Fabela's Fabulous Fantastic Freeway to Freedom!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
Fabela's Fabulous Fantastic Freeway to Freedom!
I'm on day 5 and I don't have cravings as such, probably because I wasn't the heaviest drinker. But I have this tiny little voice in my head that keeps telling me things I really don't want to hear. This would be my AV, right? You see, my DH did not like my drinking at all, and he has sacrificed a lot because of me. His parents are really old and live more than 680 miles away, and his greatest wish is to visit them before they pass, but because of me he has been putting this off.
Now I am confident that I can handle being alone with the kids without drinking, and he feels the same, so I've booked a flight for him to see his parents. I know that I can't drink, because I have three kids to take care of. They can't see their mother drunk, and they need me to drive them to school, to leisure activities and to friends. Should anything happen to one of them and they need medical attention, I have to be sober to be able to drive. So I can't drink.
Enter the little voice...
He's leaving this Saturday. That means three days without school, the kids can stay up late and they usually get breakfast in the morning without me. What if I start drinking really late, and drink through the night? They don't have to know a thing about this. But, if I can drink three nights I would have to buy the alcohol on Saturday, because in Norway you can't buy anything on Sundays and public holidays. And then I might drink way more than I intended the first night, and then I might start cutting myself again, maybe deeper than ever....
You see? I CAN NOT let that little voice win! I need to silence it completely, but I'm not sure that I can. Would you help me stay sober even when I'm alone? I need to have a reality check every day before he leaves, to make sure I don't screw this up. I want to succeed, not relapse.
Liz
Now I am confident that I can handle being alone with the kids without drinking, and he feels the same, so I've booked a flight for him to see his parents. I know that I can't drink, because I have three kids to take care of. They can't see their mother drunk, and they need me to drive them to school, to leisure activities and to friends. Should anything happen to one of them and they need medical attention, I have to be sober to be able to drive. So I can't drink.
Enter the little voice...
He's leaving this Saturday. That means three days without school, the kids can stay up late and they usually get breakfast in the morning without me. What if I start drinking really late, and drink through the night? They don't have to know a thing about this. But, if I can drink three nights I would have to buy the alcohol on Saturday, because in Norway you can't buy anything on Sundays and public holidays. And then I might drink way more than I intended the first night, and then I might start cutting myself again, maybe deeper than ever....
You see? I CAN NOT let that little voice win! I need to silence it completely, but I'm not sure that I can. Would you help me stay sober even when I'm alone? I need to have a reality check every day before he leaves, to make sure I don't screw this up. I want to succeed, not relapse.
Liz
Last edited by Dee74; 04-07-2016 at 02:52 PM. Reason: changed title
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I know I could not get sober or stay sober on my own at the beginning. I really relied on AA, and my sponsor, to keep me accountable. Have you checked out an AA meeting? It helps...it kept, and still keeps, me accountable! However, 10 months in now, I have the willingness and desire to stay sober so much that I don't drink even if I know I could get away with it.
Last edited by Dee74; 04-07-2016 at 02:52 PM. Reason: need glasses
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
AA is not big here, I know there have been meetings where I live, but this Easter there won't be meetings at all. I feel alone doing this, but I have an appointment with my shrink on Tuesday, hope that helps keep me on track.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Fabela 
You see? I CAN NOT let that little voice win! I need to silence it completely, but I'm not sure that I can.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,717
You definitely are hearing the AV. It is really strong in the beginning. Once you confront it and let 'it' know that you are in contol of your thoughts it may go away and the cravings stop but, it is sneaky and will start creating sneaky little ways to let alcohol back into your life. It is a 'little devil' on your shoulder that laughs when you listen. That is where all the planning to drink come into mind. It will consume your every thought. You really need support at this time. Will power will not work because chemically your brain wants alcohol. Do you have a sober friend you can call?
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
There is a saying that I learned here in SR (not sure if it is am AA saying originally)-
"I don't drink, even if my arse falls off". So when drinking for any reason seems acceptable, that's what I say to myself.
We're here for you! You can do this.
"I don't drink, even if my arse falls off". So when drinking for any reason seems acceptable, that's what I say to myself.
We're here for you! You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
The first huge step is asking for help, so that is a big accomplishment right there. I have found that I just need to be honest with myself and those around me. I have also found that planning my days helps me not think about using; for example, I will plan morning making a big breakfast, go to the park in the afternoon, make lunch, run to some stores in the afternoon, family dinner time at night, and then something at night this way I have small little things to look forward to and accomplish through out the day.
Also, think back to the last time you thought you were able to successfully "just drink late at night" and if the kids really didn't know anything about it. Chances are you would be drunk in the morning or even the afternoon the next day, you would be hung over and not attentive to your children, or you might never stop drinking once you started.
Do you have any friends that you could call to come spend some time with you if you are having a hard time or any family members? As long as you keep reaching out for support you will continue to move forward and having this site can be a huge support network for always having someone who can understand what you are going through around.
hugs, believe in yourself!
Adeline
Also, think back to the last time you thought you were able to successfully "just drink late at night" and if the kids really didn't know anything about it. Chances are you would be drunk in the morning or even the afternoon the next day, you would be hung over and not attentive to your children, or you might never stop drinking once you started.
Do you have any friends that you could call to come spend some time with you if you are having a hard time or any family members? As long as you keep reaching out for support you will continue to move forward and having this site can be a huge support network for always having someone who can understand what you are going through around.
hugs, believe in yourself!
Adeline
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Fabela, I'm glad you reached out. It really helped me to remember that I can choose to ignore the little voice. Yes, it can be both tempting and irritating to listen to it, but you can choose to ignore it and let it go.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
In addition to what everyone else has said, do everything in your power to make it extremely difficult if not impossible to drink.
Definitely do not have any alcohol in the house. Withdraw only enough cash to cover the necessities for the weekend. Then, take all your cards, place them in a bowl of water, and put the bowl in the freezer. That's right -- freeze those cards so you can't use them. Or, ask your husband to take them with him.
Confront that voice encouraging you to drink and tell it, "No! My husband has a right to visit his parents with peace of mind that I'm going to be a responsible parent while he's gone!!"
Definitely do not have any alcohol in the house. Withdraw only enough cash to cover the necessities for the weekend. Then, take all your cards, place them in a bowl of water, and put the bowl in the freezer. That's right -- freeze those cards so you can't use them. Or, ask your husband to take them with him.
Confront that voice encouraging you to drink and tell it, "No! My husband has a right to visit his parents with peace of mind that I'm going to be a responsible parent while he's gone!!"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
You guys are GOLD! Thank you so much for your input, I have decided to write down everything and read it every day - several times. The dangerous days are in fact those days the shops are open, that is tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday (the day he leaves). I have planned to bring one or two kids every time I go shopping, to avoid buying beer. They know I am trying to quit drinking, and with them around I won't buy any. Will be checking in here every morning and every night, for inspiration. I'm so glad I found this forum.
And ignore that voice - it lies.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Do you have a friend that drinking
is not top priority in their life. The kids
have each other to entertain each other,
while it would be comforting to have a
friend to come sip tea with or fix a meal
together with?
Its nice to have someone our age to
talk with, to have support, a friendship
with while you are learning new, stronger
ways to remain sober each and everyday
forward.
Women love to bake, love to garden,
men do too,, but having a girl friend
who would be easy to chat with about
anything and be supportive, understanding.
Maybe you and the kids can have a
game night where you all can play
together. Or a movie and popcorn
night.
Make it as stress free as possible, lots
of fun where alcohol thoughts are locked
outside the door and it cant invade a
good family time.
Maybe have one of those computer
cameras or Skype to talk live with your
husband each day he is miles away. He'd
be right there in ur home with you and
the kids via computer or iphone.
is not top priority in their life. The kids
have each other to entertain each other,
while it would be comforting to have a
friend to come sip tea with or fix a meal
together with?
Its nice to have someone our age to
talk with, to have support, a friendship
with while you are learning new, stronger
ways to remain sober each and everyday
forward.
Women love to bake, love to garden,
men do too,
, but having a girl friendwho would be easy to chat with about
anything and be supportive, understanding.
Maybe you and the kids can have a
game night where you all can play
together. Or a movie and popcorn
night.
Make it as stress free as possible, lots
of fun where alcohol thoughts are locked
outside the door and it cant invade a
good family time.
Maybe have one of those computer
cameras or Skype to talk live with your
husband each day he is miles away. He'd
be right there in ur home with you and
the kids via computer or iphone.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
What if your child became seriously ill at 2 a.m.?
What if your husband called at midnight with a crisis?
What if you drink everything you have...and then your AV thinks maybe you could just leave your kids long enough to hit the bar for a couple? After all, they're asleep, right?
Your AV is full of it. Tell it to shut up and leave you and your family alone!
What if your husband called at midnight with a crisis?
What if you drink everything you have...and then your AV thinks maybe you could just leave your kids long enough to hit the bar for a couple? After all, they're asleep, right?
Your AV is full of it. Tell it to shut up and leave you and your family alone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
Ariesagain, if you knew the price of alcohol in bars here in Norway you'd know why I rarely drink there. No, I normally drink at home, so that scenario is not likely. But you're right, there's a safety issue here, I am solely in charge of three little lives.
No, I normally drink at home, so that scenario is not likely. But you're right, there's a safety issue here, I am solely in charge of three little lives.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
I talked to my husband about this last night. It felt good to be able to share this with him, it makes me feel safer now that he knows. It also makes me more confident that I'm going to be able to do this. The little voice is still there, but I have put it in a corner, gagged and blindfolded. I'm in charge here!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Have you got a plan ?
Here are some useful links
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Here are some useful links
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
You can do this Fabela! 
That little voice inside you is certainly powerful and persistent, but it has no power to DO anything.....
It can't buy any booze, it can only nag at you until you do.
RESIST it, laugh at it, (that is what worked for me.....)
Stay out of the stores that sell booze, you don't need to go there.
Not sure how it is sold in Norway, but in the US you can buy it anywhere...so hard to avoid.
SO if you have to go to the store for food or diapers, bring the kids.
Look into their eyes and KNOW that they need a sober Mommy......
Do whatever you need to do, just don't buy any booze. Come here often, use the forum for support. Someone is always around.....
Becoming sober is tough in the beginning, but believe me you will build your sober muscles and this does get easier.......and it is so worth it!!!!!! Day 499 for me after 30 + years of nightly drinking!!!
That little voice inside you is certainly powerful and persistent, but it has no power to DO anything.....It can't buy any booze, it can only nag at you until you do.
RESIST it, laugh at it, (that is what worked for me.....)
Stay out of the stores that sell booze, you don't need to go there.
Not sure how it is sold in Norway, but in the US you can buy it anywhere...so hard to avoid.
SO if you have to go to the store for food or diapers, bring the kids.
Look into their eyes and KNOW that they need a sober Mommy......
Do whatever you need to do, just don't buy any booze. Come here often, use the forum for support. Someone is always around.....
Becoming sober is tough in the beginning, but believe me you will build your sober muscles and this does get easier.......and it is so worth it!!!!!! Day 499 for me after 30 + years of nightly drinking!!!
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