rcutch

I read here often, but very rarely do I post. I just looked at my stats and I joined this site in 2005. Eleven years later and the only thing in my relationship that has changed is me. My AH has had 5+ clean years and he's gone less the 4 hours without using. I have been married for almost 22 years and I have finally reached the point where I love myself more than I love my addict. I know that life will not get better over night, I know that my AH will not leave my house, but what I do know is that I will no longer allow him to dictate my life. I have successfully played the victim for so many years that I failed to recognize that I had the tools to get out of this situation. We have a beautiful home, nice things, and they are all because I work to pay the bills - I don't need him to keep them. I have never left my AH because I have a very strong faith and I always struggled with the "till death do us part". I know that my God would not ask that I continue to live in such a stressful situation. I don't know when I will be free from my AH, but today I have hope that I will and I will teach my 3 beautiful daughters that no man determines their worth. Please keep my family in your prayers and take a moment to look in the mirror and say " I am worth it!" Addicts take so much from us that we quickly forget who we are and that there is more to life than this! Hopefully I will continue to post on this site and someday soon I will be able to tell you that I have once again found my peace.

Ann

Your recovery shines in so many ways and I think you will eventually find a way to leave the sadness behind.

The most important part of all this is that you know how to take care of yourself and you are doing it.

I am cheering you on and hope you will continue posting here.

Hugs

Missyt6022

your courage gives me strength... I hope that if it comes to that I will have the courage to do what is right for myself and my 3 baby's, I have always thought that staying a family was the best thing for the kids but it has become a full time job protecting them from what has been going on "behind the scenes".

Firesong

I just read your post tonight, rcutch.

I just started the mirror thing yesterday. Looking in the mirror and smiling at myself and saying I love you, you are fine.

Thank you for your post.

hopeful4

Wonderful post! Self care is so important, and I am so happy you recognize that!

rcutch

Thanks for all the kind words. AH agreed to start looking for a place to live- I hope that he sticks to it. I'm not going to get too excited until it actually happens, but it's hope.