Shortest "date" ever with the ABF...
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Canada
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Shortest "date" ever with the ABF...
So tonight, I had the shortest date ever with the ABF... A surprisingly short 32 minutes.
We met up at a new ramen restaurant. It was full. We our turn came up to get a table, he wanted a particular section of the restaurant as the menu was different there. And I dind't mind. However, that section was full for the night. He asked me what I wanted to do, and seing that the seats we could have had at that moment were very uncomfortable, I told him I'd rather go somewhere else. There was an other section, so he inquired if we could go there, the wait time was 40 minutes. He asked me again what I wanted to do, I said I'd prefer going somewhere else. We finally gout out of there, tried another place which was full for the night. He suggested two other places, I picked one. He seemed to hesitate.I asked if he thought we would get served faster at the other place, he said so. I kept on walking, he seemed frustrated. I told him i was really hungry and just wanted to eat.
That's when we crossed a Starbucks and he said, on a very condescending tone: that's it I'll just get you a f&$@$& muffin and you'll be able to tough it out.
I tried to keep my cool as much as I could and told him: That was really not necessary, have a good night.
I just left.
Of course he called and said: I know I've been an ass but... And started makibg excuses...
He texted me that he was frustrated because we was doing the best he could and wanted too and that still wasn't enough.
It took all I had not to reply: well clearly you're not able or willing to act like a grown up and treat me in a decent manner.
So now, I just keep on repeating "do not engage, do not engage" to myself, like a mantra...
We met up at a new ramen restaurant. It was full. We our turn came up to get a table, he wanted a particular section of the restaurant as the menu was different there. And I dind't mind. However, that section was full for the night. He asked me what I wanted to do, and seing that the seats we could have had at that moment were very uncomfortable, I told him I'd rather go somewhere else. There was an other section, so he inquired if we could go there, the wait time was 40 minutes. He asked me again what I wanted to do, I said I'd prefer going somewhere else. We finally gout out of there, tried another place which was full for the night. He suggested two other places, I picked one. He seemed to hesitate.I asked if he thought we would get served faster at the other place, he said so. I kept on walking, he seemed frustrated. I told him i was really hungry and just wanted to eat.
That's when we crossed a Starbucks and he said, on a very condescending tone: that's it I'll just get you a f&$@$& muffin and you'll be able to tough it out.
I tried to keep my cool as much as I could and told him: That was really not necessary, have a good night.
I just left.
Of course he called and said: I know I've been an ass but... And started makibg excuses...
He texted me that he was frustrated because we was doing the best he could and wanted too and that still wasn't enough.
It took all I had not to reply: well clearly you're not able or willing to act like a grown up and treat me in a decent manner.
So now, I just keep on repeating "do not engage, do not engage" to myself, like a mantra...
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Thank you Maia! A relaxing and peaceful is exactly what I had planned for if the evening went wrong. I will be re-watching season 2 of Hart of Dixie, cause it always makes me laugh, and I'll continue knitting a baby blanket for one of my closest friends. I will add "no new contacts means no new hurt" to my mantras for the night. And any frustration will be evacutated during my Krav Maga class tomorrow.
you're on the right path...no contact means no new hurts for you! Go you Member
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Oh yes, he's lovely...
At least this time he didn't text or call incesently.
When I looked at my phone this morning, I saw he had tried to call once more. He sent a few texts. 2 saying something to the effects that if it were a competition of "sucky" behaviour, I deserved a medal. One saying he would NEED to spend the night with me very soon. And one where he was sucking up and wishing me a great day with my friend today...
It's a good thing I'm going to my Krav Maga class this morning. I think spending 2 hours punching and kicking will help me evacuate the frustration this insanity is causing...
I'm trying me best not to engage and not to try and understand what's going on in his head.
At least this time he didn't text or call incesently.
When I looked at my phone this morning, I saw he had tried to call once more. He sent a few texts. 2 saying something to the effects that if it were a competition of "sucky" behaviour, I deserved a medal. One saying he would NEED to spend the night with me very soon. And one where he was sucking up and wishing me a great day with my friend today...
It's a good thing I'm going to my Krav Maga class this morning. I think spending 2 hours punching and kicking will help me evacuate the frustration this insanity is causing...
I'm trying me best not to engage and not to try and understand what's going on in his head.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Geez... Well at least he keeps showing you with his actions why you would never wabt to have anything to do with him again!! This is who he is! Btw, he sounds like a two year old lashing out. Seriously-have a great time at Krav Maga. My punching bag has been a good coping tool as well 
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
He does sound emotionally underdeveloped.
I don't think you "need" to spend the night with a drunk mental 5 year old--
what do you think?
Great job on your reactions to his actions by the way. . . keep up the good work
I don't think you "need" to spend the night with a drunk mental 5 year old--
what do you think?
Great job on your reactions to his actions by the way. . . keep up the good work
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 235
Don't get me wrong, I can be guilt tripped, cajoled and even manipulated into doing things I don't want to. But sex isn't.
As for spending a good evening/weekend anyway, I have to say that you've all been a great help. Reading your stories, your advice, etc. has made me realized that if I wasn't able yet to fully sever ties with him, I owed it to myself to take care of me, put myself first and set and enforce boundaries.
It is a really hard thing to do, but your support is invaluable.
Thank you all so much!
As for spending a good evening/weekend anyway, I have to say that you've all been a great help. Reading your stories, your advice, etc. has made me realized that if I wasn't able yet to fully sever ties with him, I owed it to myself to take care of me, put myself first and set and enforce boundaries.
It is a really hard thing to do, but your support is invaluable.
Thank you all so much!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Originally Posted by Kata 
Yes he did say HE needed it. Which means he expects me to attend to his need.
He can expect it as much as he wants. It's not something I'll ever feel I have to provide.
He can expect it as much as he wants. It's not something I'll ever feel I have to provide.
"The needs of the weenie outweigh the knead of the one. . . "
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Lmao!!
Let's look on the bright side, the douchebag/self-centered jerk sure provides for some good entertainement...
But seriously, not responding/engaging last night has made me see the insanity of it...
So, one more nail in the coffin. I just hope the final nail comes soon.
Let's look on the bright side, the douchebag/self-centered jerk sure provides for some good entertainement...
But seriously, not responding/engaging last night has made me see the insanity of it...
So, one more nail in the coffin. I just hope the final nail comes soon.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Posts: 235
Thank you firebolt!
Yesterday felt a bit harder as I had no plans and not much to do. I felt somewhat alone. So I pushed myself and went for a walk, stopped at a coffee shop and read for a while. Then I decided to make myself a nice dinner, went to the grocery store (twice, because I forgot the coconut milk the first time - damn ADHD), and played some video games during the evening.
I think one of the things preventing me to cut ties is that I work from home and I live alone. Even though I'm a loner, it can get lonely sometimes. I have activities, but it only means that I see people maybe 5-6 hours a week. I'm at that point where most of my friends have moved to the suburbs. Most of them have kids and partners, so it makes it harder to see them often.
I'll have to find a way to "see" people during the day. I've thought about co-working spaces, but I hate working on my laptop as it's not as efficient the two big screens set up I have at home, plus, I'm easily distracted (damn ADHD again).
I'll have to keep investigating and looking for solutions on that side of things.
Yesterday felt a bit harder as I had no plans and not much to do. I felt somewhat alone. So I pushed myself and went for a walk, stopped at a coffee shop and read for a while. Then I decided to make myself a nice dinner, went to the grocery store (twice, because I forgot the coconut milk the first time - damn ADHD), and played some video games during the evening.
I think one of the things preventing me to cut ties is that I work from home and I live alone. Even though I'm a loner, it can get lonely sometimes. I have activities, but it only means that I see people maybe 5-6 hours a week. I'm at that point where most of my friends have moved to the suburbs. Most of them have kids and partners, so it makes it harder to see them often.
I'll have to find a way to "see" people during the day. I've thought about co-working spaces, but I hate working on my laptop as it's not as efficient the two big screens set up I have at home, plus, I'm easily distracted (damn ADHD again).
I'll have to keep investigating and looking for solutions on that side of things.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Kata,
I had a very similar "date" with my STBXAH. In retrospect, I think he was dying for a drink but trying to abstain, and his frustration with the restaurant and me was really an expression of his desperate need to drink.
Unfortunately, we happened to be in Japan, where people are really polite and do not show emotions. I think the whole restaurant sat in shocked silence listening to his outburst. Ugh; we were the ugly Americans, for sure.
I wish you peace, and distance. It will be so much better.
I had a very similar "date" with my STBXAH. In retrospect, I think he was dying for a drink but trying to abstain, and his frustration with the restaurant and me was really an expression of his desperate need to drink.
Unfortunately, we happened to be in Japan, where people are really polite and do not show emotions. I think the whole restaurant sat in shocked silence listening to his outburst. Ugh; we were the ugly Americans, for sure.
I wish you peace, and distance. It will be so much better.
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