Clemmie

I'm new..my husband is in rehab for 8 weeks. I didn't realise he was an alcoholic (he has always drank too much but not all the time..) he was an amazing husband and dad..but he slowly over time stopped ever going out except for work. One day everything changed he didn't go to work..he had a nervous breakdown he stopped talking and hid away drinking..I was left alone dealing with the kids I was desperate and now he is has gone to rehab and I only speak to him twice a week. He is doing well.. I feel so sad for him and happy he is doing well but I also feel nervous about his return. He only talks about himself and his recovery..suddenly our relationship has changed..I understand he has to work on himself and his issues but I worry that he will carry on focusing on himself only and i will have to continue doing everything with no emotional support...am I being selfish...I've been left dealing with this on my own. Will he be the same man I married? He doesn't sound like it on the phone?

LexieCat

He probably WON'T be the same as when you married him, but he might be even better. It will take quite a bit of time for you to see what "sober him" is really like.

I'd suggest you get involved in Al-Anon, which will help keep the focus on you, rather than what he's doing.

The fact that he's gone to rehab under his own steam, and that he's happy and excited about his recovery, are very good signs. Not that there won't be bumps in the road (even if he never picks up another drink), but it's a promising start.

Recovery from alcoholism really DOES demand a huge amount of energy/focus in the beginning. It won't last forever, but it could be several months or over a year before things settle down to what will be "normal." Just take it a day at a time.

Clemmie

Thank you very much for your reply. I know this won't be a quick fix and I need to come to terms with that.. I know he has been very un well and feel hideous about the fact that I feel cross sometimes and even worse like I'm not sure I'm in love with him even though I do love him with all my heart if that makes sense. X

dandylion

Clemmie....You have an 8wk. opportunity to prepare yourself for the post-rehab period.
He won't be the "same" and neither will YOU....
This can come as a shock to those who figure that things will just "fall into place"....
There are thousands of real-life stories, here on SR that you can read.....
(Go to the Search function on the top of the bar--at the top of the main page....
Type in "after rehab"..........

I encourage y ou to begin to attend alanon or some similar group, now.
If you were to get an alcoholism counselor for yourself.....that would be enormous support and preparation for yourself....

The stickies at the top of the main page--above the threads---are a virtual crash course in alcoholism.....

You can get a lot done in 8wks!!!!!!.......lol....

dandylion

Bekindalways

Welcome Clemmie and I am so glad you found us!

As some of the previous posters have said, do everything you can to educate yourself about addictions. The stickies are a good place to start. Give Alanon a try although it isn't for everyone and sometimes you need to try a few different groups to find a good fit.

Keep posing and take care of yourself!