My mom is an alcoholic
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My mom is an alcoholic
Hi everyone my name is Chris I'm 23 years old and my mother is an alcoholic. I came to this forum cause her situation is really getting bad at this point and I would have liked to have some advice from other people who maybe have been or still are in the same situation.
I know that when i was a child my mom was an alcoholic but i was still little so I don't remember much from except that she liked to drink at event and familydiners. When I was 10 my parents divorced and that's when it started to get worse. I started seeing her drunk and I didn't understand also my little sister was only 2 then so I had to keep an eye on her all the time because even do she didn't understand our mom was not always there and that even a baby can feel. Im not trying to blame my mother cause fro the rest I think i had a good childhood and my mom was a good mother who loved us and took care of us, that's also what makes it harder for me now in the present.
So even so she started to drink more she after a while calmed down and just go to a regular number of beers every day that didnt really made her too much drunk. Over the years her boyfriends were always more of the drinking type and it also had been an issue that most people of her family liked to drink too. But still I was living my teenage years so I didn't care that much about it even found it fun sometimes, i was so blind back then....
I started after a while going more to my fathers where it was all different cause he almost never drinks nothing. But after a while I didn't see my sis much and that was a problem for me so I started living at both places and also had some bad moments with alcohol. The first real bad time was when I was 18. I always wanted to go to the army with my best mate but after the tests past they found a problem at my back and I got permanentely banned for the army, my bacl was too much a liability they said. So I got a bit depressed and had some bad moments that almost continiued for a year but after that I started knowing better got a job and started having a decent life.
So when I was 19 I started living with my best mate and 2 other friends and today I still live with my best mate and 1 other mate. So I got my **** cleaned up after just some drunken nights that happened along the way. But still I understood that alcohol was bad, not has much that I do know it at this point thou.
When I was still 18 also my grandfather at my moms side passed away, my mom, sis, grandmother and me had a lot of pain at that point cause for the 8 to 9 first years of my life my grandparents at my moms side practically educated me I was always there so I kinda lost a father at that point, yeah my dad is a nice guy but understand 0 from emotions totally absent at that point. SO my mom started drinking more also at that point again so that's also why I left but still I kept a close eye on both her and my sis.
Like a year after i started living alone my moms brother, she only had 1 sibling and he lived in Paris, didn't gave any news no more for months now. So my mom started looking some and we quickly came to the conclusion that he just disappeared. To be honest I think he's dead cause he already tried to kill himself once before but my mom could never believe that. I know that also gave her trouble and so the circle started again at the beginning.
But still after all that she still found like a good middle after a while and could still provide for herself and my sis and also my dad took care of my sis of course. But my mom lost her job at that point and also already had to move 2 times or even 3 I think so she had some trouble with all of that.
Then when I was 21 my grandmother fell and had to go to the hospital. That's just how all the problems started with my grandfather and in 1 year time he went from doing his own groceries on foot to a plant i barely recognized and shortly passed away after that. In the beginning my grandmother came back home and she started going better. But only a couple of months after she had to go to the hospital again and after that she spent more time there then home. After a while she went to a house for elderly people, I dunno the correct term, and in the beginning she was not to bad. My mom then had to move again in the meanwhile but took the old appartement of my grandmother and that actually made her happy I think. With all the trouble happening in the family my sis also had some problems at that point she was 14 and got into her teenage years and some selfabuse issues and also went 1 time for a depression some time at a clinic. But she came out of it.
But then my grandmother's health went worse. She could walk no more ate less and even at the one point had to eat trough tubes ,liquid foods, and that also got my mom drinking more again. Also what i didn't know at that point is that my mom's Financial state was going real bad but I couldn't see that cause she didn't say nothing and hid it pretty good.
And this is were it seriously started going bad my sis then went living with my dad and okay my mom drank more but still it was not the worse, of course cause I didn't know any better also and even so my mom never listened when I tried to help or stop here to drink. But even so the worst still had to come.
It was August 3 2015 i will never forget that day of my life. She called me when I was at work that she was not feeling good and had problems, I didnt saw my mom like for 2 weeks before that we had a stupid fight like we often had and so i didn't know nothing. So i rushed over there to find her wasted, cannes every where, the house totally nasty, my mom cleaned almost always before that she liked it clean in the house, and she had blue kneecaps she fell from her mothercycle when drunk a while ago and didn't do nothing. I then called the doctor and he came to see her, I had to go back to work so i first helped her sober up waited for the doctor to come called a mate of me to come Watch her a bit, cause her family doesn't do much for us I would even say at this point they just gave up on my mom, sis and me but still who need them right! I then went back to work and when the doctor was done he called me that we had to bring her to the hospital for clinical depression with alcoholisme and also here knees where hurt bad. And that is where it all started.
She first spent a while at the depression departement at the hospital where she actually after a while came a bit back from a bad depression after like 3 months so that was pretty good. But then I started seeing the Financial problems cause i had to get her mail and also my grandmother was still in that home for elderly and my mom went to see here every day for like 1 year and a half before she was there so I had to take care a bit of her too, that's how you learn to do laundry on the spot I would say. But this was going well i could handle the situation and also my sis seemed doing not to bad given the circumstances. In those 3 months I however discoverd some dark stuff. My mom had a lot of debts and also my grandmothers bills weren't payed, at that point my mom took care of my grandmother financialy for a while now and now my mom couldn't even take care of herself no more. But even so I started getting help for both of them went to the proper authorities for this and got some help. So things started to go a bit better again. But then after too long time I discovered my grandmother had a lawyer that actually took care of her for a while now and my mom didn't told me and also ignored that person and so my grandmother had to be moved to a other home for elderly, but she was in a bad health condition so this worried me ald also she was moving luch further and i only go this info like 1 week before she had to move a bit less even i think. So my mom was crushed at the news of course she felt so bad not to be able to see my grandmother cause she couldnt walk also and it was hard for me to handle all of this, especially without a car... My mom also got moved from departement then to a more psycological for elderly deparement but this was no the best for her. But then on October 17 the home of my grandmother called me, she had passed away in the night, I was crused cause I lost my grandmother that ment thet world to me but I also new what this ment for my sis and mother. I had to give the news to them and that was not a easy task. Actually for my mom that day was even worse cause that day I had an appointement with her and some people of the hospital and of the law. My mom had get a lawyer who took care of here finances cause she wasn't able anymore and I couldn't, my sis also was only 15 then so thats to Young for all of this. They both took the news badly but for my sis I watched to be there and have other people around here so that was okay but for my mom there was not much people that were there and even so she was crushed. But still she was in the hospital so she didn't drink that was a relief for me. Short after that whe was moved to some kind for home for people who can't handle themselves but aren't completly helpless. They kind of live together and with some help cook themselves and stuff. First she was always complaining and also still in grief, like all of us. But still it all passed and she found her way even there. For a while it started going a tiny bit better again, I think I can say im a bit of a positive person always try to see the good stuff. I got even appointed had trust person toward the lawyer who handles my mom's finances so I can keep a look on it all and help however I can and I really did all I could over the last months. But my mom had crushing debts that lawyer told me and also after a while, this happened only like 3 months ago that lawyer told me she had no income no more there was a problem with the social security. I tried to understand found all kind of stuff and got helo from social assisant from work and was able to understand what happened. She had to meet with a doctor from there but she never got the letter and nobody new this so they just cancelled here... Her lawyer found a good excuse to drop us and left but even so 1 month ago now she got a new lawyer and she seems to be doing her job real good.
So this almost brings us to know. Two weeks ago the lawyer asked to meet my mom and me for a chat, what the last lawyer didn't even do. So we all went back to my mom's place and talked there, she gave us the numbers my mom really has a huge debt and that's a big problem without an income but we try to do all we can to get this issue in order and this is not my main concern cause money is only money. She also told me that she suspected my mom to find a ay to drink sometimes and that she wasn't sober like she promessed me, she mad that promess some months ago after my grandmother's death. I thought at first that that chapter had been put on pause cause the only place she went was just at her ex boyfriend's place the weekend before, they just got back together I found this weird cause she was in some kind of home but still it seemed to make her happy so I was happy too and so she spent a weekend there. I should have known at that point but still I like always tried to not believe it but still it haunted me. So I then when the lawyer left confronted my mother and she could never lie to me straight in my face and she confessed she drank 2 strong beers in the weekend. I then lost it, I did all i could suffered so much, saw my sis suffer cause at that point we had no mom that took care of us for a while now but still im old enough but not my little sis. I told her that I was so dissapointed in her but still she didn't understand, It was only 2 beers she said but she doesn't understand she really is sick at this point! i then told her I needed some time away from her and didn't go see her the next week, my sis still did.
But know this morning I get a call from her home that she is being agressive and talking bad to everyone and that they want her out because it's too much. I get to calm them and also call her lawyer to now if she new this because it had been going on for the all week it seems. I don't know how she got alcohol and I'm not even sure if that's why she is acting like this but I needed to calm her so i called her. It didn't go real good but still she was calmer and didn't seem drunk but she also texted and called my sis in school and she had to go home because she was feeling to bad about it.
Im going to go see my mom tonight alone cause I need to make her understand that she is destroying herself. hurting my sis and me and that she is in a bad situation financialy cause however or howmuch I try to make her understand that it never works. The reason I tell wanted to tell this is cause first of all i wanted to share it cause even do i have some family at my dad's side and some good mates who are here for me they don't really understand. Also I would like to have some advice from people toward how i could maybe talk to my mom and she would listen cause at this point I just dunno what to do anymore and I love my mom I don't wanne lose her abandone her but it's really getting hard for me I try to seem strong and keep it up for my sis and the rest but life is already hard without all of that to carry on my shoulders.
Thanks to have listened to my story and sorry for my writing errors but enlgish isn't my motherlanguage ,if you have someting to say about it don't hesitate please I could use some advice.
Chris
I know that when i was a child my mom was an alcoholic but i was still little so I don't remember much from except that she liked to drink at event and familydiners. When I was 10 my parents divorced and that's when it started to get worse. I started seeing her drunk and I didn't understand also my little sister was only 2 then so I had to keep an eye on her all the time because even do she didn't understand our mom was not always there and that even a baby can feel. Im not trying to blame my mother cause fro the rest I think i had a good childhood and my mom was a good mother who loved us and took care of us, that's also what makes it harder for me now in the present.
So even so she started to drink more she after a while calmed down and just go to a regular number of beers every day that didnt really made her too much drunk. Over the years her boyfriends were always more of the drinking type and it also had been an issue that most people of her family liked to drink too. But still I was living my teenage years so I didn't care that much about it even found it fun sometimes, i was so blind back then....
I started after a while going more to my fathers where it was all different cause he almost never drinks nothing. But after a while I didn't see my sis much and that was a problem for me so I started living at both places and also had some bad moments with alcohol. The first real bad time was when I was 18. I always wanted to go to the army with my best mate but after the tests past they found a problem at my back and I got permanentely banned for the army, my bacl was too much a liability they said. So I got a bit depressed and had some bad moments that almost continiued for a year but after that I started knowing better got a job and started having a decent life.
So when I was 19 I started living with my best mate and 2 other friends and today I still live with my best mate and 1 other mate. So I got my **** cleaned up after just some drunken nights that happened along the way. But still I understood that alcohol was bad, not has much that I do know it at this point thou.
When I was still 18 also my grandfather at my moms side passed away, my mom, sis, grandmother and me had a lot of pain at that point cause for the 8 to 9 first years of my life my grandparents at my moms side practically educated me I was always there so I kinda lost a father at that point, yeah my dad is a nice guy but understand 0 from emotions totally absent at that point. SO my mom started drinking more also at that point again so that's also why I left but still I kept a close eye on both her and my sis.
Like a year after i started living alone my moms brother, she only had 1 sibling and he lived in Paris, didn't gave any news no more for months now. So my mom started looking some and we quickly came to the conclusion that he just disappeared. To be honest I think he's dead cause he already tried to kill himself once before but my mom could never believe that. I know that also gave her trouble and so the circle started again at the beginning.
But still after all that she still found like a good middle after a while and could still provide for herself and my sis and also my dad took care of my sis of course. But my mom lost her job at that point and also already had to move 2 times or even 3 I think so she had some trouble with all of that.
Then when I was 21 my grandmother fell and had to go to the hospital. That's just how all the problems started with my grandfather and in 1 year time he went from doing his own groceries on foot to a plant i barely recognized and shortly passed away after that. In the beginning my grandmother came back home and she started going better. But only a couple of months after she had to go to the hospital again and after that she spent more time there then home. After a while she went to a house for elderly people, I dunno the correct term, and in the beginning she was not to bad. My mom then had to move again in the meanwhile but took the old appartement of my grandmother and that actually made her happy I think. With all the trouble happening in the family my sis also had some problems at that point she was 14 and got into her teenage years and some selfabuse issues and also went 1 time for a depression some time at a clinic. But she came out of it.
But then my grandmother's health went worse. She could walk no more ate less and even at the one point had to eat trough tubes ,liquid foods, and that also got my mom drinking more again. Also what i didn't know at that point is that my mom's Financial state was going real bad but I couldn't see that cause she didn't say nothing and hid it pretty good.
And this is were it seriously started going bad my sis then went living with my dad and okay my mom drank more but still it was not the worse, of course cause I didn't know any better also and even so my mom never listened when I tried to help or stop here to drink. But even so the worst still had to come.
It was August 3 2015 i will never forget that day of my life. She called me when I was at work that she was not feeling good and had problems, I didnt saw my mom like for 2 weeks before that we had a stupid fight like we often had and so i didn't know nothing. So i rushed over there to find her wasted, cannes every where, the house totally nasty, my mom cleaned almost always before that she liked it clean in the house, and she had blue kneecaps she fell from her mothercycle when drunk a while ago and didn't do nothing. I then called the doctor and he came to see her, I had to go back to work so i first helped her sober up waited for the doctor to come called a mate of me to come Watch her a bit, cause her family doesn't do much for us I would even say at this point they just gave up on my mom, sis and me but still who need them right! I then went back to work and when the doctor was done he called me that we had to bring her to the hospital for clinical depression with alcoholisme and also here knees where hurt bad. And that is where it all started.
She first spent a while at the depression departement at the hospital where she actually after a while came a bit back from a bad depression after like 3 months so that was pretty good. But then I started seeing the Financial problems cause i had to get her mail and also my grandmother was still in that home for elderly and my mom went to see here every day for like 1 year and a half before she was there so I had to take care a bit of her too, that's how you learn to do laundry on the spot I would say. But this was going well i could handle the situation and also my sis seemed doing not to bad given the circumstances. In those 3 months I however discoverd some dark stuff. My mom had a lot of debts and also my grandmothers bills weren't payed, at that point my mom took care of my grandmother financialy for a while now and now my mom couldn't even take care of herself no more. But even so I started getting help for both of them went to the proper authorities for this and got some help. So things started to go a bit better again. But then after too long time I discovered my grandmother had a lawyer that actually took care of her for a while now and my mom didn't told me and also ignored that person and so my grandmother had to be moved to a other home for elderly, but she was in a bad health condition so this worried me ald also she was moving luch further and i only go this info like 1 week before she had to move a bit less even i think. So my mom was crushed at the news of course she felt so bad not to be able to see my grandmother cause she couldnt walk also and it was hard for me to handle all of this, especially without a car... My mom also got moved from departement then to a more psycological for elderly deparement but this was no the best for her. But then on October 17 the home of my grandmother called me, she had passed away in the night, I was crused cause I lost my grandmother that ment thet world to me but I also new what this ment for my sis and mother. I had to give the news to them and that was not a easy task. Actually for my mom that day was even worse cause that day I had an appointement with her and some people of the hospital and of the law. My mom had get a lawyer who took care of here finances cause she wasn't able anymore and I couldn't, my sis also was only 15 then so thats to Young for all of this. They both took the news badly but for my sis I watched to be there and have other people around here so that was okay but for my mom there was not much people that were there and even so she was crushed. But still she was in the hospital so she didn't drink that was a relief for me. Short after that whe was moved to some kind for home for people who can't handle themselves but aren't completly helpless. They kind of live together and with some help cook themselves and stuff. First she was always complaining and also still in grief, like all of us. But still it all passed and she found her way even there. For a while it started going a tiny bit better again, I think I can say im a bit of a positive person always try to see the good stuff. I got even appointed had trust person toward the lawyer who handles my mom's finances so I can keep a look on it all and help however I can and I really did all I could over the last months. But my mom had crushing debts that lawyer told me and also after a while, this happened only like 3 months ago that lawyer told me she had no income no more there was a problem with the social security. I tried to understand found all kind of stuff and got helo from social assisant from work and was able to understand what happened. She had to meet with a doctor from there but she never got the letter and nobody new this so they just cancelled here... Her lawyer found a good excuse to drop us and left but even so 1 month ago now she got a new lawyer and she seems to be doing her job real good.
So this almost brings us to know. Two weeks ago the lawyer asked to meet my mom and me for a chat, what the last lawyer didn't even do. So we all went back to my mom's place and talked there, she gave us the numbers my mom really has a huge debt and that's a big problem without an income but we try to do all we can to get this issue in order and this is not my main concern cause money is only money. She also told me that she suspected my mom to find a ay to drink sometimes and that she wasn't sober like she promessed me, she mad that promess some months ago after my grandmother's death. I thought at first that that chapter had been put on pause cause the only place she went was just at her ex boyfriend's place the weekend before, they just got back together I found this weird cause she was in some kind of home but still it seemed to make her happy so I was happy too and so she spent a weekend there. I should have known at that point but still I like always tried to not believe it but still it haunted me. So I then when the lawyer left confronted my mother and she could never lie to me straight in my face and she confessed she drank 2 strong beers in the weekend. I then lost it, I did all i could suffered so much, saw my sis suffer cause at that point we had no mom that took care of us for a while now but still im old enough but not my little sis. I told her that I was so dissapointed in her but still she didn't understand, It was only 2 beers she said but she doesn't understand she really is sick at this point! i then told her I needed some time away from her and didn't go see her the next week, my sis still did.
But know this morning I get a call from her home that she is being agressive and talking bad to everyone and that they want her out because it's too much. I get to calm them and also call her lawyer to now if she new this because it had been going on for the all week it seems. I don't know how she got alcohol and I'm not even sure if that's why she is acting like this but I needed to calm her so i called her. It didn't go real good but still she was calmer and didn't seem drunk but she also texted and called my sis in school and she had to go home because she was feeling to bad about it.
Im going to go see my mom tonight alone cause I need to make her understand that she is destroying herself. hurting my sis and me and that she is in a bad situation financialy cause however or howmuch I try to make her understand that it never works. The reason I tell wanted to tell this is cause first of all i wanted to share it cause even do i have some family at my dad's side and some good mates who are here for me they don't really understand. Also I would like to have some advice from people toward how i could maybe talk to my mom and she would listen cause at this point I just dunno what to do anymore and I love my mom I don't wanne lose her abandone her but it's really getting hard for me I try to seem strong and keep it up for my sis and the rest but life is already hard without all of that to carry on my shoulders.
Thanks to have listened to my story and sorry for my writing errors but enlgish isn't my motherlanguage ,if you have someting to say about it don't hesitate please I could use some advice.
Chris
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Chris,
Sorry it's taken a while for someone to respond--it was kind of a long post so it took a while to read through.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. I'm not certain I understand what your mom has a lawyer for. Who is paying the lawyer, if she has all this debt?
Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do to help your mom if she doesn't want help. Your sister, though, has no choice in what your mom does. Is there another family your sister could live with--maybe a friend's family, or even with you and your friends? Do you think your mom would allow that? If not, it might be best for your sister for you to contact the child welfare authorities for some help. It doesn't sound like your mom's home is a safe place for her to live.
Another thing you can do for yourself (and your sister) is to try to find a local Al-Anon group. I don't know where you live, but Al-Anon is pretty much all over the world. Unlike AA, which is for alcoholics, Al-Anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. It can help a lot to be with other people who are dealing with the same kinds of frustrations and problems.
Hugs, and stick around here, too--there's a lot of great support here.
Sorry it's taken a while for someone to respond--it was kind of a long post so it took a while to read through.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. I'm not certain I understand what your mom has a lawyer for. Who is paying the lawyer, if she has all this debt?
Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do to help your mom if she doesn't want help. Your sister, though, has no choice in what your mom does. Is there another family your sister could live with--maybe a friend's family, or even with you and your friends? Do you think your mom would allow that? If not, it might be best for your sister for you to contact the child welfare authorities for some help. It doesn't sound like your mom's home is a safe place for her to live.
Another thing you can do for yourself (and your sister) is to try to find a local Al-Anon group. I don't know where you live, but Al-Anon is pretty much all over the world. Unlike AA, which is for alcoholics, Al-Anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. It can help a lot to be with other people who are dealing with the same kinds of frustrations and problems.
Hugs, and stick around here, too--there's a lot of great support here.
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