretty or nice. some people are just really good drinking buddies......but not so good at just buddies....

time will tell. get YOU sober and then see what happens!

lovingliving

Yes, this is exactly what I am afraid of. My fiancé drives me up the wall when I am sober. My ex-husband treated me like garbage all the time. I knew these things while in the relationship but drinking was a way of ignoring or coping with it. Sober, I am not sure how I will tolerate it. Sad, I know.

Dee74

Having a partner who drinks is a challenge, but it's not a dealbreaker lovingliving....as you can see there are many member here who deal with this.

The great thing is there is support for you in places like AA, SMART or Lifering, and right here at SR.

You can do this, irrespective of whether Hubby drinks or not

D