Trickie2u

The harder I try the worse it gets
I really believe sub consciously I'm punishing myself and have no control over.

Mrskw

Keep on trying, never stop trying.

least

You may be punishing yourself, but you DO have control over the situation. It's not easy but it's simple: don't pick up that first drink.

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober.

Berrybean

Don't give up. Keep working on your sober plan until you find what work for you. What have you tried so far?

(Top tip: Just 'stopping' without making other changes to our lives rarely works.)

OldTomato

Do you have a recovery plan? Like Beccy said, there's more to this than just 'stopping'.

Here's Dee's link on recovery plans, you might find something useful - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Trickie2u

I have spent All of my adult years compartmentalizing all the stuff that has happened and never really dealt with any of it just bits and pieces and when it comes up I don't deal with it I just drink until it goes away this is getting worse and worse

OldTomato

While you carry on drinking it will get worse, and drinking isn't going to get rid of your problems.

Have you been to any meetings?

Berrybean

Yes - I know what you mean. I def had alcohol mis-labelled as 'Solution' as well. Thing is, while we're actively alcoholic we tend to add to the problems rather than solve any existing ones. Alcohol isn't any kind of cure-all. For me it was like having wound I didn't want to look at, so I just kept putting clean plasters over dirty ones to soak up the gunk oozing out of it. It came to a point where that septic old wound was full of poison that was just about ready to finish me off, and I finally steeled myself to rip off the plasters and find out what was underneath. Not because I wanted to. More because it was 'do or die'.

When I finally found the willingness (and the courage) to look at my past, most if it turned out to be far more manageable to deal with than I'd thought. I likened it to the kitchen draw that I stuff all the stuff in that I don't know what to do with. Once I empty that out I can generally deal with a lot of it by just deciding it's past useful (acceptance), and what things needed fixing, and how I could change what I do so I didn't keep filling that draw with more crap. I needed to look at my fears, my harms. my resentments and my conduct in relationships to do this. It was pretty scary stuff, but also the single most worthwhile thing I have done in my adult life.

You can do this thing.

Dee74

Hi Trickie - I tried very hard too....but my trying had no focus.

I didn't change anything about my life, or how I approached difficulties in my life.

When I reached into my metaphorical toolbox, the only thing in there was a bottle of booze....So thats what I did...I uncorked another bottle.

I needed to learn about, use, and develop same different tools.

This link is a great first step in doing that
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

FeelingGreat

Trickie, I tried many times and failed but the turning points for me were:

1. Talking to my doctor, who didn't do much, but gave me someone to share with. He told me I had to give up altogether and I knew that, but it helped hearing it as well. No (helpful) medications, but I pushed him for health information.
2. I did a lot of research on more advanced alcoholism than the stage I was at because I knew I was getting worse and I wanted to know where it would end. Scary! Google 'stages of alcoholism'.
3. There was an ad on Australian television from a prominent professor saying that alcohol was a big cancer risk, as bad as cigarettes. I always felt superior to smokers who were risking their health, and here I was, just as bad, not being able to give up drinking. At the same time an alcoholic acquaintance and Christopher Hitchens got cancer and subsequently died of throat cancer. That scared me. (After I had been sober for years I emailed the professor and told him his ad had influenced me.)
I didn't find the motivation to stop drinking right away, but after reading up and spending time motivating myself, I got to the point where I could do it. So my suggestions to you is keep working on your motivation and, once you feel you're ready, have a plan for dealing with the stressful times and cravings.

24hrsAday

wise words here.. and SO TRUE!!

dwtbd

Not to minimize or compare, but in life everyone has 'stuff'. The addiction (or AV) latches on to the idea that it will 'help' even in a temporary fashion to deal with the stuff, either by providing a respite or a wall to block it out. It lies , It doesn't care whether It helps or not, It only needs the idea that stuff exists to keep Its hold on us.
Undercut Its power by breaking the illusion that having stuff leads to drinking. Not breaking from the illusion brings more 'stuff', it is a vicious cycle. Stopping the cycle and getting out from under the addiction frees us to find better ways to deal with the other things.
I found learning about RR/AVRT helped me to compartmentalize(not always a bad thing in some respects) the thoughts that had me convinced I couldn't break from the addiction and learn how to dismiss them. there are some really great threads on these ideas in the Secular Connections forum here on SR.
wish you well and hope to see you around

Soberwolf

Don't give up get a plan going

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Misssy2

Hi...Stop trying for now...stop punishing yourself...it DOES only make it worse. Accept yourself for who you are right now...keep posting. It is frustrating when we want to stop and can't. But, beating ourselves up digs us deeper into the ditch.

It will come....you are already thinking about it and trying....Just get thru the days...and the less hard you are on yourself..the more open you will be to see what is happening to your body and your life.

You can't make yourself feel like a failure everyday because it brings you down more and makes you drink more. Take it one day at a time...keep posting (help others on their posts), take your mind off yourself for a minute...panic about not being able to stop, just brings more panic. Wish you the best...and I believe a time will come...where it is not so hard for you to give it up.