Worried about husband in recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 11
Worried about husband in recovery
When my husband came home from
Rehab he was so excited and determined to make positive changes I our lives. But I'm very worried about him falling into a depression. He says he isn't depressed, but he is sleeping more than normal. And currently he is without a job so he spends all day, everyday at home. I'm very thankful that he hasn't turned back to alcohol, but don't know how else to help him?
Rehab he was so excited and determined to make positive changes I our lives. But I'm very worried about him falling into a depression. He says he isn't depressed, but he is sleeping more than normal. And currently he is without a job so he spends all day, everyday at home. I'm very thankful that he hasn't turned back to alcohol, but don't know how else to help him?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
Lopez, speaking as someone who's been in his role, emotional stability takes a little while longer than the initial drying out period. It's best to think of it as "healing" from a long illness.
This is just my opinion: weird eating, weird sleeping, altered sex drive, emotional instability-all part of the deal. He may be sleeping more cause he's depressed. He may also be sleeping more because he's recovering from a long, hard battle.
His immediate goals should be not picking up again, and practicing his new strategies. If this all works out, the rest will most likely fall into place. Clinical depression is a possibility, but most psychs would be hesitant to diagnose this in a guy so fresh out of the "hab".
Does he have support? -meetings, recovered friends, or out patient (or Sober Recovery!) ?
This is just my opinion: weird eating, weird sleeping, altered sex drive, emotional instability-all part of the deal. He may be sleeping more cause he's depressed. He may also be sleeping more because he's recovering from a long, hard battle.
His immediate goals should be not picking up again, and practicing his new strategies. If this all works out, the rest will most likely fall into place. Clinical depression is a possibility, but most psychs would be hesitant to diagnose this in a guy so fresh out of the "hab".
Does he have support? -meetings, recovered friends, or out patient (or Sober Recovery!) ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 11
Thank you for your answer...that actually makes a lot of sense. He is going to aa weekly but has not found a sponsor that fits for him yet. I want to be as supportive as possible without nagging him. Thanks again for your answer.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Lopez,
Welcome to SR!
One thing that helped me and my addict was
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Look for squirrelly behavior and wind it back to see if the trigger was part of HALT. Then you can say gentle things like, 'you seem frustrated. Have you eaten lately?' 'I need a break from this project, Let's take a break.' Or 'I need to burn off some energy so I sleep well tonight, want to go for a walk?' But then you leave it. He's an adult. You are a partner not mother.
And more importantly, this helps me see when I need to step back and when I need to apologize for wading into my H's drama.. I lived life on a drama and crisis edge and used caffeine and sugar to survive at work too... Looking at the simple stuff changed my own behavior.
Welcome to SR!
One thing that helped me and my addict was
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Look for squirrelly behavior and wind it back to see if the trigger was part of HALT. Then you can say gentle things like, 'you seem frustrated. Have you eaten lately?' 'I need a break from this project, Let's take a break.' Or 'I need to burn off some energy so I sleep well tonight, want to go for a walk?' But then you leave it. He's an adult. You are a partner not mother.
And more importantly, this helps me see when I need to step back and when I need to apologize for wading into my H's drama.. I lived life on a drama and crisis edge and used caffeine and sugar to survive at work too... Looking at the simple stuff changed my own behavior.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 11
Thank you!
That helps as well...and you are right I am a partner not his mother, which I definately don't want to be.
My fear is another relapse and being the cause of it. I want my husband to know that I will do anything to help with his recovery,but I can't let the worry of another relapse consume my life.
That helps as well...and you are right I am a partner not his mother, which I definately don't want to be.
My fear is another relapse and being the cause of it. I want my husband to know that I will do anything to help with his recovery,but I can't let the worry of another relapse consume my life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Hi Lopezland, you can not cause a relapse. It is totally up to him.
The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself: go to alanon, get exercise, eat right, and pursue your own interests.
May every angel in the universe bombard you at this difficult time!
The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself: go to alanon, get exercise, eat right, and pursue your own interests.
May every angel in the universe bombard you at this difficult time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
The best thing my wife did to help me recover was to give me the space to recover. She was present and available. If I needed time alone, to go to a meeting, or to work with my sponsor there was never a question or time limit, She dealt with the kids as well which was a huge deal since I was the domestic engineer of the house. She let me focus on my recovery 100%.
And if he is going to relapse there is nothing you can do and it's not your fault. He has to wear his big boy pants and do this.
And if he is going to relapse there is nothing you can do and it's not your fault. He has to wear his big boy pants and do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 11
Thank you all for your supportive answers...at this time my husband isn't working due to a job loss and even though I feel the heaviest weight on my shoulders of bearing all the financial responsibilities plus taking care of our boys, I want to give him space to recover then job search.
I tell myself it's not my fault if he relapses but I've heard in the past so many times...'you make me want to drink' and so on. I'm still hurting from all the things he has said and done under the influence, so in struggling with my inner feelings as well....
I hate this for my family and wish alcohol was never involved. I've had cancer and would go through chemo daily compared to the pain alcoholism has done to us.
I tell myself it's not my fault if he relapses but I've heard in the past so many times...'you make me want to drink' and so on. I'm still hurting from all the things he has said and done under the influence, so in struggling with my inner feelings as well....
I hate this for my family and wish alcohol was never involved. I've had cancer and would go through chemo daily compared to the pain alcoholism has done to us.
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