Rough day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Rough day
I'm strong in my resolve to not drink, but today was an emotionally draining day on top of the chaos I am already facing with work. I made the decision to let someone go and today had to be the one to tell him. I've never had to do that before. It was the right thing to do and not personal but I still feel badly about the situation.
I hope tomorrow is a better. Those situations are tough, and all we can hope for is to handle them with grace, humility and kindness. I hope your load feels lighter tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I really can understand how you feel. Although I have never been allowed to fire someone, I do provide information to my boss about the person I supervise and she constantly thinks I am "throwing her under the bus".
My boss understands that he and I just disagree about aspects of what should be happening in our department .... but in the end he has an open mind and he is the boss so I (so far) follow what he requests.
It helps me to remember (given my past experiences with decisions not, in my opinion, in line with my best interests or "rights" (whatever), that the reason we take action is very often not personal if we are considerate people. But the effect on the person effected by our actions is VERY personal (money, respect, and lots of other things).
It's a difficult thing to deal with as both positions are "true". Mostly we have to learn how to deal with this. Buddhism has helped me and I think other things have helped others. Just find what helps you to survive this very sensitive world we live in hug
Nands
My boss understands that he and I just disagree about aspects of what should be happening in our department .... but in the end he has an open mind and he is the boss so I (so far) follow what he requests.
It helps me to remember (given my past experiences with decisions not, in my opinion, in line with my best interests or "rights" (whatever), that the reason we take action is very often not personal if we are considerate people. But the effect on the person effected by our actions is VERY personal (money, respect, and lots of other things).
It's a difficult thing to deal with as both positions are "true". Mostly we have to learn how to deal with this. Buddhism has helped me and I think other things have helped others. Just find what helps you to survive this very sensitive world we live in hug
Nands
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I've had to do it several times and hated it, even the time I fired a guy who was surfing porn on the company's Mac three hours a day. The worst was the people I had to lay off through no fault of their own. One of them actually told the HR person that I took it harder than they did!
Sending you a hug. It's good that you're a kind and empathetic person...I wouldn't want to be someone who can fire people and not care.
Sending you a hug. It's good that you're a kind and empathetic person...I wouldn't want to be someone who can fire people and not care.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Sending hugs your way.
I hope you can make some time to do something nice for yourself tonight- a hot bath, a nice walk outside or dinner with a friend.
I agree with Ariesagain that it's a positive thing that you care in many ways. Still, try not to take it too hard.
I hope you can make some time to do something nice for yourself tonight- a hot bath, a nice walk outside or dinner with a friend.
I agree with Ariesagain that it's a positive thing that you care in many ways. Still, try not to take it too hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Today is likely to be rough as well. It is to be his actual last day. I assumed he may not show... I attempted to ask before I left for the day yesterday and he wouldn't acknowledge me so I let it go. Fast forward to late in the evening, while I was visiting family, and I receive a text requesting to extend for one more week. Without giving all the details that isn't an option that will help. Add to it that I also know that me handling this correctly is also a reflection on me and my abilities to supervise and manage people ... And what is best from a business standpoint is to end this relationship now. Personally it's tearing me up though. I hate conflict and tend to avoid it as much as possible - and I struggle to not go from one end of the spectrum to the other by blowing a gasket when someone doesn't have a sense it was coming. I've tried every which way in this situation to be direct and express my concerns and frustrations to no avail. It's early morning and I'm already ready to put today behind me.
Sorry for the OT rambling.
Sorry for the OT rambling.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It sounds to me like you have a handle on this. If it's the best thing for the employer and it's "fair," then all you can do is handle this with dignity and respect and a bit of detachment. You know, some people just never get it and no amount of convincing or explaining will make any difference.
If this wasn't tearing you up more than at least a little bit, you'd be a bad supervisor in my opinion. Sucks to have to be hard-nosed and compassionate all at the same time, but that's what it takes to do it well.
Hang in there.
If this wasn't tearing you up more than at least a little bit, you'd be a bad supervisor in my opinion. Sucks to have to be hard-nosed and compassionate all at the same time, but that's what it takes to do it well.
Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Thanks. I don't really have a mentor at work and I work in a male dominated industry. I do have a pretty open relationship with my boss but I try not to always get in the weeds with him because I've learned from past experience that displaying all of your weaknesses and insecurities to the boss can be a bad idea in terms of how they view your abilities for future challenges and growth. I'm employing the "suck it up buttercup" philosophy to myself right now :-)
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