Need good vibes this week...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
Need good vibes this week...
Thursday is my wedding anniversary - 16 years. Next month is also the 1-year anniversary of when the excrement hit the proverbial fan - when AH was basically forced into rehab, went AWOL from rehab, quit his job, abandoned us, and I found out about his year-long affair with someone I knew and liked (to put it in a nutshell). :*******:
I've been feeling the weight of this more than I'd anticipated - I've been more emotional than normal (what is normal in a situation like this??) these past few days. I'm just letting it flow, knowing the tears are part of the healing process.
So, if you're so inclined, if you guys could just hold space for me, even if it's just while you're reading this, I could use a little extra boost of positivity for the next little while.
Thursday is my regular therapy appointment, so that will be a positive thing. Also, Thursday I'm planning to do something that is a necessary PIA chore but should be pretty empowering and a boost to my personal sense of badassery and independence - I'm installing a new invisible dog fence around my yard (1 acre). Go me!
I've been feeling the weight of this more than I'd anticipated - I've been more emotional than normal (what is normal in a situation like this??) these past few days. I'm just letting it flow, knowing the tears are part of the healing process.
So, if you're so inclined, if you guys could just hold space for me, even if it's just while you're reading this, I could use a little extra boost of positivity for the next little while.
Thursday is my regular therapy appointment, so that will be a positive thing. Also, Thursday I'm planning to do something that is a necessary PIA chore but should be pretty empowering and a boost to my personal sense of badassery and independence - I'm installing a new invisible dog fence around my yard (1 acre). Go me!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Hi TW. The "badassery" made me smile. Go you.
I'm sending you all the prayers, good karma, pixie dust and angel bombardments possible!! It does indeed sound like you have been through the wringer and are doing the hard work of grieving.
Big, big hug to you!
I'm sending you all the prayers, good karma, pixie dust and angel bombardments possible!! It does indeed sound like you have been through the wringer and are doing the hard work of grieving.
Big, big hug to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Hi TW. The "badassery" made me smile. Go you.
I'm sending you all the prayers, good karma, pixie dust and angel bombardments possible!! It does indeed sound like you have been through the wringer and are doing the hard work of grieving.
Big, big hug to you!
I'm sending you all the prayers, good karma, pixie dust and angel bombardments possible!! It does indeed sound like you have been through the wringer and are doing the hard work of grieving.
Big, big hug to you!
warm wishes and prayers for peace as you will get through this time.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Sending hugs and prayers your way...and I don't know about you, but for me, a good dose of badassery makes me feel awesome! I installed an electric dog fence on 1/3 of an acre and it was still a lot of work. A whole acre is a big fat WOW! Go you!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
TropicalWinter....I cannot speak highly enough for invincible fencing. I had one in my former house for 15yrs., and it was the best investment that I ever made.....
I am sure that it saved the lives of my dogs several times over....not to speak of my own peace of mind!!!
We lived, at that time, on a corner lot...with a busy thru street o n one side.
I had it professionally installed by the company that sold it (Invincible Fencing)... We were not skilled enough to do it ourselves.....
It worked like a charm........
I understand about anniverseries.....especially, the first anniversary---it just brings feelings to the surface. It does get easier after the first one, though.....
dandylion
I am sure that it saved the lives of my dogs several times over....not to speak of my own peace of mind!!!
We lived, at that time, on a corner lot...with a busy thru street o n one side.
I had it professionally installed by the company that sold it (Invincible Fencing)... We were not skilled enough to do it ourselves.....
It worked like a charm........
I understand about anniverseries.....especially, the first anniversary---it just brings feelings to the surface. It does get easier after the first one, though.....
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
Today (and this week) have gone really well! I had some really good social time the other day with a potential good friend and another mom that I'm wanting to get to know better. I had a great therapy session today - a few tears as expected, but empowering. My therapist encouraged me to reframe this anniversary as "Liberation Day" and celebrate it as such.
As to my husband, we're still legally married but separated. I foresee divorce in the future, as the more time I've had away from him to process the relationship, the more I'm realizing that I deserve SO much more. The sticky issue with filing for divorce at the moment is that his parents are financially supporting me and the kids while I go back to school to get my Medical Laboratory Technology degree. I'm not wanting to make any more waves than necessary in that regard. Plus I'm just not ready to deal with the divorce process - I'm not really in a huge hurry. Not that I'm putting it off because I'm wanting to get back with AH, no way! But there aren't really any pressing issues - he's basically out of contact, which is just fine with me.
As to my husband, we're still legally married but separated. I foresee divorce in the future, as the more time I've had away from him to process the relationship, the more I'm realizing that I deserve SO much more. The sticky issue with filing for divorce at the moment is that his parents are financially supporting me and the kids while I go back to school to get my Medical Laboratory Technology degree. I'm not wanting to make any more waves than necessary in that regard. Plus I'm just not ready to deal with the divorce process - I'm not really in a huge hurry. Not that I'm putting it off because I'm wanting to get back with AH, no way! But there aren't really any pressing issues - he's basically out of contact, which is just fine with me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Tropicalwinter.....how many more years until you finish your degree?
Most caring grandparents are very concerned about the welfare of their grandchildren...even if their own child has dropped the rope.
I don't think you should feel guilty by accepting help while you go to school...as you will be able to offer the grandchildren a much better future.
Neither should they resent you or consider the help as a bargaining chip to keep you legally married to him......
He has deserted his family...you are caring for his children....and, they can help the children by helping you with your additional education......
The way I see it....this is all about the children.....(as it should be).
Maybe, your interactions with them should be in the context of all of you (his family and you)......about the children.....
No detailed talk about anything connected to your husband.
"Compartmentalization"
dandylion
Most caring grandparents are very concerned about the welfare of their grandchildren...even if their own child has dropped the rope.
I don't think you should feel guilty by accepting help while you go to school...as you will be able to offer the grandchildren a much better future.
Neither should they resent you or consider the help as a bargaining chip to keep you legally married to him......
He has deserted his family...you are caring for his children....and, they can help the children by helping you with your additional education......
The way I see it....this is all about the children.....(as it should be).
Maybe, your interactions with them should be in the context of all of you (his family and you)......about the children.....
No detailed talk about anything connected to your husband.
"Compartmentalization"
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
It is definitely all about the children, and I am so very grateful for their help. After being an at-home mom for over 15 years, I really appreciate the opportunity to make myself more marketable.
After this summer session in school when I'll take Chem 2, I will be able to start the MLT program in the fall. It's a 2 year program.
I keep my interactions with my inlaws very much on the surface and about the kids. I try to keep talk about AH to a minimum, mainly focusing on present generalities (like if/when he sees the kids) and not delving into any depths of talking about our marriage, how glad I am that I'm getting free from the dysfunction of living with an addict, or anything like that.
My therapist encouraged me long ago to interact with them as if they were my employer and keep things to that level of formality. That approach seems to be working well. I learned a couple of years ago that they're incapable of anything more than a surface relationship (they're rather dysfunctional in their own way - FIL is a major narcissist).
Overall I'm comfortable with the status of my relationship with them, but a couple of things they've said to me imply that they think that AH and I could/would get back together if he ever got his life straight. No way Jose!
After this summer session in school when I'll take Chem 2, I will be able to start the MLT program in the fall. It's a 2 year program.
I keep my interactions with my inlaws very much on the surface and about the kids. I try to keep talk about AH to a minimum, mainly focusing on present generalities (like if/when he sees the kids) and not delving into any depths of talking about our marriage, how glad I am that I'm getting free from the dysfunction of living with an addict, or anything like that.
My therapist encouraged me long ago to interact with them as if they were my employer and keep things to that level of formality. That approach seems to be working well. I learned a couple of years ago that they're incapable of anything more than a surface relationship (they're rather dysfunctional in their own way - FIL is a major narcissist).
Overall I'm comfortable with the status of my relationship with them, but a couple of things they've said to me imply that they think that AH and I could/would get back together if he ever got his life straight. No way Jose!
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