I think I need rehab....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
I think I need rehab....
Since my last post I've been on a week-long binge drinking session. I just don't seem to be able to cope with the bad decisions (mostly financial) that I've made these past 10 years or so that I've been drinking so heavily.
I postdated my rent check for this coming Tuesday, but I haven't found any way to pay it, so I'm freaking out. I don't love living here anymore anyway as the landlords are fairly abusive towards me ever since I became their on-site resident manager. And I live in fear that they are going to kick me out any day anyway. So maybe it's time to go.
There is a small chance, that if I ask a certain person I know personally, that I might be able to check into his rehab center for free. But it would have to be free as I have zero money. But I think it's worth asking him because it is very clear to me now that my life is out of control. I simply can't go on like this anymore. I can't take it.
I don't feel suicidal, but I do feel like I have nothing to lose anymore and that if I don't make a some kind of huge change things will never get better. I've been trying to go on will power alone and that's not working. I don't love AA because I live in a place where a lot people in my industry would be in the meetings and I don't want my dirty little secret to get out. I'm also not religious so there is a lot about AA that I don't resonate with. So that kind of just leaves rehab.
I've lived in this apartment for over 14 years and it's a great apt for the price, so if I do this, my lifestyle is going to change drastically, which is terrifying since I'm a 51 year old single female. But I can't afford it anymore anyway. I have no family here and no real support system so I'm starting to feel like I'm going to die broke and lonely if things don't change.
I postdated my rent check for this coming Tuesday, but I haven't found any way to pay it, so I'm freaking out. I don't love living here anymore anyway as the landlords are fairly abusive towards me ever since I became their on-site resident manager. And I live in fear that they are going to kick me out any day anyway. So maybe it's time to go.
There is a small chance, that if I ask a certain person I know personally, that I might be able to check into his rehab center for free. But it would have to be free as I have zero money. But I think it's worth asking him because it is very clear to me now that my life is out of control. I simply can't go on like this anymore. I can't take it.
I don't feel suicidal, but I do feel like I have nothing to lose anymore and that if I don't make a some kind of huge change things will never get better. I've been trying to go on will power alone and that's not working. I don't love AA because I live in a place where a lot people in my industry would be in the meetings and I don't want my dirty little secret to get out. I'm also not religious so there is a lot about AA that I don't resonate with. So that kind of just leaves rehab.
I've lived in this apartment for over 14 years and it's a great apt for the price, so if I do this, my lifestyle is going to change drastically, which is terrifying since I'm a 51 year old single female. But I can't afford it anymore anyway. I have no family here and no real support system so I'm starting to feel like I'm going to die broke and lonely if things don't change.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
You have a LOT going on! I hope you can get a head start on sobriety with the rehab place. It will give you a chance to come up with a new living plan too, which hopefully will bring you the security and contentment that you deserve.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I went to rehab. I stayed 2 months and it really helped me "clear up" my mind so I could THINK again...I was in such a fog! A lot of rehabs have what they call "state beds" that are of no cost to you (state pays for them). Also, do you have insurance? Most insurances DO cover rehab. I had blue cross and they covered 30 days at rehab.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I don't know where you live, but if you've lived there for 15 years with a decent tenant history you probably have pretty strong rights. Evictions can take quite a while and if you're in rehab, depending on the laws they may not be able to start the process. Call your local legal aid number?
Someone here has as their signature line, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always have." Why not try a different way?
Wishing you success...
Someone here has as their signature line, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always have." Why not try a different way?
Wishing you success...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Since it sounds like you are alone and have no family or support near you and for other reasons you've mentioned, getting into rehab might be just the right thing at the right time for you...to my knowledge the folks that work in rehab are incredibly helpful, supportive, non-judgmental, good listeners, but will also keep your FUTURE in mind and help you take steps toward bettering your life once you get out of rehab. Taking those steps can be scary and sometimes you feel so low you just don't know where to start. That is where you need the help of others to point you to the next right step and spur you on; help give you the courage it takes to take that next step; help restore faith in your own ability to take the steps you need to take. I should perhaps also mention that a big part of most rehabs includes a social worker to take a look at your living conditions and what's up with your housing. That is all part of discharge planning.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
It was suggested that I don't overload
myself with too many quick changes in
early recovery. I entered recovery via
a family intervention, which was them
getting me help when I certainly didn't
think I needed it nor wanted it.
That happened to me 25 yrs ago with
my family doing for me what I couldn't
do for myself. I spent 28 days in a rehab
hospital with a 6 week outpatient aftercare
program tact on to help me to continue
learning about my addiction and taught
many helpful effective ways to remain
sober one day at a time.
I was 30 yrs old, about 8 yrs married,
with 2 lovely children to complete my
little family. During that time we relocated
in which I clung onto my program of recovery
to help with the transition.
There were many things in my life I
wanted to change but didn't because
in early recovery, if things in life were
working then I didn't need to change
them.
Just like for you. You do have a place
to live that is affordable, a job, im guessing
that helps pay the bills, right? You have a
car to get you here and there. Right? No
family or other responsibilities to care
for at this time. Right?
All you have is you. Dependable,
responsible with the exception of
this addiction to alcohol/poison. right?
No need to change things that are
working well for you right now. Don't
even worry about that stuff at all
except to get yourself well. And you
can, as you may have read thru many
shares here in SR of those learning to
stay sober and clean with various types
of program available to them.
If going into rehab will help and
for many of us it has, then please
take advantage of this opportunity
and learn all you can about alcoholism
and it affects on you and those around
you.
Put your job on hold , pay for your
rent in advance, pack a little bag
and go get help for you because
life without this addiction incorporating
a program of recovery will open new
doors to you that you at this time cant
even imagine. But for us, we can honestly
tell you it will.
Going to rehab, is like going to school.
Go, learn, listen, absorb, then apply all
this knowledge to your everyday life.
Don't worry about the future. Learning
to remain sober each day will help you
with daily things in life with more ease,
inner peace, strength and hope.
myself with too many quick changes in
early recovery. I entered recovery via
a family intervention, which was them
getting me help when I certainly didn't
think I needed it nor wanted it.
That happened to me 25 yrs ago with
my family doing for me what I couldn't
do for myself. I spent 28 days in a rehab
hospital with a 6 week outpatient aftercare
program tact on to help me to continue
learning about my addiction and taught
many helpful effective ways to remain
sober one day at a time.
I was 30 yrs old, about 8 yrs married,
with 2 lovely children to complete my
little family. During that time we relocated
in which I clung onto my program of recovery
to help with the transition.
There were many things in my life I
wanted to change but didn't because
in early recovery, if things in life were
working then I didn't need to change
them.
Just like for you. You do have a place
to live that is affordable, a job, im guessing
that helps pay the bills, right? You have a
car to get you here and there. Right? No
family or other responsibilities to care
for at this time. Right?
All you have is you. Dependable,
responsible with the exception of
this addiction to alcohol/poison. right?
No need to change things that are
working well for you right now. Don't
even worry about that stuff at all
except to get yourself well. And you
can, as you may have read thru many
shares here in SR of those learning to
stay sober and clean with various types
of program available to them.
If going into rehab will help and
for many of us it has, then please
take advantage of this opportunity
and learn all you can about alcoholism
and it affects on you and those around
you.
Put your job on hold , pay for your
rent in advance, pack a little bag
and go get help for you because
life without this addiction incorporating
a program of recovery will open new
doors to you that you at this time cant
even imagine. But for us, we can honestly
tell you it will.
Going to rehab, is like going to school.
Go, learn, listen, absorb, then apply all
this knowledge to your everyday life.
Don't worry about the future. Learning
to remain sober each day will help you
with daily things in life with more ease,
inner peace, strength and hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
Thank you so much, you guys! Unfortunately, I don't still have a place to live because the rent check I wrote will not clear and they will evict me. So it's time to go somewhere. I want treatment really badly, but haven't found anything I can afford, which is basically nothing. I have no insurance, no credit and no savings. I haven't called my friend yet because it will be the last resort. But I am looking into options and I'm trying to make plans to be out of this apt and into a treatment program by Monday the 14th. If any of you have an suggestions for no-cost treatment, I'm all ears. :-)
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