samantha14

Okay so this is day one for me AGAIN....I just got back from what was supposed to be a romantic few days away with my husband but as usual I screwed it all up.... The first two days were great, and then came the wine tour...that was Monday....I don't remember Tuesday at all.... I keep telling myself that I can handle this, I can control it rather than it controlling me.....but I am so tired of the feelings of remorse and guilt and such dark shame.....I can't even apologize to him anymore - the words don't mean anything and he is barely looking me in the eyes.....the worst part is that to make these feelings go away all I need to do is take that first drink.....

Sorry if this is confused and rambling....just trying to get the words out.....

I should say I am a 40 year old woman with three kids and a pretty high stress job, who has been drinking for about 10 years - I can go forever without drinking but then I can't control it and I end up right here where I am today....

least

Welcome to the family. I promise you, if you get sober now you won't have to carry regret like a heavy burden anymore.

I made promises to my kids that I would stop drinking, but I didn't do it. I had to get to the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I hope we can help you get to that point too.

ChloeRose63

Who suggested a wine tour to an alcoholic? Seems you were sabatoged. Sorry to hear that your get-a-way took you all-the-way back to Day 1. Just begin again knowing you can not drink alcohol anymore. Make a plan to stop. Glad you are here for help. You might want to find an AA meeting near you for more support.

SolidKarma

I understand if you don't want to go into detail, but i'm curious about what happened? Did you end up sneaking wine on the tour? Did it cause you to go seek alcohol somewhere else?

I hope things start getting better for you.

samantha14

I think my number one saboteur is myself...how did you ever come to the place where you just accepted you had a drinking problem?? I feel like I can't seem to wrap my head around it....and my husband denies it as well....

I did tastings on the tour and then assured myself I could handle a bottle, which turned into two....and then all downhill from there....needless to say I spent all day in bed recovering on Tuesday.....

SoberinSyracuse

Sorry your trip got ruined. Can you pull a positive out of it at all? Like, you now know for certain that moderate drinking is not in the cards for you? With that "I Can Drink In Moderation" distraction out of the way, you'll find sobriety much easier and much more fulfilling (read: FUN).

You'll find things to do that you really enjoy, that don't involve alcohol. Honest. I wouldn't go on a wine tour myself. Not because I'd feel trapped into drinking, but because it would be awfully boring since I no longer drink. I'd choose some sightseeing or other activities instead.

If you kick the notion of "moderate drinking" to the curb and give yourself permission to be a nondrinker, you might be surprised how quickly things improve, No more guilt/remorse/shame/apology. Just a good life and good times with your husband.

SoberinSyracuse

When it was causing recurring problems in my life. To me, something that causes a problem is itself a problem.

And it was indeed causing problems. And over time, the problems got more frequent, and they got worse. Much worse.

At first, it was just feeling ashamed because of drinking too much at a gathering or something (like you just did). And then there were hangovers. And after a while, I was drinking more and more. And finally, I actually got a DUI.

It's already a problem for you. It ruined your getaway and has caused tension between you and your husband. How much more problem does it need to cause? It won't get better or stay the same. It will get worse. Why wait for the DUI to take action? Nip it now before it gets worse.

samantha14

Thank you for your honestly and insight

peekaboo5

I'm on day 3, and my husband denies I have a problem too. He even drank last night right in front of me. The biggest change for me is that I finally realize I have a problem. It's not for anyone else to determine or judge. It's mine, and I own it. He's not being overly supportive right now, but I know he will when he sees how strong my resolve is. Hopefully, your husband will too.

But seriously...a wine tour? No way I could do that right now either.

-Best wishes to you-

Anna

Oh yes, that's the hook, the way the disease wins again and I fell into that trap many times because it's really hard to look those feelings straight on and deal with them. But, that's how you get through it. You can do this!

doggonecarl

You can't go forever...today's post is evidence of that. You quit and then drank. As did most of us.

I'm not sure what prompted your drinking this last time, but if you do want to go forever not drinking, 1) accept that you can't drink--EVER, 2) take drinking off the table as an option, and 3) find a recovery method that supports your decision to never drink again.

samantha14

My husband is drinking some beers in the living room as we speak....I'm hiding in the bedroom trying to avoid it at all costs....wish this was easier....

Pressmetilihurt

I'm like you. I always think this time it'll be different. This last time I was handling it and then I wasn't. I was lying to myself. Making excuses. I had a moment of clarity while sobbing about a friend who had just drunk himself to death. I realize I wasn't "handling" it and that I'd only stop when I'd totaled my car or something. I feel good about my sobriety. I have 60 days today. I don't wanna go on a wine tour though. You can do this. You needed obviously to prove to yourself that you're done. Good job.

Soberwolf

Welcome Samantha

AnvilheadII

Samantha, i'm sorry your husband isn't GETTING it...on the one hand he says you don't have a problem, a big part of your "romantic" weekend including a WINE TOUR, so then you get to drinking (ahem, DUH!) and NOW he's so mad he won't look at you and is sitting in the other room.....DRINKING. maybe you aren't the only one with a problem??

however, right now, YOU gotta do for you. you need some help, some real live face to face support with other like minded sober individuals. people who DO get it. there are many sober support programs, please check them out!

to set yourself up for success, it's advised to get ALCOHOL out of the picture as much as possible. no more WINE tours, or brewery tastings, or meeting up at cocktail lounges. it would be ideal to have a booze free home......but your H isn't THERE yet. so you do the best you can!!! stay strong.

samantha14

Thank you for all the replies and support. I am already feeling stronger and not so alone. I am going to have a quiet night watching some Netflix tonight and then address the more poignant issues tomorrow....namely the drinking in the house for right now....

CaseyW

It's the first drink that gets us drunk because without the first one then the second and third and eighth ones can never follow.

Glad you've joined us, samantha14. This is a better way of life.

lovingliving

I just joined too. Same boat as you. I am engaged to a man that doesn't think I have a problem, probably because he has a drinking problem too. Its really hard when they start drinking in front of you.

My ex husband of 15 years would get really mad at me when I would over-drink but then also get mad a me if I suggested quitting saying I was being selfish and unfair to him and our social life. I left him 4 years ago, sadly my drinking never got better like I thought it would.

Its up to you, don't let him sidetrack you. He can continue to drink and there isn't much you can do about that. But I would be a bit frustrated that he would be mad at you for it yet not support you in trying to stop. Sounds like my ex-husband... uphill battle if he wont get on board

Fabela

I'm glad you're here, Samantha. This is a wonderful place for help and support.

ChloeRose63

Let him drink alone. Don't be in the same room. You did right by going to another room and posting. Don't buy alcohol for him or with him. Let him see you are serious about getting alcohol out of your life. Don 't cause tension just walk out of the room and get busy doing something you enjoy. Maybe he will come to a point when drinking alone isn't much fun or maybe not. But, you have to be strong and committed especially now. We are your support but, you really need to check out AA meetings where you can go and get away from the house.