Help...please?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9
Help...please?
Hi all. I'm a formerly recovering alcoholic, and I have had some scary signs from God recently that I need to go back on the wagon- but I had some difficult experiences in a rehab and now I feel afraid to reach out for help. But I feel like I am going to die if I don't stop drinking, and NEEDING to drink, so I'm in need of a cheerleader (this is where I hope one of you can come in!). I am trying to do this alone but I'm in agony and I am about to go buy more to drink. I feel like the devil on my shoulder is beating the crap out of the angel who wants me to be healthy.My mom calls me drunk everyday much to my chagrin, and I don't want my 4 children to have that kind of mom. Why isn't that enough to bring me physical, let alone spiritual peace?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Andrea,
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us and you've come to a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic.
I understand your feelings of helplessness and frustration right now, but I know if you've done this in the past, you can do it again now. I do hope you don't listen to 'name-calling' in your life. That is something full of negativity and serves no purpose other than to bring you down.
Of course you want to be a good mom for your kids, but you know you need to want to be sober for yourself. Don't drink today and you'll begin to feel better about yourself and your life.
You can PM me anytime - I'm on and off the computer throughout the day.
Love, Anna
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us and you've come to a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic.
I understand your feelings of helplessness and frustration right now, but I know if you've done this in the past, you can do it again now. I do hope you don't listen to 'name-calling' in your life. That is something full of negativity and serves no purpose other than to bring you down.
Of course you want to be a good mom for your kids, but you know you need to want to be sober for yourself. Don't drink today and you'll begin to feel better about yourself and your life.
You can PM me anytime - I'm on and off the computer throughout the day.
Love, Anna
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Hi Andrea and welcome to SR . I relapsed also after 6 yrs of sobriety and am back almost eleven months now . Only you can say when you have had enough and make the decision to surrender again . I use AA as my method of recovery because I found I could not do it alone . I hit bottom after bottom doing it my way . You dont haveto do it alone , we are here for you . Why not put off buying that bottle if only for 5 minutes at a time , you will be glad you did , the only thing you will be missing out on by not drinking is more misery . I am pulling for you ! Prayers ^ Trish 
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Hey Andrea,
Here's the cheerleader you asked for! Anna is right, you have come to the right place for support. There are alot of wonderful people here who have been where you're at. Have you tried going to AA? The people in the rooms of AA have helped me become a better person. They are teaching me a new way of life and are willing to support me whenever I need help. Keep posting and let us know how we can help.
Sherry
Here's the cheerleader you asked for! Anna is right, you have come to the right place for support. There are alot of wonderful people here who have been where you're at. Have you tried going to AA? The people in the rooms of AA have helped me become a better person. They are teaching me a new way of life and are willing to support me whenever I need help. Keep posting and let us know how we can help.Sherry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9
Hi. I can't say how much I appreciate you all responding. I am feeling quite isolated- my husband is out of town with the Army for a few days (but that makes it easier to drink). I took my 9 month old out to Walmart ( I just moved to a small town from Washington, DC-it's what I had to work with) and tried to divert my attentions from my cravings. Lordy...do you know what mass quantities they sell alcohol in there?!? I felt a magnetic pull into the aisle, but I fought it and simply grabbed diapers (the only REAL necessity on my list) and left without finishing any shopping. I sat in my car and cried...I feel nuts for feeling so lonely and craving a buzz so much. I got home to find your replies and that means so much.
Baby crying...must attend...
thanks again...the sober hours are going by like years....
Baby crying...must attend...
thanks again...the sober hours are going by like years....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Andrea , my name is lee and I too am an alcoholic . At the end of my drinking I was drinking alone , with the curtains drawn, and the doors locked . I had no friends , and was consumed by such a nameless fear that i could not leave my house except to work and go to the bottle shop.
I was in total bondage to alcohol, and had no choices at all, I HAD to drink!
Like Trish, I chose AA as my method of recovery , and I can still remember the relief I felt the first time I actually mentioned my fear and paranoia to another member, and they siled and said " yes , I know exactly what you mean" It is a wonderful thing to be able to share with people who know just how you feel.
Since you are in a new town, AA would also be an avenue to make new friends , why dont you look in your phone book , and give them a ring ? There is power in numbers !
I wish you the bestest luck, let us know how you are going
HUGX
Lee
I was in total bondage to alcohol, and had no choices at all, I HAD to drink!
Like Trish, I chose AA as my method of recovery , and I can still remember the relief I felt the first time I actually mentioned my fear and paranoia to another member, and they siled and said " yes , I know exactly what you mean" It is a wonderful thing to be able to share with people who know just how you feel.
Since you are in a new town, AA would also be an avenue to make new friends , why dont you look in your phone book , and give them a ring ? There is power in numbers !
I wish you the bestest luck, let us know how you are going
HUGX
Lee
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
WELCOME ANDREA,GLAD YOUR HERE.
I'M LIKE THE OTHERS HERE,JUST SICK OF ALL THE MISERY. :headache:
A.A. IS WHAT I CHOSE ALSO.
I ALSO FIND LOTS OF HELP AND SUPPORT HERE.
24/7 SOMEONES HERE.
I WISH YOU WELL.
YOU CAN DO IT
WISHING YOU THE BEST........ted
I'M LIKE THE OTHERS HERE,JUST SICK OF ALL THE MISERY. :headache:
A.A. IS WHAT I CHOSE ALSO.
I ALSO FIND LOTS OF HELP AND SUPPORT HERE.
24/7 SOMEONES HERE.
I WISH YOU WELL.
YOU CAN DO IT
WISHING YOU THE BEST........ted
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Andrealn)))
I wish you the best and stay strong in fighting the cravings. I remember well the heavy impulse to drink. Breaking the cycle and physical need for alcohol is difficult. With the help of others it can be done. Lee, you said it so well, when you discribed the continued drinking, buying, drinking buying cycle as bondage. That truely is...what it is. I was a slave to drinking and it made my life a living nightmare. I will echoe what the others said and suggest you find a local AA meeting. The interaction with other people should be helpful. Good luck and stay strong. You're not alone and you can do this. Stay close by and don't quit fighting.
Talia
I wish you the best and stay strong in fighting the cravings. I remember well the heavy impulse to drink. Breaking the cycle and physical need for alcohol is difficult. With the help of others it can be done. Lee, you said it so well, when you discribed the continued drinking, buying, drinking buying cycle as bondage. That truely is...what it is. I was a slave to drinking and it made my life a living nightmare. I will echoe what the others said and suggest you find a local AA meeting. The interaction with other people should be helpful. Good luck and stay strong. You're not alone and you can do this. Stay close by and don't quit fighting.
Talia
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 6
To Andrea -
First of all,
Your mother sounds like an abusive women. How is calling you a drunk going to fix anything? Geeeeezzzz. I think if i were to call someone a drunk, the only reason would be to simply be mean or try to tear them down. Hey, what would she do if you werent a "drunk" it would problably be something else. Ignore her! I am not an addict to acholol but my uncle had to come live with me that was and he lost everything to the disease, he got to the point of isolation and drinking to almost suicide. When he moved in with me he had lost all his teeth from paradontel..its really sad, it was tuff on me watching him lay around all day. what that stuff takes from you. I hope your okay, i know you have to take it day by day.
Your mother sounds like an abusive women. How is calling you a drunk going to fix anything? Geeeeezzzz. I think if i were to call someone a drunk, the only reason would be to simply be mean or try to tear them down. Hey, what would she do if you werent a "drunk" it would problably be something else. Ignore her! I am not an addict to acholol but my uncle had to come live with me that was and he lost everything to the disease, he got to the point of isolation and drinking to almost suicide. When he moved in with me he had lost all his teeth from paradontel..its really sad, it was tuff on me watching him lay around all day. what that stuff takes from you. I hope your okay, i know you have to take it day by day.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, Andrea, and welcome to SR. There are people here to reply to you 24 hours a day, so don't hesitate to post if you're feeling antsy.
I'd join sherbear as a cheerleader, but you definitely don't want to see my moves. I'm dancing-impaired.
The thing to remember about urges is that they will pass and you CAN stand them!
Take care, and keep posting,
Don S
ps--hi, turnaround...the way I read the post was that her mother called her when she (her mother) was drunk, not that she called her (andrea) a drunk. ?
I'd join sherbear as a cheerleader, but you definitely don't want to see my moves. I'm dancing-impaired.
The thing to remember about urges is that they will pass and you CAN stand them!
Take care, and keep posting,
Don S
ps--hi, turnaround...the way I read the post was that her mother called her when she (her mother) was drunk, not that she called her (andrea) a drunk. ?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi andrea
You are in a good place here with a bunch of caring folks and alot of support!
I too am an alcoholic that is grateful for another sober day.
We have meetings here in-line you just need to register for chat and then check the schedules under misc. in the forums.
Not trying to sound bossy... but you need to set some boundries with your mother and not let her call you when she has been drinking.
I have a very hard time when my Dad calls when he has been drinking, he used to be one of my best drinking buddies and it triggers me to want a drink and be like old times.... He has been really good lately about not talking to me when he has had a drink.
Let me know if you have any questions or need anything.
We are here for you...
You are in a good place here with a bunch of caring folks and alot of support!
I too am an alcoholic that is grateful for another sober day.
We have meetings here in-line you just need to register for chat and then check the schedules under misc. in the forums.
Not trying to sound bossy... but you need to set some boundries with your mother and not let her call you when she has been drinking.
I have a very hard time when my Dad calls when he has been drinking, he used to be one of my best drinking buddies and it triggers me to want a drink and be like old times.... He has been really good lately about not talking to me when he has had a drink.
Let me know if you have any questions or need anything.
We are here for you...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Hey Andrea, welcome! Taking care of four kids by yourself must be tough! Throw in all the other issues and it's no wonder that little voice inside your head says, "Go ahead, buy the alcohol and drink it - all of your problems will all of a sudden be a lot more easy to deal with!!"
The only problem is the little alcoholic voice is one of self destruction and disappointment. I know it is tough to reach out for help once you have been hurt, but sometimes we may have to be a little vulnerable in order to get the help we need. It is when things get tough that we need support the most.
Get to some meetings and establish all the support systems you can - I think that is the only way to deal effectively with alcoholism.
Take care Andrea and I am glad you took the chance to reach out to the great people that frequent this site!!
Dave
The only problem is the little alcoholic voice is one of self destruction and disappointment. I know it is tough to reach out for help once you have been hurt, but sometimes we may have to be a little vulnerable in order to get the help we need. It is when things get tough that we need support the most.
Get to some meetings and establish all the support systems you can - I think that is the only way to deal effectively with alcoholism.
Take care Andrea and I am glad you took the chance to reach out to the great people that frequent this site!!
Dave
I bet you can...how about this? 
Then this... 
Save the last one for your grand finale. LOL Come on...you can do it. Give it a try!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: CORDOVA, TN
Posts: 29
welcome andrealn, This is a great place for support, lots of advice you must realize that you are powerless over alcohol. You must quite for yourself if you cannot take care of yourself you surly cannot help your children. You can overcome this obession with alcohol that we all share, it takes discipline and admiting we are powerless over alcohol, and turining ourself over to a higher power. Attend AA meetings daily get a sponser, go to a meeting if possible when you get those cravings. Get on the phone, and call someone at night,most of all do not look to far ahead take it one day at a time you will get through this. I will pray for you and your family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9
I really have to thank all of you. Day 1 down- and today to go. I thought perhaps in another sign from God that I looked at the AA listings and there are a number of meetings just a couple of blocks down from me- I saw my very own little street name listed on the schedule as though it was put there for me in my time of need. I for some reason feel terrified of going. I KNOW I am an alcoholic. I accept that much. I guess I'm feeling afraid of not having that mental time out when I'm drinking. I don't know what I'll do then. I'm a grown, well educated woman, but yet I shrinking in the face of having to get through the day without a buzz.
BUt rule number one I recognize is I need to not talk to my mom- I feel bad about my sentence structure in my first posting- my mom is a severe alcoholic (she's at home on disability for the level of problems she has drinking). I grew up terrified of alcohol- and to this day I get off the phone and lament to my husband how sad and scared her drunk personality makes me.
So then what's the deal with me???? I need to get over being afraid of going to that meeting. Oh, and do any of you know if they'd be annoyed if I have a baby in tow? I'm afraid I'd be bothering folks with that but let's face it...I'm in trouble and I need help.
THanks for letting me post. Maybe I do have help out there.
BUt rule number one I recognize is I need to not talk to my mom- I feel bad about my sentence structure in my first posting- my mom is a severe alcoholic (she's at home on disability for the level of problems she has drinking). I grew up terrified of alcohol- and to this day I get off the phone and lament to my husband how sad and scared her drunk personality makes me.
So then what's the deal with me???? I need to get over being afraid of going to that meeting. Oh, and do any of you know if they'd be annoyed if I have a baby in tow? I'm afraid I'd be bothering folks with that but let's face it...I'm in trouble and I need help.
THanks for letting me post. Maybe I do have help out there.
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
HEY ANDREA,FIRST CONGRADULATIONS ON DAY 1,THAT'S GREAT.
AS FAR AS A.A. I KNOW IN MY AREA I'VE SEEN CHILDREN AT MEETINGS BEFORE.
SOME MEETINGS HERE HAVE A ROOM FOR KIDS TO PLAY ETC.
DON'T LET THAT HOLD YOU BACK!!!
I TO THINK YOUR H/P IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING.
YOU COULD ASK H TO WATCH THE CHILD ALSO,MTGS. ARE USUALLY AN HOUR.
WISHING YOU WELL.......ted
AS FAR AS A.A. I KNOW IN MY AREA I'VE SEEN CHILDREN AT MEETINGS BEFORE.
SOME MEETINGS HERE HAVE A ROOM FOR KIDS TO PLAY ETC.
DON'T LET THAT HOLD YOU BACK!!!
I TO THINK YOUR H/P IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING.
YOU COULD ASK H TO WATCH THE CHILD ALSO,MTGS. ARE USUALLY AN HOUR.
WISHING YOU WELL.......ted
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
(((Andrea)))
Congrats on day 1! I have seen children at meetings here before. You have to do what you have to do to stay sober. People will understand. Don't be terrified of the meeting. There are good people there, who are willing to help. They will welcome you. Get some phone numbers from some women and call them when you're feeling down, and when you're feeling good! And of course, post here. SR is only one of my tools, though. I have a tool box full of different tools to use when I get a craving, or feel bad!!
Sherry
Congrats on day 1! I have seen children at meetings here before. You have to do what you have to do to stay sober. People will understand. Don't be terrified of the meeting. There are good people there, who are willing to help. They will welcome you. Get some phone numbers from some women and call them when you're feeling down, and when you're feeling good! And of course, post here. SR is only one of my tools, though. I have a tool box full of different tools to use when I get a craving, or feel bad!!
Sherry
just j
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
((((Andrea))))))
You are not alone!! My situation is/was very similar to yours. I also have four children, one away at college and three young ones at home and my husband is/was gone ALOT~~I am very well educated, just finishing my masters last year.....anyway.....I know what it feels like to want a buzz more than my next breath, Andrea. I know what it feels like to be scared, overwhelmed, lonely and worn out and just want to drink. I know what it feels like to feel the guilt the next day after drinking too much....anyway....I also have a mother who drinks way too much....I believe the functional alcoholic type that has had a huge impact on how I feel about myself and relate to others.
Keep coming back. We certainly understand. We have all been there and want to help and support you. I am working through the steps, going to meetings and have been sober for 27 days. Stay sober for today and keep posting. Just focus on today! Glad you are here....
Love, Jalyn
You are not alone!! My situation is/was very similar to yours. I also have four children, one away at college and three young ones at home and my husband is/was gone ALOT~~I am very well educated, just finishing my masters last year.....anyway.....I know what it feels like to want a buzz more than my next breath, Andrea. I know what it feels like to be scared, overwhelmed, lonely and worn out and just want to drink. I know what it feels like to feel the guilt the next day after drinking too much....anyway....I also have a mother who drinks way too much....I believe the functional alcoholic type that has had a huge impact on how I feel about myself and relate to others.
Keep coming back. We certainly understand. We have all been there and want to help and support you. I am working through the steps, going to meetings and have been sober for 27 days. Stay sober for today and keep posting. Just focus on today! Glad you are here....
Love, Jalyn
just j
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
The last meeting I went to their were many children who played in the next room at the church. It was not a big deal to anyone. It takes a lot for moms to get to a meeting and everyone understands. J
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