Lostandhurt1

My boyfriend of five years has been sober for a little over three years now. Recently, he's experienced some trauma (the main one being that he was robbed at gunpoint outside of a local pharmacy) and has been feeling extremely depressed and anxious - he's even mentioned suicide. I've always worried about how he would handle it if something awful happened to him like what he's gone through recently and it's made me a bit on edge and paranoid. Tonight, after telling me how awful he felt about himself and how grateful he was that I was in his life, I accused him of relapsing. I was 100% sure that he had relapsed. He had baggy eyes and was more affectionate than normal, plus he had stumbled over his words at one point in the night. I got carried away in my paranoia and accused him at literally the worst time possible. I gave it a couple of hours and talked to him and he swore he didn't relapsed. I believe him. He's only had a handful of slip ups since he got out of rehab the last time and they were all over two years ago and he admitted to every last one. Now I feel like the worst person in the world and am horrified at the fact that after all that he had went through recently I made him feel like nothing more than a lying drug addict. I feel so awful about it that I can't even eat or sleep. How am I supposed to get past these trust issues? I know that he's been sober and honest for years now but I've never been able to forget all of the times he lied to me when he was using. I love him so much, and we're otherwise happy together. I want to make this work, but I don't even know where to begin if I can't even trust him. He isn't lying to me. How do I make myself trust him?

Seren

Hello lostandhurt,

I'm so sorry your boyfriend went through that awful experience. I really can't begin to imagine what it feels like to have someone hold a gun to you! I'm no expert, but he may be suffering PTSD because of this incident. I hope you can encourage him to see his doctor and perhaps seek counseling.

I think as far as trusting him to not relapse...that is up to you. If you don't feel like you can completely trust him again, then that is entirely your call. It is not fair to either one of you, though, to continue if he has to live with your constant mistrust and you have to live with constant fear and doubt. So the question you will probably have to consider going forward is, can you learn to trust him again? If the answer is no, then you might be happier seeking someone without a history of drug abuse. If the answer is yes, then perhaps once he has worked through the trauma of his recent experience, you can seek couples counseling--which can work wonders!

I'm sorry you are so on edge, and I hope that things will improve for you very soon! Hang in there!