The Magic Bullet of Sobriety
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The Magic Bullet of Sobriety
I've been around recovery for a while now. I'm no expert, but I feel I've learned a lot, seen a lot, heard a lot, experienced a fair little bit.
One thing that I see pretty consistently is "Magic Bullet" thinking. The notion that a person just needs to find that one THING that'll work for them, this time around. Searching for "the cure". Searching for "the loophole" that'll allow them to drink like a normal person. Searching for the specific thing to do in order to stop.
Well... if you're one of those who are searching for this "Magic Bullet" - I'm gonna give you the ONE magic bullet I've discovered;
THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET
The closest thing to a Magic Bullet answer that I was able to find, and that I have observed in others for a while now is this;
You must make a choice, a true and honest choice, to embrace sobriety with everything you've got - and then you must follow it up every day with changes and actions in your life to support that choice.
What this has meant for me:
Actively participating in recovery support groups - in real life and online - as a participant and eventually as a speaker / contributor.
Keeping my head in recovery EVERY DAY. I don't go to AA or log onto SR every day. But I think about sobriety in some fashion daily. It's there, underlying my every day's focus. It is a foundation for me.
Exercise!! Having multiple avenues for getting exercise, moving my body, blowing out the stress, building my health, and being with others in physical activity.
Spirituality - I'm not religious. My concept of "higher power" or "god" fluctuates and shifts. It's not easily boxed or defined. It loosely can be described as "a general belief that there is a harmony to everything, that connects us all and can give us strength". But having SOME sense of spirituality - even if it is nothing more than the spiritual practice of standing in awe of a sunrise - is essential.
Friendship and connection - I have found myself needing to have intimate connection to others. At least some face to face, personal interaction with people that I can be sincere with and for whom I can be there.
Self-improvement and growth - (TRANSLATION; THERAPY); It turns out that I have a lot of issues. It turns out, that's because I'm human. And it turns out that if you're human - you're likely to have a lot of issues. It's what you DO with them that makes all the difference. I have engaged in regular counseling / therapy to get real honest about my feelings, history, emotional issues, stress, lingering patterns from childhood trauma, ongoing support for dealing with life..... I have a counselor I see anywhere from weekly to monthly, depending how I'm feeling and what's going on in life. I have gone to men's retreats and done men's work in group settings that has been very helpful. Being in a group of other men, sharing things together and learning from one another is very powerful. None of this - by the way - is to do with recovery or addiction. It's just about LIFE. And yet... a lot of this stuff is the stuff of just growing up. It's the stuff of being a human being who is at home in his own skin and capable of self-love and appreciation. It's the stuff that fundamentally drove a lot of my addictive responses to begin with. The stuff that needed to be addressed - and still is unfolding - in order for me to be as whole and joyful as I possibly can.
Gratitude and Practicing the Positive - I can't emphasize this enough. Taking conscious time every day to be grateful for things. Challenging myself to see even the crummy stuff as having positive worth. Seeing the ways in which life is equally wonderful as difficult. Some people chant "But you're just faking it".... or cast aspersions like "you're a Pollyanna... NOBODY IS THAT HAPPY". But I don't let that sway me. Just because I intentionally focus on goodness, gratitude and positivity doesn't mean I don't also feel sad, grieve, get angry. It just means I choose not to dwell in those. I choose to move through them, accept them, acknowledge them - but then carry on with my eye on the beauty on the horizon and all around me. This is a HUGE practice that will impact not only sobriety but our overall life's joy and reward.
Get outside yourself - service work. Volunteer for something. Start a new group that does something for someone in need. Pay for someone's coffee in line at the coffeeshop. Shovel a neighbor's walk when they're not home. Don't take credit for it. Random acts of kindness. Anything in this vein helps on multiple levels. It is spiritually rewarding. It nurtures. It provides a satisfying sense of worth. It gives PURPOSE. The lack of purpose is perhaps the greatest trap of addiction. Small or large, get outside yourself and give something to the flow.
Learn to let go of guilt and shame.... whether it's through therapy or stepwork or a cleansing ceremony or a self-forgiveness ritual or any combination of these - intentionally focus on forgiving and letting go. If you are human being, then you've done some lousy things you're not proud of. EVERYONE has secrets and regrets. Again, it's what we do with them. When we carry them with us, they weigh us down and prevent our happiness or even lead us back to addiction. When we face them, see them for what they are, and then forgive ourselves - we can step into the life we are meant to inhabit. As we confront more of them along the way (and we will, sober or not) it's about learning to more quickly recognize and right our wrongs... clear them and move on.
CREATE!! Whether music or woodwork or gardening or painting or singing or puppets or scrapbooking or quilting or any of a zillion other pursuits - human beings are creators. Creating something is sharing of our soul, sharing our essence. It is a sense of purpose made manifest. Creation is an offering - to ourselves and to the universe.
There is no MAGIC BULLET....
But there is ammunition that, used all together and with consistency and commitment and love - results in magic. My list above is probably not anywhere near complete even for me - but it is a genuine sharing of how I have found sobriety to 'work' and how it has led me to a richer, deeper, happier, more meaningful life.
It's almost as though sobriety was merely the key to the door.... and then through the door was this whole tapestry of wonderful stuff that has always been there but I've blotted out and numbed with my choice of addiction and alcohol. Turning away from that and turning the key in the lock - SOBRIETY allowed me to begin to see. And once I began to see.... more and more possibility began to unfold. Each new day of sobriety and of action and change in support of it leading to shining new discoveries and possibilities...... positive changes and outcomes flowing in abundance.
The Magic Bullet of Sobriety is that Sobriety isn't even the end. It's not the goal. It's not the thing you arrive at..... it's the beginning.... just the very beginning.
One thing that I see pretty consistently is "Magic Bullet" thinking. The notion that a person just needs to find that one THING that'll work for them, this time around. Searching for "the cure". Searching for "the loophole" that'll allow them to drink like a normal person. Searching for the specific thing to do in order to stop.
Well... if you're one of those who are searching for this "Magic Bullet" - I'm gonna give you the ONE magic bullet I've discovered;
THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET
The closest thing to a Magic Bullet answer that I was able to find, and that I have observed in others for a while now is this;
You must make a choice, a true and honest choice, to embrace sobriety with everything you've got - and then you must follow it up every day with changes and actions in your life to support that choice.
What this has meant for me:
Actively participating in recovery support groups - in real life and online - as a participant and eventually as a speaker / contributor.
Keeping my head in recovery EVERY DAY. I don't go to AA or log onto SR every day. But I think about sobriety in some fashion daily. It's there, underlying my every day's focus. It is a foundation for me.
Exercise!! Having multiple avenues for getting exercise, moving my body, blowing out the stress, building my health, and being with others in physical activity.
Spirituality - I'm not religious. My concept of "higher power" or "god" fluctuates and shifts. It's not easily boxed or defined. It loosely can be described as "a general belief that there is a harmony to everything, that connects us all and can give us strength". But having SOME sense of spirituality - even if it is nothing more than the spiritual practice of standing in awe of a sunrise - is essential.
Friendship and connection - I have found myself needing to have intimate connection to others. At least some face to face, personal interaction with people that I can be sincere with and for whom I can be there.
Self-improvement and growth - (TRANSLATION; THERAPY); It turns out that I have a lot of issues. It turns out, that's because I'm human. And it turns out that if you're human - you're likely to have a lot of issues. It's what you DO with them that makes all the difference. I have engaged in regular counseling / therapy to get real honest about my feelings, history, emotional issues, stress, lingering patterns from childhood trauma, ongoing support for dealing with life..... I have a counselor I see anywhere from weekly to monthly, depending how I'm feeling and what's going on in life. I have gone to men's retreats and done men's work in group settings that has been very helpful. Being in a group of other men, sharing things together and learning from one another is very powerful. None of this - by the way - is to do with recovery or addiction. It's just about LIFE. And yet... a lot of this stuff is the stuff of just growing up. It's the stuff of being a human being who is at home in his own skin and capable of self-love and appreciation. It's the stuff that fundamentally drove a lot of my addictive responses to begin with. The stuff that needed to be addressed - and still is unfolding - in order for me to be as whole and joyful as I possibly can.
Gratitude and Practicing the Positive - I can't emphasize this enough. Taking conscious time every day to be grateful for things. Challenging myself to see even the crummy stuff as having positive worth. Seeing the ways in which life is equally wonderful as difficult. Some people chant "But you're just faking it".... or cast aspersions like "you're a Pollyanna... NOBODY IS THAT HAPPY". But I don't let that sway me. Just because I intentionally focus on goodness, gratitude and positivity doesn't mean I don't also feel sad, grieve, get angry. It just means I choose not to dwell in those. I choose to move through them, accept them, acknowledge them - but then carry on with my eye on the beauty on the horizon and all around me. This is a HUGE practice that will impact not only sobriety but our overall life's joy and reward.
Get outside yourself - service work. Volunteer for something. Start a new group that does something for someone in need. Pay for someone's coffee in line at the coffeeshop. Shovel a neighbor's walk when they're not home. Don't take credit for it. Random acts of kindness. Anything in this vein helps on multiple levels. It is spiritually rewarding. It nurtures. It provides a satisfying sense of worth. It gives PURPOSE. The lack of purpose is perhaps the greatest trap of addiction. Small or large, get outside yourself and give something to the flow.
Learn to let go of guilt and shame.... whether it's through therapy or stepwork or a cleansing ceremony or a self-forgiveness ritual or any combination of these - intentionally focus on forgiving and letting go. If you are human being, then you've done some lousy things you're not proud of. EVERYONE has secrets and regrets. Again, it's what we do with them. When we carry them with us, they weigh us down and prevent our happiness or even lead us back to addiction. When we face them, see them for what they are, and then forgive ourselves - we can step into the life we are meant to inhabit. As we confront more of them along the way (and we will, sober or not) it's about learning to more quickly recognize and right our wrongs... clear them and move on.
CREATE!! Whether music or woodwork or gardening or painting or singing or puppets or scrapbooking or quilting or any of a zillion other pursuits - human beings are creators. Creating something is sharing of our soul, sharing our essence. It is a sense of purpose made manifest. Creation is an offering - to ourselves and to the universe.
There is no MAGIC BULLET....
But there is ammunition that, used all together and with consistency and commitment and love - results in magic. My list above is probably not anywhere near complete even for me - but it is a genuine sharing of how I have found sobriety to 'work' and how it has led me to a richer, deeper, happier, more meaningful life.
It's almost as though sobriety was merely the key to the door.... and then through the door was this whole tapestry of wonderful stuff that has always been there but I've blotted out and numbed with my choice of addiction and alcohol. Turning away from that and turning the key in the lock - SOBRIETY allowed me to begin to see. And once I began to see.... more and more possibility began to unfold. Each new day of sobriety and of action and change in support of it leading to shining new discoveries and possibilities...... positive changes and outcomes flowing in abundance.
The Magic Bullet of Sobriety is that Sobriety isn't even the end. It's not the goal. It's not the thing you arrive at..... it's the beginning.... just the very beginning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Wonderful post Freeowl...thank you. I certainly agree that sobriety is the beginning...and not the end. I too have found a number of the things you listed as having supported my recovery journey so far, as well as supporting the development and growth of my whole being x
Um Dia de Cada Vez
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Brasil
Posts: 613
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
It's just about LIFE. And yet... a lot of this stuff is the stuff of just growing up. It's the stuff of being a human being who is at home in his own skin and capable of self-love and appreciation. It's the stuff that fundamentally drove a lot of my addictive responses to begin with
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by soberwolf
Thank you FO
I think back and wonder - had someone shared with me this way, would it have made a difference? Would I have gotten it sooner?
I don't know.
But I do know this; when I was finally READY.... the messages and experience and advice and suggestions I'd heard and seen leading up to that point began to click.
So, I hope this post lands on the minds and hearts of those who still struggle in ways that will one day be helpful. I hope that this post speaks to those of us who have found freedom in ways that reinforce and support our continued growth and sobriety. I hope in some small way, these words will matter to another who needs them.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Extremely wise words! The sobriety fairy never sprinkled magic pixy dust on me. Staying sober requires effort and willingness to change.
I work on this stuff every day of my life and God willing I will never stop trying to be a better person that doesn't drink
I work on this stuff every day of my life and God willing I will never stop trying to be a better person that doesn't drink
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
When I read your subject line, I thought "There is no magic bullet." 
It's true. In many areas, very often self-improvement, people scam you into believing they have the magic bullet. This one thing you need to make your life perfect.
Something like that simply does not exist. What does exist is the result of effort. Put in effort, get reward. That's how life works.
It's true. In many areas, very often self-improvement, people scam you into believing they have the magic bullet. This one thing you need to make your life perfect.
Something like that simply does not exist. What does exist is the result of effort. Put in effort, get reward. That's how life works.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
What an awesome post. Thankyou so much for sharing that. It really resonates with the little moments I've been having where things click in my head, and the light bulb goes off... the "ahh, I got it now". It has really helped and meant a lot to me reading others recovery journeys and given me more hope and reaffirmation of my own progress.
It has really helped and meant a lot to me reading others recovery journeys and given me more hope and reaffirmation of my own progress.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Bunny211
Yeah, me too! *sigh*
Now, with me, this has resonated a lot. Reality. It being a huge place of possibilities. And it's right here, where we live in!
Now if THAT's not a magical thing, I don't know what is.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
I thought this post needed a bump Fantastic. I am reminded of a line, I think its from Augusten Burrough's "Dry" (great read, by the way), where he is lamenting that they can't just remove his "inner alcoholic" like a tumor, and then he would be cured. We alcoholics are not very realistic sometimes, and it helps to be reminded that we must do the work of recovery.
Fantastic. I am reminded of a line, I think its from Augusten Burrough's "Dry" (great read, by the way), where he is lamenting that they can't just remove his "inner alcoholic" like a tumor, and then he would be cured. We alcoholics are not very realistic sometimes, and it helps to be reminded that we must do the work of recovery.
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