RachelJZA

I have been sober for over a year. I would be considered a problem binge drinker for about 18 years. I've been in therapy but I'm still struggling. I'm feeling depressed and anxious so all I do is sleep. My mind is constantly tormented by the thoughts of drinking. I'm not sure how long I can hang on for. I know if I go back to my old ways it won't be the same and the shame and guilt will be a lot to handle, and I'll have to keep it a secret from those who care about me.

Irnldy001

Hi Rachel
I also have over just a year sober. I have had to learn to live with the sober me, and that includes when the awful feelings creep in. Now I cope with them without alcohol, and it's not easy - but at least I deal with them instead of drinking them down and storing them. Not every day has been a blessing - many discouraging ones. It's hard not to hold on to old fears/resentments/embarassments. I mostly do my recovery work through AA, and I am finding working the steps again to be helpful in putting these things in the right place. They don't disapear, but I do feel the burden lifted an awful lot. I was at a wonderful speakers meeting where the speaker was celebrating his 31st year of sobriety. He told us that the first 12 years left him angry and as though he was covered in razor blades. He had managed to stay sober, but had never actually worked through the steps. He finally got a sponsor and started to work it, and slowly he transformed into the magnificently warm and enigmatic man he is today. I was astounded as I'm still deep in the muck, but it gave me so much more hope for tomorrow. You can get there and so can I. We have sobriety, now we have to search ourselves and our worlds for what is meant for us.

Soberwolf

Hi Rachel welcome to sober recovery

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Stick close to us tonight it really helps

RachelJZA

Thank you for your truthful words. There is a lot I still need to work on and do. Just knowing that I'm not alone and that there are poeple in similar situations working hard to maintain and become stronger is very encouraging.
Thank you

Upward2Enlightenment

I know that you mentioned therapy, have you discussed the depression with a counselor or doctor?

least

Congrats on over a year sober! Sounds like depression to me. Takes one to know one. I've battled depression most of my adult life. I'm on antidepressants and they really help. (I was on them when I was drinking and of course they didn't work at all)

I'd talk to your counselor or doctor about depression. I hope you don't drink over this.

RachelJZA

I started with a counselor and was put on medications . She left the practice and I lost my health insurance so I got off the meds and went to a addiction rehab facility where I received wonderful help but I should have been feeling better and was told that it was probably more psychological and would need to deal with my depression. I feel like I'm back at the beginning.

Karma40

Stick with Rachel, you'll get wonderful support on here, I'm on week 1, and this site has been brilliant,

Mountainmanbob

Of the (many) times of which I returned to drinking after being sober for a while -- it never worked out for the good -- not once.
Mountainman

Vinificent

Congratulations Rachel - a year sober after 18 years drinking is remarkable!
All good advice about finding treatment for what sounds like clinical depression, but you need to get through today. Try to think of something that has given you great joy in the past - a walk near water, a visit to a spa - whatever has made you feel special and inspired - then treat yourself to doing that today. So many long timers on here consider their sobriety to be the greatest gift on life, so you are so close to that. Hang in there 💪

Vinificent

Oh and the one thought that helps me the most to get through cravings:
You might regret drinking, but you will never regret not drinking!

waterlogged

Stay strong Rachael. I to suffer with depression but the antidepressants really do help me. Talking os the best medicine. xx

Upward2Enlightenment

It could be that you needed different medication. Depression if such a evil problem, I also suffer. It could be psychological or it could be physical. There is so much involved it's not always easy to cure.

Best wishes

RachelJZA

I'm new here and so far you all have been soooo helpful and encouraging
Thank you

Jsbodhi

Hi! Problem binge drinker here too.
A year is awesome!!
I don't have too much advice because I haven't made it to a year.
I just wanted to say hi xoxo

Anna

Rachel, I hope you can talk to your dr about your depression because it could be something that is helped by medication and you don't need to suffer as you are. Try to get through this and stay focused on your recovery.

Upward2Enlightenment

Another thing to remember Rachel, alcohol is a depressant.

Fly N Buy

There is no problem in life that a drink will make better is what I had to learn. Whatever the issue - the pain or for that matter joy - drinking is removed from my flowchart of way to deal with life.

Seek additional resources - go deeper if you can. Change something.......

A year is a remarkable accomplishment, good for you!

RachelJZA

Hello to you! Keep it up, hang in there and you will make it!

Rmz250

Hang in there Rachel, you have done the right thing reaching out on sober recovery. You are not alone. I've returned to drinking a few times over the last 5 years and it has never worked out well. At best I was given a few hours escape from my pain followed by worse depression, shame and guilt. I'm sober 16months and at times have just wanted to give in. I haven't yet by playing it through, stop and think, what about tomorrow? How will I feel? When I've ridden that desire to excape out I've always woken up the next day grateful to still be sober. It's still early days for me but it does slowly get easier and I feel stronger.