Jtmlk

So day 14 and really bad headache all day, went to AA tonight and felt a bit intimidated as there was someone there I recognised and they used to annoy me a lot in the pubs.
Anyway, thinking about addiction I've always been a compulsive person and was thinking that even though I'm alcohol free I'm still addicted to overdosing myself on nicotine gum as I have done for the last 12 years. I'm also starting to buy lots of stuff on eBay that I can't really afford.
Any tips?

ScottFromWI

I do believe that those with addictive personalities can easily become addicted to other substances. We crave instant satisfaction and seek it wherever we can get it. 14 days is a great start, but please remember that it's very early on in sobriety. Your body and mind need time to adjust and you need to learn healthy ways to deal with stress and life without resorting to alcohol or other drugs. The AA steps will teach you some great coping mechanism, have you started working on them at all?

Jtmlk

Thanks Scott,
I agree I am still in early sobriety,. I suppose we just want to feel better instantly, but after 30 years of drinking that is not going to happen. Haven't started Steps yet as trying to suss out who would be a good sponsor. It was only my 2nd meeting today.

Dee74

In used to think my problem was weed, then I thought my problem was alcohol, or shopping

The truth was - I was the problem. I had this void in me I was trying to fill with 'stuff'.

The problem was the void was bottomless. I've had better results trying to heal the void, though

If you're interested in AA thats one way to start working on that void

D

SoberinSyracuse

I'm sure the field of addiction research puzzles over this question a lot.

From a pragmatic, street-level view, I think it just makes common sense to avoid doing ANYTHING to excess. Maybe you could give Ebay a little rest? If you're anything like me, there's some time freed up now that needs to be filled with something...anything! Try switching up the activities and not getting too deeply into any one pastime.

Jtmlk

Thanks Dee that's good advice- it's got to be about doing things for myself, filling the void and building up my self esteem. Ive always been a self destructive person who loathes himself but time to be more gentle to myself.

Dee74

I found to my surprise I wasn't nearly as detestable as I thought I was, jtmlk

D

Jtmlk

Thanks SIS, yup always done things in excess- strangely though nothing that's good for me.

FormerWineGirl

I believe an addict's brain is predisposed to excess.

This is no joke: I think I am becoming addicted to adult coloring. I literally get a rush from my coloring book and markers, daily, every chance I get! Healthier than wine, but not "normal"😞

Jtmlk

I think I'm also scared for one of my twin boys- he is 12 and has just got a girlfriend at school. He has been obsessively texting her for two days - I've just had a chat with him but he doesn't see a problem. I see my excess and compulsion in him and it worries the life out of me.

Zufrieden

Hi there
I'm with Dee about the void.
With regard to your twin boy.... I feel your pain but don't worry for him. He's a 12 year old boy. With a female interest for probably the first time and access to the god forsaken smart phone... I too have a boy who is a twin. He is 16 and is developing a crooked neck from staring at his phone waiting to hear from his beloved.. We lose boys from about 13-22 it seems and ibthinkthat is probably normal. This advice comes from a man who has true to fill that void partially by worrying obsessively about my three kids. I'm working through it as they seem to be turning out ok...
Best wishes
Jonathan

Jtmlk

Thanks Jonathan, I suppose as a sober dad at least I can be a better role model for him.

IvanMike

In NA the first step doesn't talk about drugs, it talks about addiction, and that is a far bigger animal.

Alcohol and other drugs are what bring us to our knees, and abstinence from these are how we mark our clean/sober time, but our addiction can come out in many other ways. Like Dee said, we tend to try to fill the gnawing emptiness within ourselves with a variety of external things. The steps help with that.

Don't sweat it too much at this point. We deal with our addictions in the order that they are killing us.

Zufrieden

You're welcome. This is off your original topic and on to parenthood but I realize daily that I missed a lot of the subtleties of my kids lives by being drunk and out of it. I was with them and as loving as a half slushed dad can be but I missed a lot. My twins are 16 and I have a 14 year old. In my six months'ish sober time I have had so many incredible moments with each of them that occurred because I am learning to be fully present with them. As they need us less on an hourly survival basis we have to be prepared for those opportunities for closeness and insights. They still need us but we are now up against social media, friends, sports, crushes etc.... I'm really grateful to be where I am with them today.
Kids.....a healthy way to fill the void (when done healthily &#128540
Jonathan

sobersolstice

I definitely agree with addiction transfer.

When I stopped drinking in 2012 (since have relapsed), I remember becoming a lot more reckless in my sobriety. I would climb construction cranes, walk bridge railings, and do anything possible to get a rush. 2 pots of coffee a day. Driving my car 230mph because I was sober. Unsanctioned bare-knuckle boxing tournaments became a hobby.

When drinking, I simply don't have the motivation to do those things, but I've recently have been doing safer things while sober. Rock climbing and 20 mile runs have been safer alternatives.

nomis

Indeed it does, and that research is starting to come up with some really interesting answers. If you can sit through it (not easy), in this video George Koob describes his explanation of his addiction as essentially, a chemical imbalance of the brain, or as he calls it "a stress surfeit-pleasure deficit disorder"

Drugs, Pleasure and Pain: The Two Faces of Janus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRFuypaq1lo

teatreeoil007

VERY common to replace one addiction with another; whatever that something is that gives a person some sort of 'high' or satisfies those receptors sites in the brain. Very very common for addicts to be multi-substance abusers; not just one, too.

AdelineRose

I tend to do everything to excess, I even do it with food. I will eat peanuts one day and then eat only peanuts for days, week, etc. straight until I am tired of them and then move to the next food.

I try to keep myself in check because everything in life should be moderated. I shouldn't sit around reading for 20 hours a day, or compulsive shopping, or eating only one kind of food for a week, etc. I have found that keeping a journal, being more self aware, and seeing a counselor and psychiatrist has helped me a lot.

teatreeoil007

I think there can be such a thing as a "positive addiction"; although I am not an addiction specialist and I once argued with a nurse practitioner about this. She said, "I don't think there is any such thing as a positive addiction. Addiction is addiction and it's not healthy". I argued that I thought exercise was a positive addiction. But, I guess that exercise could be carried to an extreme and considered unhealthy. A friend of mine once said, "Moderation in all things, including moderation." So he was saying that we could even carry moderation too far in that we are lukewarm.

teatreeoil007

I mean like, I know some people including relatives of mine that are so passionate about some things that it seems like that's all they do whenever they have free time. I had an uncle who literally played music 24/7 except when at work. He played guitar, fiddle, mandolin, banjo and he would sit around and play all day long. That was fine I suppose, and we would visit him and play music with him all day sometimes. My fingers got pretty sore from playing guitar all day, but it was good practice I suppose. But the problem was he neglected other parts of his life. His house was so unkempt it was scary. He was eccentric and socially awkward. I wonder if maybe he was autistic, really. I don't recall ever having a conversation with the man. All communication was through music. If you wanted to spend time with this uncle you played music with him. It was the only way he seemed to be able to relate.