on the edge of loosing everything
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
on the edge of loosing everything
Hey everyone,
I'm 25 year old guy named Justin. I'm very thankful for everything that I have, but I'm trying to get rid of it by consuming alcohol.
I have a wonderful women in my life and we are getting married in August. I promised to myself that I will propose to her after I will not make any mistakes with drinking for a year. ( Proposed in June, 2 days before my father died )
I have a good job, but I can not do anything atm just watch deadlines pass, because I have a severe depression/pain in side of me.
I have a loving family which always helps me. My father died in June because of alcohol. This brings me sad feelings inside me which I can not let go.
I have hobbies, dreams, friends and everything a happy person would like to have.
I was happy until this weekend. I knew that I can not drink any alcohol, did some therapy and I was doing great. On occasion I would drink a couple of beers and that's it. Well this weekend reminded me that I can not use any of it. I remember drinking 2 beers and I woke up 6am all in pain.
2 days passed and I am constantly crying, pain is all over me I can not eat do nothing. Bad thoughts are coming to my head and this pain is so suffering I don't want to be like this any more.
I'm 25 year old guy named Justin. I'm very thankful for everything that I have, but I'm trying to get rid of it by consuming alcohol.
I have a wonderful women in my life and we are getting married in August. I promised to myself that I will propose to her after I will not make any mistakes with drinking for a year. ( Proposed in June, 2 days before my father died )
I have a good job, but I can not do anything atm just watch deadlines pass, because I have a severe depression/pain in side of me.
I have a loving family which always helps me. My father died in June because of alcohol. This brings me sad feelings inside me which I can not let go.
I have hobbies, dreams, friends and everything a happy person would like to have.
I was happy until this weekend. I knew that I can not drink any alcohol, did some therapy and I was doing great. On occasion I would drink a couple of beers and that's it. Well this weekend reminded me that I can not use any of it. I remember drinking 2 beers and I woke up 6am all in pain.
2 days passed and I am constantly crying, pain is all over me I can not eat do nothing. Bad thoughts are coming to my head and this pain is so suffering I don't want to be like this any more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 59
Welcome!
I don't entirely understand your situation but I think the first thing you should do is seek medical attention. Tell the doctor about everything, the booze, any pills, etc. The kind of pain you describe is not normal. Get your medical condition sorted out first.
I don't entirely understand your situation but I think the first thing you should do is seek medical attention. Tell the doctor about everything, the booze, any pills, etc. The kind of pain you describe is not normal. Get your medical condition sorted out first.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
If you're in pain and can't eat then I would recommend visiting your doctor. Alcohol messes up our bodies pretty badly and it's best to catch these things early. Your doctor will be able to recommend you to programs and methods to help you stop drinking as well.
Welcome to the forum Justin, keep us updated.
Welcome to the forum Justin, keep us updated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Everything goes well in life until I touch alcohol. When I drink I can not control myself and I do all sort of things which I regret very much of. I'm very sensitive person so after these drinking days I feel very sad and anxious for weeks which makes me depressed and from there everything stars to fall. I want to talk to someone but I do not think anyone from my friends would understand me.
I'm in a state of mind where I think that this anxiousness, sadness will never go away and I'm afraid of tomorrow.
Today when I woke up the first thing what I did was burst in tears.
Thank you everyone for warm welcoming.
I'm in a state of mind where I think that this anxiousness, sadness will never go away and I'm afraid of tomorrow.
Today when I woke up the first thing what I did was burst in tears.
Thank you everyone for warm welcoming.
Last edited by Justin00; 03-07-2016 at 04:20 AM. Reason: add more
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Justin,
See a dr. You need therapy.
I drank like a fish and I have only burst into tears once or twice when provoked generally.
Alcohol is poison. It is highly addictive. Respect it. Fear it.
It saturates are every molecule when consumed to the degree we addicts consume it.
It permeates deep into our brain and causes reality altering brain damage.
Anxiety, paranoia, nervousness, depression, etc....
It makes us weak. It makes us ugly.
Get through the detox, never drink again.
You can heal.
See a dr. You need therapy.
I drank like a fish and I have only burst into tears once or twice when provoked generally.
Alcohol is poison. It is highly addictive. Respect it. Fear it.
It saturates are every molecule when consumed to the degree we addicts consume it.
It permeates deep into our brain and causes reality altering brain damage.
Anxiety, paranoia, nervousness, depression, etc....
It makes us weak. It makes us ugly.
Get through the detox, never drink again.
You can heal.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Justin00 
Everything goes well in life until I touch alcohol. When I drink I can not control myself and I do all sort of things which I regret very much of. I'm very sensitive person so after these drinking days I feel very sad and anxious for weeks which makes me depressed and from there everything stars to fall. I want to talk to someone but I do not think anyone from my friends would understand me.
I'm in a state of mind where I think that this anxiousness, sadness will never go away and I'm afraid of tomorrow.
Today when I woke up the first thing what I did was burst in tears.
Thank you everyone for warm welcoming.
I'm in a state of mind where I think that this anxiousness, sadness will never go away and I'm afraid of tomorrow.
Today when I woke up the first thing what I did was burst in tears.
Thank you everyone for warm welcoming.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Alcohol is a depressant! I also felt anxious and absolutely hopeless and didn't think it was ever going to end. Now it's out of my system I feel so much better, but I needed a lot of help from my doctor to get to this point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
I'm very grateful for all this support from you. I'm happy that I found this forum totally by accident. Now I can read familiar stories like mine and it's better then than walking circles in the room.
I want to be sober, do things in life that I love and never feel like this the same.
I want to be sober, do things in life that I love and never feel like this the same.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 78
Hi Justin
I'm 30 days sober here. I also suffer from anxiety.
The more space I gain from my last drink, the more I am able to tolerate my anxiousness. It's not like it goes away, its like I am able to deal with it better which causes me to not allow it to spin out of control.
This forum helps me a lot when I'm feeling certain types of ways. Wishing you the best.
I'm 30 days sober here. I also suffer from anxiety.
The more space I gain from my last drink, the more I am able to tolerate my anxiousness. It's not like it goes away, its like I am able to deal with it better which causes me to not allow it to spin out of control.
This forum helps me a lot when I'm feeling certain types of ways. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Welcome.
Oh yeah, that pain that comes with active addiction. There's nothing quite like it. It really is hell on earth, huh? I also suggest going to the Dr. Once I put down the drink it took a few months for things to clear up so I could see things clearly. I also had it all...a job, a boyfriend, a nice condo, a nice car, fancy vacations etc. but I was miserable and I drank and drank until everything disappeared and I was all alone. I'm much happier without alcohol. I'm starting to realize what I DO want out of life.
I think you will be so much happier if you put the drink down for good.
Oh yeah, that pain that comes with active addiction. There's nothing quite like it. It really is hell on earth, huh? I also suggest going to the Dr. Once I put down the drink it took a few months for things to clear up so I could see things clearly. I also had it all...a job, a boyfriend, a nice condo, a nice car, fancy vacations etc. but I was miserable and I drank and drank until everything disappeared and I was all alone. I'm much happier without alcohol. I'm starting to realize what I DO want out of life.
I think you will be so much happier if you put the drink down for good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
I can tolerate physical pain pretty well, but the emotional pain that comes from the things I've done while being drunk is unbearable. I've hurt so many people with my actions and I did not understand that I'm capable of doing such things until I become drunk. This can not go further any more. One night of drinking gives me 3 days of physical pain, a week of high emotional stress, people being mad at me a chance of loosing my love and I'm not talking about other things..
There are two ways for me. Being sober or being degenerate in the street.
I was pretty successful being sober, but after some time a month or two my mind says that now this will be different and it is! I successfully drink a beer or two, then the other weekend, then the other day and then the next weekend I wake up somewhere in the morning all drunk and I have to be at work in two hours. No phone. No wallet. Problems at work, problems in my family then I pray to god that this would not happen again because I don't think I can go through this any more.
There are two ways for me. Being sober or being degenerate in the street.
I was pretty successful being sober, but after some time a month or two my mind says that now this will be different and it is! I successfully drink a beer or two, then the other weekend, then the other day and then the next weekend I wake up somewhere in the morning all drunk and I have to be at work in two hours. No phone. No wallet. Problems at work, problems in my family then I pray to god that this would not happen again because I don't think I can go through this any more.
Last edited by Justin00; 03-07-2016 at 06:10 AM. Reason: mistake
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Justin00
then I pray to god that this would not happen again because I don't think I can go through this any more.
The best way to deal with the wreckage of the past is to move forward living in a way that will prevent those types of things from ever happening again. There are a lot of ways to go about that, you've gotten some good recommendations already. It will take time too, there is no magic pill or technique to undo the past and somehow cure all of our ills unfortunately.
Coming here is a great first step....now you need to decide what your next step will be. Hope we can help you on that journey.
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Welcome Justin,
You'll find people just like you right here. We're all in this together because we are alcoholics.
And as alcoholics, we can never drink again, ever! A good, decent and possibly beautiful life awaits you as you get further and further away from your last drink.
Hang here, read, learn and post. The early days of Sobriety can be physically challenging. Please see a Dr. for your physical pain.
You are wise to choose Sobriety while you are still young. You don't have to lose it all. Wishing you all the best!
You'll find people just like you right here. We're all in this together because we are alcoholics.
And as alcoholics, we can never drink again, ever! A good, decent and possibly beautiful life awaits you as you get further and further away from your last drink.
Hang here, read, learn and post. The early days of Sobriety can be physically challenging. Please see a Dr. for your physical pain.
You are wise to choose Sobriety while you are still young. You don't have to lose it all. Wishing you all the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Thank you all.
I'm an alcoholic and I will do my best to prevent myself from drinking again. I will see a Dr. after my body will clean from alcohol. I will attend AA meetings in near future, because it helped me a lot before.
How do you heal your soul from the guilt that's inside you? What do you do to feel better? How to start thinking clearly and get rid of the bad thoughts?
I'm an alcoholic and I will do my best to prevent myself from drinking again. I will see a Dr. after my body will clean from alcohol. I will attend AA meetings in near future, because it helped me a lot before.
How do you heal your soul from the guilt that's inside you? What do you do to feel better? How to start thinking clearly and get rid of the bad thoughts?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Justin00
How do you heal your soul from the guilt that's inside you? What do you do to feel better? How to start thinking clearly and get rid of the bad thoughts?
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Originally Posted by Justin00
How do you heal your soul from the guilt that's inside you? What do you do to feel better? How to start thinking clearly and get rid of the bad thoughts?
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