making amendments!
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
making amendments!
hi
im currently up to step 8 of the alanon program, making a list of all persons we had harmed and become willingto make amends to them all.
this was harder then id imagined. after accepting that i the battered victim of my childhood had in turn harmed people in 'justified' retaliation or the exuse being i had to bear a cross so i was allowed to act differently. i realised my humanity and mistakes were past and accepted to make the list
when i finally sat down to write it i was amazed at the flood of names of people i was not at peace with, past lovers, flatmates and people who had only brushed my path but that i had harmed with my inadverdant commentry and interference. of course my mother father and sister were the big ones, the fact that i should forgive my father the raping, beating drunk was a joke as it was still a raging sore, im feeling compassion for him these days, a sort of pity and it i thank alanon and god for that!
so my list is huge and im now willing, son step 9 and ill make those amendments, mostly letters that ill burn because i dont have contact with most of them and those that i do dont understand me that way spirutually. advice?
toby
ps and ofcourse, the first person on m list of amendments is myself!! what blessing to unload all this guilt that hinders my progress!
im currently up to step 8 of the alanon program, making a list of all persons we had harmed and become willingto make amends to them all.
this was harder then id imagined. after accepting that i the battered victim of my childhood had in turn harmed people in 'justified' retaliation or the exuse being i had to bear a cross so i was allowed to act differently. i realised my humanity and mistakes were past and accepted to make the list
when i finally sat down to write it i was amazed at the flood of names of people i was not at peace with, past lovers, flatmates and people who had only brushed my path but that i had harmed with my inadverdant commentry and interference. of course my mother father and sister were the big ones, the fact that i should forgive my father the raping, beating drunk was a joke as it was still a raging sore, im feeling compassion for him these days, a sort of pity and it i thank alanon and god for that!
so my list is huge and im now willing, son step 9 and ill make those amendments, mostly letters that ill burn because i dont have contact with most of them and those that i do dont understand me that way spirutually. advice?
toby
ps and ofcourse, the first person on m list of amendments is myself!! what blessing to unload all this guilt that hinders my progress!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
No advice Toby,
Sounds like you are making a lot of progress. One thing that I didn't understand was that the word amend means to change. The changes that Al-Anon allowed me to make in my life were the amends that they were talking about. Saying I was sorry was not enough. Changing my thinking, and actions was the key to my 9th step.
Some of my amends actually made some people unhappy with me. My amends to myself included ceasing to try to fix others. This was not appreciated by those who looked to me to fix them.
Learning to love me, and trying to be the real me was a real turning point in my recovery. Good luck, and keep coming back. It is great to hear success stories. Hugs, Magic
Sounds like you are making a lot of progress. One thing that I didn't understand was that the word amend means to change. The changes that Al-Anon allowed me to make in my life were the amends that they were talking about. Saying I was sorry was not enough. Changing my thinking, and actions was the key to my 9th step.
Some of my amends actually made some people unhappy with me. My amends to myself included ceasing to try to fix others. This was not appreciated by those who looked to me to fix them.
Learning to love me, and trying to be the real me was a real turning point in my recovery. Good luck, and keep coming back. It is great to hear success stories. Hugs, Magic
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